Torque

Episode 25HopeA Men’s Group Facilitator on the One-Word Answer That Changes Everything for Isolated MenGuest: Joshua Rodriguez — men’s group facilitator, educator and advocate, co-founder of the Kink CollectiveTrigger WarningThis episode covers difficult territory, including thoughts of suicide, serious allegations that were made against the guest, infidelity, and sex work. It also contains strong language throughout. Please take care while listening.Episode DescriptionJoshua Rodriguez is a former U.S. Marine and U.S. Marshal, now a facilitator, educator and advocate based in Harlem. He guides people, especially men, through modern masculinity, sexuality and personal growth. When Dom asks what he sees in the men who turn up to his groups, he answers in one word: hope. Because they all thought they were alone at one point.For almost 30 years, Joshua softened himself in his closest relationships to avoid being rejected, judged or left alone. He couldn’t say he had needs, because having needs felt like it cancelled out everything he provided. What he couldn’t say came out sideways, as anger, lying and cheating.Timestamps00:00 Hope, Because They All Thought They Were Alone01:22 Content Note — Suicidal Thoughts and Serious Allegations01:56 Why Men’s Groups Matter — and What Took Him There02:47 Needing to Hear He Wasn’t the Only One Who Was Afraid03:03 How Long the Wounds From Past Relationships Have Lasted03:35 Softening Himself to Avoid Rejection — Almost 30 Years04:21 Calling Men In — Curiosity Without Judgement05:37 What It Means to Soften Yourself — Not Saying What You Need05:57 The Provider Conundrum — If I Have Needs, It Cancels Out Everything I’ve Provided06:53 What Goes Unsaid Comes Out Sideways — Anger, Lying and Cheating07:52 Family Court at 19 — Fighting to Be a Father08:48 Suicidal Thoughts, Anger and Nobody to Turn To11:40 What He Needed — A Mentor to Help Him Process What He Was Feeling13:00 Anger Is a Tool, Not a Feeling13:52 Forgiveness and Apology — Where the Responsibility Sits15:00 Understanding Humiliation — What His Actions Did to Past Partners16:11 The Allegations — What He Says Was Untrue, and What He Takes Responsibility For17:24 Why He Did It — Fear of Saying What He Needed18:23 Compassion, Forgiveness and Responsibility — You Can Turn the Key20:00 The Turning Point20:45 Five Years of Asking Who Am I and Why Am I Afraid22:01 Alternative Lifestyles — Sex Work, Professional Domination and Reframing Sexuality24:21 The Five-Year Gap — Practising What He Had Learned25:20 The Mentor Who Arrived27:26 Self-Forgiveness — and Being Willing Not to Be Forgiven by Others28:07 Society Isn’t Your Best Friend — Leaning on Other Men29:05 What Masculine Validation From Another Man Really Means30:43 What It Means to Be a Man — Consistency and a Belief System32:01 What to Say to Someone Who Doesn’t Know What They Believe33:19 Questions to Find Your Principles34:23 What Does He See in the Men Who Turn Up? One Word — Hope35:21 Boys Told to Be Strong — Boys Don’t Cry36:03 Conditioning Men to Move Without Emotion — Survival Instincts37:33 Nature and Nurture 39:03 Good Things Bring Memories, the Rest Bring Lessons — If You Reframe the Pain40:16 Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Femininity — Energies, Not Identities41:26 Strength That Isn’t Only Physical — Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual41:43 Society Needs Men More Than It Will Admit Right NowFind Joshua Rodriguez atwww.Kinkcollective.netResourcesIf this episode has raised issues for you:Samaritans — free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 116 123CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) — for men in crisis: 0800 58 58 58All previous Torque episodes available atTorque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

