Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

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ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM ENABLER'S GUILT?

Ep. 215

You could be suffering from enabler's guilt without knowing what is causing your fear, anxiety, or depression. THE GOOD NEWS: It doesn't have to be that way. Once you recognize what's going on, you can take steps to change it, reclaim your power, and rebuild your life.


Do you ever feel that, somehow, it's your job to make other people happy? Where do you think you got that idea? Who taught you that?


Those answers are a good start on how you may have come to have enabler's guilt. In episode 196, I talked about people pleasing in depth. That's part of it. Add to that the concept of The Fawning Response and you'll understand more fully the underpinnings of my concept of "Enabler's Guilt."


You've likely heard of Survivor's Guilt which happens when people believe they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic or tragic event when others didn't. Think of that as a parallel concept to Enabler's Guilt....especially if you have already determined that you have, at times at least, been an enabler of a Hijackal, a difficult, toxic person. Here's my definition of enabling to help:


"Enabling is when you usually step in to fix, solve, excuse, rationalize, justify, or make the consequences go away for the poor choices of others." Familiar? Do you know an enabler? Are you one?


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • What enabler's guilt is
  • How enabler's guilt is similar to survivor's guilt and witness guilt
  • Why guilt and feeling guilty are not the same
  • How you came to believe other people are more important than you are
  • Steps to rethink your guilt and reclaim your power


If you are experiencing enabler's guilt, or need insights and strategies to handle a relationship with a Hijackal, I'm here to help.


I wish you well.

Rhoberta


Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97


CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.


FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...

WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor

TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler

PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler

CLUBHOUSE: @drshaler


YOUTUBEhttps://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

-------------------------------------------------------------

I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,

join my Community Circle now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!

WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community 


#enabling #enablersguilt #guiltfornotbeinggoodenough #guiltyoffailing #survivorsguilt #witnessguilt #guiltyfornotpreventingabuse #guiltfornotstoppingabuse #feelingguilty

#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered

#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest 



More Episodes

9/14/2021

HOW HIJACKALS CONFUSE YOU THROUGH COGNITIVE EMPATHY

Ep. 223
Yet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There's where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn't. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt further!Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way:"the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner." Wow! That would be great, however, that's not what you get when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal--a narcissistic, anti-social, or borderline personality. They are emotional empathy deficient but usually rely on cognitive empathy. That's a darker kind of empathy that is constructed in the mind, but doesn't much touch the heart.Hijackals use cognitive empathy as a tool to love-bomb you, to encourage you to be vulnerable with them. Then, what do they do with those vulnerabilities? They turn them on you later like stored ammunition, or they use the information to benefit themselves in other ways. Nasty!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What cognitive empathy isHow cognitive empathy is different from emotional empathyWhy cognitive empathy is unsatisfying...and unsettling when you actually see it for what it isHow Hijackals use cognitive empathy to make you feel safer for a bit and why they do itWhy it's important to recognize the differences between cognitive empathy and the emotional empathy you are wanting but won't arriveAre you being used and confused by a Hijackal demonstrating cognitive empathy?I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#cognitiveempathy #emotionalempathy #lackingempathy #unsafetobevulnerable #exploitingmyvulnerabilities #hownarcissistsusecognitiveempathy #cognitiveempathycanbemanipulation #lovebombing #gettingmetotalk #pretendingtocareaboutme #pretendingtobeinterestedinme#codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
9/7/2021

RECOGNIZING THE MANIPULATION OF TRIANGULATION

Ep. 222
Clearly see how narcissistic people try to control information flow by going through other people, their desired "flying monkeys." Are there other people in your relationship with the Hijackal who are being approached by the Hijackal to serve their purposes? Do they engage them? Learn how to think about all that!SO important to recognize triangulation when it is happening! If it's already happened, you can benefit from seeing the interactions and taking action, too. The point of triangulation by a toxic person in a relationship is to create stress, confusion, anxiety for others while creating a sense of collusion with the narcissist, anti-social, histrionic, or other Hijackal. It works. It particularly works on you, the target, because you have learned to second-guess yourself and even question your sanity, in some cases. Hijackals use triangulation because it makes them feel important and in control of the relationships, the one with you and the ones with others colluding with them. Triangulation is when a toxic person brings a third person into a relationship so that the toxic person can remain in control and manipulate the situation. The whole strategy is toxic, too! Why they do it, how they do it, and how to recognize it while it's happening is the topic of this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What triangulation is and its purposeWhy Hijackals feel powerful using triangulationHow unsuspecting people get taken in by the Hijackals manipulationsWhat flying monkeys areHow flying monkeys play into triangulation and are seduced by a false sense of loyalty Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life?I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#manipulation #triangulation #narcissistictriangulation #creatingconflictthroughtriangulation #creatingconflict #nastythingsnarcissistsdo #whydomyparentsagreewiththenarcissist #flyingmonkeys #flyingmonkeysandtraiangulation #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest
8/31/2021

HIJACKALS ARE BOUNDARY BULLDOZERS

Ep. 221
Setting Boundaries. Calibrating Results. Making Decisions. No matter what the Hijackal thinks they are entitled to you need to set, express, and hold boundaries. In this episode, I'll give you effective ways to begin, or continue, setting clear boundaries and staying strong. Oh, and, what to do when those Hijackals trample them, too!Yes, Hijackals are boundary bulldozers. They don't like boundaries...unless they are their own. Then, of course, everything is different! <SIGH>Hijackals are definitely not interested in your boundaries in the way you want them to be. Listen in, though, to find out one way that Hijackals REALLY like to hear your boundaries. You don't set boundaries for them,. though, you do it for yourself. You want to be Emerging Empowered and knowing your boundaries, being willing to express and maintain them, is part of that practice.You previously may have made requests of the Hijackal in your life. How did that work? Did you get the results you wanted? Boundaries are another step beyond requests. Knowing what your boundaries are in the first step. Then, being willing to speak up about them comes next. You do well to know the steps. That's what I'm outlining for you in this episode, so you can feel more confident.How Hijackals respond to boundaries is good to know these seven responses you may receive. That helps so you won't be surprised when it happens!After you set and express your boundaries, you need to know how to maintain them, how to keep them non-negotiable. That again will help you with emerging empowered!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why Hijackals--narcissists, anti-socials, histrionics--are not interested in respecting your boundariesWhy Hijackals like to hear your boundaries (confusing, right?)Why set boundariesWhen boundaries need consequencesWhy boundaries cannot be threatsThe necessity for boundaries to be non-negotiable Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life? I'm here to help.Let's talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and supportfrom me? We can talk:Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER...WEBSITE:https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCAST:http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOK:https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTER:https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDIN:https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAM:https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTEREST:https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp-------------------------------------------------------------I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If youwant to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now.Dr. Shaler's Emerging Empowered Community#fboundaries #settingboundaries #expressingboundaries #maintainingboundaries #settingboundarieswithanarcissist #needforboundaries #cognitiveempathy #whynarcissistslikeboundaries #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest