Growing Through Grief


Gang Raped: Healing From the Pitch Black Closet

Ep. 9

Losing the love of his life 11 days after their 42nd wedding anniversary left Jay without ground under him. And although it wasn't an unexpected death, they did a lot of healing together and lived intensely in love all those years; Jay was saved by the tools he acquired from dealing with the grief of traumatic experiences in his childhood and early adult life. 

Jay Westbrook is a Clinical Director at Compassionate Journey, an End-of-Life Clinical and Education Service. Jay is a multiple-award winner Clinician and Speaker, Visiting Faculty Scholar at Harvard Medical School, and a specialist in End-of-Life care & education. He holds an M.S in Gerontology and a Nursing diploma from the University of Southern California. In addition, he is an advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, and he works with mature adults alcoholic/addicts to find and maintain sobriety and recovery.

In this episode, Jay shared countless nuggets of wisdom from his grief recovery journey, from victim to survivor, to thriver. We talked about the traumatic experiences that marked him and what he got from them, and how he recovered from the massive scars they left. Jay also talked about compassion, forgiveness, the allegedly healing properties of time, and the importance of learning to lose things. 

Tune in and listen to episode 9 of Growing Through Grief, buckle up, and get ready to capture some of Jay's massive and kind wisdom.

Some Questions I Ask:

  • You say there is no separation between the loss we experience as a child versus the loss we experience as an adult. Does it sort of activate the pain from the past? (4:46)
  • You mentioned that you had to do some massive work to heal the pain of gang rape and being beaten. Can you share with us what that work looks like for you? (26:06)
  • What do you mean when you talk about self-compassion? (35:18)

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • Two of Jay's most significant grief experiences (3:24)
  • The role of time in our healing process and in grief recovery (5:36)
  • A small price to pay for a long life love affair (8:29)
  • The intangible losses that people don't associate with grief (14:23)
  • The different paths of healing from rape (25:49)
  • Three steps of Jay's massive work on healing himself (26:21)


Connect with Jay:

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More Episodes


Bringing Attention to Inherited Family Trauma

Ep. 65
Whether or not we are aware of it, trauma is a massive transformative force. It molds the way we think and also how we see, react to, and accept reality. In other words, we are a byproduct of our traumatic experiences and the mechanisms we developed to deal with them. However, that doesn't mean there is nothing we can do about it. In this episode, I invite you to bring conscious attention to your inherited family trauma. We learn how to look at it with compassion and curiosity, recognize our responses, and modify our reactions to it. We think of inherited family trauma as a group responsibility and not an individual experience. Plus, we learn mechanisms to accept and embrace painful memories, to allow them to go through us, and, more importantly, how to let them go. We also learn to accept our truth, and I share three points to consider when bringing attention to inherited trauma.In This Episode, You Will Learn:What does it mean to bring attention to inherited trauma? (3:58)Addictions are evidence of family dynamics (8:31)You can let go of most of the things you are carrying (12:15)What if you accept that traumatic experience you endured as a child? (20:29)Three points to remember when thinking of your inherited family trauma (22:06)Your job is to remember the best is yet to come (26:35)Resources: Compassionate Heart Community - Contact Me NowLet's Connect!FacebookTwitterInstagramLinkedInWebsiteFacebook Group - Growing Through Grief Together

Jane Duncan Rogers | Before You Go Solutions

Ep. 64
We make a conscious effort to learn how to grieve a loved one. We are aware of the challenges we might be forced to face, the pain we must endure, and the growth we should seek. But what about our own transition? How prepared are we to talk about it? In this episode, Jane Duncan Rogers visits us to encourage the conversation that no one likes to think about, yet everyone should. Jane is the Founder of Before I Go Solutions, a non-profit dedicated to creating end-of-life plans. She is an Author and Facilitator specializing in conversations about dying, death, grief, bereavement, and end-of-life planning, and was the first person to lead You Can Heal Your Life® study groups in the UK, inspired by the book of the same name by Louise Hay. Throughout our conversation, Jane shared the story of how one of the chapters of her book, Gifted by Grief, originated a discussion about end-of-life conversations. We go through Jane's grief journey, her emotions after losing her husband, and how she dealt with them. We also talk about front door/back door feelings, normalizing feeling angry, creating a living will, advanced healthcare directives, and so much more. Some Questions I Ask:I heard you say you and your husband went through cancer together. Would you share a little bit about that? (5:55)Could you talk a little bit about the work you started decades ago, about healing yourself? (15:28)In This Episode, You Will Learn:About Jane's book, Gifted by Grief, and what people loved about it (3:51)There's nothing like facing the end to see things more clearly (7:13)What you feel, you can heal (15:41)Anger is not necessarily a bad thing (18:21)Some of the things we should take care of while we are still here (25:34)Never judge yourself for the feelings you have (40:12)Resources:websiteYouTubeFacebookTwitterBook: Gifted By Grief: A True Story of Cancer, Loss, and RebirthBook: Before I Go: The Essential Guide to Creating a Good End-of-Life PlanGrowing Through Grief System - Book NowConnect with Jane:LinkedInLet's Connect!FacebookTwitterInstagramLinkedInWebsiteFacebook Group - Growing Through Grief Together