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Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast
#69: December 27th 1974 – The Ramadan #1 Of 1974
The latest episode of the podcast which asks; have any of Team Chart Music done a streak?
It’s late January, but the inflatable Jimmy Savile-as-Santa is still hanging off the roof of the Chart Music house and the wreath that looks like DLT still hangs on the door as we prepare to tuck into another end-of-year splurge of Pop, as our favourite Thursday evening pop treat gets shunted to a Friday teatime and another Selection Box of the hits of the year gets ripped into.
‘Tis the arse-end of 1974, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, and a definitely end-of-era feel hangs over this episode. Glam is in its last knockings, the teenybop icons are starting to fade, the brickies in Eyeliner are just brickies now, Mock n’ Roll is in the ascendancy, the Pop Famine of 1975/6 is beckoning, and although there’s much to love here, this could well be the very last episode of the Golden Age of Top Of The Pops. Noel Edmonds and Dave Lee Travis are on hand to take us through the smash hits of the year that weren’t introduced by Tony Blackburn and Jinglenonce OBE on Xmas Day, and are fucking unbearable.
Musicwise, like all end-of-year shows, it’s your typical running-away-from-a-crocodile episode. The Rubettes pitch up for a victory lap with a flashing bow tie. John Denver goes on about his missus again, before he takes a chainsaw to their bed. Alvin displays the most amazing standwork ever on TOTP if you discount Brian Connolly breaking one over his knee, before George McCrae attempts to introduce the TOTP Orchestra to Disco as he stands over a leftover turkey carcass. Stephanie De Sykes represents the Kings Oak Massive, and then Sparks completely go off. The Glitter Band do a Nazi love gesture at Bad King Gary as he performs his great lost Number One. Sylvia tells a load of underaged Osmonds fans about how she got her end away in Spain this summer. Queen set down a marker for their dominance of the next few years. Ray Stevens fails to get his cock out. After Suzi Quatro says goodbye to the massive bluescreen, the most perfect #1 single EVER is desecrated by the TOTPO. Terry Jacks reminds us that he’s still dying, and we close with the Blokes Of Pop taking over and claiming dominance of the year, while Travis plays a Christmas Tree. So long, Early Seventies, you were MINT and SKILL and we’ll never see your like again.
Taylor Parkes and Rock Expert David Stubbs join Al Needham for a celebration of all things ’74, veering off on such tangents as blind West Ham left-backs, Noele Gordon’s musical career, five year-olds demanding to be let into sex shops, the era-defining genius of Yus My Dear, disturbing scenes at Wombles gigs, a re-imagining of Do They Know It’s Christmas written by Chinnichap, and the introduction of the parlour game that’s going to sweep the dinner parties of 2023 – Pantomime Horse. HAPPY NEW SWEARING, POP-CREAZED YOUNGSTERS…
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184. Chart Music #75: August 15th 1974 – Could YOU Be Donny’s Bride?
06:21:20||Season 1, Ep. 184The latest episode of the podcast which asks; The Osmonds – who’s the Sex King?We’re BACK, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, and to commemorate this we’ve only gone and picked out one of the maddest episodes of Top Of The Pops ever. It’s the late Summer of 1974, Robin Nash has just bedded in, and he’s got big plans for our Thursday evening fizzy Pop treat. Sadly, one of them – a massive splurge on David Cassidy’s farewell tour – has been shagged up by a BBC technician’s strike. But this week, the BBC has taken full ownership of the First Family of Utah and have given over a six-day block of early evening real estate to Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken and Donny.Consequently, this episode is a complete twisting of our Pop-Crazed melons. Out goes the studio in Television Centre, and in comes the BBC Television theatre, the natural domain of Crackerjack, That’s Life! and the Basil Brush Show. Out goes the usual melange of sullen youths chatting about lads and shoes and what they bought at Chelsea Girl last Saturday, and in comes 3,000 girls with their pants all of a piss at the sight of an Osmond. Yes, there is a presenter – Noel Edmonds, wearing possibly the most Different Times shirt ever – but he’s only there to stop the endless SCREAMING that might was well not be there. Musicwise, well: Obviously the Osmonds get to plug their next single, but it’s a mixed bag of fag-end Glam, Black American sophistication, future advert jingles, and Brit-rubbish. The Glitter Band show off their Cyberman bukkake hairdos. Marie Osmond continues her reign as the World’s Oldest 14 Year-Old. Cozy Powell and his band of Egg and Chippers thud away. Pans People airlift a vital supply of Dadisfaction. Steve Harley and his pickup band look at each other in amused disbelief. The dark secret of Sara Leone is revealed. OH MY GOD IT’S THE BAY CITY ROLLERS. Sylvia pops up for a bit of Spanish Schlager – Schangria, if you will. The Osmonds get a massive plug for their next single, and the grown-ups enter the room with this week’s Number One.Sarah Bee and Taylor Parkes join Al Needham for a good scream – at everything – in this episode, veering off on such tangents as Sovereign Citizens, the Osmonds’ Barbershop Raga, Mike Read’s Shakin’ Jackanory, a horrifying tale from the Wank Factory involving a tin of anchovies and the Eastenders Omnibus, Tam Paton’s Star Bar obsession, and the most Plastic item of clothing ever. Swearing a-plenty. BE CALM.Video Playlist| Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter| Bluesky The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon183. Chart Music #75 (Pt 4): 15.8.74 – Could YOU Be Donny’s Bride?
