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Ep 77: Why Your Burnout Recovery Keeps Failing (Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober)
51:12|The burnout conversation has been missing something. Not willpower, not better habits, not the right morning routine. What's actually missing is the body.In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Suzanne Bober, chiropractor, nervous system educator, and founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint, whose 25 years of clinical work led her to one conclusion: burnout isn't a character flaw, a motivation problem, or a generational weakness. It's a nervous system at capacity. And no amount of rest, yoga, or time off changes that if nothing physiological changes first.Dr. Bober is the author of Burnout Rewired, which reframes the entire burnout conversation around what she calls cognitive overload and the science of nervous system expansion. Her core message is one most leaders and young workers have never heard: you don't need to be less ambitious. You need a system that can actually support how ambitious you already are.What you will learn:The difference between burnout and cognitive overload, and why that distinction changes how you treat itWhy stress leaves and rest periods often fail: nothing physiological changes, so people return to the same environment and immediately overwhelm againWhy Gen Z may be entering the workforce with the cup already three-quarters full before a single meetingWhat nervous system overload actually looks like in the body: tension patterns, shallow breathing, brain fog, digestive disruption, and immune suppressionThe electric car analogy: what it feels like to operate from expanded capacity instead of survival modeWhy five minutes of stillness is physiologically different from scrolling (and why the phone is always going to win on comfort)The bed rotting trend decoded: what it actually tells us about the freeze stage of chronic stressWhat managers can do at the onboarding stage to change the trajectory before it becomes a retention problemDr. Bober's four energy archetypes and where to find her free energy quizCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Bober00:58 Origin Story: From Chiropractic to Nervous System Education02:48 Cognitive Overload vs. Burnout: Why the Language Matters04:00 Signs Your Nervous System Is at Capacity (That Most People Miss)08:48 How Stress Shows Up in the Body: Tension, Breathing, and Immune Suppression13:05 Why Gen Z Enters Work With the Cup Already Full14:31 You Don't Need Less Ambition. You Need a Bigger Nervous System.22:37 Thrival vs. Survival: What Expanded Capacity Actually Feels Like28:49 Where Your Energy Actually Is (And Why You Can't Access It)33:16 Doing Less to Get More: Why Your Starting State Changes Everything37:21 Mental Load, Present-Moment Focus, and Why Multitasking Is a Myth41:28 Bed Rotting: What It's Really Telling Us About Gen ZGuest: Dr. Suzanne Bober, Chiropractor, Nervous System Educator, Founder of the Infinite Balance BlueprintBook: Burnout Rewired (contact Dr. Bober for a free chapter)Dr. Bober's Energy Quiz: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/quiz/6FP4OnNCOBAD3egZPgGuLearn more: https://harbourfrontchiropractic.com/dr-suzanne-boberFollow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly conversations about generational challenges in the workplace and our daily lives.Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.
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Ep 76: Why Authority Doesn't Work the Way It Used To
13:25|For most of modern work, being difficult was something leadership could get away with if they were brilliant enough. We didn't just tolerate the tortured genius, we romanticized them. And there was a logic to it. If someone controlled access to knowledge, skills, or connections you couldn't get anywhere else, you put up with them, because the trade was worth it.That trade is over. And most leaders haven't noticed yet.In this solo episode, Tess breaks down why the authority structures that ran workplaces for the last century are collapsing, and why Gen Z didn't cause the collapse; they're just the first generation willing to name it out loud.Exploring how we got into the organizational psychology framework behind the shift (French and Raven's bases of power), what the Harvard Business School trust triangle actually looks like in practice, and the one sentence that explains why so many leaders are struggling with their teams right now: they think they have a respect problem, when what they actually have is a trust problem.What you'll learn:Why expert power and legitimate power used to be enough on their own, and why they no longer areThe "tortured genius" mythology and the unspoken deal it depended onWhy Gen Z never agreed to the old deal, because there was nothing left in it for them by the time they arrivedThe trust triangle (Authenticity, Empathy, Logic) and what happens when one leg is missingWhy leaders who reach for control when they lose deference make the problem significantly worseOne concrete move for each leg of the trust triangle to try in your next one-on-oneCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement00:40 How Information Used to Be the Ultimate Currency at Work02:24 The Tortured Genius Deal: Why We Romanticized Difficult Bosses04:00 French and Raven's Bases of Power (And Why Two of Them Are Failing)04:41 When Information Stops Being Scarce, Relationship Is All That's Left06:00 You Don't Have a Respect Problem. You Have a Trust Problem.07:00 Real Workplace Example: When Control Replaces Relationship08:00 Gen Z Never Agreed to the Old Deal09:45 The Trust Triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic11:00 One Practical Move Per Trust Leg for Your Next One-on-One11:36 The Bottom Line: What Leaders Actually Need Now
Ep 75: Are We Losing Empathy in Our Connected World? (Guest: Mimi Nicklin)
49:25|We've lost 48% of our empathy in the last 30 years. In a world that's more connected than ever, that's not a coincidence. It's a biology problem.In this episode, I sit down with Mimi Nicklin, bestselling author and founder of Empathy Everywhere, who has spent years traveling the globe training senior leaders to treat empathy as the competitive advantage it actually is. She's shared stages with Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak and reached over five million people worldwide with one core argument: empathy isn't soft. It's the hardest, most measurable skill in the room.What we get into in this episode is the reframe most leaders desperately need. Mimi breaks down what empathy actually is (it's not what you think), why our brains are physiologically less capable of it under stress, and what the FBI, the US Army, and the CEO of Chanel all have in common. Plus, the four stages of real empathy change, and why you can do this in under 120 seconds.What you'll learn:What empathy actually is: it lives in the prefrontal cortex, it's a cognitive skill, and it's not about feelingsWhy organizations led with empathy see 21% higher profits and 68% higher engagementThe neuroscience behind the empathy deficit: why stress and cortisol literally shut down your capacity for itWhy being more connected through technology is making us less empathetic, not moreWhy empathy is not agreement, and how you can understand someone and still completely disagree with themWhat both older leaders and younger workers are getting wrong about empathy right nowThe four stages of empathy change: awareness, education, intention, and measurementPractical tools anyone can use in under 120 seconds to build connection immediatelyCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Mimi Nicklin00:40 Mimi's Origin Story: From Senior Ad Executive to Empathy Advocate05:09 Why Empathy Is a Hard Skill (And the Data That Proves It)07:38 What Empathy Actually Is: Perspective Taking and the Prefrontal Cortex11:04 Why Being More Connected Is Making Us Less Empathetic16:20 Empathy Is Not Agreement: Why That Distinction Changes Everything20:04 The Generational Tension: What Older Leaders and Younger Workers Both Get Wrong26:17 Listening-Led Leadership and Why Assumption Is the Enemy of Performance32:26 How Mimi Works: Speaking, Content, and the Four Stages of Change35:25 Who's Actually Doing This Right: Satya Nadella, Chanel, and Jamil Zaki39:06 Practice Creates Permanence, Not Perfection41:03 40 Ways to Connect: Practical Tools Anyone Can Use TodayGuest: Mimi NicklinOrganization: Empathy EverywhereWebsite: empathyeverywhere.coFollow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes. Visit TessBrigham.com to learn more.
Ep 74: How to Rewire Your Brain and Break the Patterns Running Your Life (with Thais Gibson)
50:08|Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line.In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level?Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing.We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast.What you'll learn in this episode:Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enoughThe BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationshipsThe 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behaviorThe 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinkingWhy anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneathThe difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everythingWhy self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not lessHow to find your attachment style and where to begin the real workCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson 01:14 Thais' Origin Story: Fearful Avoidant Attachment and a Chaotic Childhood 05:52 The Three Pillars of Healing: Core Wounds, Nervous System, and Identity 09:31 The BTEA Framework: How One Belief Drives Your Entire Day 13:23 Why Rewiring Works: Neuroplasticity and the Subconscious Mind 15:31 The 15 Core Wounds by Attachment Style 17:55 The 21-Day Rewiring Exercise (Step by Step) 21:02 Gen Z, Social Media, and Getting Into This Work Earlier 30:03 Why We Keep Choosing the Same People (The Subconscious Comfort Zone) 32:04 What Actually Makes Something Trauma 40:00 Victimhood vs. Victimization: The Distinction That Changes Everything 46:29 Where to Start: Programs, Resources, and Next StepsGuest: Thais Gibson, Founder, Personal Development SchoolWebsite: personaldevelopmentschool.comVisit tessbrigham.com to learn more about host Tess Brigham, and sign up for the free weekly Dear Gen Mess Newsletter.
Ep 73: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict For Good
15:27|Someone corners you at your desk to vent about a coworker. You listen, you nod, you leave them feeling a little lighter. You didn't do anything wrong. But you just became the container for someone else's unresolved conflict.There's a name for this. It's called triangulation. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it.In this solo episode I walk through the psychology of why this pattern is so hard to give up, drawing on Murray Bowen's family systems theory and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar's research on gossip as social bonding. I cover the three real reasons people avoid going direct: it's not just conflict avoidance, it's anxiety regulation, it's a genuine need to be seen, and it's risk avoidance around a relationship that actually matters. I also share what happened with a client of mine, I'm calling her Maya, who spent over a year in the same Friday coffee ritual before one sentence to her manager changed everything.If you've ever been someone's Friday coffee, or if you're a manager wondering why the same tension keeps surfacing on your team quarter after quarter, this episode is for you.What you'll learn in this episode:What triangulation is and why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stressThe three real drivers behind this pattern: anxiety reduction, the need to be seen, and risk avoidanceWhy Robin Dunbar's research on gossip reframes venting as something ancient and human, not just bad behaviorWhy the advice to just talk to them directly almost always gets ignored and what to say insteadThe one question to ask when someone pulls you into their conflict that actually helps them moveThree concrete things managers can do to become someone people don't have to vent aroundCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Opening hook and introduction to triangulation 01:20 Murray Bowen and family systems theory: why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress 02:24 How triangulation shows up at work: managers, HR, and the desk-side vent 03:00 Why the pattern feels good: anxiety reduction and Robin Dunbar on gossip as social bonding 04:47 Why "just talk to them directly" almost never works: you are asking someone to give up something that is working 05:45 Why the pattern never resolves the conflict: relief is real but temporary, and the same tension resurfaces 06:30 The third driver nobody names: risk avoidance and the real cost of going direct 07:50 The Maya story: a year of Friday coffee venting, one question, and one sentence that shifted everything 11:30 What to do when you are the third point in someone else's conflict 11:47 Three concrete things managers can do right now 13:30 The bottom line: conflict avoided is conflict postponedVisit tessbrigham.com to learn more about fixing the mess in the modern workplace.
Ep 72: ADHD, Autism, and the Myth of Productivity with Genie Love
49:59|Most managers have at least one person on their team who is hard to read. They resist changes. They go quiet after a pivot. They seem disengaged, or they overdeliver one week and disappear the next. And the usual management advice does not seem to reach them.In this episode I sit down with Genie Love, an executive functioning and relationship coach with over 25 years of experience working with neurodivergent adults. Genie spent 13 years supporting students with ADHD and autism in schools before shifting to adult coaching, helping people whose brains were never designed for the systems being handed to them.We talk about why more adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism now, why the apps and planners always fail, and why productivity is the wrong goal entirely. Genie introduces the concept of steadiness as the target instead, and walks through two concrete starting points that actually work for neurodivergent brains. We also get into what managers can realistically do without overhauling everything, and why the accommodations that help neurodivergent employees almost always turn out to help everyone on the team.What you'll learn in this episode:Why so many adults are discovering they have ADHD or autism in midlife and why it surfaces thenWhy apps, planners, and productivity systems keep failing neurodivergent peopleWhy steadiness is a better goal than productivity, and what that actually looks likeA step-by-step protocol for starting a hard task that you have been avoidingHow to match tasks to energy levels rather than defaulting to productivity guru schedulesWhat one small, sustainable change managers can make that benefits their entire teamResources for parents who suspect their child may be neurodivergentCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Introduction and guest bio: Genie Love, executive functioning coach00:47 Genie's origin story: from physical therapy to 25 years of neurodivergent coaching04:27 Why more adults are being diagnosed with ADHD and autism now07:10 The midlife tipping point: when systems that worked before suddenly stop working10:17 ADHD vs. autism: overlaps and differences in the coaching approach11:30 Why apps and planners keep failing neurodivergent people15:12 Productivity vs. steadiness: why the wrong goal is burning people out20:20 Technology, constant access, and the value of learning to do nothing24:14 The hard-thing setup protocol, time blocking, and energy blocking31:38 Mindset advice that backfires and the autistic burnout risk34:01 Late diagnosis: shame, grief, resources for parents, and why parents need coaching too43:37 What managers can do: one small change that ends up benefiting everyoneFollow Genie Love & Join Her Newsletterhttps://beyondcoaching.pro/Join the Dear Gen Mess Community to get the weekly download of the generational challenges facing us all.https://www.tessbrigham.com/podcast
Ep 71: Why Your Best Manager Is Burning Out
16:05|She is the manager first to respond to a message, even outside of normal business hours. She takes on every project nobody else wants. She quietly rewrites deliverables before they go out, even when she technically does not have to. Her team loves her, leadership loves her, she is the best manager you've ever worked with. And she is running on fumes in a way that will never once show up on paper.In this solo episode I go deep on a pattern I see repeatedly in my work with high-performing managers, particularly women. This is not about a leadership style or a personality trait. It is about a childhood role that never got put down. And it is quietly running her nervous system every single day at work.I walk through the psychology of parentification, Murray Bowen's concept of overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy, and why the standard advice, just delegate more, does not just fail these managers. In some cases it actively makes things worse. I also share a composite case study and give both the manager living this pattern and the leaders above her something concrete to do differently.What you'll learn in this episode:What parentification is and the story it writes in a child's brain before they have words to question itWhy overfunctioning is not a trust problem or a perfectionism problem but an anxiety regulation problemWhy telling your best manager to delegate more can accidentally deepen the compulsive pattern instead of breaking itThree specific ways the standard delegation advice backfiresWhat actually helps: the one question to ask before taking something back overHow to give feedback to a manager like this without triggering the old story that she needs to try harderCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Introduction and hook: the manager who seems to handle everything00:58 What this episode is really about: a childhood role that never got put down02:10 Parentification: the framework and the story it writes in the brain03:15 Eldest daughter syndrome: what it is, who it applies to, and why Tess is focusing on women today04:48 The Sierrico thesis on birth order and caretaking roles, and how they become a management style05:45 Murray Bowen: overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy06:30 Why overfunctioning is really about anxiety regulation, not the quality of the work07:07 Why just delegate more misses the mark and why willpower won't fix a body problem08:20 Three specific ways telling someone to delegate more backfires09:25 Meet Rachel: the composite case study and what her day actually looks like11:20 It does not look like a wound. It looks like competence.11:41 What actually helps: noticing, pausing, and getting curious before taking back over12:30 How to give feedback to a manager like Rachel without triggering the old story13:45 The bottom line: burnout in your best managers is an old role playing out on a new stageCheck Out These Related Episodes:Ep 47: The Manager Effect | Why Your Boss Impacts Your Mental Health More Than You Think with Ashley HerdEp 44: The Real Reason HR, Managers, and Employees Are ExhaustedFollow for weekly episodes that aren't just fixing the mess, but teaching you how to live in it. Visit tessbrigham.com for more.