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cover art for BONUS: Low Level + Hight Level Differentiation + our comfort with disagreeing

11/21/2022

BONUS: Low Level + Hight Level Differentiation + our comfort with disagreeing

Season 3, Ep. 10

Assertiveness is a way that you express differences while remaining connected. This is so important for those of us that feel we'll lose connection if we're authentic.

In this episode, we discover the surprising link between people pleasing and struggling to be assertive. So much of our ability to assert what we need comes from self-support and the continual commitment to be who we are - and letting that be enough!

We also discuss the difference between low-level differentiation and high-level differentiation.

"The ability to be assertive - to clearly and confidently express your feelings, thoughts, needs, and wants when they differ greatly from others who are important to you is essentially an expression of differentiation." (The Assertiveness Guide for Women: see show notes below for author).

Our ability to navigate the tension between our true needs and desire for connection is called differentiation.

Show Notes

The Assertiveness Guide for Women by Julie De Azevedo Hanks

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With awareness comes choice.

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About the Host

Jen Pillipow is a podcaster, writer, certified clinical hypnotherapist, Reiki practitioner, psychic medium and novice abstract acrylic painter. She is passionate about personal development and helping others reconnect to their inner strength, power, healing, and authenticity.

Explore her online workshops, 1:1 Sessions (online or in person) , or get her free video series on how to release limiting beliefs and heal whole.

Visit www.jenpillipow.com for more information.

About the Guest Co-Host

Jennifer Kelly is a is a professional development trainer and positive psychology coach.

Twitter Coast2Coast Consulting @CtoCTraining

This podcast is recorded in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan on Treaty 6 Territory the traditional land of the Cree people and the homeland of the Metis Nation. If you’re not sure whose land you’re on I invite you to get curious by visiting native-land.ca

Podcast music: Light up the Stars (Gyom); An Exciting Future (Elliot Middleton)

Disclaimer:

As with all my work (and well, most everything), please listen with consideration of context, nuance, and discernment.

Jen & Jennifer are not therapists, psychiatrists, or medical practitioners of any kind and in sharing their opinions and personal experiences this is a reminder that their words should never be misconstrued as professional advice.

More Episodes

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What does safety have to do with authenticity?

Season 1, Ep. 2

In this episode I explore some of the obstacles and barriers to revealing our authenticity, which mainly stem from not feeling safe.Our subconscious minds mistakenly believe that our authentic selves aren't good enough, acceptable, or allowable. It then "protects" us by creating personality layers like perfectionism and people pleasing, which help us fit in but cause a lot of emotional turmoil. We forget we aren't meant to "fit in". We're meant to be different and share our unique perspectives and voice.Craving more authenticity?Website Online WorkshopsSeason 2 WorksheetsGO AND MAKE SOME SPACE FOR YOURSELFAs with all my work (and well, most everything), please listen with consideration of context, nuance, and discernment. This podcast is recorded in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan on Treaty 6 Territory the traditional land of the Cree people and the homeland of the Métis Nation. If you’re not sure whose land you’re on I invite you to get curious by visiting native-land.ca. Podcast music by Elliot Middleton "An Exciting Future"

How perfectionism "protects" authenticity

Season 1, Ep. 3

A lot of clients I worked with had perfectionistic qualities but didn't identify with that title. In this episode I break down the some of the common limiting beliefs that come from a perfectionistic mindset: having a harsh inner critic, unrealistic expectations, fear of failure, being hard on yourself, and having an "all-or-nothing" attitude.The root limiting belief around this? Those traits are what create success.No!Being hard on yourself typically creates fear, keeps you small, and the failure (which, is part of every goal process) is crippling.Having self-compassion, setting realistic goals, seeing failure as opportunity, and giving yourself more than two choices (not just all, or nothing) are what actually support you in reaching your authentic goals.Do you feel like you may have some perfectionistic tendencies? Check out this blog post I wrote: 10 Signs You're A Perfectionist.Craving more authenticity?Website Online WorkshopsSeason 2 Worksheets GO AND MAKE SOME SPACE FOR YOURSELFAs with all my work (and well, most everything), please listen with consideration of context, nuance, and discernment. This podcast is recorded in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan on Treaty 6 Territory the traditional land of the Cree people and the homeland of the Métis Nation. If you’re not sure whose land you’re on I invite you to get curious by visiting native-land.ca. Podcast music by Elliot Middleton "An Exciting Future"

The People Pleasing Layer

Season 1, Ep. 4

Ooof. People pleasing. I'm not vilifying it completely - sometimes we need to people please for a lot of different reasons - but let's be discerning and aware of our choices.This is important because it keeps us in our own sovereignty, in our own power, and protects us from a victim mentality. A victim mentality feels terrible, like you have no control, life is happening "to you" and not "for you". Subtle but HUGE difference when it comes to living authentically.This takes self-awareness, fails, and practice. So have self-compassion and patience for yourself learning new skills.And by the way, did you know: you have the right to say no without feeling guiltyyou have the right to make mistakes, to course correct, or change your mind (and you don't have to explain yourself)you have a right to your preferences, feelings, and needs (even with they're misunderstood or disagreed with)you have the right to create boundaries that feel good to you (even though the people that benefited from your lack of boundaries will not like it)you have the right to prioritize your self-care and this does not make you selfishHonestly - it took me a long time to realize these things. I didn't know I was "aloud" to make boundaries. I didn't know that a feeling is a good enough reason for any decision. It is. ❤️I read somewhere that it's ok to decline invites when you have white space in your calendar. You can be busy watching Netflix, having a bath, or doing nothing. Busy also means unavailable for what you were asked to do. This is OK.Also - Season 3 of the podcast is ALL about people pleasing :) Craving more authenticity?Website Online WorkshopsSeason 2 Worksheets GO AND MAKE SOME SPACE FOR YOURSELFAs with all my work (and well, most everything), please listen with consideration of context, nuance, and discernment. This podcast is recorded in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan on Treaty 6 Territory the traditional land of the Cree people and the homeland of the Métis Nation. If you’re not sure whose land you’re on I invite you to get curious by visiting native-land.ca. Podcast music by Elliot Middleton "An Exciting Future"