The Gen Mess with Tess

Last episode, Tess told you why the toxic workplace pattern repeats, and identified each of the patterns: avoidance, disconnection, and measuring the environment instead of looking inward. This follow up episode provide 3 exercises to disrupt those patterns.These exercises are designed to go to the root of where you actually get stuck.If you haven't listened to Episode 60 yet, start there first. This episode will make a lot more sense once you've identified which pattern is yours.In this episode:Why avoidance is an anxiety problem, not a communication problem, and why that distinction changes everythingStephen Hayes's avoidance trap from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: why avoidance works in the short term and costs you everything long termThe exposure therapy approach that actually rewires the pattern, starting with one small moment this weekWhy disconnection from your own feelings is a survival strategy, not a character flawAntonio Damasio's research on how the body sends signals your brain needs to hear, and how to start listening againThe one question to ask yourself at the end of each day that rebuilds your internal compassWhy most people measure opportunities by the wrong things not because they weren't taught better, but because the right questions are scarier to answerKristin Neff's research on self-compassion and the fear of honest self-assessmentThree questions to ask before your next interview, your next career decision, or your current job right nowResearcher credits:Stephen Hayes, developer of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)Antonio Damasio, neuroscientist, research on somatic signals and decision-makingKristin Neff, self-compassion researcher, University of Texas AustinFollow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes. Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

You did everything right. The school, the job, the hustle. You followed the path, and you're good at it! So why does it still feel like something's missing?This week, Tess sits down with Malaika Smyth, a coach for high achievers who have checked every box and still find themselves asking a surprisingly hard question: what do I actually want for myself?Malaika brings a rare combination of experience as a Division I athlete background, nearly eight years scaling coaching operations at BetterUp from 50 to over 3,500 coaches, and her own winding path through quarter-life crisis, identity shifts, and a gift box business detour. She helps people build success that actually feels like theirs.This conversation goes deep on the psychology of high achievement, what Silicon Valley's performance culture does to young people, and why so many accomplished professionals have never once stopped to ask what they actually want.In this episode:Why high achievers often tie their entire self-worth to how hard they workThe Silicon Valley "duck effect" — calm on the surface, paddling furiously underneathWhat a Gen Z employee taught Malaika about a kind of career maturity she'd never seen beforeWhy age doesn't automatically equal wisdom — and what actually doesThe sunk cost trap that keeps high achievers stuck on the wrong pathWhat every client ultimately wants at their core (it's always the same thing)The 75-year-old exercise that cuts through all the noise and gets to what actually mattersWhere AI fits in the future of coaching — and where it absolutely doesn'tTo connect with Malaika Smyth, visit malaikasmyth.com or find her on LinkedIn.CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 — Welcome & Malaika Smyth introduction01:20 — When Malaika first questioned whether being a high achiever was actually working for her02:43 — Where the drive came from — internal wiring or outside pressure?04:10 — Growing up in Silicon Valley: the unspoken assumption that you had to do something "big"07:00 — The duck metaphor: calm on the surface, paddling furiously underneath08:40 — College as non-negotiable — and how environment sets a path without anyone saying a word09:50 — Graduating in 2014: a Bay Area overflowing with opportunity and equity dreams11:00 — Following her brother into product management — and realizing it wasn't right11:40 — Quarter-life crisis at year two: the moment she knew something had to change12:40 — Designing Your Life — the book that opened a new door13:50 — Joining BetterUp and discovering what coaching actually was14:55 — The question Malaika asks clients who are rewarded for hustle16:00 — "My only value is that I work hard" — and why coaching helped her see beyond it17:00 — The decision to leave BetterUp and what came next18:30 — The gift box business detour — and the important lesson it taught20:25 — The sunk cost trap: why people stay on the wrong path long after they know better23:40 — Selling yourself vs. selling a product: the vulnerability of a coaching business24:35 — "I don't really care if you work with me. I care that you work on yourself."28:45 — The power of silence — and celebration — in a coaching session32:00 — Learning to trust your instincts and why being wrong can still be useful37:30 — What every client ultimately wants at their core39:50 — Managing both younger and older employees at BetterUp41:10 — The Gen Z employee who floored Malaika with an unexpected kind of maturity43:00 — Age does not equal wisdom — a lesson that changed how Malaika leads46:45 — "I've been talking to ChatGPT all morning and I need to talk to a human"48:00 — Tess on AI: the real hope, the real fear, and what's actually at stake54:15 — The first question to ask when you've done everything right and it still feels off55:00 — The 75-year-old exercise: what do you want your life to have been about?57:00 — How to connect with Malaika + closing thoughts

