Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

Do you ever wonder why you keep repeating the same patterns, even when you know better?Why you keep choosing the same kinds of relationships, struggling to hold boundaries, abandoning your own needs, or finding yourself back in the same emotional place you promised yourself you’d never return to?The answer may lie much deeper than you think.This week, Ash sits down with leading addiction specialist and psychotherapist Diane Young for a powerful conversation about childhood trauma, emotional immaturity and the unconscious patterns we carry into adulthood.Diane explains why all trauma counts, including the experiences we’ve learned to minimise or dismiss, and how unmet needs in childhood can shape our self-worth, boundaries, relationships and the way we cope when life gets hard.Together, Ash and Diane explore why so many of us wait until the wheels completely fall off before we seek help, what it really means to become emotionally mature, and why healing isn’t about blaming your parents or getting stuck in the past. It’s about understanding where your patterns came from so you can finally choose something different.Drawing on Pia Mellody’s developmental model of emotional immaturity and Diane’s extensive experience with the Changes program, they also explore why deep healing can be so powerful within a small, safe and held group environment.And there’s a very exciting announcement from Diane and Ash that you won’t want to miss.Because you can understand your patterns intellectually and still keep repeating them.Real healing begins when you become willing to understand what’s underneath them.Episode chapters:00:02 Welcome Back, Diane Young01:11 How Mental Health Awareness Has Shifted02:44 Big T, Little T and Why It’s All Trauma05:59 The Nine Needs Every Child Has07:25 Pia Mellody and the Developmental Model of Immaturity12:15 The Changes Program and Why It Transforms15:49 How Courage to Heal Came to Life in Bali19:06 Giving Back What Isn’t Yours23:44 Love Addiction, Avoidance and Relationship Patterns26:07 Self-Esteem and Boundaries30:44 Why Small Groups and Aftercare Matter37:40 Closing and Retreat DetailsJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Connect with Diane below:www.dianeyoung.comUpcoming RetreatsCourage To Heal: Childhood Trauma Retreat | June 14 - 21, 2027 | Find Out MoreEmail hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationThe Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out MoreA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 | Find Out MoreFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

What if the part of you that you keep trying to change is actually the part of you that most needs to be understood?You can know your patterns, understand where they came from and have plenty of self-awareness, yet still find yourself repeating the same cycles. Because insight is only one part of the story. Sometimes, the deeper work is learning to listen to what lives beneath the pattern.This week, I’m joined by therapist and spiritual guide Laurie Nouchka, for a conversation about the parts of ourselves we often try to fix, silence or move beyond, and what becomes possible when we meet them with curiosity instead.Laurie shares how a painful breakup at 25 shaped her relationships for years, the unexpected path that took her from life drawing and yoga to Internal Family Systems therapy, and what she’s learnt about distinguishing intuition from fear. We talk about the wisdom held in the body, the ways our nervous system can keep us living from old stories, and what it really means to trust ourselves again.It’s a conversation about going beneath the surface, meeting the parts of ourselves we’ve spent years trying to outrun, and creating enough space to hear what they’ve been trying to tell us. Because we can’t think our way out of what we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to feel.Episode chapters:01:13 Meet Laurie and Her Daily Rituals09:12 The Photo: Smiling Through a Painful Breakup14:07 Fear of Being Alone and the “I’m Not Enough” Story19:09 From Life Drawing in Melbourne to Yoga24:58 Discovering Internal Family Systems27:32 What IFS Is and How Our Parts Protect Us33:38 Why We Run From Discomfort38:04 Creating Safety in the Nervous System42:49 Trusting Your Intuition Versus Fear47:04 Nature as a Go-To Practice49:32 A Celebration of Life and Death55:10 Laurie’s Three Non-NegotiablesConnect with Laurie through the links below:Instagram: @laurienoucka Website: www.laurienouchka.comJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming RetreatsThe Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out MoreThe Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out MoreCourage To Heal: Childhood Trauma Retreat | June 14 - 21, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

In this solo episode, Ash reflects on a recent trip to the Gold Coast, where she spent five nights at a wellness retreat, not as a facilitator but as a guest. Away from Wi-Fi and her usual pace of life, she unpacks five lessons that surfaced in the stillness. From remembering to trust the wisdom of her body, to rereading an old favourite book and discovering how much she herself had changed, there were plenty of downloads she wanted to share.Ash also discusses the importance of balancing mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health rather than over focusing on just one or two, and how you can achieve this without creating more overwhelm. This is a reflective, practical episode about what it looks like to actually slow down, listen inward, and trust the shifts that quietly ask to be made.Episode chapters:00:00 Retreat Announcement01:13 Coming Back From Eden Retreat03:38 A Life of Bookends: Regulated Mornings, Full Steam Days08:18 Choosing Your Own Adventure at Eden10:39 Trusting the Body Over the Aura Ring15:09 The Nervous System Check and the 99th Percentile Surprise17:23 Hearing the Whisper to Step Back From Teaching21:59 Saying Yes and Watching Life Respond24:12 Rereading The Untethered Soul Years Later28:53 Releasing a Resentment Through Energy, Not Defense31:10 The Joy of Talking to Strangers33:32 The Four Pillars of Health43:01 A New Offering Coming in JanuaryJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming RetreatsThe Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out MoreThe Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out MoreCourage To Heal: Childhood Trauma Retreat | June 14 - 21, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

This week Ash sits down with Dave McGrath, a 47 year old carpenter and father who recently celebrated three years of sobriety. For a period of about nine months before rehab, Dave was living out of his car, seeing his daughter once every month or two, and losing himself completely to what he calls the alcoholic insanity. His rock bottom came in a friend's garage, staring at an extension ladder and a rope, before something in him snapped awake enough to call a rehab.In this raw and honest conversation, Dave takes Ash through the chaos of early sobriety attempts that did not stick, the shame of losing contact with his family and his daughter, and the strangers along the way who quietly helped him find his footing, including a chance encounter on a footpath that led him to treatment. He also opens up about an unexpected and profound spiritual awakening in a church that changed the course of his recovery, and what it has taken to rebuild trust with the people he hurt along the way. This is a story about hope, redemption and never giving up. Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Dave McGrath03:21 The Photo: A Visitation Day With His Daughter04:16 The Unmanageability of Alcoholic Insanity05:55 The First Drink as a Child09:30 Hating Who He Saw in the Mirror10:41 The Craving He Could Never Control15:14 Failed Attempts and Dry Spells18:52 Cold Water Plunges at 2am19:33 Rock Bottom: The Rope in the Garage21:31 A Stranger on the Street Who Showed Him the Way23:21 A Daughter Waiting at the Window26:03 From Dry Drunk to Actually Working the Program44:51 A Spiritual Awakening at Church47:57 Daily Conscious Contact and Letting Go of Rage50:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming RetreatsThe Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out MoreThe Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out MoreA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week is Megan Ashton, founder of Unity Breathwork and a leading voice for raising safety standards in the breathwork industry. Megan spent most of her adult life escaping herself, first through alcohol and bulimia as a teenager, then later through constant travel that let her outrun her feelings entirely. It took a devastating breakup, and a breathwork session in Bali, for her to finally crack open decades of unprocessed grief, so that she could start the long journey of finding a way back to herself.In this conversation, Megan and Ash unpack what conscious connected breathwork actually is, why it so often brings up trauma the body has been holding for years, and what it means to build a practice around genuine safety rather than chasing catharsis. Megan speaks candidly about the childhood wounds that shaped her patterns of numbing, the importance of proper preparation and integration when facilitating breathwork, and her mission to make this kind of healing as accessible and understood as yoga. This conversation invites you to think about acknowledging the feelings you’ve spent a lifetime avoiding.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Megan Ashton05:24 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Nicaragua07:32 Travel as an Escape Strategy09:33 A Sensitive Childhood and the First Time She Numbed Out11:17 The Slow Slide Into Bulimia12:59 The Breakup That Broke Everything Open19:57 Trying Everything Before Breathwork20:27 The Bali Session That Changed Her Life22:17 Discovering Her Mission in Conscious Connected Breathwork24:07 What Conscious Connected Breathwork Actually Is27:08 A Year of Crying: What Processing Really Looks Like28:07 Letting Go of Expectations in the Practice00:18 Why Safety in Breathwork Matters So Much02:28 The Risk of Retraumatisation Without Proper Preparation04:33 Grounding and Integration After a Session18:11 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeConnect with Megan through the links below:Website: (https://unitybreathwork.com/)Breathwork Facilitator Training page: (https://unitybreathwork.com/breathwork-facilitator-training/)Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/unitybreathwork/)Retreats:(https://unitybreathwork.com/breathwork-retreat/)Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming RetreatsThe Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out MoreThe Embodied Woman 5 Day Retreat | April 21 - 25, 2027 | Find Out MoreA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more information.Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week is Tully Johns, a Melbourne based health coach who spent close to fifteen years working as a zookeeper before turning to helping people. For most of three decades, Tully carried the effects of childhood sexual abuse without a name for it, showing up instead as depression, anxiety, and eventually a PTSD diagnosis. It was only in his forties, after his brother came forward with his own memories and pursued a case against their father, that Tully began to understand what he himself had survived.In this conversation, Tully shares what it was like to process decades of trauma later in life, the stretch of days he could not get out of bed that became his turning point, and the small, unglamorous practices that slowly rebuilt his life from the ground up. He and Ash talk about connection, letting people in, and what it means to parent well after having none of that modelled for you. This is a tender and deeply honest conversation about healing on your own timeline and choosing, every day, not to be defined by what happened to you.Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of child sexual abuse, please listen with care. Support services have been included in the episode show notes. Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Tully Johns06:33 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile07:00 Discovering the Abuse: A Four Year Old's Burden14:11 His Brother's Case and the Public Fallout18:13 Forty Years to Process What Happened26:03 Finding Escape and Purpose Through Animals32:05 The Catabasis: Hitting a Wall as a Stay at Home Dad36:17 The Fake Smile That Started the Rebuild38:16 One Word Journaling and Small Daily Wins40:58 Movement as Medicine45:57 Self Compassion Alongside Discipline49:06 Reparenting the Four Year Old Within53:01 Why Connection Changes Everything01:00:40 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeConnect with Tully using the links below: Rebuild Body & Mind with Tully: https://www.skool.com/rebuild-with-tully-5411/abouttullyjohns.comRecovering From Childhood Trauma - How I got my life back: https://youtu.be/r0BwXJvU59QInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/tullyjohns/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61581593417290Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@tullyjohnsSupport ServicesIf this episode has brought anything up for you, support is available:Blue Knot Helpline provides specialist support for adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse. Call 1300 657 380.1800RESPECT provides free, confidential counselling and support for anyone impacted by sexual violence. Call 1800 737 732 or text 0458 737 732, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Bravehearts provides information and support relating specifically to child sexual abuse. Call 1800 272 831, Monday to Friday, 8:30am to 4:30pm AEST.Lifeline provides crisis support 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call 13 11 14.Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming RetreatsThe Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out MoreA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

