If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

John, merritt and Niki celebrate the beginning of basketball season by fixing the rules of the game (YES THERE'S A GUN) before tackling equally pressing matters, including other uses for movie theaters, the plot of The Happening, the Drinks McDonald's, the long-awaited return of Scam Text Theater, and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.socialSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

merritt, John and Niki bring each other up to speed on the latest events in the wild world of white women, before moving on to related topics such as Dick Van Dyke's old-ass blood, Jar-Jar Bane, what "the fish movie" is called, and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.socialSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

With merritt aboard the International Space Station, Niki and John set about their most challenging task yet: Reducing the average price of new cars sold in the United States of America. Also, why didn't we let Elizabeth Holmes keep going?Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.socialSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Honorary driver Michael Higham returns to help John and merritt plan the first-ever Drivey Airport Lounge, including such innovations as the Person in Residence, honor system sleep pods, the vacuum bed and others, in addition to broader topics such as Big Head Todd and the Monsters, the #4-ranked Runescape player in the world, and if you can believe it, somehow even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.socialSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

merritt bravely weathers her debilitating illness to help John and Niki handle a slew of new problems facing everyday people, including what we're thickening, the Caligulan excess of artificial temperature differences, the Canadian Football League, and much more, including the return of Niki's Picks and Scam Text Theater.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.socialSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving

Wow, 200 episodes. It seems like only yesterday that I found John, Niki, merritt and LB in that puddle of green ooze in the sewers underneath New York City, and now look at them. A rough a tumble team of crime fighters, each with their own unique skills and abilities, working together to protect everyday people from the nefarious Foot Clan and its ruthless leader, Shredder. Also featuring the return of Niki's Picks! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a listener-supported comedy podcast where three noble explorers chip away at the crumbling foundations of reality, five or six simultaneous topics at a time. Hosted by Niki Grayson, merritt k and John Warren, and produced by Jordan Mallory, with music by Jordan and art by Max Schwartz.Follow us on Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/ifyouredriving.bsky.socialSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving