Torque

Episode 7Navigating Masculinity Part 1From Anger to Understanding — A Journey of GrowthGuest: Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard — speaker, author and educatorEpisode DescriptionAndrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard has spent nearly two decades working with young people on masculinity, equality, domestic abuse and men’s mental health. He’s delivered keynotes at Parliament and spoken to over 170,000 people in schools and organisations across the country. But before any of that, he was an angry young man from Aylesbury who got arrested on Oxford Street, smashed up a pub, and left school with an E and a U at A level.In the first of a two-part conversation, Bernie traces the journey from that angry teenager to the man he is today. He talks about what was driving the anger — entitlement, a chaotic home, a grammar school that felt wrong, and an adoption he found out about at 17. About the moment a friend called him in rather than called him out, and how that changed the way he thought about women. About the college principal who gave him one last chance. And about what it took to finally allow himself to believe he was clever.This is a conversation about masculinity and what it actually means to grow up in a man, not a boy.You can find Bernie as "What Makes A Man" on InstagramTimestamps02:27 Why Was He Angry? Grammar School, Entitlement and Resentment03:44 Getting Arrested, Smashing Up a Pub, Wrecking His A Levels05:21 Finding Out He Was Adopted at 1707:35 Feeling Lost — Cycling, a Stolen Bike and More Resentment09:28 Leaving Aylesbury and Reinventing Himself11:40 The Friend Who Called Him In Rather Than Called Him Out13:05 How Long It Took for His Behaviour to Change15:25 The College Principal Who Gave Him One Final Chance16:45 The Lecturer Who Believed in Him18:17 When Do You Think You Were a Fully Formed Man?19:06 Becoming a Father — and the Man Box Around Caregiving20:37 Active Dad but Not Taking the Mental Load21:52 Val as the Initiator — Learning to Follow Her Lead24:13 Kids Need Boundaries and Care26:37 Banter, Friendship and Knowing When to Check In29:34 Setting Up a Support Group for Friends After Mike’s Death30:50 How Do You Deal with Grief?32:03 The Man Box, Justifiable Rage and Not Accessing Feelings34:08 The Feelings Wheel and Processing Emotions35:58 What Took Him Into Schools37:48 Enterprise Soapbox — 170,000 Young People37:59 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Bernie39:58 Dom’s Closing ReflectionLines From This Episode"Inside, this little boy had got completely lost in all of that.""He took me to one side and said — you’re better than this. I know you’re better than this.""No one learned anything through shame. Only to be quiet and never say anything again.""I allowed myself to believe I was actually clever. I’d spent so long thinking it wasn’t cool to be clever.""We spend so much of our time worrying about what we look like. We don’t consider much about our character.""We can make ourselves as busy as we want. But sometimes we just have to go — how can I help?"PREVIOUS EPISODES - From Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastOff Screen - Torque | AcastDo You Feel Frozen Out? - Torque | Acast

In this bonus piece Dom celebrates his Mum's Birthday and talks about why Fathers Day is complicated for him

What Every Man Needs To Know About The Menopause But Is Afraid To AskAt any one time in the UK, 13 million women are going through perimenopause or menopause. That means every man listening to this knows someone affected by it — right now, or at some point in their life.Joe Warner is the former editor-in-chief of Men's Fitness magazine and the author of Burning Up, Frozen Out — a book written specifically to close the biggest gap in the menopause conversation: men.In this episode, Joe talks about what led him to write the book, why men so often make things worse without realising it, and what it actually looks like to be a useful partner during this stage of life.Dom and Joe cover communication, the talk triangle, how to stop arguments escalating, the chapter on men's own midlife experience, the second mountain, the friendship gap many men fall into, and why strength training matters for both partners in midlife.Also in this episode: couples psychotherapist Ambika Shekhawat on why women so often initiate couple therapy during this stage of life, and what men can do to better understand what's going on.Plus Joe's Torque Ten quickfire questions.Joe Warner LinksWebsite: hotflushcoldshoulder.comInstagram: instagram.com/joewarnerukGet the book: https://geni.us/4nQ1gAmbika Shekhawat LinkAmbika ProfileKEY HIGHLIGHTS00:42 Trigger Warning00:54 13 Million UK Women — Why This Matters to Every Man03:34 What Led Joe to Write This Book06:17 Did Joe Face Resistance as a Man Writing About Menopause?09:34 Is There a Generational Difference in How Men Understand This?13:00 Why GPs Aren't Trained Well Enough on Menopause16:00 Why Bringing a Male Partner to a GP Appointment Changes the Outcome18:01 The Individual Nature of Symptoms20:00 “Her Bullshit Buffer's Gone” — A Reframe for Men21:34 Equity, Not Equality22:27 Feeling Invisible — and Menopause as “The Second Spring”24:02 Revolving Together, Not Apart26:49 The Talk Triangle — Timing and Location28:33 How to Stop Conversations Going Wrong29:38 What a Hostage Negotiator Taught Joe About De-escalation31:43 “You Always” vs “I Feel” — How We Talk About Needs35:00 Dom's Own Experience37:43 The Chapter on Men in Midlife39:49 David Brooks and the Second Mountain43:00 Two People, Both Lonely in the Same House45:00 The Friendship Gap — What Men Leave Behind48:00 Reframing Vulnerability as Availability49:01 Strength Training — Why It Matters for Both Partners in Midlife53:25 Why Women Often Initiate Couple Therapy in Midlife55:04 How Couples Can Better Prepare58:18 Men, Mothers, and Connecting the Dots01:00:10 Dom's Reflection on His Own Mother01:01:08 Help vs Support — What Men Can Actually Do01:03:17 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Joe Warner01:07:14 Dom's Takeaway01:07:46 Next Episode — Andrew Bernard on MasculinityPREVIOUS EPISODES - From Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | AcastOff Screen - Torque | Acast

In the second half of his conversation with Dom, Freddie Woodward goes deep on the addiction he carried through his entire elite diving career — and for years afterwards.From his first exposure to pornography as a child to daily use as a teenager, from six years of trying to quit and failing to the moment something finally changed — Freddie tells the full story. He talks about what it did to his relationships, his sense of self, and his ambitions. About the images that were leaked online at 22 and the eight years he spent running from the shame. About the identity shift that eventually made stopping feel different from every previous attempt.Also in this episode: relationship and psychosexual therapist Olivia Luna on the impact compulsive pornography use has on couples, what she sees in her therapy room, and why secrecy — not the porn itself — is often where the real damage happens.Plus the full version of Freddie's Torque Ten quickfire questions.FIND FREDDIEYou can find Freddie on Instagram@freddiewoodward.identity@freddie_woodwardAnd on his Podcast@divebeyondsportpodOlivia Luna is a Relationship and Psychosexual Couple Therapist with practices in the heart of London.She is the Founder of East London Relationship Therapy, based in Shoreditch, and Co-Founder of Central London Relationship Therapy, located in the Harley Street Medical District.Alongside her clinical work, Olivia provides supervision to fellow practitioners and offers placements to trainee therapists.Olivia Luna - East London Relationship TherapyOn Instagram @e_l_r_tKEY HIGHLIGHTS00:28  Coming Up on This Episode00:49  Trigger Warning01:24  A Shoutout to Listeners in 14 Countries01:57  The Addiction — First Memories and Early Exposure04:28  How It Became a Daily Habit05:29  The Reward System — Deserving It After Training06:33  How It Changed the Way He Saw Women08:00  Shame, Loss of Control, and the Productivity Cost09:02  Novelty, Escalation, and the Infinite Scroll14:04  When It Escalated — Sharing Images Online15:46  The Leak — Images Going Public at 2217:09  Eight Years of Shame and Buried Dreams19:41  Identity Is the Fundamental Problem21:23  The Statistics — 10% of UK Men, 60% of Under-18s22:25  Six Years of Trying to Quit Alone and Failing23:57  What Finally Worked — Reading, Psychology, Identity Shift25:05  Why Willpower Alone Doesn't Work26:07  The Relapse Cycle — How the Circuitry Reopens29:55  The Most Taboo of the Common Addictions31:23  Why It's Harder to Spot Than Other Addictions35:00  The Wider Damage — Relationships, Objectification, Erectile Dysfunction38:48  How Pressure Environments Create the Conditions for Addiction41:18  Vulnerability as Strength — What Masculinity Actually Means43:46  What Conversations Need to Happen50:54  Torque Ten — Full Quickfire Questions with Freddie56:43  How Compulsive Use Affects the Brain58:54  What Couples Say 59:46  How Trust Gets Rebuilt01:00:19  Shame and Secrecy — The Antidote01:04:35  Dom's Takeaway — Destigmatising the Conversation01:05:47  How to Find Freddie and Next EpisodePREVIOUS EPISODES - From Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | AcastDiving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | Acast

In this episode, Freddie Woodward shares his journey from being talent spotted at a young age to becoming an Olympic diver. He discusses the intensity of his training, the impact of identity and expectations, and the physical challenges he faced as he grew. Freddie opens up about his struggles with imposter syndrome and mental health, the significance of his success at the Commonwealth Games, and the road to the Olympics, culminating in his experience competing in Rio. In this segment, the conversation delves into the emotional and psychological challenges faced by athletes post-competition, particularly focusing on his experiences after participating in the Olympics. Themes of expectation, identity, and the transition from competitive diving to performance in shows are explored.FIND FREDDIEYou can find Freddie on Instagram@freddiewoodward.identity@freddie_woodwardAnd on his Podcast@divebeyondsportpodKEY HIGHLIGHTS02:03 Diving Chose Me — Being Talent-Spotted at Seven04:08 The Fear That Never Went Away07:58 Forty-Eight Weeks a Year — the Relentlessness of Elite Training13:56 Imposter Syndrome, Comparison, and Dark Motivation19:27 Commonwealth Games Success — Did Winning Change Anything?23:15 Getting to Rio and the Moment It Sank In30:44 19th Place — One Position Outside the Semi-Final39:29 Six Years on the Ships — Diving Without the Pressure43:15 Torque Shorts — Quickfire Questions with Freddie45:39 Dom's Takeaway — Imposter Syndrome and the Comparison TrapPREVIOUS EPISODES - From Patrol To Podium - Torque | AcastDebunking Sleep Myths - Torque | AcastLessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | Acast

Discover Ricky Banner's incredible journey from military service to overcoming life-changing injuries. Learn about resilience and inspiration for those facing adversity. In this conversation, Ricky Banner shares his incredible journey from a troubled youth to a soldier in the army, detailing the life-changing moment when he was injured by an IED in Afghanistan. He discusses the physical and mental challenges he faced after his amputation, his struggles with depression, and how he found inspiration in others at Headley Court rehabilitation centre. Ricky also talks about his journey into adaptive sports, particularly Hyrox, and his commitment to helping others through mental health retreats for men.02:51 Ricky's Military Background and Injury10:39 The Aftermath of the Explosion18:06 Mental Health and Recovery24:34 Finding Inspiration and Humor26:15 Physical Achievements and High Rocks Journey28:53 The Journey into High Rocks35:15 Mental Health Retreats for Men45:45 Quickfire Questions and Personal InsightsYou can find Ricky on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/hybrid_amputee?igsh=d2F6dmI2NjczaHp4Link to Ricky’s GoFundMe Retreat pagehttps://gofund.me/91e446cadLink to Discomfort Zone Documentary pagehttps://greenlit.com/project/discomfort-zone?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAdGRleAR9br9leHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeMiRgaJAmvcyHKaPICxBQH3PfsLse1NxCExoHSHkn56CwsPgvazR6H3834Vw_aem_qNx4u8aDWQZjZyFcaLPADQ

In this conversation, James Wilson, known as The Sleep Geek, shares his journey from being a poor sleeper to becoming a sleep expert. He discusses the irony of his background in a family of bedmakers and how his personal struggles with sleep led him to explore solutions for others. The conversation delves into the challenges he faced, including scepticism from others in the industry and the cultural attitudes towards sleep, particularly among men. James emphasizes the importance of understanding sleep as a complex issue rather than a simple fix, advocating for a compassionate approach to helping others improve their sleep. In this conversation, James discusses the pervasive myths surrounding sleep, particularly in the context of societal expectations and sports. He emphasizes the toxic culture that equates poor sleep with success and debunks common misconceptions about sleep duration and quality. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, he highlights the importance of understanding individual sleep needs and the detrimental effects of sleep myths on overall wellbeing. The conversation also touches on cognitive techniques to improve sleep and the broader implications of sleep on decision-making and life quality.02:57 Awareness of Sleep Issues05:30 The Journey to Sleep Solutions10:47 Facing Online Criticism11:26 Navigating the Sleep Industry16:16 Cultural Attitudes Towards Sleep20:38 The Bragging Rights of Poor Sleep21:20 The Toxicity of Poor Sleep and Success Myths22:50 Debunking Sleep Myths in Sports and Society25:31 The Pressure of Sleep Norms and Expectations27:27 The Impact of Sleep Myths on Wellbeing29:26 Transformative Stories: The Power of Good Sleep31:58 Practical Sleep Solutions and Misconceptions34:50 Cognitive Techniques for Better Sleep38:02 The Cost of Poor Sleep and Unasked QuestionsYou can find James at;thesleepgeek.co.ukSleep Expert | kipmateInstagram James Wilson (@thesleepgeek) • Instagram photos and videosLinkedIn James Wilson | LinkedInJulie Moore - Julie Moore - Institute of Sport, Exercise & Health