CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT

Whitney reviews anonymous letters written by estranged parents to their adult children. She identifies patterns of spiritual bypassing disguised as kindness, conditional accountability, minimization of harm, defensive anger masked as concern, and comparison used as manipulation. This isn't about shaming anyone; it's about naming what's happening beneath the surface so you can better understand your own experience with estrangement.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complexfamily dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.00:00 Introduction: Reviewing real letters from estranged parents02:01 Letter 113:20 Letter 219:40 Letter 325:56 Letter 435:21 Conclusion

In this episode, Whitney challenges the idea that all family relationships need to be deep, emotional, and vulnerable. “Strategic authenticity” is the idea of intentionally choosing what parts of yourself to share with certain family members. She discusses how to tell if a surface level dynamic is even possible for you. Surface level relationships don’t have to be about being fake rather protecting yourself while maintaining a sense of connection without full estrangement.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 9:59 When a surface level relationship is worth trying13:04 Cost benefit analysis of relationships20:29 Temporarily surface level22:26 Should I tell them I want a surface level relationship

Whitney defines what authoritarian parenting actually is (beyond just being strict), explores how it's rooted in control rather than raising independent humans, and explains why these parents struggle when their children develop agency and can no longer be controlled the same way. If you have an inkling that your family of origin might have been drawing on some of the principles of authoritarian parenting this might be a useful listen. Whitney also answers a listener's question about coming to terms about accepting an uninvolved parent.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to ⁠whitney@callinghome.co⁠⁠Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.02:00 What authoritarian parenting actually is (and isn't)07:20 When you can’t be controlled anymore12:45 How authoritarian parents respond to loss of control24:43 Listener question

Whitney brings on Amanda White from Therapy for Women to react to the most requested show from her audience, you guessed it: Gilmore Girls. They break down season one, episode 18 "The Third Lorelai," analyzing the dynamic between four generations of women—Emily, Lorelai, and Rory plus the chaotic arrival of Emily's mother-in-law Trix. Even if you haven’t seen Gilmore Girls or this episode, Whitney and Amanda explore the universal experiences of being controlled by a matriarch, how emotional distance in one generation can create enmeshment in the next which in turn can cause estrangement in the next, and the weaponization of money and gifts in family dynamics.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coAmanda’s website: https://therapyforwomencenter.com/therapist/amanda-e-white-lpc/Therapy for Women IG: https://www.instagram.com/therapyforwomencenterJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityLearn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoicesThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.04:00 Scene 1: Emily loses control when her mother-in-law visits07:12 Scene 2: Money as connection and control23:04 Scene 3: Weaponizing gifts and criticism440:54 Scene 4: Lorelai’s insecurity49:21 The dinner table scale

It’s 2026. If nothing changed in your family dynamic by the end of the year, would you be okay with that? How about five years from now? Whitney has a firm but loving message for anyone who's been collecting knowledge and awareness about their family dysfunction but stuck in that frustrating feeling of not knowing how to take action. She challenges you to recognize how much time, energy, and mental space your family's chaos is consuming and to stop waiting for other people to change before you can move forward.  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.co Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 02:37 Insight without action sucks 04:09 The daily toll of family dysfunction 12:01 The overintellectualizing plateau 18:22 If nothing changed in five years Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney is fired up about Oprah’s recent podcast about going no contact. She also responds to a Mel Robbins/Karl Pillemer article titled "Life is Too Short to Fight With Your Family." She breaks down why these narratives are harmful, who they're really speaking to (and who they're ignoring), and the problematic assumptions embedded in questions like "where did you get this idea from?” Whitney challenges the toxic positivity of telling people to accept mistreatment from family, questions why we're not writing these articles to Uncle Joe who's being racist at Thanksgiving, and explains why "just accept and move on" advice completely misses the mark.Oprah’s podcast: Oprah Explores the Rising Trend of Going No Contact with Your FamilyMel Robbin and Karl Pillemer article: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/26/opinion/thanksgiving-family-fighting.html Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.co Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 03:31 Oprah’s podcast 45:05 The Mel Robbins’ NYT article 58:15 Taking a break in December Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kate Gray (@codependencykate) is back with Whitney to react to one of the most iconic dysfunctional holiday dinners ever depicted on television: “Fishes” from The Bear (S2E06). They break down the infamous episode scene by scene, analyzing how anxiety manifests differently in each of the three siblings, Mikey, Natalie, and Carmy, in reaction to an emotionally volatile mother, Donna. Even if you haven’t seen the episode, you will almost certainly find a way to relate to Whitney and Kate’s breakdown of holiday gatherings and the ways we so often find ourselves trapped in roles we thought we'd escaped. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 02:44 Episode setup 09:58 The kitchen scene 18:38 Natalie and Donna 28:59 Dining room scene 41:28 Mikey throwing forks at Uncle Lee 46:47 Donna loses it at the dinner table Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whitney addresses one of her recent viral posts about why using therapy speak with family often causes more problems than is useful. She also breaks down a scene from the Peacock show "All Her Fault" about parentified sibling dynamics. Then she answers to listener’s questions about different sibling reactions to a narcissistic family and a mother’s competition with her daughter. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.coJoin the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:55 Why you shouldn't call your parents emotionally immature 05:54 Breaking down a scene from Peacock’s All Her Fault 13:45 Listener question #1 18:22 Listener question #2 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feeling guilty is one of the most common struggles for people stepping away from a dysfunctional family. Whitney explores how guilt is a learned response, not necessarily an evidence of wrongdoing, and why you were trained to believe that meeting your own needs harms others. She discusses the difference between guilt and grief, how family members use guilt to pull you back in, and offers practical tools for moving forward and coming to terms with these feelings.  Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to whitney@callinghome.co Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 1:19 Why guilt shows up when you start doing life differently 03:04 Guilt is a learned response, not evidence of wrongdoing 12:22 Decentering 20:33 Statements for feelings of guilt 26:17 Building a life where you feel safe and supported Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices