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The Middle-Aged Candy Store

Episode 1

Season 1, Ep. 1

Welcome to the Middle-Aged Candy Store, by The Gathering!


Episode credits:

Karen performed by Karen Loomer

"Lifeslotter" written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip and performed by Karen Loomer, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Tony Culverwell, Linda Febbleston, and Donnie Febbleston

Interstitial writing by Marc Gorcey

Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Linda Febbleston

Cover image by Amanda Matalanis


New episodes every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month



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  • 6. S4E6 - Lady Aspartame's Lover/Slobbering Vandal Support Group

    24:55
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. In this episode, the famous Inspector Monocle visits the historic manor, High Dudgeon, to solve the foul murder of one Tom Hardhands. An organizing meeting for the Slobbering Vandals support group discusses problems with their silent auction as slobbering and breakage unfolds but just as the space station astronaut finishes his update to the group, the narrator describes a violent incursion of scheming emus, dolphin hair dryer salesmen and yawning gigglers. Meanwhile in the store, Karen encounters the fierce Gorak in her quest for revenge against the Candy Salesman.Lady Aspartame’s Lover was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Michael Giel, Tony Culverwell, Rachel Perry, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Donnie Febbleston, and Karen Loomer, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip. Incidental music by Johannes Sebastian Bach, performed by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip. Slobbering Vandal Support Group was written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Megan Liley, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Karen Loomer, Tony Culverwell, and Donnie Febbleston, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer and Donnie Febbleston.Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston. All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and can be found on freesound.org. Special thanks to: Dolphin Noise-.wav by jfournier18Lots of Morse Code by Buss1000Outro Quindar Tone by scy.wavhair dryer.wav by loullipop Cartoon Chicken Loud Single Screaming Squawk sound effect by Mastersoundboy2005Break Mirror002.wav by TetrisrockerIndoor adult murmur, couple.wav by SpliceSoundhandcuffs_taken_out_and_closed.wav by daboy291Bell rings timidly.wav by Fenodyrie dorm door opening.wav by pagancowSound design by Donnie Febbleston.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. Podcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.
  • 5. S4E5 - The Cat Experiment/Frescoes That Have Aged Poorly

    19:41
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. In this episode, a cat owner learns why you don’t actually want to be able to hear what your cat has to say, and we learn the history of some unfortunate public art with Sister Eileen the Monotonous and Tiresome. Meanwhile in the candy store, Karen and Medusa meet Coolsworth, accountant extra-ordinaire, who describes his accounting school basketball triumphs over an anthropomorphic duck.The Cat Experiment was written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Tony Culverwell, Donnie Febbleston, and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.Frescoes That Have Aged Poorly was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Megan Liley, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and Donnie Febbleston.Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston. Sound design by Tony Culverwell.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons and can be found on freesound.org.Sound credits:S: Für Elise Music Box.mp3 by UltraGSV bplayers for door-open-close-with-bellnomiqbomi for uh-ohicsp for drop-of-waterprime45 for flute-mixaceinet for d-to-slow-youmaodin204 for fireworks-explosion-1maodin204 for fireworks-explosion-2maodin204 for fireworks-explosion-3visionear for explosion-fireworks-processed-ed-larez-vsnrpax11 for e_pop-120bpmvanyamba for fm-sitar-waveform-stereo-c2csaszi for pigeons_fly-away_-wing-flaps_csgmickeythesoundcollector2023 for concert-crowd-cheeringsoundslikeyukon for boys-shooting-hoops-on-wood-floorvhschool2019 for basketball-swishtgerginov for wind-wooshbezaard for the-roland-d-50s-sitar-testS: Car driving ambience by priesjensenS: New York Jazz Loop by FoolBoyMedia | License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0S: British Television Programme.wav by a.transmissionPodcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.
  • 4. S4E4 - Vehicles Abandoned in a Field: The Vauxhall/Monster Truck Latin Mass

    16:57
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. In this episode, we learn the thrilling story behind an abandoned Vauxhall, and protect our eternal souls by attending Monster Truck Latin Mass. Meanwhile in the candy store, Karen invokes a genie to help her with her recruitment problems, and interviews some unlikely prospective employees.Vehicles Abandoned in a Field: The Vauxhall  was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Tony Culverwell, Megan Liley, Donnie Febbleston, Karen Loomer, and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Monster Truck Latin Mass was written, performed, and produced by Donnie Febbleston. Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer, Tony Culverwell, Megan Liley, and Linda Febbleston. Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston. All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and can be found on freesound.org. Special thanks to: s-cheremisinov for cinematic-rise-and-hit_02devern for cinematic-builddavejf for melody-loopsmokinghotdog for magic-stars-retro-sparklepjcohen for udustereoloopszegvari for dark-nord-cold-thriller-horror-voices-ambient-amb-myst-cinematic-surroundcrimeraaa for keyboardaboalgamer for mouse-click-sound-effectkyles for street small town or city light throaty traffic birds table saw spanish voices saravena colombiatrp for crows park urban stratford 10Volvion for latin-cathedral1969 Dodge Charger Car Horn by truss88girl gigle by ienbarecord scratch by luffybirds in the woods by berwitzbarrypirro for irish-jigdilsun for old_truck_metal_squeaks-creaks-rattle-impact_door_hollow_open_close_impactmorganpurkis for single-gunshot-52josephlarralde for metal-cupboard-doorwanaki for car-hornrodzuz for slap-in-the-faceSound design by Tony Culverwell.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. Podcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.
  • 3. S4E3 - Murderous Meg: The Carnival/Robot Contempt of Court

    24:40
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering.In this episode, Murderous Meg makes new friends at a carnival, and Pizzabot takes an ethical stand against the police state. Meanwhile in the candy store, Karen does some very unethical market research.Murderous Meg: The Carnival was written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Megan Liley, Donnie Febbleston, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Karen Loomer, and Tony Culverwell, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.Robot Contempt of Court was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Donnie Febbleston, Tony Culverwell, Karen Loomer, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and Megan Liley, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer and Donnie Febbleston.Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston.All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons and can be found on freesound.org. Full sound effect credits are available here.Sound design by Megan Liley.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis.Podcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.
  • 2. S4E2 - I'm Here to Expose My Zenicles/I Digress

    20:48
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. in this episode, a yoga class finds an unlikely new guru in “I’m Here to Expose my Zenicles”, and we catch a fan favourite episode of the world’s most off-topic sitcom, “I Digress”. Meanwhile in the candy store, the European Ladies of Indeterminate Nationality make a stunning revelation about Skip’s true nature, and Medusa has a run-in with a coworker’s spouse. Credits:i’m Here to Expose My Zenicles written by Tony Culverwell and Donnie Febbleston, performed by Karen Loomer, Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Megan Liley, Tony Culverwell, and Donnie Febbleston, and produced by Tony Culverwell.I Digress written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Donnie Febbleston, Linda Febbleston, Tony Culverwell, and Karen Loomer, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer, Megan Liley, Michael Giel, and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip. Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston. All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and can be found on freesound.org. Special thanks to: S: dorm door opening.wav by pagancow | License: Creative Commons 0S: Chillidos_Animal.wav by nmarciniegasm | License: Creative Commons 0S: HAMMER_1.wav by pablodavilla | License: Creative Commons 0S: 120827 Raccoon, bark, screech, yelp, squeal, backyard, Toronto.wav by TRP | License: Creative Commons 0S: Gas_Spray_Pressure_Various.wav by LamaMakesMusic | License: Creative Commons 0sound: street-small-town-or-city-light-throaty-traffic-birds-table-saw-spanish-voices-saravena-colombia-2016 creator: kylessound: crows-park-urban-stratford-10; creator: trpdoor-open-close-with-bell creator: bplayerssoundeffects4YouJay FrostingEhohnhkezgump for sitar-01gsb1039 for egyptian-discoverythegreeneyedghost for wooden_frog_ornament_1Sound design by Megan Liley.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. Podcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.
  • 1. S4E1 - The Bunkford Report: Sammy the Snail/On a distant shore

    20:47
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. In this episode, the world's first podcasting monkey, Bunkford, interviews the legendary children's performer Sammy the Snail, and we listen in on the musings of an alien crab, pining for his lost love. Meanwhile in the candy store, Karen reveals how she can help YOU manage your own candy store, and Medusa discovers something troubling in the Pink Bubblegum toffee.Credits:The Bunkford Report: Sammy the Snail written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Donnie Febbleston and Megan Liley, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.On a Distant Shore: A Crab Tale written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Donnie Febbleston, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, with incidental music by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Karen Loomer and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip. Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston. All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and can be found on freesound.org. Special thanks to: kyles for street-small-town-or-city-light-throaty-traffic-birds-table-saw-spanish-voices-saravena-colombia-2016 and wind soundsTrp for crows-park-urban-stratford-10Dasrealized for fast crawling buRubberduck9999 for snailJoseph Sardin for waves and seagullsSound design by Megan Liley.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. Podcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.
  • 12. S3E12 - Pizza University Episode 4: Pomp and Consequences/Demonic Laugh

    21:08
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering.In this episode, the Candy Store employees finish their rescue tunnel...with surprising results. And back at the store a sinister figure from another dimension awaits them. Also, we check in with PizzaBot as he reflects on whether or not a little learning is a dangerous thing, and learn exactly HOW many pieces of ID you need to pay by cheque at the grocery store.Pizza University Episode 4: Pomp and Consequences was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Rachel Perry, Donnie Febbleston, Tony Culver well, and Michael Giel, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Demonic Laugh was written by Donnie Febbleston, performed by Karen Loomer, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Tony Culverwell, Rachel Perry, Michael Giel, Karen Loomer, Megan Liley, Linda Febbleston, Donnie Febbleston, and Kristin Mueller-HeaslipTheme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston.All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and available from freesound.org or opengameart.org. Special thanks to:130221 for the antAllen2001 for digging with a shovelcameronmusic for digging earth with a pick axeYemiMoses for digging a graveAlexbuk for digging a hole in earth with a pickBenboncan Mandrill striking rockcameronmusic for digging1Anandthethird for digging in dirtbevibeldesign for earth's crust depressingunfa for rumbleWdomino for bridge collapseVidiveni for evil lair collapseleftovertunacaserole for tape removalRutgerMuller for vintage scifi droneZHR0 for sci-fi horror musicVictor_Natas for The ghost of dark creek7003784 for metalfdmitryleeo metal sheet hitcupido-1 for metal sheetcraigsmith for g38-15 perfect horse whinnygipisi poniesfoxen10 for horse whinnykupper for Paardengetrappel.001 13kyles for street small town or city light throaty traffic birds table saw spanish voices Saravena, ColombiaTP for crows, park, urban, Stratfordbplayers for door open close with bellNivatiusLordStirlingSterio18WilhelboyHaley HalcyonSound design by Tony Culverwell.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis.The Middle Aged Candy Store is a proud member of the We’re Still Cool podcast network. We will return for Season Four.
  • 11. S3E11 - Entreprenesting/The Child on the Cover of the Knitting Pattern

    18:17
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering.In this episode, Karen's trial continues to devolve, and MightyClops and the Interregngum have a deep conversation about the nature of love. Also, we attend a corporate training on Entreprenesting, and meditate on love, loss, crime, and punishment.Entreprenesting was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Megan Liley, Donnie Febbleston, and Tony Culverwell, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.The Child on the Cover of this Knitting Pattern was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Megan Liley and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Tony Culverwell, Michael Giel, Rachel Perry, Donnie Febbleston, Karen Loomer, Megan Liley, and Linda Febbleston.Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston.All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero and can be found on freesound.org. Special thanks to:balloonhead for evil-laughterry93d for bi-thunder-pile-up-1-no-reverbborgory for chewing-crunch-cornflakes-knuspern-schnurpsen-eating-essen-munchzerolagtime for gavel-triplemadFenodyrie fpr sword against swordqreiff for Room Tone-Large interior with ACKhenshom for Rainy day in city of Tel Aviv, Israelmusicmasta1 for CarStartSkidCrashSound design by Megan Liley.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. The Middle Aged Candy Store is a proud member of the We’re Still Cool podcast network. New episodes appear the first and third Tuesday of each month.
  • 10. S3E10 - Pizza University: Episode 3: Debate Night/Koach Karl

    24:08
    Thank you for listening to the Middle Aged Candy Store, produced by The Gathering. In this episode, Karen's trial continues, and the candy store staff make some progress in their quest to free their leader. Also, Pizzabot attends a debate and makes an unexpected new friend, and Koach Karl gives us all a much-needed pep talk on economic and sexual liberation.Pizza University, Episode 3: Debate Night was written by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Tony Culverwell, Megan Liley, Donnie Febbleston, and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and produced by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Koach Karl was written by Donnie Febbleston, Karen Loomer, and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, performed by Donnie Febbleston and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, and produced by Donnie Febbleston.Intro and interstitial segments written by The Gathering and performed by Tony Culverwell, Donnie Febbleston, Michael Giel, Rachel Perry, Karen Loomer, and Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Theme music by Donnie Febbleston and performed by Donnie and Linda Febbleston.All sound effects are licenced under Creative Commons Zero. Special thanks to:craigsmith for gavel tappingev-dawg for crowd noiseradiocounselling for crowd gaspthomaspetting for jackhammersandermotions for applausespeedenza for moving machine sequencenotklaatu for retro sci fi computerSound design by Kristin Mueller-Heaslip.Cover art by Amanda Matalanis. The Middle Aged Candy Store is a proud member of the We’re Still Cool podcast network. Podcasts appear every first and third Tuesday of the month.