Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian.Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did.In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most.Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are.TW: This episode contains discussion of assault.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan04:34 How Bali Called Her In06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage40:19 Coming Out as Queer43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeConnect with Alexandra below:Check out Alexandra’s Substack here. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run.In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again.Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible. TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide. Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From?18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

This week, Ash sits down with Tom Cronin, meditation teacher and international speaker, for a deeply honest conversation about what it really looks like to hold everything together on the outside while quietly falling apart within. Tom opens up about the two parallel lives he was living during his 26 years in the high pressure world of global financial markets, one of outward success, pinstripe suits, and Bondi beachside living, and another of crippling anxiety, panic attacks, chronic insomnia, depression, and a growing reliance on drugs and alcohol that eventually led to a breakdown at age 29.It was from that rock bottom that Tom discovered Vedic meditation, a practice that not only transformed his mental health but ultimately became the foundation of an entirely new life and purpose.Ash and Tom explore the science of stress, why alcohol numbs but never heals, and how meditation actually expands brain function rather than impairing it. Tom shares the journey from seeker to finder to sharer, including the challenges of leaving the golden handcuffs of finance behind, producing his feature film The Portal, and building his mission to inspire a billion people to meditate daily.The conversation weaves through ego, ego transcendence, contribution, and the holistic practices Tom uses to remain grounded and performing at his best. It is a rich and wide-ranging episode about the courage it takes to change course, the intelligence of the body's warning signals, and the profound freedom that comes from finally looking inward.Episode chapters:00:07 Introducing Tom Cronin04:44 Hiding Behind the Smile: Life on the Trading Room Floor06:16 Shame, Guilt, and the North Star11:48 The Golden Handcuffs12:54 When Drugs and Alcohol Entered the Picture15:53 Rock Bottom and the Rashi18:06 The Breakdown and the Turning Point20:09 Discovering Vedic Meditation24:46 The Allostatic Load and Why Alcohol Does Not De-stress28:43 Why Sobriety Supercharges Meditation33:37 From Seeker to Finder to Sharer35:44 Leaving Finance and Leaping into Purpose38:08 Navigating Challenges with Meditation as a Tool41:09 The Stillness Project and the Making of The Portal46:45 The Importance of Service and Contribution49:02 B1G1: Giving Back Through Business54:05 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeConnect with Tom:Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/stillnessprojectWebsite: http://www.tomcronin.com/Tom's free book to reduce anxiety and depression https://tomcronin.com/free-calm-book/Socials:https://www.instagram.com/tomcronin/https://www.facebook.com/tomcronincoachhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcronin1/https://www.tiktok.com/@_tomcronin_ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

How much longer are you willing to suffer before something changes?In this powerful solo episode, Ash explores a recurring theme she’s been discussing with people lately: have you truly had enough? Because whether it's alcohol, a relationship, a career, perfectionism, or an old way of thinking, lasting change rarely happens until we're willing to let go of the ideas, stories, and identities that are keeping us stuck.Drawing on her own recovery journey, Ash speaks candidly about the gift of desperation, the stigma surrounding the word alcoholic, and why so many of us continue negotiating with our own suffering long after we've realised something isn't working. She shares what it really takes to create meaningful change and why partial willingness often keeps us trapped in the very cycles we're desperate to escape.This conversation extends far beyond sobriety, inviting listeners to honestly examine where fear, familiarity, and old beliefs may be preventing them from stepping into a more authentic life.Ash also reflects on celebrating her first wedding anniversary and the unexpected lessons that came from eloping in Italy, including a deeper understanding of people pleasing, self-worth, and the quiet cost of abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. She shares why esteemable acts are one of the most powerful ways to build genuine self-worth and how authentic relationships are forged when we stop performing for approval.Plus, Ash leaves listeners with five thought-provoking journal prompts designed to help you uncover where you may be ready, or almost ready, to finally let go.Episode chapters:00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement01:12 Life Update: A Busy Week and a Wedding Anniversary03:31 Elopement in Italy and Lessons in People Pleasing05:53 The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes When You Mean No08:12 Building Self-Worth Through Esteemable Acts10:33 Have You Had Enough?12:53 What It Really Takes to Be Ready for Change15:16 Breaking the Stigma Around Alcoholism17:39 The Power of Identification and Finding Your People19:56 Sobriety as a Superpower22:18 The Gift of Desperation24:26 Divine Timing and Letting Go of Old Ideas26:48 The Difference Between Pain and Suffering29:09 Reflective Journal Prompts to Provoke ChangeJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

This week, Ash welcomes back her sober soul sister Danni Carr, for a wide ranging chat on Bali, yoga, and the spiritual practices that underpin their sobriety. Danni shares the Balinese philosophy of Tri Hita Karana, the three-part connection to the divine, community, and land that keeps life in balance, and reflects on how a once reluctant relationship with yoga, born from hungover gym sessions and stormed out shavasanas, slowly became the foundation of her recovery and her sense of coming home to herself.The conversation moves into deeper territory as Danni and Ash explore what the divine means to them now, the science behind spiritual practice and the brain, and the unexpected friendships that sobriety has made possible. Danni speaks candidly about needing daily practice not to recover but to keep expanding and staying regulated, and reminds listeners that spirituality doesn't have to be serious or precise to be powerful.It’s a heartfelt conversation between two friends about connection, consistency, and choosing a life that feels good without needing to numb out to get there.Episode chapters:00:00 Reconnecting in Bali: A Spiritual Journey03:56 The Balinese Philosophy of Trihitakarana07:23 Cultural Immersion: Sharing Bali's Rich Heritage11:59 The Transformative Power of Yoga18:55 Finding Stillness: The Challenge of Shivasana21:17 Embracing Autonomy in Yoga Practice22:45 Finding the Right Teachers24:07 Provoking Thought Through Stillness25:51 Navigating Friendships in Sobriety28:56 The Importance of Consistency in Recovery32:27 Spirituality as a Foundation for Sobriety34:16 Understanding the Divine37:05 The Value of Connection and Community37:48 Finding Joy in Spiritual PracticesYou can connect with Danni through:Check out Danni’s 4 Week Sober & Transformational Challenge IG: @howiquitalcohol Recommendations:The Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

This week, Ash drops in with a mini solo episode to share a life update from her recent trip to Bali and to offer something she herself has been craving - a guided meditation to help you reset. She reflects on attending the AA convention, what it’s like to travel sober after years of using airports and planes as a reason to drink, and the joy of being surrounded by like-minded people who truly understand the recovery journey. She also speaks about the not so pleasant reality of getting Bali Belly, and the lessons in surrender, self-care, and taking quick action. For the first time on the podcast, Ash is also sharing a guided meditation. One she specifically wrote for her Behind The Smile listeners. A 10-minute guided meditation designed to bring you back to yourself, whether you’re at home, walking, or listening on the go, offering a simple way to slow down, breathe, and reconnect with what actually matters today.Episode chapters:00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude00:56 Post‑Bali Life Update & Mini Solo Setup02:10 Bali AA Convention & Joy of Sober Travel03:11 Sunur, Ubud & Favorite Bali Rituals05:32 Ubud Hotel Recos, Monkey Story & Bali Belly10:11 Calling the Doctor & Reframing “What a Gift”12:32 Coming Home Gently & Loving Life You Don’t Need a Holiday From14:54 Returning to Meditation & Idea for a “Reset”17:19 Guided 10‑Minute Reset Meditation27:14 Final Reflections, Gratitude & Call to ActionJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Join Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

This week, Ash sits down with psychic, healer and mindset coach Shanaye Kuntze for a raw conversation about burnout, self-worth, intuition and the journey back to self. Behind a successful business and years spent helping others, Shanaye found herself completely burnt out, bed-ridden, disconnected and unable to keep going. Together, Ash and Shanaye unpack the hidden ways childhood wounds and the search for love and approval can shape our lives, careers and sense of self.Shanaye shares how breathwork became the catalyst for profound healing and the awakening of her psychic gifts, opening the door to deeper intuition, purpose and trust in herself. They explore boundaries, rest, alignment and what it really means to create a life that feels good, not just one that looks good.This is a powerful conversation about slowing down, listening inward, and finding the courage to follow the voice within.Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction to Shanaye Kuntze02:48 Navigating Burnout and Its Impact05:55 The Energy of Doing What You Love08:59 The Importance of Boundaries11:55 Hiding Behind a Smile: Shanaye's Photo Reflection14:54 The Journey Through Burnout18:06 The Path to Healing and Self-Discovery21:02 The Role of Competitive Sports in Shanae's Life24:05 Transitioning from Sports to Fitness Coaching27:02 The Addiction to Work and Its Consequences29:46 Finding Light After Rock Bottom31:15 The Awakening to Breathwork34:43 Unleashing Psychic Abilities36:44 Creating Space for Transformation40:27 Deepening the Breathwork Experience43:01 The Power of Vulnerability in Community46:02 Communicating with Spirit Guides52:17 Reflections on Transformation55:17 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect with Shanaye through:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/skbodyworksFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/skbodyworks/Website: https://skbodyworks.com.auPodcast: (Apple) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889 (Spotify) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here NOW SOLD OUT! Next Ritual coming in September. Details launching soon. Join Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

This week, Ash shares a sneak peak into her memoir she's currently writing, tracing how her spiritual life has evolved in recovery. What began as skepticism and resistance toward anything “spiritual” has slowly become the foundation of her day-to-day life, influencing how she relates to herself, others, and the world around her.She opens up about moving from a place of self-hatred, numbing, and constant chasing to an inner landscape shaped by simple, consistent practices like prayer, meditation, gratitude, and quiet acts of service. Ash reflects on how spirituality, for her, isn’t about being “woo-woo” or giving up ambition or joy, but about how you live when no one is watching and how kindly you speak to yourself when things are hard.At its heart, this episode invites listeners to reconsider what spirituality might look like in their own lives, whether they’re on a sober path, a healing journey, or simply curious about something deeper.Episode Chapters:00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude00:56 Memoir Writing & Bali Setup03:14 Spirituality as the Foundation of Sobriety05:39 From Non‑Believer to Spiritual Seeker08:04 Redefining a Higher Power in Recovery10:26 Gift of Desperation & Early God Experiments12:48 Daily Prayer, Gratitude & Relationship with God15:01 Meditation, Listening & Two‑Way Prayer17:25 Depositing into the Spiritual Bank19:42 Spiritual Solution to Alcoholism & Old PatternsJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!