The Kid Code Playground


Space For Kids

Ep. 73

My wise young granddaughter educated me the other day by saying we need to make more space for kids. She pointed out that we make physical space for them when they’re born but go on treating them like children and then expecting them to have adult responsibilities and emotions.

What does it mean to you to give your kids space?

Take three minutes to listen to this podcast to provide relief for everyone in the house by making the kind of space that makes for a peaceful household.  

More Episodes

  • 86. Don’t Be A Turd

    Nicer language might be: don’t be a nasty. Don’t be a nincompoop. Don’t be…you decide.Listen to find out how to make behavior modification into a game of sorts that everyone in the family can play. Winner gets to…well, you and your family can decide.Show Notes:Is This Woman Ever Going To Do Timed Show Notes Again?I don’t know. The podcasts are too short for that.  
  • 85. How To ‘Turn Down The Volume’ On a Negative Thought

    Go from nasty to nice by using a ‘checkmate for the misery-making mind’ strategy every time you have a negative thought that threatens your inner peace. You can still get your needs met or have a difficult conversation—you can just remain calmer and more rational which makes for more effective outcomes.Listen to find 13 ways to ‘turn down or turn off the volume’ when a negative thought tries to ‘be the boss of you’!What ideas do you and your family have for redecorating your inner world when negativity shows its nasty head?Show NotesStill none.  
  • 84. Ball Wreckers

    Do a little experiment and see if should and shouldn’t statements subtly activate the fight, flight, freeze response inside of you.Should and shouldn’t tell us we’re not good enough and that can’t be true because we’re here on the planet—we must be good enough!How can you change your language when you notice that you are using should or shouldn’t on yourself or others? Listen for some ideas on making conversation instead of activating the stress response in us and our kids.Show NotesNope. 
  • 83. Picking Priorities

    Don’t wait for a scary diagnosis or life altering event to change your life to the way you want it.My priority became love flooding when I was diagnosed with cancer—because everyone flooded me with love, and it changed my life.Since it’s true that everyone is dying, we just don’t know when, instead of spending so much time putting out fires with our kids, spend some time finding out what each person really, deeply wants for their lives and help them get it.Ask these simple questions to help you make the changes you want to in your life—and don’t wait for the fire! Blossom yourself and your kids now!Show NotesNope. Not yet.
  • 82. Presence or Pain, You Choose

    It doesn’t feel like it in an upset with our kids or anyone else, but there are only two states to be in right after the upset arises: presence or pain.In the state of presence, we feel calm, centered and unbothered. Why do we feel unbothered in the state of presence? Because there is no past or future in the present. There are no old patterns, old emotions, old wrongs done to us, and there are no future worries or wants.Upsetting emotions have made us their servant and we’re not happy in that position.The pain in an upset comes from an identity, an opinion, an old thought, it comes from the I know it all mind. In the moment of upset, we become know it all’s, especially as parents. We’re taller than them, after all, we should know more! The I know it all mind wants to control others and the situation, which is painful. Notice every time you want to control your child and notice that you don’t feel good, notice the pain.These kinds of superpowers are waiting for you to discover them. And teach them to your kids!Amaze yourself with this superpower. Presence is a nice present to give yourself and your kids.Show NotesIt’s too short to write about! It only takes a couple of minutes to listen!
  • 81. Successful Time-Out’s/In’s (Time Inward)

    Listen to discover how to help yourself and kids every day with every kind of upset. Use the strategies you like best and if you need a reminder, they’re all in the book, The Kid Code. The Kid Code teachers have simple and short online classes that teach the codes to you, too at A few reminders are:- When you come to the Y in the road, the moment of upset offers two opportunities, either consciously take happy street or stay on sad/mad street. Tell the upset, “You’re not the boss of me.” Yes, adults can do this strategy and say that too.- Bless yourself for your mistake if you let the emotion control you by saying and feeling the truth of the words, “I matter more than the mistake,” and them make the mistake right by apologizing to another person or doing whatever is necessary.- The tantrum tamer.- The turnaround.- Natural consequences.- Diverting to Divinity- Grumpy to Grateful- I am that.- Power struggles.- BullyProof Yourself and Your Kids- and many more…In addition to a Comfy Corner Calming Sheet, you can write some encouraging messages on the other side. Here are some examples that Amanda wrote for her daughter to refer to when she felt upset:Remember you’ve worked through and gotten through these feelings many times.Mom is so proud of you when you find a way to regulate your emotions.You can do hard things.This too shall pass.Breathe. Deep breathes. Let your tummy gurgle and all the emotions release downwards.We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong.Send all your emotions up to the sun to be transformed into light.Ask yourself if the thought you are believing is true.Get your body moving, handstands, skipping. Etc.Worry, anxiety and panic don’t help you control the future. They just make you feel out of control in the moment.Some other encouraging notes you can write to your kids that they can read to help them self-regulate are:Repeat to yourself, “I am loved. I am safe.”Remind yourself that to self-regulate and become calm and playful is a superpower and you’ve got this!These big emotions don’t help me, they hurt me.Anger and sadness and all other upsetting emotions are not the boss of me. I’m the boss of them.My nature is peaceful and playful. How I know that is I feel natural when I’m like that.My nature is not mad and scared. How I know that is I don’t feel natural when I’m like that.What other things might you tell your child to encourage him or her?So make this hard work easier for you and your kids with some comfy corner calming sheets!Show NotesNope, still none. My arms aren’t recovered from surgery as of yet, so no typing for me.
  • 80. What If I Don’t Say, “There’s a Parking Spot!”

    I’m not sure why we insist on being heard. Just say what you want to (and suffer the consequences without complaint).“What if I didn’t say anything, how would I feel inside?” Serene is how I felt when I stopped telling Blake where parking spots were that he could see all by his grown-up self! Sometimes we don’t need to be heard.Let this lesson help you become a more peaceful parent.Show NotesStill no show notes—it’s two or three minutes long!
  • 79. Make Ourselves Miserable Or Make Ourselves Strong

    Carlos Castaneda, an American writer said, “We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”Kids challenge us—a lot. We have a long list of buttons they push: they don’t clean their room or listen, they talk back…What if we put our energy to work to regulate ourselves back to our peaceful, calm, kind nature instead of wasting our energy putting it to work complaining, talking to ourselves about the problem, venting to our friends and partner—generally staying in a bad mood, waiting for the next upset to show up.Learn why the meaning of breath in Hawaii is life force and how you can use one breath to make yourself strong and happy instead of using your energy to make you miserable.Show NotesStill no show notes—I’m fighting for my life (cancer came to teach me) and need my energy to help me!
  • 78. Join A ‘Relief’ Club

    This podcast is dedicated to Dana, Cole, Ny and Eclipse (Ny’s companion working dog).Emotional pain can be left in the moment it happens! It doesn’t need to inform the next moment or ruin your day. When you say the words, “There, got through that one,” in a lighthearted way after any troubles with you or your kids is over, you reset yourself to your true and good nature.Okay this was a tiny bit longer podcast, but still no Show Notes!