01:31:43||Season 1, Ep. 183Sarah Bee, Taylor Parkes and Al Needham conclude their investigation into this episode of Top Of The Pops, and are left shaking their heads at the success of the Bay City Rollers. The Osmonds take their final stand against the Tartan Gimmicks, the grown-ups enter the room for a properly decent No.1, and then it gets all Sunday Night At The London Palladium. RUN IN THE SUN HAVING FUN, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS!Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Bluesky | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon182. Chart Music #75 (Pt 3): 15.8.74 – Could YOU Be Donny’s Bride?
01:46:00||Season 1, Ep. 182Sarah Bee, Taylor Parkes and Al Needham continue their odyssey through one of the strangest TOTP episodes ever, with a right bunch of Egg n’ Chippers, a chance to see if you’re marriage material for Donny Osmond, a necessary blast of Dadisfaction, a foreshadowing of an advert 14 years from now, and the most Different Times incident we’ve ever come across... Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Bluesky | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon181. Chart Music #75 (Pt 2): 15.8.74 – Could YOU Be Donny’s Bride?
01:39:47||Season 1, Ep. 181Sarah Bee, Taylor Parkes and Al Needham begin their quest through the dungeons of Castle Osmond. It’s August, it’s 1974, and the BBC have given an entire week over to Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken, Donny, Marie and Little Jimmy for six nights of Mormonised Borscht Belt Wisecracks, karate demonstrations and Barbershop Raga, live from the BBC Television Theatre. And tonight they’ve taken over our Thursday Evening Fizzy Pop Treat...Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Bluesky | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon180. Chart Music #75 (Pt 1): 15.8.74 – Could YOU Be Donny’s Bride?
01:31:42||Season 1, Ep. 180We’re BACK, Pop-Crazed Youngsters, and we’ve foolishly decided to tuck into one of the strangest episodes of Top Of The Pops ever. But first, Sarah Bee, Taylor Parkes and Al Needham have a massive catch-up, which means tangents, a big flick through that week’s NME, and alarming news about the most Plastic item of clothing ever...Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Bluesky | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon179. Bonus: Chart Music Live 2022
01:37:03||Season 1, Ep. 179We’re doing the London Podcast festival on September the 7th at Kings Place, Kings Cross! But Al never got round to mentioning it on Chart Music!So – as a taster for those who have never experienced the thrill of people doing a podcast, but in front of other people – here’s the audio of our first ever gig, as Sarah Bee, David Stubbs and Taylor Parkes join Al Needham in a heroic attempt to squish a typical episode into 90 minutes.Fortunately, the episode we covered – from the glory days of 1981 – has been truncated due to Spurs and Man City being unable to win the FA Cup the previous Saturday, meaning that it's only 19 minutes long as the replay is on after. Tommy Vance has been parachuted in from the Korean War, and he introduces a melange of late-period Eighventies curios. Thin Lizzy make their last-ever appearance. Sheena Easton's new bloke sounds like a right bell-end. Vaughn Toulouse recreates a porn DVD cover. Kim Carnes avoids a party of American Zoo Wankers. Tenpole Tudor actually play to some over-twelves for a change. And Adam Ant coats down some bloke in a coach for having a shit record collection.Even though we're on the clock, there's still time for tangents, including a doomed stripping gig at a naval base in Portsmouth, the return of the Rock Expert, songs we lost our virginities to, Lewis Collins firing a shotgun in his own living room, and Basil Brush: Cock Nuisance. TUCK IN, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS...Get your tickets for Chart Music Live, 7th Sept, 2pm, Kings Place, Kings Cross HERESubscribe | Facebook | Twitter| The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon178. Chart Music #74 - Neil
04:35:32||Season 1, Ep. 178Our mate Neil Kulkarni died in January. This episode is dedicated to him.Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter| The Chart Music Wiki | PatreonSimon’s Quietus piece on Neil | Sofia’s Gofundme pageSpecial thanks to Lily Wilde for cover art.177. Chart Music #73: March 4th 1993 – Frank Bald
06:53:24||Season 1, Ep. 177The latest episode of the podcast which asks; do we really have to hug? And rub-a-dub?The Chart Music time sofa descends upon March of 1993, Pop-Crazed Youngsters – the Forgotten Nineties, if you will. A time where the only options available to The Kids were having their heads filled with rubbish by trampy Americans, or being exploited by Ian Beales in Hypercolor t-shirts who can’t play real music and want you to take loads of drugs. Your panel – ligging their way around London, ensconced in an Isleworth love nest and dealing with the misery of Gym Knickers, respectively – look back upon this strange perineum between Rave and Britpop, and have a tentative sniff at itAs for Our Favourite Thursday Evening Pop Treat, it’s currently weathering it’s 27th crisis under the stewardship of Stanley Appell, two years removed from its Year Zero clearout. The good news is he’s been given carte blanche to put on whoever he likes. The bad news is, he’s only a few months away from his 60th birthday, and there’s soon to be a new BBC1 controller in town who – according to rumour – is thinking about letting Janet Street Porter have a go. Musicwise, it’s a reminder that everything is still up for grabs in the post-Neightnies musicsphere: Right Said Fred get the wind of BBC Star Power at their backs, which can be a bit uncomfortable when you’ve cut the arse out of your trousers. Lenny Kravitz is SuperMuso. After Some Rap, Brett Anderson gets dragged to the front of assembly to explain why he’s let the school down by singing too violently. Then it’s over to Hawaii to drop in on the Lower-Case Canadian, before she gets a shave off Cindy Crawford. Runrig make their TOTP debut, then Rage Against The Machine, fresh from getting Bruno Brookes suspended for a week, kick off the run of blipverts that passes for the Breakers section these days, which also takes in Bryan Ferry, The Jesus Lizard and Dead Madonna. Diana Ross and a Sexy Saxman appear on the set of a school play of Escape From New York, and we end with some sexy Belgian pinball action, all hosted by Mark Franklin, who was probably younger than you at the time, and still is. Sarah Bee and Simon Price join Al Needham for a rummage under the sewn-on cushion on the Mastermind chair of 1993, veering off on such tangents as being mithered by members of Suede and Elastica at a student disco, why all snack wafers of the Eighties sound like Bryan Ferry LP titles, the Lesbian Elephant, Jonny Sex-Cat and the Accessible Gamesdog, Paintballing with Ride, and Al’s Secret Terror. SWEAR SWEAR, SWEAR-SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR, SWEAR-SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR, SWEAR-SWEAR THERE’S SOME SWEARING.Video Playlist| Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter| The Chart Music Wiki | PatreonGet your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE176. Chart Music #73 (Pt 4): 4.3.93 – Frank Bald
01:58:30||Season 1, Ep. 176Simon Price, Sarah Bee and Al Needham hit the final stretch of this episode of TOTP with the chance to hear 20 seconds of a Xmas Number One, Bryan Ferry going through the motions, some Americans who want to weld you into a chair and Dead Madonna, then Diana Ross gets all excited at the sight of an oiled-up saxman, and we continue our ongoing mission to praise the Belgians. REACH FOR THE SKIES, POP-CRAZED YOUNGSTERS!Video Playlist | Subscribe | Facebook | Twitter | The Chart Music Wiki | PatreonGet your tickets for Chart Music at Birmingham Town Hall on Jan 13th HERE