Finding You: with Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy discusses the parallels between logical fallacies and addictive thinking, defined in "Addictive Thinking" as an inability to reason with oneself. He defines several fallacies and their psychological and relationship dynamics. He emphasizes the development of an inner-compass, in contrast to other methods for vetting truth. He discusses Kant's idea of the categorical imperative which states that we treat others as an end and not a means to an end, letting go of consequences we use to justify our behavior.

Dr. Reedy explains the difference between Big and Small T Trauma. He explains that in therapy, even when we are talking about the Big T story, we are still treating the Small t Trauma. He also discusses popular self-help ideas that he disagrees with.

Dr. Reedy responds to questions from the Inner Circle Audience on matters of what is meant by "No" is a complete sentence, the pitfalls in empathizing with others at the cost of honoring our own feelings, and what is meant by the phrase "Do you work."

Dr. Reedy discusses healthy masculinity and the lives of men. He explains that when people are describing masculinity they are often describing feminine characteristics. He points out that we talk about toxic masculine and healthy feminine but don't often hear about the healthy masculine.

Dr. Reedy discuss the concept and tools of inner child work. He explains that this tool is a way of meditating on what and how we feel. It is an attempt to reconnect with the authentic self that was cast off in childhood in order to protect parents' ego, prevent abandonment, and take on parental feelings of inadequacy.

Dr. Reedy discusses the nuances of praise. He explains that the child's esteem comes from being seen which relies heavily on the parents' depth of their own self discovery.

Dr. Reedy discusses perfectionism. He talks about how our overworking and over functioning tend to fail us. He talks about the reasons why we think the goal is to be perfect. First, he explains that it could arise from a chaotic, unstable, and painful childhood. If we did not develop a hyper vigilance and over functioning personality, then we would've suffered more in such a context. He also explains how these traits can arise from the narcissistic wound. If we think that our value is in what we give to others, how we perform, how we pick up the slack for others, then we will find ourselves in troubling dynamics where we are complicit.

Dr. Reedy, talks about the meaning we make out of our suffering. He explains that our suffering serves several important psychological functions. First, it gives us a taste for joy, connection, love, and happiness. There is no joy without suffering. There is no love without loss. Through suffering, we are required to look for, find, and embrace meaning. As Nietzsche once observed, we can bear any “how” as long as we have a “why.” He also explains that suffering serves as a catalyst for the transformation of consciousness we speak of in therapy. He distinguishes learning something from a more fundamental shift, a shift in our base, a shift in a level of consciousness. He also explains how practicing mindfulness will lead us to gratitude. Instead of trying to feel gratitude when one is feeling sad, one is encouraged to feel all of their feelings and to be mindful of our entire experience. This will naturally and organically lead to gratitude.