Alonement

My guest this week Lizzie Frainier, author of Main Character: Lessons from a Real Life Rom-Com and associate travel editor at The Times. In this episode, she shares what she’s learnt from over a decade of solo travel, which began with a transatlantic home swap inspired by the film The Holiday and continued with a romantic trip for one in Venice, an ill-fated motorcycling trip in Vietnam and an Eat Pray Love style pilgrimage to Bali. We also talk about Lizzie’s infatuation with rom-coms, and how the lessons she learnt from the likes of Notting Hill and Bridget Jones inspired her to write her memoir.I’d love to hear your thoughts on the episode – do leave a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, if you haven’t already. You can finding Lizzie on Instagram – her handle is just her full name, Lizzie Frainier, which is very chic. I’m on Instagram too @ChezSpecter, and you can follow my writing on Substack at francescaspecter.substack.com.

Penny Wincer is the author of Home Matters: How Our Homes Shape Us and We Shape Them, her second non-fiction book, and host of the podcast, Not Too Busy to Write, where she interviews writers on their relationship with their craft and how they make time for it. In the years I’ve been writing this podcast, I’ve learnt alonement is just about practical considerations as it is about the emotional ones. Penny’s work is a testament to that philosophy. Her work is centred around creating the time and space for alone time, even in the most challenging of circumstances - a challenge she herself navigates every day as the mother of a disabled child.Penny is a one-of-a-kind thinker and a brilliant interviewee, and I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed recording. You can follow Penny on Instagram at @pennywincer and on Substack. Her latest book, Home Matters, is available to buy now. Meanwhile, I’m on Substack at francescaspecter.substack.com and Instagram @ChezSpecter.

This week's guest, Thuy-vy Nguyen, PhD, is one of the world’s leading researchers on solitude, and an associate professor at Durham University’s dedicated research lab, Solitude Lab. Her interest is in ‘ordinary, everyday life solitude’, the kind you’re more likely to find in the corner of a cafe than on a 10-day silent meditation retreat. It’s solitude in moderation – or what we on this podcast like to call alonement.This episode is an edifying exploration of the latest in solitude research, from how the experience of being alone affects our mental state to the pros and cons of labelling yourself an introvert/extrovert. We also talk about solitude skills, and how almost anyone can get better at it – no matter how much they hate it to begin with.You can find out more about Thuy-vy’s brilliant work on the Solitude Lab website. Meanwhile, stay in touch with me on Instagram @chezspecter and on Substack – francescaspecter.substack.com Referenced in the show:Solitude: Seeking Wisdom in Extremes - A Year Alone in the Patagonia Wilderness by Robert KullSolitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World by Michael HarrisSolitude Skills and the Private Self – Research paper authored by Virginia ThomasA Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf

Struggle to cook for one? We've got you - our guest Eleanor Wilkinson, recipe developer and author of One Pot, One Portion, has dedicated her career to overcoming some of the most common hurdles people face when cooking solo. Inspired by losing her father at a young age, Eleanor resolved to seize life's simple pleasures and make every moment count, including the meals she ate alone. Trained at Ballymaloe cookery school, she turned her skillset towards the oft-neglected territory of single portion meals. From her special take on lasagne for one to her innovative ways to use up a pack of tortillas when it's 'just you', this episode combines practical advice with a continuous love letter to the joy that is nurturing yourself, stomach and soul, in your alonement. Nigella Lawson's a fan, and you will be too after tuning into this episode. Why not leave a review to let us know what you thought?If you'd like to follow Eleanor's solo cooking adventures, her book One Pot, One Portion is out now, while she's on Instagram at @eleanorgwilkinson. She also regularly updates her website, eleanorgwilkinson.com, with new recipes.

Welcome to season 10 of Alonement! Katie Norris, an award-winning comedian and confirmed cat-cherlorette (OK, I came up with that) is my guest on the first episode of this season. Katie adopted her 'lockdown baby', Atticus, at the start of the pandemic. He's been her companion as she's established herself as a stand-up comedian, and taken a prolonged dating hiatus. She shares how she's claiming the much-maligned 'childless cat lady' stereotype (with a middle finger up to JD Vance). Plus, the highs and lows of solo comedy (after years of being a double act) and maintaining self-esteem in the face of criticism. This is a conversation about following your heart, as Katie has done, towards a life that feels right for you – romantically, and creatively. Whether you’re a fellow pet owner, a single person, a comedy fan or simply someone curious about all of the above, there will be something here for you. Happy listening – and if you love this episode, do leave a glowing review! Now for some handles! You can find Katie on Instagram at @katienorris26 – while Francesca is on Instagram @chezspecter and writes a Substack newsletter, francescaspecter.substack.com

Maggie Smith is a poet & writer who found overnight fame when her poem, ‘Good Bones’, went viral on social media in 2016. Later on, her life was to take a further change when her husband of 19 years, and the father of her children, announced he wanted a divorce two years later. Her memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful, published in April 2023 – explores the connection between these two events, how become a hit writer led to the breakdown of her marriage – and what could be found in the disruption that followed it all. Throughout it all, Maggie’s love of creativity and solitude has been a constant – something she speaks to me about in this episode. We also talk about finding love in middle age, and the joy of a relationship that’s free from the pressure of milestones.Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.TakeawaysAlone time can be a positive and restorative experience, especially for creative individuals.Being in a relationship that is not working can be lonelier than being alone.Financial independence and self-sufficiency are important for personal empowerment.There is freedom in choosing a relationship without merging lives and milestones.Alone time is essential for creativity and self-reflection.Chapters00:00Introduction and Small Talk03:33Exploring the Meaning of Alone04:27Aloneness as a Positive and Restorative Experience05:24The Irony of Being an Introverted Writer06:24The Challenges of Being an Introverted Writer in the Public Eye08:15Navigating Life After Divorce09:43The Loneliness of Incompatible Partnership10:41Living Alone vs. Living Without a Partner11:36The Myth of Partnership Solving Loneliness13:29The Shift in Attitudes Towards Being Alone14:52The Impact of Age on Relationship Choices16:13The Pressure to Settle Down and Have Children17:32Financial Independence and Self-Sufficiency18:45The Liberation of Not Racing Through Relationship Milestones19:58The Freedom of Choosing a Relationship Without Merging Lives21:20Balancing Independence and Vulnerability22:48The Lack of Cultural Models for Non-Traditional Relationships23:44The Beauty of Constant Companionship24:43The Negative Side of Hyper-Independence25:39The Importance of Alone Time for Creativity27:29Learning to Accept Help and Support28:54Returning to a Special Place for Solitude31:43The Restorative Power of Writing Alone33:09The Impact of Professional Success on Relationships35:31The Evolution of Creativity After Having Children39:21The Joy of Having Unstructured Alone Time