Episode 24Bottled UpFrom Hopeless to Honours: A Recovering Alcoholic and Academic on Why Families Need Help TooGuest: Dr John McMahon — psychologist, author and co-founder of Bottled UpTrigger WarningThis episode covers addiction, rock bottom and darker thoughts. Please take care when listening.Episode DescriptionJohn McMahon left school with practically nothing. He’d spent his teens training for the priesthood — Hogwarts with hymns, as he puts it — until puberty arrived and the idea of lifelong celibacy lost its appeal. He came back, became Holy John, went out of his way to prove he wasn’t, and ended up on the hippie trail and eventually a psychiatric hospital in 1984 where a doctor told him he had brain damage, liver damage, and six months to live if he continued.What followed was a return to education — a degree, then a doctorate in psychology — writing and teaching the largest master’s course in the UK on addiction, and eventually, with his wife Lou, building Bottled Up: a free website and resource for the families of alcoholics that is built on a simple but overlooked truth. One drink affects three to five people minimum. And almost every recovery programme is aimed at the drinker alone.In this conversation, John traces the full arc of his life and talks about what addiction actually is, why willpower alone never works, what the families of alcoholics live through that nobody talks about, and why his nursing manager’s six words became one of the most important sentences of his life.Timestamps00:00 I’m a Hopeless Case. You May Well Be. But You’re Not a Lost Cause.01:18 Trigger Warning01:26 Talk Ten — Quickfire Questions with John02:51 The Priesthood — Hogwarts With Hymns04:20 Why He Left — Puberty & Celibacy05:35 Holy John06:11 The Hippie Trail — Devon, Drugs and the Police09:10 The First Glastonbury09:35 Back to Devon — Head Scrambled, LSD10:05 The Grey Van — Meeting Lou at 2113:00 Lou’s Father the Pastor — The Garden Conversation15:00 Training as a Psychiatric Nurse — Still Drinking17:00 How the Dependency Deepened19:00 What Addiction Actually Looks Like From the Inside21:00 The Darker Thoughts22:00 Brain Damage, Liver Damage, Six Months24:00 Why the Death Sentence Wasn’t the Thing That Did It25:45 The Picture of Dorian Gray27:00 I Don’t Want to Be That Person Anymore29:30 AA — Hating It First, Then Embracing It31:00 An Egomaniac With an Inferiority Complex32:00 The Nursing Manager 34:00 Going Back to Education — Degree, Then Doctorate36:00 Writing and Teaching the Largest Masters Course on Addiction in the UK38:00 Families of Alcoholics — The People Nobody Talks About42:00 Bottled Up — The Website John and Lou Built44:00 Lou’s Story — The Widow of an Alcoholic Who Didn’t Come Out the Other Side46:00 Finding Each Other Again Decades Later47:10 It’s Never Too Late. But You Can’t Do It on Your Own.48:00 The Walk to the Cathedral — and the Walk Back48:59 Dom’s Closing ReflectionYou can find out more about John McMahon atBottled Up – Help for Alcoholics & Families Bottled Up – Support, Tools & HopeResourcesIf this episode has raised issues for you:Alcoholics Anonymous UK: 0800 9177 650 — alcoholics-anonymous.org.ukAl-Anon — support for families and friends of alcoholics: 0800 0086 811 — al-anonuk.org.ukSamaritans — free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 116 123All previous Torque episodes available atTorque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

The Parts We HideA Shadow Work Therapist On Coming Out, Rebuilding, And Living Honestly Later In LifeGuest: Kenny Whitelaw-Jones — shadow work psychotherapistTrigger WarningThis episode touches on sensitive topics including sexuality and childhood sexual abuse. Please be aware before listening.Episode DescriptionKenny Whitelaw-Jones is a shadow work psychotherapist. He is also a man who spent decades building a persona — a version of himself he thought he should be — before the reality of who he actually was became impossible to keep pushing down.In this conversation, Kenny explains what shadow work is and where it comes from — the Jungian idea that we all arrive in the world as a full personality, and gradually learn which parts of ourselves are not OK with the people around us. Those parts don’t disappear. They go underground, fester, and come out sideways — as compulsive behaviour, as patterns in relationships, as the version of us that jumps up and grabs the wheel when we’re not paying attention.He also talks about why standard talking therapy didn’t work for him, and what he found in shadow work that one session in — a level of change and insight that years of talking had never produced. About being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the confusion that left behind. About the midlife reckoning that brought everything to the surface. And about coming out as queer in his 40s, after a marriage and a life built around a different story.Kenny also talks about the bus metaphor that Dom takes away from the conversation — the idea that we spend most of our lives driving the bus, competent and adult and apparently in control, while at the back sit all the earlier versions of us, waiting for their moment to grab the wheel. It’s a frame that anyone who has lived enough life will recognise.Timestamps00:00 We’re All Messy Human Beings. Mine Had a Sexuality Flavour.01:52 Talk Ten — Quickfire Questions with Kenny03:37 What Is Shadow Work?05:57 When Parts Go Underground — What Happens to Them06:25 How Repressed Anger Comes Out Sideways07:48 The Shadow Isn’t Just Darkness 09:16 What Triggers You, What You Do Compulsively10:21 When Shadow Work Is Most Needed 12:00 How We Choose Partners14:00 Shadow Material in the Workplace15:30 Your Boss Is Often Your Parent18:00 The Bus Metaphor — Who Is Driving Right Now?20:00 What Shadow Work Actually Involves22:30 Separating Facts From the Stories We Tell Ourselves28:06 What Brought Kenny to Shadow Work Himself29:10 Childhood Sexual Abuse — What It Left Behind30:35 One Shadow Work Session is all it took33:00 The Midlife Reckoning 35:00 Coming Out as Queer in His 40s37:00 The Marriage41:00 Rebuilding — What Life Looks Like Now45:00 The Friends Who Knew Something Was Wrong47:24 What He Would Say to Someone Suppressing Their Sexuality47:40 Dom’s Closing ReflectionAbout Kenny Whitelaw-JonesKenny Whitelaw-Jones is a shadow work psychotherapist working with individuals on the parts of themselves they have repressed, denied or tried to wish away. His first degree was in psychology. Following his own midlife reckoning and transformation through shadow work, he trained as a shadow work and depth psychology practitioner.Kenny works one-to-one with clients and is based in the UK.You can find Kenny at1:1 therapy — DEEP PROCESS PSYCHOTHERAPYInstagramResourcesIf this episode has raised issues for you around sexuality or childhood sexual abuse:Galop — LGBT+ anti-abuse charity: 0800 999 5428 — galop.org.ukNAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood): 0808 801 0331 — napac.org.ukSamaritans — free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 116 123All previous Torque episodes available atTorque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

Episode 22What Having a Child with Autism Taught Me About ConnectionHow to Let Go of the Child You ExpectedGuest: Craig Parks — camp director, musician and founder of Parenting HarmonyEpisode DescriptionCraig Parks has spent 30 years working with other people’s children. He’s a camp director, a musician and a parenting coach. When his son was diagnosed with autism at around 18 months, Craig and his wife had to readjust everything — the future they’d imagined, the social life they’d assumed, the milestones they’d expected. Their home became a place of constant therapy. They stopped going to gatherings. They became isolated. And Craig, for all his professional expertise with children, found himself learning that everything is harder with your own kids.In this conversation, Craig talks about what that early diagnosis actually meant for the family — emotionally, spiritually, financially. About the fear of never hearing his son say ‘I love you’. About the years of letting go, slowly, of the child he’d imagined. And about what he found instead: a son who teaches skateboarding to kids, DJs parties, plays drums in one of Craig’s bands, and is — as Craig says simply — a shining soul in this world.He also talks about the mundane moments that build a childhood — why the memories that last are almost never the big planned ones. About technology and how to navigate it with kids. About physical presence and what it does. And about his coaching work through Parenting Harmony, helping parents create a childhood both they and their children can look back on with gratitude rather than regret.Timestamps00:00 Cold Open — He Didn’t Get a High School Diploma. He Is a Shining Soul.00:48 Show Description and Coming Up01:37 Talk Ten — Quickfire Questions with Craig02:50 Craig Welcome to Talk02:57 30 Years Working With Other People’s Children — Is Your Own Easier?07:26 The Early Autism Diagnosis 08:57 What Craig Had Imagined — And What Had to Change10:21 The Home Becomes a Place of Constant Therapy11:49 Isolation — Stopping Going to Gatherings13:25 Letting Go of the Child You Expected15:00 The Fear of Never Hearing ‘Daddy’ or ‘I Love You’17:00 Grief — What Craig and His Wife Went Through23:00 Technology and Kids — What the Research Shows25:00 Physical Presence — Why Connection Requires the Body27:00 The Mundane Moments — Where the Real Memories Are Made29:00 Character Voices, Bedtime, Bathtime — Making the Ordinary Special31:00 Relationships Are Built on Moments33:00 Dom’s Experience — Being There for Sporting Fixtures35:00 Parenting Harmony — What It Is and Who It’s For38:00 Reactive Parenting — How to Catch Yourself42:00 His Son Today — Group Home, Skateboarding Business, Drummer44:43 The Fears That Came True — And Why They Don’t Define Him46:58 Dom’s Closing ReflectionAbout Craig ParksCraig Parks is a camp director, musician and the founder of Parenting Harmony — a coaching practice helping parents create deeper connection with their children and build a childhood both can look back on with gratitude. He has spent 30 years working with children of all ages and has 22 years of experience raising his autistic son Jonah alongside his daughter Nishama.Craig is based in the United States. Find him and Parenting Harmony at [insert website / social handles].You can find out about Craig and his work at Parenting Harmony | Notice More. Create More.InstagramAll previous Torque episodes available atTorque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastOff Screen - Torque | AcastDo You Feel Frozen Out? - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

Episode 21Big Brother to BollywoodA Life Beyond NormalGuest: Benedict Garrett — British actor based in Mumbai, Bollywood film and TVTrigger WarningThis episode contains discussion of sexual assault and the adult entertainment industry. Timestamps for both sections are included below so you can skip them if needed.Sexual assault is discussed from approximately 07:31 to 13:54.The adult entertainment industry is discussed from approximately 05:18 to 07:31 and briefly again later in the episode.Timestamps00:37 Trigger Warning03:13 Growing Up in Middle England — Supportive Parents, High Expectations04:33 Obsessions05:18 The Adult Entertainment Industry — Liberating or an Act?06:34 Stripping, Escorting, Adult Film — What the Experiences Were Actually Like07:31 Sexual Assault — Three Incidents, Photographers and an Agent08:22 The Agent Who Used His Past Against Him10:00 Freezing — Why He Didn’t Stop It and Why That’s Normal13:54 Teaching — The One Job His Parents Told Him Never to Do15:21 The Tabloid Exposure — Past and Present Colliding17:30 Being Outed as a Former Adult Entertainment Worker While Still Teaching19:00 Big Brother 2012 — How He Got There21:00 What Big Brother Was Actually Like24:00 The Marriage Breakdown and the Decision to Go to India27:00 Arriving in Mumbai With Two Suitcases29:00 How He Got His First Roles in Bollywood32:00 23 Films in Four Years — Playing British Raj Officers35:13 How India Has Changed Him — Professionally and Personally38:13 Learning the History He Was Never Taught at School40:00 The British Empire’s Legacy — What He’s Learned Living It42:00 Immigration Hypocrisy — His Perspective as a British Expat in India44:00 His Social Media Presence and Why He Speaks Out46:00 What He Misses About the UK48:07 Quickfire Questions with Benedict50:39 Dom’s Closing ReflectionAbout Benedict GarrettBenedict Garrett is a British actor based in Mumbai, India. He has appeared in over 23 Bollywood feature films and multiple web series since moving to India in 2021, frequently playing British Raj era characters. Before India, he worked across banking, Transport for London, consulting, high school teaching, and spent time in the adult entertainment industry. He appeared on Big Brother in 2012.Benedict speaks openly on social media about immigration, the legacy of the British Empire, and life as a British expat in India.You can find Benedict atInstagramAll previous Torque episodes available atTorque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastOff Screen - Torque | AcastDo You Feel Frozen Out? - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

