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It Is Complicated

Because the answer to every question is ... It is complicated.

Josephine Baird and Dr J are contrary beings, where the answer to every question is "it's complicated", what might seem to be simple topics, like name, age, pronouns, or more complex ideas like games, brains, pain and an
Latest Episode5/20/2022

Hearing it is complicated

Season 1, Ep. 51
Well 2022 has been a right nightmare already!! This time we talk (in Dr J’s case very excitedly) about the words we need to hear and what it means to hear them.Dr J has four things they always wanted to hear - and by saying them to another person - they get to also hear them for themselves:- I am proud of you- I love you- I think you are an amazing person- I can’t wait to see your brilliant futureJosephine reflects what it means to hear these things - especially when you are struggling with recovery from post-covid fatigue and trying to work full time, teaching, write a PhD, have a life with her partner and child, and editing this podcast. Spending all their spare energy worrying about what they have not been able to do they needed to hear that they are worth spending energy on.We are resilient and powerful and have coping mechanisms that protect us. Our hypercritical voice overwhelms the outside voices and the negative voice grinds you down, and you get exhausted and they gain more power.Coping mechanisms include shedding the skins of old selves, old ways of coping, and putting these aside and looking at what behaviours we do now. In the past help was not there, and we needed to get through, so we found ways. High standards and hypervigilance got us here, and might not be what gets us through now.We feel stressed and worried, our brain isolates us further and we forget we are not alone. We loose our connection with external voices and our ability to hear and engage with them.When we reach out, connect and are heard it is powerful. We start to connect to reality, we heal, and we get into better spaces.We want to tell you lovely young queers - hey, it sucks, and I’m sorry you have to cope the way you are right now. I really do hope you find yourself in a position where you don’t have to cope with everything. It’s not about you, it’s about the culture and structures you are in, and your response to that is normal and natural.I am very proud of you, I am very excited to see what you do, and you are loved. And you are an amazing person.Dr J then raves about the wonderful “Hello cruel world” by Kate Bornstein https://g.co/kgs/m2fsSp - and will send you a copy if you need it if you DM them on Twitter.Earnestly expressing this, our want to make the world better for everyone is a good thing. Being there for you and for each other makes us feel really lovely things!Note: There are some sound issues with Josephine’s recording - we decided the emotional content of the episode was worth putting out even if the sound wasn’t up to our standards.We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 51 TranscriptOur Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicatedGive us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about being present.
5/20/2022

Hearing it is complicated

Season 1, Ep. 51
Well 2022 has been a right nightmare already!! This time we talk (in Dr J’s case very excitedly) about the words we need to hear and what it means to hear them.Dr J has four things they always wanted to hear - and by saying them to another person - they get to also hear them for themselves:- I am proud of you- I love you- I think you are an amazing person- I can’t wait to see your brilliant futureJosephine reflects what it means to hear these things - especially when you are struggling with recovery from post-covid fatigue and trying to work full time, teaching, write a PhD, have a life with her partner and child, and editing this podcast. Spending all their spare energy worrying about what they have not been able to do they needed to hear that they are worth spending energy on.We are resilient and powerful and have coping mechanisms that protect us. Our hypercritical voice overwhelms the outside voices and the negative voice grinds you down, and you get exhausted and they gain more power.Coping mechanisms include shedding the skins of old selves, old ways of coping, and putting these aside and looking at what behaviours we do now. In the past help was not there, and we needed to get through, so we found ways. High standards and hypervigilance got us here, and might not be what gets us through now.We feel stressed and worried, our brain isolates us further and we forget we are not alone. We loose our connection with external voices and our ability to hear and engage with them.When we reach out, connect and are heard it is powerful. We start to connect to reality, we heal, and we get into better spaces.We want to tell you lovely young queers - hey, it sucks, and I’m sorry you have to cope the way you are right now. I really do hope you find yourself in a position where you don’t have to cope with everything. It’s not about you, it’s about the culture and structures you are in, and your response to that is normal and natural.I am very proud of you, I am very excited to see what you do, and you are loved. And you are an amazing person.Dr J then raves about the wonderful “Hello cruel world” by Kate Bornstein https://g.co/kgs/m2fsSp - and will send you a copy if you need it if you DM them on Twitter.Earnestly expressing this, our want to make the world better for everyone is a good thing. Being there for you and for each other makes us feel really lovely things!Note: There are some sound issues with Josephine’s recording - we decided the emotional content of the episode was worth putting out even if the sound wasn’t up to our standards.We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 51 TranscriptOur Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicatedGive us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about being present.
12/15/2021

Taking up space is complicated

Season 1, Ep. 49
Being in the room and taking up space is difficult. It takes a lifetime to believe that we should be in *this* room having *this* conversation, having self faith, self belief and humility is a challenge. Saying “I am here” is the hardest thing.It is simply correct that it is this way - I am here is sufficient. It is right that I am included.Lack of self belief is a structural problem - there are those (Cis white men with a posh accent) who are assumed to belong, speak, take up space. It is not everyone who gets included by default. We are read when we go into those environments, how you walk in, how you talk, is all used to make judgments about the value placed on your words.“I am here, I am present, I am listening” - I am taking up space - how you read me, how you react to my presence in this space has nothing to do with me. That is a huge mind shift, removing that apology, those moments of dissonance, which reduce ourselves in the presence of structure.Josephine goes on a rant/reflection from a talk on glamour from the Knutepunkt conference from Erik Winther Paisley (@ewpaisley) - which drives us into talking about how we can use the skills we have to boost our confidence and our feeling of correctness when we are here.We talk about the things we do to build that belief in ourselves that it is correct we are here. We share our tactics and how we build each other and ourselves up.We also talk about how breathtaking Keanu Reeves is and why J has watched the Matrix Resurrections trailer many many times. Josephine presses “X” to doubt.We have a transcript for this episode - IIC Episode 49 TranscriptOur Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicatedGive us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about being present.
9/15/2021

Scheduling a podcast is complicated

Season 1, Ep. 47
This week we cover two topics - Working full time and creating a podcast, and the movie Constantine starring Keanu Reeves.We have gone from a time when we had less restrictions on our time (lockdown, combined with furlough/unemployment was good for podcasting) and we both now have very full on full time jobs, one of us has a partner, and a child they want to spend time with, the other has houseplants. We both have mental health to take care of (does this year ever give up throwing shite around?), and like to spend some time for ourselves.We are making a great podcast - we’ve created a brilliant thing here and want to find a sustainable way to keep doing this. We want this podcast to continue to be high quality, in content and in sound quality.So we have decided to go for a twice a month podcast release. This we believe is sustainable and gives us time for life and self care and great podcasting.We recorded this discussion - so we are reminded when we are at our lowest, that this isn’t personal, it is systemic, our reactions is personal - and this is a good decision for us.It also means J get’s time to watch movies - and is currently re-watching all of Keanu Reeve’s output.They recently saw Constantine - and have some … feelings … about the movie. Just how much? There’s a 15 minute rant about the movie, and this is the abbreviated version. While Keanu is breathtaking there is some … cognitive dissonance… for someone who is a fan of the Jamie Delano Hellblazer stories and what they tell us about Good and Evil and life and politics. This gets a little loud at times.As always we launch into ideas - the banality of good and evil and the notions of redemption - how we can make a more equal society. Tldr; Constantine terrible movie, great conversationWe have a transcript for this episode -IIC Episode 47 TranscriptOur Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicatedGive us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about scheduling and Constantine the movie
8/15/2021

Working from home is complicated

Season 1, Ep. 46
Based on a listener request for a discussion on working from home in the current culture environment from a perspective that is not a middle class straight white cis man - we touch on the advantages we have as queers that’s made this easier, and what advantages that others within our community might not have.We cover the way work has changed, and how output in academia has increased but only by men (are you surprised? We weren’t). Having more than one job is normal for most minority groups, including women. Housework and childcare is work, and who does it makes a difference.Work is not just the day job, it’s also the side hustle, the fun job, the extra things we do (like podcasts) - and that impacts our space. Does work become a liminal notion mixing public and private spaces?How much more inclusive have we been able to be? We both have the huge advantage of having work that can be done remotely, and our experience is not universal. Is a commute and an office still desired? Are we building a huge technological divide.Tackling this through a queer, non-normative, lens shows the advantages and disadvantages that impact us all. There is no “normal” office to return to.We have a transcript for this episode -IIC Episode 46 TranscriptOur Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/itiscomplicatedGive us feedback - we’re on twitter - https://twitter.com/ItIsComplicatd - we’d love to connect with you about working from home.