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Grief Encounters
The Dangers Of Online Grooming with Lorin LaFave
In this week’s episode Sasha and Venetia speak to mother and campaigner Lauren LaFave, who’s son Breck was murdered in a vicious attack after being targeted by online predator Lewis Danes for over a year. Lorin has spent much of the five years since Breck’s death campaigning and spreading awareness around the prevalence of online grooming, and ways for parents and kids to notice any potential warning signs, launching The Breck Foundation in his name.
Breck had a huge interest in gaming, having started playing Minecraft in his early teens. He was invited into an online gaming group by school friends, which is where Breck and his would-be attacker Lewis Dane’s first came in contact. Dane’s owned the server that they played on, and established himself as the ringleader of the group regaling Breck and other younger players with fantastical lies about working for the US government and being a self-made millionaire.
Lorin first became suspicious of Breck and Dane’s online friendship after overhearing his much deeper voice within their computer gaming circle, fearing a sexual motive initially. She went to the police her concerns, who despite saying they would file a report, never fully investigated her Lorin's fears. Following an arranged parents meeting, Breck and his friends were forbidden from speaking to Danes, but sadly he opted to continue the conversation in secrecy via a prepaid smartphone Danes had purchased to keep the contact going.
On the 17th of February 2014 at 8am, 18 year old Danes lured Breck to his flat to play video games, by ordering a pre-paid taxi to collect him from his father's house. Having told his father that he would be staying overnight at a friend's house, the alarm was raised the following day when Breck failed to return home.
Lorin spoke to Sasha and Venetia about guilt: “You do feel immensely guilty, especially because I knew. I just didn’t know what to do, and that’s why I think I have this drive to share Breck’s story, because if I had heard me speaking, if I had been listening to this podcast and my son was being groomed, I would act in a different way than I had”
Lorin and her family have been subjected to masses of online abuse from Lewis Dane’s and his family in recent months. Breck’s 17-year-old sister Chloe has received texts saying “shame Breck is dead, he was sexy," "if he was alive I'd be all over him" and she was even sent a picture of a skeleton with the caption "RIP Breck". Social media app Snapchat and Police are not doing enough to tackle online abuse. “The school drove her to the Police Station , we all met there and made the report. And then it felt like nothing happened, because police and snapchat weren’t collaborating and they kind of blame each other”. “Snapchat won’t hand over the details because it is a US based company and it has to go through 12 - 18 months of this process that involves a treaty. It’s ridiculous”
Venetia Quick talks about how the conversation with Lorin lead her to immediately consider her own children’s internet usage. “Literally the first thing I did after arriving home from our chat with Lorin, was speak to my eldest son Felix about some of the many warning signs that Lorin had described. I feel this interview will make any parent rethink their children’s safety when using the web, and after hearing Lorin’s story I would encourage anyone who is concerned with something to follow their parental instinct ”
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Did Ye Hear Mammy Died? with Séamas O’Reilly
30:24|Séamas O’Reilly is a Derry born writer for The Observer and The New York Times, who speaks to Sasha and Venetia about his mother Sheila, who passed away three weeks before his sixth birthday in October 1991. Driving back from the Belfast hospital on the night of her death, his father was faced with the mammoth task of raising 11 children as a loan parent for the first time. An exceptionally talented and descriptive writer, Séamas’s memoir “Did Ye Hear Mammy Died?” comes out in Spring 202, and he shares his own memories of that period, and some newly uncovered ones during this week’s chat. Sasha, Venetia and Séamas also share their own unique stories and perspectives on parenting and bereavement and their way to approach the subject of death with children. If you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos ,memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by: Nctrnm
A Suspension Of Time with Kelsie Donnelly
27:00|This week's Grief Encounters is a little bit different than usual. Regular listeners of the podcast know that we often focus an episode on the life and loss of someone dear to our guests. Kelsie Donelly is a PHD graduate from Queen’s University Belfast who recently got in touch with us about her research that looks into the ways in which 21st century literature can provide a new perspective on our grief. We were delighted to share this podcast with her, as she discussed how 2020 and everything that has come with it, has changed the focus of grief, and how particular narratives changed around the subject particularly in relation to the pandemic. She also discusses with Sasha about a new potential landmark in grief culture, that took place in the quite literal form of Robert Kardashian’s hologram birthday message to his daughters.
