Finding You: with Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy, talks about the meaning we make out of our suffering. He explains that our suffering serves several important psychological functions. First, it gives us a taste for joy, connection, love, and happiness. There is no joy without suffering. There is no love without loss. Through suffering, we are required to look for, find, and embrace meaning. As Nietzsche once observed, we can bear any “how” as long as we have a “why.” He also explains that suffering serves as a catalyst for the transformation of consciousness we speak of in therapy. He distinguishes learning something from a more fundamental shift, a shift in our base, a shift in a level of consciousness. He also explains how practicing mindfulness will lead us to gratitude. Instead of trying to feel gratitude when one is feeling sad, one is encouraged to feel all of their feelings and to be mindful of our entire experience. This will naturally and organically lead to gratitude.

Dr. Reedy announces the release of his newest book. Co-authored with Michael and Jeff McLean. It is the story of a gay son and his high profile Mormon father and how they found each other. Dr. Reedy provides commentary on the work that each did to re-connect and celebrate each other. Jeff tells the story of his childhood, raised in a small town in Utah. He chronicles the shame and pain of growing up in a conservative, high cost religion and how all this lead to addiction. Michael tells his story, confessing the mistakes and missteps along the way. It is a compelling story and offer the unique vantage point of a therapist observing the growth that each person experienced. Reedy uses the hero's journey as a way of understanding the tasks that we all must answer if we are to connect and hold each other with compassion and non-judgment.

Dr. Reedy discusses how our contexts predispose us for certain dynamics in relationships. He explains how inner-work will shape and change our outside world. And he explains the power that old contexts have on our psychology and how regression originates.

Dr. Reedy talks about the definition of addiction. A chronic pattern to avoid being present in your own life. He talks about the many faces of addiction, beyond alcohol and other substances. He explains how codependency is an addiction to controlling people, places, and things outside of oneself in order to manage internal states of anxiety, fear and insecurity. He explains that addiction is a spiritual bypass. It is a vertical thirst for a connection to the transcendent, the divine, or God. But without the development of the self, this thirst can lead to a life of imbalance and excess.

Dr. Reedy discusses the relationship between boundaries and our capacity to love. He explains that we must grapple with fear, shame, and anxiety to honor and attend to our needs so that we can make ourselves more available to love and connection with others.

Dr. Reedy discusses how therapy first starts with the base: the nervous system we "inherited" from our parents. He explains that until the base (think of soil) is established, skills, tools and insights will be fleeting. He also explains that the biggest barrier for many people is how slow therapy proceeds. It takes a long time with repeated exposure to an adequate therapist to build a stable foundation where new thoughts, new ideas, and new behaviors (think seeds) can more easily become embodied (think fruit of the new growth).

Dr. Reedy discusses roles, tasks, & responsibilities of those left behind when a loved-one seeks treatment. He discusses the systemic view of mental health and how the symptom bearer is a signal, which if listened to, will offer the family insight into the larger project, the deeper issue, and the legacy of trauma passed from one generation through another until someone gets help. He addresses when people go "no contact" and how to respond in ways that do no replicate the original wound.

Dr. Reedy discusses the psychology of communication skills and sharing our feelings. In this episode, he talks about when sharing our feelings is part of the problem. he explains that we can be discerning about who we share with to better ensure that our feelings will be heard and held by another person. he also explains that "I feel" statement may be best understood as a tool for greater awareness in ourselves and often people use them to try to change the behaviors of others.

Dr. Reedy explores what it truly means to love another person as they are — to "love Other as Other." He reflects on how genuine understanding of others begins with a willingness to look honestly at ourselves. Examining traits associated with the Autism Spectrum, he reveals how many of us share more of these qualities than we might expect. Dr. Reedy then invites listeners to "pan out" — drawing on personal and cultural history — to suspend judgment and encounter others, and themselves, with fresh eyes.