Things Musicians Don't Talk About

The start of an unedited series of podcasts.TW: mental illnessHattie shares the story of her 2017 nervous breakdown and reads a blog she wrote about it back in August. She also answers questions about breakdowns and whether she worries about them returning

When cellist Matthew Barley was 16 he tried to take his own life following a drug-induced psychotic episode. He then went on to channel everything into music until in 2019 the trauma of the event resurfaced.We speak to Matthew about his experience of psychosis, looking back on his experiences and the process of trauma therapy and the impact of ayahuasca. He takes us through writing music for his new album based on the events and discusses the way the classical music world views mental health conditionsmatthewbarley.com-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Katy EhrlichMusic: Katy Ehrlich

This was a big one for Things Musicians Don't Talk About: our first live show!!!! We are so grateful to the London Podcast Festival for inviting us to take the stage with the exceptional Ayanna Witter-Johnson.Hattie and Becca talked a little bit about the conception of the podcast and their own mental health journeys, and then chatted with Ayanna about her background and career in music. Ayanna talks brilliantly about the intricacies of making her own unique career despite not fitting into a traditional classical music pathway, and elaborates on feeling like an outsider, failures and rejections, and her process of making art from trauma and experiences of colourism.We end with our usual Wins of the Week and take some truly excellent questions from the audience, and were truly blown away by all our fans that came to watch the show! Massive thanks to the Kings Place & London Podcast Festival team who made the day an absolute joy and really supported our audience to have the best experience possible.Follow Ayanna on Instagram X Facebook and her website------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast (Instagram Facebook)------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Rebecca ToalMusic: Katy Ehrlich & Ayanna Witter-Johnson

We're back with our first interview after the summer! The brilliant Laure Chan speaks with Hattie and Becca about her cross-cultural, genre-bending creative endeavours and her journey to musical authenticity.How did Laure get into composing whilst already being an established violinist? How does she explore her own identity through the medium of music? How did her shoulder injury affect her outlook on making music? Find out by listening to Things Musicians Don’t Talk About.Follow Laure on Instagram TikTok Youtube Spotify or visit her website------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Host: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Emma WernerMusic: Katy Ehrlich

Trigger warning: eating disorders, weight (no specific numbers)A different format of episode this week! Becca reads out her latest blog on her body, her identity and her fears about the possibility of a life of ‘sizing-up’.She answers some questions afterwards about the blog, talking about the male gaze, the concept of numbers in recovery and the physicality of trumpet playing.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Host: Rebecca ToalEditor: Rebecca ToalMusic: Katy Ehrlich

Reflecting on recent trips back to our former music schools and colleges, we chat about the complex emotions that arise when revisiting places of past trauma. We discuss the challenges of addressing mental health in educational settings, wondering if our message is relevant to current students, and the lasting impact of architecture and locations on our wellbeing. We also explore the nuances of loneliness, and share our personal journeys of making peace with specific London locations. Link to the book recommended by Becca: https://www.olivialaing.com/lonely-city------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Rebecca ToalMusic: Katy Ehrlich

When cellist Ruth Philips was 29 and studying in America, she left her room as she wanted it to be found after her death. So certain was she that the performance approaching her would be the end of her life.Now, Ruth is sought after for her whole, integrative approach as a cello teacher, mindfulness practitioner and performance coach. She speaks to us about her journey towards discovering mindfulness, reframing the word 'practice' and encouraging others to consider the violent language we frequently use as musicians and music teachers. We explore how kindness and self-love can be a difficult choice if a rigid practice routine has provided comfort, and consider how we can take steps towards a more whole perspective of practice within the music sector.Discover Ruth Philips here-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Hattie ButterworthMusic: Katy Ehrlich

We thought we'd celebrate hitting 3,000 Instagram followers as some sort of milestone in this crazy journey to cultivate much-needed honesty in the music industry! Every follower, every listener we connect with feels like a little headway in making change in the culture. In this episode, we take some time to look back on our podcast journey so far, reminiscing about how we became a duo and how TMDTA has grown over the past 4 years. Thanks to questions from our listeners, we also reflect on our personal experiences with mental health, music schools, and our hopes about what has changed since we were school pupils. We ponder on the challenges of giving and receiving feedback in musical workplaces, as well our continuing commitment to being transparent about our struggles and aiming to bring others' stories to light. Thanks for being here with us and here's to our ever-expanding community ❤️ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Rebecca ToalMusic: Katy Ehrlich

In this episode of Things Musicians Don't Talk About, Becca sits down with Chloé van Soeterstède in her dressing room at the Royal College of Music. Chloé shares her personal experiences of working as a musician alongside pregnancy and then motherhood. She walks us through her journey - from figuring out with her manager when might be the best time to get pregnant, to performing while visibly pregnant and giving birth naturally with the aid of mental preparation. Chloé also opens up about challenges like pumping breastmilk between rehearsals on tour and traveling internationally with a newborn, and making sure to be honest about her capacities through such a huge life transformation. Becca and Chloé emphasise how rare and important it is for musicians to discuss the realities of pregnancy and parenthood, and Chloé’s honest and candid story provides a much-needed glimpse into navigating this challenging but rewarding career stage.Follow Chloé on Instagram and witness more of her brilliant honesty!Check out her website and on X------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We always love to hear from our listeners, and if you like the show why not recommend to a friend or leave a review?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Things Musicians Don't Talk About is now supported by the Royal Society of Musicians! Follow them on Instagram, X and Facebook.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support TMDTAWant to support us on a regular basis? Consider joining our Patreon from £1 a month: https://www.patreon.com/tmdtaFeeling generous? Help us raise funds for the podcast: https://www.gofundme.com/f/things-musicians-dont-talk-aboutFind TMDTA on all the socials at @tmdtapodcast------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hosts: Hattie Butterworth & Rebecca ToalEditor: Katy EhrlichMusic: Katy Ehrlich