Episode 20The High-Functioning AddictA Foraging Teacher on How Plants Saved His LifeGuest: Robin Halford — forager, somatic teacher and founder of EatWeedsTrigger WarningThis episode contains themes of addiction, homelessness and drug use. Please be aware before listening.Episode DescriptionRobin Halford spent years running a digital marketing training company — 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. He also spent years as a drug addict, hiding it well enough that he could stand in front of professional chefs, deliver a three-hour session, and nobody would know. High functioning, in the specific sense that he could still do the work. But as Robin says: the rest of your life is a shit show.By the time he hit rock bottom, his wife had divorced him, he’d lost his house, his daughter didn’t want to see him, he had a granddaughter he wasn’t allowed to meet, and none of his friends wanted him around. He ended up homeless for over a year — not a rough sleeper, but wandering Britain, teaching plants in exchange for a bed and a meal.In this conversation, Robin traces his story from a brutal childhood and an early calling to the priesthood, through 20 years of using, through getting clean in a Buddhist recovery community in Thailand, to the work he now does with plants — teaching people to forage, to heal, and to feel their body again through direct sensory experience.This is a conversation based in reality, not romanticism. It goes to some dark places and comes back with something real.Timestamps00:00 That’s What Happens When You’re a Really Good Drug Addict01:21 Talk Ten — Quickfire Questions with Robin03:37 The Calling to the Priesthood — Running Away From His Body07:20 A Brutal Childhood — Not Unusual, But Real07:50 Religion as a Drug — A Way to Bypass the Existential Void08:30 The Independent Catholic Bishop and the Contemplative Group10:15 The Out of Body Experience — The Choice to Come Back12:45 Belief Systems and Why He Left — I Want Direct Experience14:30 Setting Up EatWeeds in 200816:00 The Digital Marketing Company — 15 Hours a Day, 7 Days a Week18:30 When the Addiction Started to Take Hold21:00 The High-Functioning Addict — Delivering Three-Hour Sessions High as a Kite24:00 Eye Drops and Masking — How He Hid It26:00 The Friends Leaving — Can’t Deal With You, Rob28:00 How Good Could You Be If You Weren’t Using?30:30 Getting Clean in a Buddhist Recovery Community in Thailand31:30 The Fear That He Wouldn’t Be Able to Create Without the Drugs32:00 Get Out of Your Head, Come to Your Senses33:00 The TED Conference in Edinburgh — Better Sober35:00 Losing Everything — Wife, House, Daughter, Granddaughter37:00 Homeless for Over a Year — Teaching Plants for a Bed and a Meal40:00 Not a Rough Sleeper, But Homeless Nonetheless42:00 How Plants Became the Route Back Into His Body44:00 The Radio Analogy — Turning Up the Volume on Feeling46:00 The Practices That Kept Him From Dying48:00 Trauma in the Body — Monsters in the Dungeon50:00 Life Is the Workshop — Not a Process Weekend52:00 How Are You Behaving Every Day? That’s the Practice54:00 The Car Crash — Nine Lives Used Up55:27 Dom’s Closing ReflectionYou can find Robin at;W: https://www.eatweeds.co.ukW: https://www.thewayofdomeiIG:https://www.instagram.com/robinharfordofficial/ResourcesIf this episode has raised issues for you:Narcotics Anonymous UK: 0300 999 1212 — ukna.orgAlcoholics Anonymous UK: 0800 9177 650 — alcoholics-anonymous.org.ukSamaritans — free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 116 123All previous Torque episodes available atTorque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastOff Screen - Torque | AcastDo You Feel Frozen Out? - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

Episode 19Somatic Healing for MenOn Dissociation, Men’s Groups, and Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your BodyGuest: Duncan Rich — musician, somatic coach and founder of MeldEpisode DescriptionDuncan Rich grew up in a household where the rules were strict and the emotional space was narrow. He learned early to dissociate — to cut off from what he was feeling because feeling it wasn’t safe. At 18 he was asked to leave the house. What followed was 15 years on the road as a drummer, touring, self-destructive behaviour, living in his head while his body carried everything he wasn’t able to process.The shift came slowly. He left New York City for the mountains, almost by accident — evicted from his apartment, went for a month, stayed. In the quiet, things started emerging. He found a men’s group, started doing body-based work, and spent a decade showing up every week to practice being present in himself. From that, Meld was born — an organisation building somatic practice and community for men.In this conversation, Duncan explains what dissociation actually is and where it comes from, how the body stores what the mind can’t process, and why understanding your problem doesn’t always solve it. He talks about the gap between knowing something and feeling it — and why that gap is where the real work lives.He also talks about men’s groups — why they work, how they’re different from therapy, what it means to sit in a circle with other men and actually practise being present. And about what he’s building with Meld: programmes, retreats, and a book on how to start your own men’s group using somatic practice.Dom also opens up in this episode about his own experience since the accident last year — a growing intolerance for people who aren’t willing to be genuine, and what Duncan said in response that quietly landed.Timestamps00:00 Ask a Man How He’s Feeling and It’s Like, Good00:47 Note from Dom — Urgent Arm Operation and What It Made Him Think About01:59 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Duncan04:09 What Is Dissociation — Duncan’s Definition05:37 The Body’s Signal — There’s More Here, There’s More Here06:25 It’s a Survival Mechanism We’ve Turned Against Ourselves06:55 The Origin for Duncan — An Overbearing Household08:45 Not Allowed Out After School — The Rules and the Punishment10:10 Teaching Him He’s Unsafe, Not Teaching Him the Skills11:00 Shutting Down the Desire to Have Needs at All14:30 15 Years on the Road as a Drummer — Risky Behaviour and Running17:00 The Slow Down — Leaving New York City for the Mountains19:00 Things Starting to Emerge in the Quiet20:30 The Healing Space Is Very Feminine — Where’s the Stuff for Men?22:00 Finding the Men’s Group and the Somatic Practice24:00 What Happens in the Group — Presence, Breath, Body25:30 Why Children Dissociate — When Caregivers Can’t Handle What’s Happening27:10 It’s Not My Fault, But It Is My Responsibility28:50 Breaking the Cycle — Passing Something Different to His Son30:30 The Gap Between Knowing and Feeling32:00 Understanding Your Problem Doesn’t Always Solve It34:00 Why Men’s Groups Work — What’s Different About Being in a Circle36:30 The Nervous System in a Group Setting — Co-Regulation38:30 Somatic Practice — What It Actually Involves45:00 The CORE Programme — 10 Weeks, Men’s Group, Nervous System Education46:46 Where to Find Duncan and Meld48:09 Dom’s Closing ReflectionYou can find more about MELD @ InstagramAll previous Torque episodes available at Torque - Hosted by Dom FioreSome Episodes to tryFrom Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastOff Screen - Torque | AcastDo You Feel Frozen Out? - Torque | AcastWhat Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast

The Bald RefThe Referee Standing Up to Abuse and Why Men Need to TalkGuest: Johnny Cartwright — rugby referee, primary school teacher, Loose Heads ambassadorEpisode DescriptionJohnny Cartwright is a primary school teacher, a dad, and a rugby referee operating at RFU National League level in the Manchester area. He is also the Manchester Referee Society Chair of Training and Development and a proud Loose Heads ambassador — an organisation that champions respecting the game and men's mental health beyond rugby.Known in the rugby world as the Bald Ref, Johnny has built a social media presence around calling out the abuse referees face on the pitch — not from the comfort of the touchline, but from the middle of it. In this conversation he talks about the incidents that shaped him: the under-15s coach who tried to get his home address after a game, the time nobody on the touchline spoke up to defend him and the silence that changed the way he operates, and the paradox of being reported for calling out abuse while the abuser walked away.He also talks about Waffle Wednesdays — a weekly voice note routine he built with two close friends to keep the lines of communication open between men who don't always find it easy to say how they're actually doing. And about Loose Heads, the world record attempts, and the goal of putting a mental health ambassador in every rugby club in the world.This is a conversation about standing up, speaking out, and the small habits that keep men connected.Timestamps01:28 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Johnny02:42 Johnny Welcome to Talk02:49 Entry Into Refereeing — From Coaching to the Whistle03:39 The First Match — Nerves and a Ladies Game at a Familiar Club05:44 Women’s vs Men’s Rugby — The Difference in Spirit06:37 The First Time He Was Really Abused — An Under-15s County Cup Game08:40 The Coach Who Pointed, Made Accusations, and Tried to Get His Home Address10:20 Insinuations About Him as a Teacher — Where It Crossed a Line11:30 Nobody Said Anything — The Silence That Changed Him13:00 Becoming an Active Bystander — The Man Who Doesn’t Walk Past14:30 Why He Started Posting About It — The Bald Ref on Social Media16:00 The Paradox — Reported for Calling Out Abuse, the Abuser Walked Away18:00 What the RFU Is Doing — and Where the Gaps Are19:30 Respect the Ref — What Good Looks Like on a Touchline20:45 Waffle Wednesdays — Where It Came From21:38 How It Works — Voice Note, Two Close Friends, Every Week22:00 Why a Voice Note Rather Than a Phone Call23:13 The Beauty of Considered Rather Than Reactive Feedback24:25 What Happens When He Misses a Wednesday25:40 Men and Platitudes — Why We Don’t Say What We Mean27:00 LooseHeadz — What It Is and What It’s Trying to Do29:00 A Mental Health Ambassador in Every Rugby Club in the World30:30 The Personal Loss Behind Why He Does This32:00 Teaching Primary School Children vs Refereeing Adults34:00 Parents at Kids’ Rugby — The Grandma and the Forward Pass40:53 The Guinness World Record Attempt — Longest Game of Sevens Rugby42:09 Dom’s Closing ReflectionYou can find Jonny at https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-cartwright-7401712b?utm_source=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=member_ioshttps://www.instagram.com/the_bald_ref?igsi=cjNoZXFjZXkyd20w&utm_source=qr

Losing Everything and Rebuilding a Life - My Journey with Alcohol and ADHDGuest: Cliff Sewell — mindset coach, ultramarathon runner and authorTrigger WarningThis episode deals with alcoholism, ADHD and suicidal thoughts. Please take care and bear that in mind before listening.Episode DescriptionCliff Sewell grew up in working-class northern England, built a highly successful recruitment business, became a millionaire, and spent years manufacturing every waking moment around one question: can I get to a pub? He was in the pub from 11 in the morning until 11 at night. He was constantly pretending to be somebody else.From the outside, he had everything. Inside, he was searching for something he couldn’t name. The business eventually collapsed. The money went. He found himself on a park bench waiting for the phone call that would tell him whether he’d lost everything he’d built. He reached the darkest point a man can reach.In this conversation, Cliff talks about when he first realised he was an alcoholic, what drove the drinking, the long road to sobriety, the suicidal thoughts that came with losing everything, and what it took to come back from that place. He also talks about a late ADHD diagnosis that reframed much of his story, becoming an ultramarathon runner in his 50s, and the mindset coaching work he now does with individuals and organisations.This is an honest conversation that goes to some dark places. It is also one of genuine hope.Timestamps01:01 Trigger Warning — Alcoholism, ADHD, Suicidal Thoughts01:39 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Cliff04:57 When Did He First Realise He Was an Alcoholic?07:42 Everybody Thought He Had It All09:39 Cash, Success and the Drinking That Came With It10:30 Constantly Pretending to Be Somebody Else13:22 On the Park Bench — Waiting for the Call15:05 Carrying On Drinking After the Business Survived — Then Losing It17:16 When He Wasn’t Rich Anymore17:52 The Sobriety Journey — Where It Began20:14 The Really Dark Place — Suicidal Thoughts21:49 Coming Out the Other Side — Being Cautious About Talking22:52 His Daughter — Living Together Through the Dark Times24:19 Nobody Sets Out for Things to Go Wrong27:07 99% of Days He Doesn’t Think About Drinking28:38 Starting to Run — Typical Cliff, Going All In29:59 The 100K Goal — Getting to 84K32:35 Mindset Coaching — Making It Affordable and Accessible34:16 The Noise of Self-Help and What Actually Works37:11 It’s Not Just One Thing — Building Habits That Last37:31 The Real Benefits Beyond the Physical38:18 Dom’s Closing ReflectionResourcesIf this episode has raised issues for you, the following organisations can help:Samaritans — free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 116 123Alcoholics Anonymous UK: 0800 9177 650 — alcoholics-anonymous.org.ukYou can find Cliff atCliff Sewell | High Performance & Success CoachCliff Sewell (@cliff_sewell) • Instagram photos and videosThe Magical Mindset Podcast with Cliff Sewell | Podcast on SpotifySuccess It's Personal: A clear and positive plan around change and achieving success: Amazon.co.uk: Sewell, Mr Cliff: 9798325562792: BooksPREVIOUS EPISODES - Torque - Hosted by Dom Fiore