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Giles Coren Has No Idea

Each week Giles Coren finds himself with no idea what to write about in his weekly column. Having read all the papers and found nothing of interest whatsoever, he takes a break and does the school run. That’s where his wife and fellow journalist Esther...


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  • 9. Bondstein, James Bondstein

    28:08
    The new Bond, MP’s presenting TV programmes, Giles is a Gorilla and Ewan McGregor’s…acting skills.Giles is very excited by the latest actor being linked with the role of James Bond, he feels sure he has some useful tips for the scrip writers – a Volvo car, a fussy mother, and some anti-allergy pillows.Elsewhere, what would the BBC advertise if they could… waterproof pants or Stormzy’s latest album? Giles is preoccupied with the effect gravity is having on Ewan McGregor’s acting career. And Esther and Giles believe in the benefits of fasting, they have a gut feeling it’s a good thing. Sadly, recent research may disagree, they turn to Love Island contestant Auto Phagya for help.

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  • 8. Roadhog!!

    27:08
    Giles has gone down the RAC rabbit hole, and to his delight it is providing him with an endless stream of evidence proving that he is, surprise surprise… an excellent driver. Not content with that he decides to quiz Esther on some of the most common driving myths, thus proving that she is not an excellent driver. You be the judge as to the veracity of his conclusions.In a column that writes itself the ONS’s inflation basket gets a makeover for centrist dads, boomers, and millennials. Finally, Esther nails her colours to the mast – what is the point of university..?** Mansfield College does in fact have college status, granted in 1995. 
  • 7. A crash diet for Keir

    28:32
    Peter Mandelson thinks Keir Starmer "needs to shed a few pounds". And Giles, always the friendly neighbour, thinks he can help his local MP look his dashing best on camera. What should he wear, where should he stand, and who should he stand next to? You're welcome Sir Keir - a future invite to Chequers is surely inevitable... Plus, it's International Women's Day. So what better way to celebrate than writing about what International Men's Day would look like? And while in the safe confines of podcast land, Giles asks Esther about whether she's scared of the menopause.
  • 6. The meanest love story ever told…

    26:05
    Following last week’s comments about the Israel Gaza conflict, Giles had a visit to a local synagogue to navigate. It turned out the Rabbi may have been more famous than he is, but Giles did his aunt proud – shepping nachas!Looking for a diversion, Giles and Esther watched a documentary on ‘Bennifer’ - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez…it was quite a disappointment. Their version of a great love story has more in common with the Twits, things get out of hand when they list their pet peeves.Staying with America, Peppa Pig is spreading the English accent across the Atlantic. Neither are fans of the pink oinker, or of world book day as it turns out. Finally, some wet nappies tie the whole thing together, sort of. 
  • 5. Israel - what now?

    26:25
    It’s a challenging and thoughtful episode this week. Giles has changed his opinion on the Israel Gaza conflict. He reflects on the time since he last spoke and wrote about it back in October; his final comments then proved depressingly accurate. Esther is caught off guard when discussing the fate of Russian dissident Alexei Navalny. Thereafter, all other subjects seem to be ‘tap dancing’ around the edges, but nevertheless men’s jewellery leads to an amusing insight into Esther and Giles respective sex lives at university… 
  • 4. Watch out the Etonians are coming…

    27:15
    VAT on school fees offers Giles and Esther the chance to consider the effects of a deluge of public-school children into the state system. Should it come to pass there will be a familiar cast of winners and losers. A pressing question; how should one dress when out in Mayfair? As shabbily as possible it seems, with good reason, oh and don’t wear a watch. After the break the Kings cancer diagnoses stirs some emotional memories, but nothing to be exploited. In lighter news it turns out that Orcas are not lost at sea and the French are having less sex, whilst the English are making eyes at their pets...**For those, like me, unsure of the meaning of a ‘mufti day’ it is a non-uniform day at school
  • 3. Gwyneth: Battier than ever?

    27:34
    Gwyneth Paltrow is…furious. Thankfully Gwyn has a unique way to unleash her anger. As a man used to losing his temper Giles feels he can give her some tips.Esther and Giles have been mixing in rarefied circles, but they don’t like to talk about it…much. In an exclusive just for the podcast they give a little glimpse into the life of grace and favour.Lean, fearful children, vain rats and a sexy Jesus pave the way for Rishi Sunak and advice on fasting. Sadly, they never did make it to Marcus Rashford or soft drink sommeliers…maybe next time.