"I’m having Vietnam-style flashbacks here"
Mad as it sounds, sometimes it’s easier to tell the girl the truth. I’m like, ‘Honor burned down the caravan, Sorcha’
From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard.
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Some things are more important than family. Rugby happens to be one of them06:01So I wake up in the hotel in Nantes to find a letter on my bedside table, which turns out to be from – yeah, no – my old man?
‘There’s no caps for your so-called matches against Mexico and, I don’t know, Guava Larva. I made the entire thing up’06:08The old man is as excited as I’ve seen him since the members of Elm Pork Golf Club voted to name the lateral water hazard on the 12th hole “the Chorles River”. It’s, like, Friday night – the night before Ireland play Romania in the opening match of the Rugby World Cup – and I’m sitting in The Connemora in Bordeaux, listening to him phone pretty much everyone he’s ever known in his entire life to tell them his so-called news.
‘It turns out that every single vehicle in the Mount Anville cor pork has had its tyres done. Except one’06:09Sorcha is tense. Yeah, no, for her, the first day back after the school holidays is like the first day of the Six Nations for me. In other words, a matter of life and death.
‘A chap taught me how to hot-wire a cor this morning,’ the old man goes06:25The old man looks surprisingly well for a man who’s been banged up for, like, a week and a bit. I’m sitting in the visiting room when he walks in and he’s, like, deep in conversation with another, I want to say, inmate? It’s a good, like, five minutes before he saunters over to where I’m sitting...irishtimes.com/author/ross-ocarroll-kelly/
I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes06:30I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes – he’s Chorles O’Carrroll-Kelly, for fock’s sake – but I never thought I’d see him in court, aged seventy-whatever-he-is, chorged with the illegal possession of a fireorm.
Camino Royale: the final exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book15:59This is the final exclusive excerpt from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out today Thursday, August 17th.
Camino Royale: the second exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book09:58This is the second of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023.
Camino Royale: an exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly book12:36This is the first of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023.
‘Honor, there has to be a better way of trying to save the planet than this’06:37Sorcha is sitting at the kitchen island with her laptop open and a pleased-with-herself smile that I recognise from the Mount Anville Class of 1998 graduation photograph on her bedside table.