We Need To Talk… with Dr. Darcy Sterling

If you have experience with long-term relationships, you probably expect the wild passion of the beginning to fade over time.It’s a bit of a trade off: You accept that in exchange for diminishing fireworks, you get the comfort and security that comes from being in a stable, committed relationship.But what if you didn’t have to trade one for the other?What if there was a way to keep the passion alive for years, decades, or forever? In this episode, I take the work of Dr. Arthur Aron, a Research Professor of Psychology at Stony Brook University, and I add a framework that can increase the emotional connection you feel with your partner — and make it feel like it did in the beginning.Aron is best known for a New York Times article that went viral a few years ago called, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” which featured a list of 36 questions which, according to Aron, can provoke two strangers to fall in love. In this episode, you’ll learn:6 steps that create deeper intimacy between you and your partner. The relationship skills that are most crucial to a fulfilling relationship.The daily habits that will remind you of why you picked your partner in the first place (and fell in love!).Xxoo DarcyREFERENCESReis HT, Aron A. Love: What Is It, Why Does It Matter, and How Does It Operate? Perspect Psychol Sci. 2008 Jan;3(1):80-6. doi: 10.1111/j.1745-6916.2008.00065.x. PMID: 26158672.https://news.berkeley.edu/2015/02/12/love-in-the-lab/To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do this36 questionshttps://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/#:~:text=can%20be%20defeated.-,Contempt%20is%20the%20worst%20of%20the%20four%20horsemen.,number%20one%20predictor%20of%20divorce.Sun Therapy LampCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. DISCLAIMER#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships#RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice#RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage#PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounselingb#CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling#DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcyInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling Twitter:@DrDarcySterling YouTube:@DarcySterling Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch This Episode Here On YouTube.

Divorce isn’t a topic I discuss regularly. It’s not that I’m in denial.But as a relationship therapist, people generally come to me to avoid the D word. However, once divorce is on the table, guiding my client through the process can feel like we’re a team of two in need of more support. Which is why today’s guest, Alex Kapp, was so perfect for this discussion.She’s part of an emerging profession of divorce coaches.And what they do is fill a gap in the process of divorce that is so wide, I can’t believe they haven’t been around for decades. In this episode you’ll hear: What your attorney should and shouldn’t do for you.The importance of creating a divorce strategy because it should guide every decision you make.Why leaning on your attorney for emotional support could compromise the outcome of your divorce. Even if you’re never going to get divorced (and I hope that’s true), this is such an interesting episode I encourage you to listen! xoDarcyCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. DISCLAIMER#divorcerecovery #divorcesupport #divorcecoach #divorceadvice #divorcehelp #divorceadvice #alexkapp #divorcedmom #divorceddad#divorcesucks #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts#RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcyInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling Twitter:@DrDarcySterling YouTube:@DarcySterling Threads:@drdarcysterling Watch this episode here on YouTube.

In the west, monogamy is our default relationship model. But, to be clear, monogamy is a social construct. It is not inherent to our biology. That’s an important fact to keep in mind throughout today’s conversation with New York Times Best Selling author, Molly Roden Winter, whose recent book “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage,” documents her journey through non-monogamy. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why humans adopted monogamy as our dominant relationship construct (the answer is grim).The surprising response she got from her therapist about opening up her marriage.  Her advice on how to initiate a conversation with your partner about non-monogamy, should you be inclined. xoDarcyREFERENCEShttps://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htmKim, J. H., Tam, W. S., & Muennig, P. (2017). Sociodemographic Correlates of Sexlessness Among American Adults and Associations with Self-Reported Happiness Levels: Evidence from the U.S. General Social Survey. Archives of sexual behavior, 46(8), 2403–2415. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0968-7Lei, L., & South, S. J. (2021). Explaining the decline in young adult sexual activity in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(1), 280-295.Solomon NG, Ophir AG. Editorial: What's Love Got to Do With It: The Evolution of Monogamy. Front Ecol Evol. 2020 Apr;8:110. doi: 10.3389/fevo.2020.00110. Epub 2020 Apr 28. PMID: 32782899; PMCID: PMC7416880.https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden WinterCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. DISCLAIMER#newyorktimesbestseller #more #mollyroden #mollyrodenwinter #polyamory #polyamorous #nonmonogamy #nonmonogamous #openrelationship#sex #newyorktimes #Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts#RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy#CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcyInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.

What you may not know about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is that talk therapy is more likely to retraumatize you than to heal you. There’s a neurological explanation for why talk therapy is often ineffective for trauma:Talking about the bad thing that happened opens up the same networks in your brain that were activated when you were in the situation that traumatized you — and unless you also activate the part of your brain that knows how to organize that information, which a trauma-certified therapist can do — you won’t experience relief. In fact, you can emerge feeling the way you felt when the bad thing first happened, as if no time passed. And when you reactivate those neural networks repeatedly, it can make things worse. Not better. The World Health Organization recognizes EMDR therapy as the treatment of choice for trauma — and one name stands alone as the preeminent trainer and practitioner of EMDR: Dr. Laurel Parnell, today’s guest.In this episode, you’ll learn:How to distinguish actual trauma from a bad experience. What happens to us when trauma goes untreated.How EMDR works to resolve trauma in a way that few other therapies do. Please share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCESAdult PTSD and Its Treatment With EMDRJournal of EMDR Practice and ResearchEMDR as Treatment Option for Conditions Other Than PTSDThe Status of EMDR Therapy in the Treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder 30 Years After Its Introduction.Journal of EMDR Practice and ResearchAmerican Psychological AssociationTapping In: A Step-by-Step Guide to Activating Your Healing Resources Through Bilateral Stimulation#WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #PTSDTherapy #PTSDTreatment #EMDR #emdrtherapist #EMDRTherapy #TraumaTherapy #traumainformed #traumabond #traumarecovery #traumahealing #LaurelParnell DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch Here on YouTube

Most people think they have a history of picking the wrong partner. They describe themselves as having a “bad picker.” The problem was in their choice of partner — not in how they co-managed the relationship.Today, I’m making the argument that we all pick the wrong partner.You will pick a partner who, over time, will almost certainly feel like the wrong partner, and it actually doesn’t matter. Your relationship can work anyway.In this episode, you’ll learn why long-term commitments will, ironically, diminish some of the reasons why you wanted to commit in the first place, like:Excitement about the relationship.Dating. Like, you’ll go out less <- I hope you prove me wrong here.Consideration — your partner will be less considerate over time, and you will too.I rarely say this, but this episode’s a must listen.Xxoo DarcyCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.DISCLAIMER#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships#RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts#RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships#PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy#CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling#DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #LoveAndLearn#DatingDilemmas #RelationshipTips #SoulmateSearcher#SoulmateSearch #IntentionalDating #LoveLanguage#RelationshipGoals #CoupleGoalsInstagram:@drdarcysterlingFacebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterlingTwitter:@DrDarcySterlingYouTube:@DarcySterlingThreads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.

For members of the LGBTQ community, coming out isn’t a one-off conversation. It’s more like a series of discussions in which the person discloses to their loved ones that they are not the expected default, and instead are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning — or some combination thereof.The process of coming out is largely influenced by when a person comes out. Like, literally, the era they find themself living in, as well as by the culture they find themself living in. Gay rights has come a long way in the past 10-15 years, but for anyone contemplating coming out, trust me: It does not feel easy. Whether you’re a member of the LGBTQ community, an ally, or pondering where you land on the ever-broadening spectrum, I hope this episode makes your journey smoother. And if I can personally do anything to help you, don’t hesitate to email me: Darcy@AskDrDarcy.comIn this episode, you’ll learn:Strategies I employ to support clients through the coming out process.The stages involved in coming out.How to respond to someone who is coming out to you.AND… You’ll hear my own story of coming out — both of them.Xxoo DarcyREFERENCESGlsen.org/activity/coming-out-resource-lgbtq-studentsKidsHealth.org/en/teens/coming-out.htmlHrc.org/resources/coming-outPflag.org/PlannedParenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation/sexual-orientation/whats-coming-outTheTrevorProject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/Experiences of femme identity: coming out, invisibility and femmephobiaKaren L. Blair &Rhea Ashley Hoskin Pages 229-244 | Received 11 Mar 2014, Accepted 04 May 2014, Published online: 23 May 2014CREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. This episode is dedicated to my other niece 🖤 DISCLAIMER#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts#RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy#CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #ComingOutProcess #LGBTQCommunity#LGBTQIdentities #LGBTQAcceptance #ComingOutStories #ComingOutExperiences #LGBTQRights #LGBTQSupport #LGBTQResources#LGBTQVisibility #LGBTQAdvocacy #GenderIdentity #SexualOrientation #LGBTQAcceptanceInSociety #LGBTQRepresentation#LGBTQCulture #LGBTQAcceptanceInFamily #LGBTQAllies #LGBTQAwareness #LGBTQPrideInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

People who are unhappy in their lives have common denominators. It doesn’t matter what area of life they’re unhappy with — the solve is the same because the issue isn’t really about that particular area of their life — it’s about the way they approach things. Today, I’m going to show you how unhappiness in the quality of your relationships, your ability to reach goals, even the amount of money you have — how dissatisfaction in anything is the result of two things: The way you’re thinking and the way you’re acting.  And I’m giving you one of my most effective tools to use — for free — so listen through and let me know what you thought of today’s episode: Darcy@AskDrDarcy.comClick here for my Free Tool that will NOT make sense unless you listen first. #Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #PerspectiveMatters #PositiveThinking #MindsetShifts#MindsetShift #GrowthMindset #MindfulLiving #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts#RelationshipAdvice #PerspectiveMatters #RealTalkRelationships #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy#Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcyCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal.Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith.“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.  DISCLAIMERInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube. 

Years ago, I was gutted by a falling out with one of my siblings. It quickly became clear that we were on the verge of estrangement, and that impending loss brought me to my knees —I had just recovered from PTSD and was terrified of getting sucked into the black hole of trauma that I’d just come through. Frantic for help, I found myself Googling a solution, and up came the term Forgiveness Therapy. To be clear: I was not feeling forgiving. But I was feeling desperate. I did not want to revisit the darkness I’d just emerged from. A book on forgiveness had recently been published by a professor named Robert Enright. In it he posits that forgiveness isn’t about cutting the other person slack. It’s a life raft for people who feel wronged. Enright’s theory had been peer-reviewed the gold standard in the field of psychology — so, despite my apprehension, I committed to following his program. Today, my journey through forgiveness comes full circle in my conversation with the theorist himself, Dr. Robert Enright. If you struggle with anger or are someone who holds grudges and you want to explore a solution, please listen to this episode. In it, you’ll learn:Why it makes sense if the thought of forgiving someone who wronged you makes you cringe.The consequences of not forgiving.How choosing to forgive puts you in control of your feelings.How Enright’s program helped me to personally bypass a relapse of PTSD.AND… The beauty of this process is that there’s NO obligation to reconcile with the person who wronged you.Xxoo DarcyAkhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness Therapy for the Promotion of Mental Well-Being: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(1), 107-122. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838016637079Freedman, S., & Zarifkar, T. (2016). The psychology of interpersonal forgiveness and guidelines for forgiveness therapy: What therapists need to know to help their clients forgive. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 3(1), 45–58. https://doi.org/10.1037/scp0000087Reed, G. L., & Enright, R. D. (2006). The effects of forgiveness therapy on depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress for women after spousal emotional abuse. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(5), 920–929. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.74.5.920For More Information on Dr. Robert Enright:International Forgiveness InstituteAsk Dr. ForgivenessForgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope#ForgivenessHeals #Forgiveness #SelfForgiveness #ForgivenessIsFreedom #ForgivenessTherapy #ForgivenessIsKey #LetItGo #LettingGoOfThePast #LettingGoOfFear #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #DrRobert EnrightInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling  Threads:@drdarcysterling YouTube:@DarcySterling   Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

We all learn relationship skills in our formative years during childhood — for better or worse. As adults, it’s up to us to assess which of those skills serve us and to unlearn those that don’t. Whether or not you’re a parent, I promise this episode is relevant for you.In this candid conversation with parenting expert Dr. Jennifer Weberman, we drill down on how everyday experiences provide children (and provided us as children) with opportunities to learn relationship skills — even when we fu@k up. In this episode, you’ll learn:Why some of us were a bad fit for our parents — and what the consequences of that were. How making mistakes in front of children can provide them with some of the most important relationship skills (and how trying to hide those moments can backfire).Biggest mistakes parents make when they’re trying to make up.Dr. Weberman-recommended smartphones for children WITHOUT social media! Xxoo DarcyKid-friendly phones/4 options:GABBBarkTroomi PinwheelDr. Weberman’s Website: TransformationsTherapyCenter.comDr. Weberman’s Parenting Resource Suggestions: The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali TsbaryThe Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina BrysonBrain Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids by Dr. Mona DelahookeDr. Weberman’s Socials:Instagram:@drjenniferwebermanFacebook:drjenniferwebermanTik Tok:@drjenniferwebermanCREDITSThis episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.DISCLAIMER#ParentingPodcast #ParentingTips #Parenting101 #ModernParenting #RaisingKids #ParentingHacks #MomLife #DadLife #Parenthood #ParentingAdvice #HealthyFamily #ChildDevelopment #PositiveParenting #FamilyWellness #ParentingJourney #ParentingCommunity #ParentingWisdom #ParentingSupport #RealParenting #relationshipgoals #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #drdarcy #DrJenniferWebermanInstagram:@drdarcysterling Facebook:Dr.Darcy SterlingTik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   YouTube:@DarcySterling   Threads:@drdarcysterlingWatch this episode here on YouTube.