Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

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Unattachable? Why You Cannot Change the Nature of a Hijackal.

Ep. 76

Parents who were emotionally available, perceptive, and responsive to you, to your needs and mental states, are a great gift! They tend to provide you with attachment that is secure. This is an excellent foundation for a healthy emotional life.


Parents who were emotionally unavailable, or inconsistently available, perceptive or response to your needs, and tended to intrude their own states of mind onto you as a tiny child, could create what is called a "resistant, ambivalent, or anxious attachment" to others. This is an excellent breeding ground for an unhealthy emotional life. And, in particular, sets the stage for personality distortions in later life.


So, that person whom you met when they were an adult--a partner, ex, parent, co-worker--was already pre-disposed to their outwardly self-important, prone to pomposity, self-adoration, and annoyingly entitled behaviors long before you can along.


You can't change them.

They don't want to change. T

hey see no need to change.


Got it?

Good!

Let yourself off the hook.

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I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

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HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • What attachment theory is
  • How attachment theory helps explain the basic nature of people in relationships
  • Secure attachment is healthy
  • Avoidant attachment is dismissive
  • Anxious,attachment, ambivalent attachment is preoccupied
  • Disorganized attachment is unresolved
  • Why a Hijackal's behavior is not your fault
  • Why you cannot change a #Hijackal


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


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CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Podcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

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Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

Pinterest: Pinterest.com/TheRelationshipHelpDoctor


YouTubeYouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#attachment #attachmenttheory #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

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7/20/2021

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM ENABLER'S GUILT?

Ep. 215
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ENMESHED, ENTRENCHED OR EMERGING EMPOWERED?

Ep. 214
Enmeshed, Entrenched, and Emerging Empowered! Know the Differences so YOU can Make a Difference! You know that being enmeshed or entrenched with another human is unhealthy, right? You may not recognize just what's happening right now, though. This episode will help you see what's unhealthy and how to move towards Emerging Empowered.Hijackals want you to become enmeshed and entrenched, along with a host of other things they want that are designed to give them power and control over you. They want to be able to manipulate you. You know how they love to blame you for everything. Keeping you enmeshed makes Hijackals happy. They can play with your emotions like a cat with a toy. Nasty! Difficult situations are part and parcel of life with a Hijackal. If you become worn down enough because they have torn you down by putting you down, they think that makes you easier prey. They hope that you will allow them more and more power and control. Sometimes, you do, just to keep the peace. Sometimes, because you're afraid of them! That's why it's important to recognize the distinctions I'm making in the episode. It will help you gain clarity, and see where you can regain some strength. Do you ever feel like you might just as well give in and stop resisting their manipulations? I'm sure you do. It's exhausting and you end up picking your battles carefully. Then, things begin to wear away further, and there may be little left of you. Not good. So, listen in.HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What it means to be entrenched in a relationshipWhy being enmeshed can keep you stuck5 Steps to Emerging EmpoweredAnnouncing Dr. Shaler's new Emerging Empowered CommunityHow to move towards empowerment and away from enmeshment with a HijackalIf you know that you need some insights, strategies, and support to arise from an unhealthy relationship, I'm here to help.I wish you well.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered CommunityOnly $19 a month.#entrenchedbehavior #enmeshedwithanarcissist #enmeshedwithmypartner #whatdoesitmeantobeenmeshed #recognizinghijackals #howcanichangeanabusivepattern #feelingempowered #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
7/6/2021

THE FAWNING RESPONSE

Ep. 213
Fawning can be thought of as a step further than people-pleasing. SO, you really need to know about it. Until you become conscious of it, you may be doing it. To get your life back, and to be emerging empowered, you want to recognize it, take charge of it, and garner new insights and skills.When you have suffered from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder--which many people who have been abused in many ways do, you may recognize that you actually respond to conflict with The Fawning Response. This term was created by therapist and abuse survivor Pete Walker in his book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. It's a coping mechanisem, a poor one, used in an attempt to create safety in our relationships with others to garner their approval and meet their expectations. As I said, it's not a good one. It's unhealthy and damaging to yourself. Hence, self-abandonment! You give and give and give in toxic relationships and it's never enough, right? Hijackals always want more. Even if they tell you exactly what they want from you, when you give that exact thing to them, they want something different. Overtime, over-giving becomes a habit, and so does fawning. It's exhausting. One thing people who have experienced trauma don't want? More trauma. The fawning response is an attempt to prevent more trauma. IT DOESN'T WORK, but you're ever hopeful it will keep you out of the spotlight and out of hot water. Listen in and recognize The Fawning Response in action. If it sounds familiar, take it to heart and choose to make a change. You may think it's keeping you safe, but it actually is not. You're losing yourself, and that's not a good thing at all! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What The Fawning Response isHow it shows upWhy it shows up and becomes a habitSeven ways you abandon yourself when you choose the fawning responseWhy its important to see the fawning response and give it up If you recognize that the Fawning Response is something you want to address, I'm here to help.I wish you well.Big hugs!RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered CommunityOnly $19 a month.----------------------------------------------------------------------#FAWNINGRESPONSE #fightflightfreezefawn #madepeoplefeelcomfortable #putyourselflast #otherpeoplemoreimportant #makingmyselfinvisible #pleasingothers #fawningtraumaresponse #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest