Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

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Wonder Why People-Pleasers Attract Emotional Abusers?

Ep. 196

Growing up in an emotionally abusive home, or an overly compassionate home, or even and emotionally neglectful home can set you up to accept emotional abuse. It's not your fault!


Maybe, you had a perfectly lovely home, but you were encouraged to put other people's needs, wants, expectations, and desires ahead of your own. That can happen, and you being so giving gets sadly and badly taken advantage of by a #Hijackal.


People pleasers make great targets--and easy pickings--for a Hijackal, an emotional abuser. And, yes, of course, there may well be verbal abuse, financial abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or spiritual abuse, as well. Nasty!


Some people are surprised when I say that they are not here to make other people happy. It sounds like a really good thing to do. And, doing things that please others in an equal, reciprocal, and mutual relationship is a very good idea. (That's the mutuality part!) However, in an inequal, non-reciprocal, and non-mutual relationship, it all goes terribly sideways, and you can be very hurt by it.


This episode gives you twenty-five ways that you may have been setup to appeal to an emotionally abusive person, a #Hijackal. I invite you to think about each one because each one you change will improve the quality of your life. It is unlikely to improve the quality of your relationship with a Hijackal, though. They want you to remain as you were, taking what they dish out.


But, no! Time for a change. When you see these 25 things, you can change them, and that is a very good thing.


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • Insights into the effects of your childhood on your current relationships
  • Why being overly compassionate plays into a Hijackal's hands
  • 25 ways that people pleasing ways set you up to accept emotional abuse
  • Why it's important to see these 25 ways so that you can change them now
  • How to undertake Escaping the Hijackal Trap


When you're ready to reclaim your personal power and rebuild your life in a healthier way, I'm here to help. I wish you well.


Big hugs!

Rhoberta


Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97


CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.


FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler


YOUTUBEhttps://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

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I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Support Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Support Community Save $24 on your first three months.

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#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 

More Episodes

5/4/2021

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Ep. 201
You know how some people and families both "put on a front: and are "a closed shop?" You can sense that something is off but the story they tell sounds good. They may be SO good at the story that you can't help but believe it. Why would you question it? And then, you marry into it and the legs fall off! YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS!Mutuality is one of the three MUST-HAVES I talk about in order to have a healthy adult relationship. In my book, Kaizen for Couples, I described it this way: "Mutuality is for emotional grown-ups. It is based on an interest in each other as whole, complex people living in the present. When dependence or do-dependence are consistently present in a relationship, mutuality cannot be. Mutuality, then, is a defining condition for a healthy mature relationship....When there are imbalances in mutuality between partners in a primary relationship, they can lead to significant psychological pain. This pain is elusive and hard to pin down or describe. It feels like a loss without a number: something's missing but what is it? ...Mutuality demands much more from you both. It requires your active interest in each other as different, complex and fascinating individuals. ...What is important in mutuality is that you magnify your attunement and responsiveness to each other." Now imagine that you honesty believe that mutuality exists in the person you are creating a long-term relationship with, or exists in the family in which you are joining, and then, you find it doesn't. A false story was presented to look good to you, but it has no substance. In fact, the opposite is true. That's what happens when Pseudomutuality is presented. Now you know why it is important to learn more and listen in. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is PseudomutualityHow pseudomutuality compares with healthy mutuality ( Kaizen for Couples )The scam and sham of creating an agreed upon "family story" to look good to othersThe double bind of living within pseudomutualityWhy it is crazy-making and will cause you to question your sanityWhy the "appearance" of bonding in healthy ways is not necessarily what is true Do you see more clearly now that the partner or family you have been experiencing this through is troubled? I'm here to help.I wish you well.Big hugs!RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Support Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me.WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Support CommunitySave $24 on your first three months.----------------------------------------------------------------------#pseudomutuality #pretendingtobeloving #coveringupabuse #marriedintoanabusivefamily #superficialappearance #surfaceharmony #lieofloyalty #abusivefamily #coveringupabuse #pretendingtobefunctional #emotionalabusers#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
4/29/2021

What a Formerly Toxic CEO Learned That Transformed All His Relationships

Ep. 200
Have you experienced a toxic boss? Were you one? Today's guest, Krister Ungerbock, admits to, at one time, being an aggressive boss. Maybe, even, a toxic one. He changed. Learn why and how it became important to him to shift, and how that lead to his writing 22 TALK SHIFTS: TOOLS TO TRANSFORM LEADERSHIP When you have a toxic parent, you may pick up toxic behaviors. That can ruin your personal relationships, for sure. However, that can also have a huge, negative impact on how you lead in business. Krister learned that the hard way. He did see it, and knew he wanted to change it. That's self-awareness! In this interview, Krister shares how autonomy at work is more effective than even a pay raise for many folks to feel valued and an integral part of the company. That's a SHIFT! Would that work for you? Have you considered that shift? Making that shift can certainly change your relationships at home, too. Krister talks openly about how that went for him, too. Personal shifts have a ripple effect on all relationships. This is a candid talk about personal change that lead to positive effects as the CEO of a company. As CEO of your life, these can apply to you, as well. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:How Krister Ungerbock stopped himself from being a toxic bossTranscending a toxic relationship with fatherExamples of "toxic shifts"Tips to help with anger management What makes an apology acceptableCreating mutual trust and autonomyIf you are, were, or have been experiencing an aggressive boss or CEO, this episode is for you! Oh, and if you think your personal relationships may need an upgrade, it's for you, too! warm regards,RhobertaGUEST: KRISTER UNGERBOCKKrister Ungerbock is a former CEO of a global tech company and a multilingual leadership communication expert. His work has appeared in NPR, Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, HR.com, Chief Executive, Recruiter.com and Entrepreneur. Prior to exiting corporate life at age 42, Krister was CEO of one of the largest family-owned software companies in the world. While leading the company to over 3,000% revenue growth, his team achieved remarkable employee engagement levels of 99.3%, won five consecutive Top Workplace Awards and became a dominant player in its market niche. FREE GIFT FROM KRISTER UNGERBOCK:Not at this timeCONTACT INFO FOR KRISTER UNGERBOCK :Website:https://Krister.comPodcasts:LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristeru/Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/meetkristerInstagram:Twitter: https://twitter.com/meetkristerYouTube:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler?We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER! I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @DrShaler-------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Support Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now.Community Circle----------------------------------------------------------------------#22talkshifts #kristerungerbock #toxicfather #toxicex #aggressiveboss #aggressiveceo #toxicshifts #sincereapologies #angermanagement #angermanagementatwork #trustandautonomy #autonomyatwork #trustatwork #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #hijackalabuse #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #drrhobertashaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #unhealthyrelationships #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #passiveaggressive #notgoodenough #relationshiphelp #verballyabusive #stopemotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse #emotionaltrauma #narcissism #psychopath #sociopath #emergingempowered
4/27/2021

RECOGNIZING REACTIVE ABUSE

Do you ever wonder if you're the problem in a relationship when you know that the other person is forever pushing your buttons, blaming and shaming you? You may be suffering from "Reactive Abuse," and that's a cycle that you can put a stop to. You are patient. You give the benefit of the doubt. You take the blame. You apologize when you have done nothing wrong. Any of those sound familiar? Do you do them too often? Do you find yourself on the apologizing, even begging, end of abuse? Well, when you engage in Reactive Abuse, it can get totally crazy-making. It's really hard to tell which end is up once that cycle revs up. And, that's definitely NOT a good thing! My definitions of Reactive Abuse: When an emotional abuser abuses you, and you get react to their abuse by getting angry. Then they react to your anger and say that you are being abusive. ORWhen an emotional abuser pushes you to the edge, and tells you you're unstable and abusive when you fall off. Nasty! Sad. Shady. And, just wrong! It's important to see this cycle because it can be endless unless you see it and stop it. That begins by taking charge of your part in it and learning to respond rather than react to their abusive behaviors. Not easy, but do-able! Have you ever been pushed to the point where you simply lose it by an emotional or verbal abuser? That's them exercising manipulation and control, hoping that you'll respond with rage, blame, name-calling, and all the things you'd likely rather not do. This is the cycle of Reactive Abuse. As soon as you lose it, #Hijackals have you where they want you: they have the upper hand. Everything you do or say will be held against you, and a story about it concocted to make the Hijackal out to be the victim. Listen in and understand fully how Reactive Abuse works, and what you can do to stop the cycle. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What is Reactive AbuseHow does reactive abuse come into playWhy you feel so badly about yourself when reactive abuse plays outWhat you may mistakenly do that doesn't help at all in the face of reactive abuse When you snap, lose it, and tell it like it is and the tables get turned on you What to do to reframe from Reactive Abuse Are you seeing the cycles of reactive abuse clearly now? I'm here to help.I wish you well.Big hugs!RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Support Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me.WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Support CommunitySave $24 on your first three months.----------------------------------------------------------------------#reactiveabuse #abusivebehaviors #reactingtoabusewithabuse #crazymakingbehavior #myabusersaysImabusive #blameshifting #Icanttakeitanymore #stoptheabuse #mastermanipulators #reactingtoabuse #losingit #emotionalabusers #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest