The Real Question

Welcome to The Real Question, a new show from Not Sorry, hosted by Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile! Each week we’ll explore life’s questions through a surprising mix of pop culture and academic insight. Episodes come out weekly on Monday.

Is it weird to steal children’s body parts in the middle of the night and teach them that it’s okay?After playing the Tooth Fairy for her two step-daughters, Vanessa is having doubts about the appropriateness of this supposedly silly childhood ritual. Drawing up a recent article about the Marquis de Sade and the song Super Trouper from Mamma Mia, Vanessa and Casper try to wade through the fears that a parent can have for their kids.--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

If you don’t learn to drive, are you failing to equip yourself for adult life? Casper has promised himself every summer that *this* is the year he’s going to learn how to drive. And yet each year passes and Casper is no closer to having a license. Drawing upon The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel and the song Walk the Road by Kate Rusby, Casper and Vanessa try to sort out which goals it’s okay to give up on. --We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

CW: This episode discusses multiple instances of sexual assault and violent crime.In 2014, Vanessa was obsessed with the Woody Allen/Dylan Farrow case. Now that there’s a new documentary out on the topic, she knows she’s in danger of falling back into the ‘story’. But what’s the virtue of following a story of sexual assault so closely? Is it good to know the facts? Or is it just using the horrors of someone else’s life as our entertainment? Drawing upon The Art of Cruelty by Maggie Nelson and the TV show Veronica Mars, Vanessa and Casper try to define how to have a healthy relationship with news stories about sexual assault specifically, and the True Crime genre in general.--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Casper wants to feel closer to his paternal grandparents. But there’s a problem: they’ve been dead for a few years now. Is there a way, as he grows older, for him to keep his grandparents an active part of his life?Drawing upon The Suitcase by Frances Stoner Saunders and Children and Art from the musical Sunday in the Park with George, Casper and Vanessa think through how grief changes over time.--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Sometimes apologies that seem 'good' technically, don't actually make Vanessa feel any better.Is there a formula for a good apology? How do you explain yourself, but still take responsibility? Drawing upon Dirty Dancing and Letter From Birmingham Jail by Martin Luther King Jr., Casper and Vanessa think through which apologies feel the most genuine and why.--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

What do we owe our neighbors? When Casper first moved to New York, he put a lot of effort into getting to know the other people in his apartment building. He even threw a rooftop party so that everyone could have the chance to meet one another. Now, as he’s settling into his life in NYC, he’s asking himself how much effort he really wants to put into knowing his neighbors. Should he throw another party for the new people moving into the building? Or is okay to spend his time building community with friends and family instead?Drawing on the book Community by Peter Block and Game of Thrones, Casper and Vanessa think through how much we should be valuing neighborliness and local community in our lives.--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

CW: We discuss weight loss and size in this episode.Vanessa owns the perfect polka dot dress. It’s sophisticated yet flirty, it makes her feel amazing every time she wears it, and it has the cutest gold button on the back. The problem is: Vanessa no longer fits in this dress. She hasn’t fit in it for a while now. Should she hold onto it just in case? Or is it time to say goodbye?Drawing on the poem One Art by Elizabeth Bishop and the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch, Vanessa and Casper work through the questions and difficulties of body positivity.--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!

Casper used to believe that there was no such thing as evil. But since the Trump presidency, he can't suppress the creeping feeling that some people genuinely don't have good intentions. Does that count as evil?Drawing on the philosophy and letters of Hannah Arendt and the movie adaptation of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Vanessa and Casper work through what Casper truly believes about what evil is and how it operates in our world.This episode is Part 1 of a two part series, we'll be back next week with further conversation on the topic of evil!--We are so grateful to our supporters on Patreon who make this show possible. If you can, please considering chipping in!