My guest this week is Suzi Raleigh, a recovery advocate and budding author who is now 32 years sober. Suzi started drinking at 13, was misdiagnosed for years with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and survived multiple psychiatric hospitalisations and several near death experiences before her father encouraged her to try 12 Step Recovery in 1993. She has not had a drink since.In this conversation, Suzi shares what it was like to live with a loneliness she calls the ache, the moment her drinking finally stopped being explained away by mental illness, and how discovering codependency twelve years into sobriety changed the entire trajectory of her recovery. She and Ash explore what it really means to be a recovering rescuer, the boundaries work that continues decades in, and the unique approach Suzi now teaches through her upcoming book, naming, taming and nurturing the different inner personalities that drive addiction and codependency. It is a warm, funny and wise conversation about what it looks like to keep growing long after the drinking stops.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Suzi Raleigh06:09 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile07:25 Growing Up in a Pub and the First Drink at Thirteen10:19 The Ache: Naming the Loneliness Underneath12:04 The First Hospitalisation and Years of Misdiagnosis23:04 Her Father's Suggestion and the First AA Meeting25:01 What the First Twelve Months of Sobriety Looked Like27:06 Becoming a Recovering Rescuer28:48 Discovering Codependency at Twelve Years Sober30:11 High Functioning Codependency and the Auto-Fix Reflex37:21 Marrying a Man Twenty Years Sober and Growing Together42:57 Naming the Inner Characters: Suzy the Floozy and Beyond01:00:39 Reclaiming Little Tootie and Becoming Her Own Best Friend01:05:25 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeYou can connect with Suzi on her Tik Tok or reach out via email - suzilr6@gmail.com Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming RetreatsThe Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out MoreA Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more informationFollow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!Support ServicesIf this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling.

My guest this week is Katrina Loewe, a mum of three boys who lived 47 years in internal chaos before a spiritual awakening turned her life around. On the outside, Katrina had everything, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and a life many would envy. On the inside, she was drowning in perfectionism, shame she had carried since her teens, and a growing disconnection from herself that eventually led her through four hospitalisations in the space of nine and a half weeks.Katrina shares what it was like to hit a point where nothing external could fix her anymore, the moment she finally reached out for real help, and how meditation, connection, and a complete willingness to change gave her a life she had never known was possible. She talks openly about perfectionism, people pleasing, the shame of being away from her children while seeking treatment, and what it means to finally feel at peace in your own life.This is a moving conversation about what transformation can look like when it has nothing to do with rock bottom in the traditional sense, and everything to do with finally coming home to yourself.Episode chapters:00:00 Introducing Katrina Loewe05:14 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile08:52 A Wholesome Childhood and the First Signs of Not Fitting In13:14 A Difficult Family Holiday and Years of Carrying Shame26:20 Becoming a Stepmum, IVF, and Chasing "I'll Be Happy When"30:52 Suffocating Behind a Perfect Life33:22 Losing Her Father and the Grief She Never Processed36:43 The Trip Around Australia and the Start of the Unravelling38:04 When Drinking Crept In40:53 Four Hospitals in Nine and a Half Weeks46:13 The Instagram Post That Changed Everything51:20 What Her Relationship with Alcohol Looks Like Today57:19 Releasing the Shame and Living Without Apology01:00:16 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic LifeJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets HereUpcoming Retreats:The Embodied Woman | Gold Coast | April 21 - 25, 2027A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more details! Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite⁠ www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!