Understanding Trauma with Neil Fox
31:59|One of the most difficult things a person can experience in their lifetime is hearing the news that a loved one has died both prematurely and unexpectedly. In 2016, Neil Fox's life was changed forever, after gardaí knocked to his door to inform him his sister Donna had passed away in a cycling accident that morning. In the years since Neil’s personal experience with both grief and trauma has brought him on an incredible journey through sobriety, sexuality and ultimately becoming more comfortable in his own skin. He speaks with Sasha and Venetia about the ups and downs in his life, since Donna’s death, and his incredible work to prevent similar accidents taking place on Irish roads. If you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos , memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by Nctrnm
Choosing Different with Amanda Grace
42:47|This week’s guest recently described grief as “the companion you never wanted”, a sentiment that is shared by all of the team involved in making this podcast series. Amanda Grace is the daughter of Brendan Grace, one of Ireland's all-time legendary figures in comedy and entertainment, who’s death in July 2019 saw a special public outcry of grief and love, in a way that very few people garner. Amanda is a former 'rock school rebel' turned spiritual guide. Her offerings in contemplative journaling, coaching & community teach women to marry the powers of creativity and intuition, surrender the never ending pursuit of trying to 'fix' themselves & commit instead to a more intentional healing path, on which they can be unapologetically true to who they are. Her relationship with her father still remains incredibly strong, albeit a different form of relationship since his passing. She discusses carrying on this relationship within your grief, and the importance of speaking about your loved one in the present. In the interview, Amanda also discusses with Sasha about what it means to “hold space” for someone, an intentional act of unconditional support where no judgements are made in whatever journey they may be on. You can find more info on “holding space” in this essay recommended by Amanda. Other Links:Derek Walcott - Love After LoveAmanda Grace - Things to Do in The Belly Of A WhaleIf you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos ,memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by: Nctrnm
How Grief Helped Me Grow with Justin Caffrey
42:35|This week’s guest, Justin Caffrey and his wife Beatrice have gone through something no parents should ever have to deal with in their lifetime. The loss of a child. In 2011 after a series of devastating miscarriages, Beatrice became pregnant once more. 25 weeks into the pregnancy during a family holiday in Malaga, Beatrice’s waters broke, leading to the extremely premature birth of their son Joshua. Joshua was born with a host of medical complications causing Justin and his wife and 4 year old son to uproot their lives for the next 11 months and act as carers in a city completely foreign to them. In this truly incredible interview, Justin speaks in detail about their own experiences in losing Joshua, as well as the incredible road his grief has brought him on.If you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos ,memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by Nctrnm
Let’s Talk About Loss with Beth French
20:34|Today's guest Beth French lost her mum when she was just 20 years old, from cancer of the bile duct, having just finished her second year of university. Beth's mother was in her early 50s and had been completely healthy, so her loss left Beth and her family in a complete sense of shock. Like many people who experience grief, she found that her perspective had shifted and now had a new aspect of her identity that was not commonly shared by many young people, feeling like a member of a club she did not want to be in.Beth established the UK based charity Lets Talk About Loss, a youth bereavement service aimed at trying to overcome the barriers of talking about losing a loved one. In the chat she speaks to Venetia about the pain felt during her mother's illness, the shifting family dynamic after her death, and why even within the grief community, young adults still find it difficult to open up.If you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos ,memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by: Nctrnm
Ireland’s Blind Eye Towards Racism with Aisling O’Neill
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Giving Back In Grief with Jane McKenna - The LauraLynn Foundation
56:43|Jane Mckenna is the founder of Ireland's only children's hospice, and The Laura Lynn Foundation, both named after her two children, Laura and Lynn. Sadly, her vision to create a national children’s hospice spawned from utter tragedy. Jane joined Sasha & Venetia for an incredibly moving episode of Grief Encounters, where she speaks about how her family's journey through unthinkable loss, made her determined to give back in her own grief - leaving an incredible legacy for her two children.Jane & her husband Brendan are the proud parents of two beautiful girls Laura & Lynn. Sadly, both Laura and Lynn passed away 20 months apart from each other, to differing illnesses, leaving Jane and Brendan living every parent's worst nightmare. “Lynn thought us how to live, and she thought us how to die”On this week’s episode of the podcast she gives a really special account of her family's life before and after Laura and Lynn’s passing. No detail is spared, as she paints an extremely vivid picture of what their life was like, living in and out of hospitals and waiting appointment to appointment. More importantly, she manages to capture how incredibly strong both girls were, in sickness and in health. This episode was originally released in February 2019*If you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos ,memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by: Nctrnm
How COVID - 19 Complicates Everyone’s Grief
29:57|The COVID 19 outbreak has touched the lives of thousands of families across Ireland, and more than ever before the prospect of an unexpected loss is a growing concern for many. Grief is complicated even on the best of days, but now as our lives are restricted in so many ways, the way grieve has also changed dramatically. There has been a lot of emphasis on the obvious physical changes such as funeral capacities and hospital visitations but in reality, the restrictions that we are living through now also impact those who are suffering from longterm in a very real way.Orla Keegan is head of Bereavement and Education services at The Irish Hospice Foundation and joins Sasha and Venetia this week to discuss the impact this pandemic is having on those grieving around Ireland, and the necessity to reach out more than ever, in these unprecedented times. If you're looking for a safe haven to express how you feel, Share articles, photos, memories and more,Join the Grief Encounters Facebook Group,A place for support, compassion and empathy for those grievinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/GriefEncounters/Music by: Nctrnm