Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

My guest this week is Katrina Loewe, a mum of three boys who lived 47 years in internal chaos before a spiritual awakening turned her life around. On the outside, Katrina had everything, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and a life many would envy. On the inside, she was drowning in perfectionism, shame she had carried since her teens, and a growing disconnection from herself that eventually led her through four hospitalisations in the space of nine and a half weeks.Katrina shares what it was like to hit a point where nothing external could fix her anymore, the moment she finally reached out for real help, and how meditation, connection, and a complete willingness to change gave her a life she had never known was possible. She talks openly about perfectionism, people pleasing, the shame of being away from her children while seeking treatment, and what it means to finally feel at peace in your own life.This is a moving conversation about what transformation can look like when it has nothing to do with rock bottom in the traditional sense, and everything to do with finally coming home to yourself.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Katrina Loewe05:14 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile08:52 A Wholesome Childhood and the First Signs of Not Fitting In13:14 A Difficult Family Holiday and Years of Carrying Shame26:20 Becoming a Stepmum, IVF, and Chasing "I'll Be Happy When"30:52 Suffocating Behind a Perfect Life33:22 Losing Her Father and the Grief She Never Processed36:43 The Trip Around Australia and the Start of the Unravelling38:04 When Drinking Crept In40:53 Four Hospitals in Nine and a Half Weeks46:13 The Instagram Post That Changed Everything51:20 What Her Relationship with Alcohol Looks Like Today57:19 Releasing the Shame and Living Without Apology01:00:16 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereUpcoming Retreats:The Embodied Woman | Gold Coast | April 21 - 25, 2027A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more details! Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

Fresh from running her retreat in Bali, Ash is back with another solo episode exploring  why so many of us feel disconnected from ourselves, and how a simple daily spiritual practice can help us step off the hamster wheel and come back to what truly matters. Inspired from the practices she was sharing on retreat, Ash shares what sadhana really means, the difference between filling your life with more things to do and creating practices that genuinely support you, and how meditation, pranayama, breathwork, yoga and stillness can become part of your everyday life.Ash also takes you behind the scenes of the retreat, from temple visits and Agni Hotra to kirtan, floating sound healing, sauna, cold plunges and the power of sisterhood. She reflects on how sobriety and recovery opened the door to a life she once could not have imagined, and why she now considers facilitating retreats her dream job.This episode is for anyone who feels exhausted from constantly doing, achieving or performing, yet still feels as though something is missing. You do not need to attend a retreat or completely overhaul your life to begin. Transformation can start with ten quiet minutes, one honest question or a single practice that brings you back to yourself each day.Ash also shares details of her upcoming retreats in Bali, Melbourne and the Gold Coast, including the newly announced A Sacred Return retreat in 2027.Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week is Sanjay, a father in recovery who has been sober for 21 years. Born in Uganda, raised in London and now living in Melbourne, Sanjay grew up watching his father drink before taking his own first drink at fifteen. He spent the next two decades chasing that initial feeling through alcohol, drugs and gambling, while his life quietly unravelled behind the scenes.In this conversation, Sanjay shares the unexpected moment a psychiatrist broke through every wall he had built, what it took to finally surrender, and why getting sober was only the beginning. He opens up about losing his father to alcoholism, navigating divorce without returning to old behaviours, and the role yoga and spirituality have played in helping him continue to grow.But the real secret to Sanjay’s 21 years of sobriety has been getting out of himself. Through service, connection and giving back to the recovery community, he has found a sense of purpose that has carried him through every season of life. This is a warm and honest conversation about why sobriety cannot be sustained in isolation, and how helping others may be one of the most powerful ways we help ourselves.Episode chapters:00:08 Introducing Sanjay04:39 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in London07:48 Growing Up: A Father's Drinking and Life on Eggshells10:49 A Refugee Identity and the Feeling of Not Belonging13:07 The First Drink at Fifteen and Why He Loved It17:15 Chasing the Feeling: Rave Culture, Drugs and Excess19:37 When the Consequences Started to Show Up23:57 Rock Bottom: Isolated, Broke and Calling Crisis Lines at 2am26:22 The Health Insurance Letter and the Road to the Priory29:02 The Psychiatrist Who Saw a Little Boy31:06 Surrender Day: January 13, 200536:50 What Happened Inside the Priory38:12 Building the Foundation: Big Book Recovery and Service52:43 Whack-a-Mole: What Comes Up When You Put the Drink Down56:47 Yoga, Chanting and the Practices That Quieten the Noise59:35 What Recovery Looks Like 21 Years InJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does.In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all. Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose. We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you.Episode chapters:00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro 02:03 What Trauma Really Means 03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn 06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify 07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time 10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck 13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath 17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging 20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title 23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently 27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics 29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist 30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step 31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One 36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life 39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth 41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose 45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice 49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way OutConnect with Dr. Edith below:Instagram WebsiteLinkedinThe Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith ShiroJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering.In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Mark Purser03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed37:13 The Gift of Desperation45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeConnect with Mark below:www.bambooyogabyron.com InstagramPodcast: The Gentle RevolutionJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian.Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did.In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most.Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are.TW: This episode contains discussion of assault.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan04:34 How Bali Called Her In06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage40:19 Coming Out as Queer43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeConnect with Alexandra below:Check out Alexandra’s Substack here. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run.In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again.Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible. TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide. Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From?18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere?In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life.From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her.If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you. Episode chapters:00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning 03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort 12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery 15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today 17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World 19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path 22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact 24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude 27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love 29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork 31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage 33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes 36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership 38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity 41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? 43:29 A Letter to Little AshJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!