You gave the feedback carefully. You were constructive. You even thought through every word. And they still shut down.If you're a manager or HR leader wondering why feedback conversations keep going sideways, this episode is the one you've been waiting for.Tess Brigham breaks down the neuroscience of why feedback feels like a threat, why Gen Z is particularly activated by it (hint: it makes complete psychological sense), and why the feedback models most leaders were trained on were built for a different era.You'll walk away with a completely different understanding of what's happening in that room and three concrete shifts you can make starting with your very next conversation.In this episode:Why the brain experiences feedback as a social threat, and what that means for your employeesDavid Rock's SCARF model and the five psychological domains a single feedback conversation can trigger simultaneouslyWhy Gen Z carries a higher baseline of anxiety into these conversations than any previous generation, and why that's not the same as being fragileThe critical difference between feedback landing as information versus landing as a verdictWhy technically correct feedback still fails when the environment isn't psychologically safeThree shifts to make right now: establishing safety first, separating behavior from identity, and giving space to processThe fourth shift most managers skip, and why it changes everythingCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 — The feedback conversation that went sideways — and the question every manager has01:00 — "Can't they just take feedback like an adult?" — naming what nobody says out loud01:45 — The neuroscience: why feedback is a threat, not just information02:27 — The SCARF model: the five domains your brain monitors for safety03:30 — What a single feedback conversation triggers simultaneously in the brain04:45 — Why this hits Gen Z harder — and why it's not about fragility05:30 — How social media turned their adolescence into a constant performance evaluation06:15 — Graduating into a pandemic: what Gen Z never got from their first jobs07:00 — When criticism lands as a verdict, not information07:45 — A real client story: the five-minute feedback that caused four days of dread09:00 — Why the old feedback playbook is quietly breaking down09:28 — The broken assumptions behind the feedback sandwich and annual reviews11:00 — Three shifts to make starting with your next conversation11:15 — Shift 1: Establish safety before you say anything critical13:00 — Shift 2: Separate behavior from identity — out loud, every single time14:30 — Shift 3: Give them time and space to process before expecting a response16:20 — Why "closing" a feedback conversation is the wrong instinct17:30 — The fourth shift: check your own nervous system before you walk in19:00 — Why walking in frustrated defeats the entire conversation20:00 — The bottom line: what managers who are getting this right actually understand21:00 — Free resources: the Gen Z Playbook + related episodesDownload Tess's free Gen Z Playbook at TessBrigham.com. Related episodes:Episode 52 (Why Gen Z Keeps Asking Questions at Work) Episode 47 (The Manager Effect | Why Your Boss Impacts Your Mental Health More Than You Think with Ashley Herd)

Is AI really replacing jobs, or are we misunderstanding AI's role at work?In this episode of The Gen Mess with Tess, Tess Brigham sits down with People Operations executive Erin Turnmeyer to break down what leaders, employees, and organizations are getting wrong about AI in the workplace.With 15+ years of experience building talent systems, including time at the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, Erin brings a data-driven perspective on how AI, automation, and analytics are reshaping work.💡 In this episode, we cover:Why AI is a force multiplier, not a replacementThe real reason companies are making AI-related layoffsWhat tasks should (and should NOT) be automatedHow to use AI without losing the human element at workWhy resume screening with AI can backfirePractical ways to start using AI without feeling overwhelmedHow early-career professionals can stand out in an AI-driven worldIf you’ve been feeling anxious, confused, or curious about AI, this conversation will help you rethink what’s actually happening—and how to adapt without fear.Whether you’re a leader, job seeker, or just trying to keep up with the future of work, this episode will give you clarity and practical takeaways.Timestamps00:00 – Intro: “Fixing the mess vs living in it”00:42 – Meet Erin Turnmeyer (People Ops + AI perspective)01:05 – From chem bio weapons analyst → HR leader03:10 – What people get wrong about AI at work04:00 – “AI is a force multiplier, not a replacement”05:00 – Fear-based headlines & why they’re misleading06:00 – Why fear blocks people from learning AI07:30 – How companies fail at AI adoption08:15 – Real example: teaching AI internally at work09:30 – What AI should NOT replace (human touchpoints)10:30 – What to automate vs keep human11:10 – Why AI resume screening is flawed13:00 – Smart ways to use AI in recruiting (without bias)15:00 – Removing “administrative weight” from work16:00 – Will AI lead to layoffs—or growth?17:00 – The real opportunity: 20% more strategic thinking18:10 – Why companies must allow time to learn AI19:20 – Advice for early-career professionals20:00 – Using AI as a daily learning coach21:30 – Don’t outsource your thinking23:00 – Could AI finally deliver work-life balance?24:00 – The 4-day workweek conversation25:00 – Real-world AI use cases (healthcare, systems, etc.)26:00 – What happens to jobs AI can fully replace?27:00 – What actually gets someone hired today28:00 – Why AI-generated resumes are hurting candidates30:00 – How to use AI correctly for resumes32:00 – Training AI to sound like you34:00 – Spotting AI-generated applications instantly35:00 – How young professionals can “train” AI on themselves37:00 – Using AI as a thinking partner (not a cheerleader)38:00 – Trust but verify: why sources matter40:00 – First step: how to start using AI today41:00 – Unexpected tip: use AI for shopping decisions43:00 – Final thoughts + where to find ErinConnect with Tess at tessbrigham.comSubscribe to Erin's Substack, AI for Human Operators, at hrai.substack.com

No one really warns you how psychologically hard early career can be.You learn how to write a resume, interview, and get hired, but almost no one explains what it feels like once you’re inside the workplace. You're being evaluated constantly, questioning yourself, guessing the rules, and trying to build confidence without experience.In this episode of The Gen Mess with Tess, Tess Brigham explains why the beginning of your career can feel so mentally intense, and why that experience is often misunderstood. She breaks down the psychological weight of uncertainty, self-doubt, comparison, unclear expectations, and why many young professionals incorrectly assume they are the problem when they are often responding normally to a demanding environment.Tess also addresses something leaders need to hear clearly: being early career does not mean someone should tolerate unhealthy behavior, poor emotional regulation, or unclear leadership.This is Part 2 of Tess’s solo series on the psychology of work and why younger employees need more clarity, not more criticism.Chapter Timestamps00:00 Why early career hits harder than expected01:05 Learning who you are while being evaluated02:20 Why young professionals internalize stress03:05 High expectations, low control, constant comparison04:20 Why unclear environments create self-doubt04:50 What young employees should never normalize05:30 Why yelling at work should not be accepted06:15 Discomfort vs unhealthy environments06:50 How to separate mistakes from identity07:40 What leaders owe early-career employees Be sure to subscribe so you never miss a weekly episode. To learn more, or to Shop available resources, visit tessbrigham.com

Think you're not a morning person? Think again.This week, Tess sits down with Amy Landino, bestselling author, content creator, and founder of Vlog Boss Studios. Together, they blow up everything you think you know about morning routines, productivity, and what it actually means to start your day on your own terms.Amy's newly expanded book, Good Morning, Good Life, isn't about waking up at 5am or turning your morning into an Instagram aesthetic. It's about reclaiming ownership of your day before the world gets a vote, and her simple three-bucket framework (Movement, Mindfulness, and Mastery) makes that possible for anyone, in any season of life.Tess and Amy also get into the messy generational stuff: why Millennials were conditioned to believe "work harder" was always the answer, why a six-figure business might actually be the wrong goal, and the moment Amy told her dad she'd already made $90K that year and watched him go completely speechless.In this episode:Why your morning routine is probably built around someone else's agendaThe key difference between starting your day "on offense" vs. "on defense"Amy's three-bucket framework: Movement, Mindfulness & Mastery explained simplyThe real reason you're "not a morning person" (it's not what you think)Why a six-figure business might be the worst goal you're chasing right nowThe Millennial financial reality: student loans, a broken housing market, and boomer advice that no longer appliesHow self-compassion and accountability actually work together, not against each otherAmy Landino's book Good Morning, Good Life is available now. DM Amy on Instagram @AmyLandino the word "Tess" to receive her free Extraordinary Action Framework.CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 — Welcome & Amy Landino introduction01:00 — Amy's origin story: moving out at 18 and the "there's gotta be a better way" mindset04:00 — The wedding video that started everything — and how YouTube changed her life07:00 — What people get wrong about morning routines (hint: Instagram flex culture)09:30 — Checking email vs. checking your goals: offense vs. defense12:00 — Why you apologize for not replying fast enough — and why you need to stop13:15 — Is Good Morning, Good Life the Gen Z version of Miracle Morning? Tess makes the case16:45 — The three-bucket framework: Movement, Mindfulness & Mastery19:20 — Tess's morning confession: sitting with her dogs, and finally giving herself permission21:00 — "I'm not a morning person" — the #1 objection, completely reframed24:00 — "But I have kids" — excuse #2, and Amy's surprisingly honest answer28:45 — The Extraordinary Action Framework: DM Amy on Instagram to get it free29:20 — Self-compassion + accountability: why they're not opposites33:45 — Screw "realistic" — why shooting for the unrealistic actually makes sense34:45 — Hot take: Why Amy tells clients with six-figure businesses to just go get a job40:00 — Generational spotlight: Millennials as the internet's guinea pigs42:30 — Student loans, the housing market, and what Millennials actually inherited47:20 — Boomer advice vs. Millennial reality — a tension that's very, very real48:00 — The $90K moment: Amy's dad, and why the people who love you don't always know what's possible for youSUBSCRIBE to The Gen Mess with Tess podcast for weekly insights on workplace culture, generational challenges, and relationship advice.

Why does one vague comment from your boss stay in your head all day? Why does being left off a meeting invite suddenly feel personal? Why can work feel emotionally exhausting even when you’re technically “doing fine”?In this episode of The Gen Mess with Tess, Tess Brigham explains why work is never just about tasks, productivity, or performance—it’s psychological.From feedback and comparison to belonging, safety, and identity, Tess breaks down what’s happening beneath the surface when work stress feels bigger than the moment itself. She also explains why so many leaders misread performance issues that are actually clarity issues, communication issues, or nervous-system responses.If you’ve ever replayed a Slack message, questioned yourself after feedback, or wondered why Gen Z seems to experience work differently, this episode explains why.This is part 1 of a 2-part solo series on the emotional reality of work, leadership, and what younger employees are actually experiencing in today’s workplace. Part 2 will be published next week. Chapter Timestamps00:00 Why work is more psychological than most people realize01:10 Why your brain treats work stress like threat02:20 Why vague feedback feels personal03:15 Work, identity, and self-worth04:10 Why comparison intensifies workplace anxiety04:45 What leaders misunderstand about Gen Z retention06:00 Why Gen Z isn’t “too sensitive”07:10 Communication problems are often anxiety problems08:05 Why retention is a mental health issue09:00 The key question leaders should ask instead visit tessbrigham.com to learn more

In Episode 53 of The Gen Mess with Tess, Tess Brigham sits down with Amy Leneker, founder and CEO of the Center for Joyful Work, to explore why burnout keeps happening even to highly successful leaders who know better.Amy has helped more than 100,000 leaders and teams, including Fortune 100 companies, rethink leadership, workplace stress, and employee well-being. A former public policy executive and recovering workaholic, Amy shares how burning out twice forced her to confront the internal patterns that kept driving overwork, achievement, and chronic stress.Together, Tess and Amy unpack why burnout is not simply about workload; it is often tied to identity, workplace systems, leadership culture, and the stories people tell themselves about success.This conversation explores:why high performers often confuse overworking with worthhow burnout can repeat even after changing jobswhat workplace stress is doing to leadership pipelineswhy younger employees are redefining ambitionhow Gen Z experiences stress differently at workwhy recognition and appreciation matter more than many leaders realizethe three conditions that create joy at work: meaning, mattering, and momentumhow AI may force a new era of critical thinking in leadershipAmy also shares findings from her national workforce research showing that employees increasingly need joy at work to perform well, yet many leaders still operate inside systems that reward exhaustion instead of sustainability.For HR leaders, managers, and executives, this episode offers a practical framework for understanding employee burnout, generational tension, workplace stress, leadership development, and what healthy ambition may need to look like next.If your organization is asking why employees are disengaged, overwhelmed, or pulling back from leadership, this conversation explains what may be underneath it.Chapters with Timestamps00:00 – Why Amy Leneker Burned Out Twice02:14 – The Stress Story High Achievers Carry04:12 – Why Leadership Still Rewards Burnout06:45 – Why Joy Belongs in the Future of Leadership08:21 – Gen Z, Stress, and New Definitions of Work11:52 – Are Younger Workers Redefining Ambition?16:15 – The Three Conditions That Create Joy at Work20:23 – Why Gen Z Needs Appreciation More Than Leaders Think25:36 – The Exercise That Changed Amy’s Career31:13 – Parenting, Leadership, and Invisible Overwork35:01 – Why Workplace Systems Keep Breaking People40:13 – AI, Critical Thinking, and the Future of Work