The ENM DNM

In this episode, we take on one of the most loaded and misunderstood topics in ethical non-monogamy: hierarchy.Rather than treating hierarchy as something simple or automatically bad, we sit with the messier reality of what it actually means in practice, who benefits from it, and why people so often struggle to name it honestly.We explore the difference between equality and equity, the role of privilege and access in relationships, and the tension between what people wish they could offer and what they can realistically offer.Along the way, we talk about primary partners, power, fairness, expectations, and the problems that can emerge when hierarchy is either denied, hidden, or softened with language that avoids the truth.This is not an episode about easy answers or rigid rules. It is a conversation about honesty, structure, and the importance of being clear about what kind of relationship you are actually building.This episode is about hierarchy, privilege, relational reality, and the difficult but necessary work of naming things as they really are.

In this episode, we step into one of the more complicated spaces sitting alongside ethical non-monogamy.We’re joined by Genevieve, founder of Skirt Club, to talk about what the community is, who it is for, and why so many women find themselves drawn to it while still not always seeing it as non-monogamy.From there, the conversation opens out into something much bigger: bisexuality, curiosity, marriage, secrecy, permission, exclusivity, and the blurred line between sexual exploration and relationship structure.We talk about the women who come to these spaces, what they are often looking for, and why experiences with other women can be understood very differently from other forms of non-monogamy, even when the overlap is clearly there.We also get into the harder questions around safety, consent, trauma, inclusion, and the tension that can exist when a space is trying to hold multiple realities at once.This episode is about women-only spaces, sexual identity, community, and the messy grey areas that appear when desire, liberation, and ENM don’t fit neatly into the same box.

In this episode, we do something a little different.We listen to Lily Allen’s West End Girl track by track and react to it in real time, using our own experiences in ethical non-monogamy as the lens for the conversation.As the album unfolds, so does a bigger discussion about heartbreak, agreements, jealousy, attachment, communication, and the messy space between what people say they want and what actually happens in practice.Rather than trying to give definitive answers, we let the songs lead us. Some moments are funny, some are uncomfortable, and some hit surprisingly hard.What follows is a raw conversation about love, betrayal, power, desire, and the difficult questions that can sit underneath non-monogamous relationships when things stop feeling clear.This episode is part album reaction, part relationship analysis, and part honest reflection on what can happen when intimacy, hurt, and uncertainty all collide.

In Part 2 of Leonie’s story, the conversation moves from background into becoming.We explore what happened after the rules started to loosen: the slow unfurling of sexuality, the complexity of identity, and the often messy gap between what non-monogamy is supposed to look like and what it actually feels like to live it.Leonie speaks openly about moving from a conservative faith background into a much broader world of intimacy, queerness, friendship and connection.We talk about the difference between attraction and compatibility, the challenge of unlearning old conditioning, the reality of dating in ENM spaces, and how non-monogamy can open up not just relationships, but entirely new ways of understanding yourself.This episode is about fluidity, directness, friendship, desire, and the ongoing process of working out what connection really means when you no longer fit inside the old rules. 

It’s been a while, but WE ARE BACK!!The ENM DNM looks a little different now. It’s just the two of us, Adam and Leonie, which brings a new format, a new energy, and a bit more space to let the conversation go where it naturally wants to.In this episode, we reintroduce ourselves, reflect on what’s changed since the last run of episodes, and talk about what this next chapter of the podcast is going to look like.We unpack why we’re doing this, what kind of conversations we want to have, and why this podcast has never been about pretending to be experts or handing out gold stars for “doing ENM right”.From here on, this podcast is about honest conversations, lived experience, the messy bits, the funny bits, and creating a space where people can feel a little more seen in the realities of non-monogamy.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making more gorgeous chaos?ou can support the podcast with a one-off or ongoing donation here: Ko-fi.comYour support helps us make the podcast and also contributes to our broader mission of funding free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise be able to access it.Come say hi or follow along:InstagramTiktokEmail us!Want to book a counselling session with Adam?Get in touch here: HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from potential collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners.Please note: this podcast is for conversation, reflection and shared experience. It is not a replacement for therapy, medical advice or crisis support.

Episode 6: The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly From cute friend dates to chaotic sex parties, we’re ending Season 1 with our wildest, weirdest, and most heartfelt dating stories. In this final episode of the season, we swap stories from the frontlines of dating while ethically non-monogamous — the good, the bad, and the downright fugly. We reflect on what counts as a date in ENM, how online dating compares to meeting people in community, and the beautiful chaos of navigating sex parties, group dynamics, and slow-burn connections. There’s vulnerability, laughter, and a lot of honest talk about what it’s really like to date, connect, and grow while living non-monogamously. What We Talk About:Dating while polyamorous and ethically non-monogamousWhy some of the best dates are platonicOnline dating red flags and bios that make us swipe awayFirst-time sex party nerves (and snacks)The pressure (or not) at ENM social eventsHow community-based connections feel safer and more authenticOne piece of advice we’d give to anyone starting out in ENMMentioned in This Episode:ko-fi.com/enmdnm – Support the pod and help fund free therapy and support groupsThe E&M DNM Discord – connect, learn, and share in a supportive space (access via Ko-Fi)Love what you hear?Follow, review, and support the pod over on Ko-fi — every little bit helps us fund free and subsidised therapy and support groups for ENM folks.Join our Discord to connect with other non-monogamous, queer, and curious humans from all walks of life.And stay tuned — we’ll be back with Season 2 soon. Thanks for joining us in this honest conversation about ethical non-monogamy, queer identity, dating, friendship, and community. Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making more gorgeous chaos?ou can support the podcast with a one-off or ongoing donation here: Ko-fi.comYour support helps us make the podcast and also contributes to our broader mission of funding free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise be able to access it.Come say hi or follow along:InstagramTiktokEmail us!Want to book a counselling session with Adam?Get in touch here: HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from potential collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners.Please note: this podcast is for conversation, reflection and shared experience. It is not a replacement for therapy, medical advice or crisis support.

Episode 5: Communication and Boundaries What does “good communication” really mean in ethical non-monogamy — and how do you know if you’re setting a boundary or just trying to control someone? Intro Paragraph:In this episode of The ENM DNM, we unpack the layered, often messy world of communication and boundaries in ethical non-monogamy. We explore how mismatched expectations, emotional triggers, people-pleasing, and different processing styles impact our relationships. You’ll hear real-life stories of things gone right (and wrong), how we define “good communication,” and what happens when boundaries are unclear or unspoken. Whether you’re new to ENM or years into your journey, this conversation is packed with honesty, reflection, and insight into what it takes to build trust and connection in non-monogamous relationships.What We Talk About:How we define “good communication” in ENM relationshipsWhy listening is the most underrated communication skillEmotional regulation and learning your own processing styleWhat a boundary actually is (and what it’s not)When communication isn’t enough and a relationship endsCommon challenges like unmet expectations and miscommunication between partners and metamoursThe difference between boundaries, agreements, and rulesLearning from past relationships and becoming “version 2.0”Mentioned in This Episode:ko-fi.com/enmdnm – Support the pod and join our private communityPolysecure (book)The E&M DNM Discord – connect, learn, and share in a supportive space (accessible via the Ko-Fi link)TED Talk: “John Francis: Walk the earth ... my 17-year vow of silence | TEDMiriam Margolyes Meets The Sistergirls Of The Tiwi Islands | Miriam Margolyes: Almost AustralianLove what you hear?Follow The ENM DNM on your favourite podcast app and leave us a review — it really helps new listeners find us.Support the pod and our work in the community at ko-fi.com/enmdnmJoin our private Discord space to connect, share, and grow alongside others in the ENM community.Next episode, we’re talking about dating stories — the good, the bad, and the fugly.Thanks for joining us in this honest conversation about ethical non-monogamy, queer identity, communication, and community. Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making more gorgeous chaos?ou can support the podcast with a one-off or ongoing donation here: Ko-fi.comYour support helps us make the podcast and also contributes to our broader mission of funding free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise be able to access it.Come say hi or follow along:InstagramTiktokEmail us!Want to book a counselling session with Adam?Get in touch here: HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from potential collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners.Please note: this podcast is for conversation, reflection and shared experience. It is not a replacement for therapy, medical advice or crisis support.

Episode 4: Families, Friends, and the (Mono) WorldWorld What happens when you’re living ethically non-monogamous — but your friends, family, or workplace aren’t? In this episode, we unpack the messy, beautiful, and often awkward moments of coming out in a monogamous world. We talk about the choices we make around who to tell, how we tell them, and why some of us don’t tell anyone at all. From religious upbringings and conservative families to tricky friendship dynamics and professional boundaries, this episode dives into the real-life impact of being ENM in spaces that might not understand it. Whether you’re fully out, quietly navigating disclosure, or somewhere in between, this conversation holds space for it all — with vulnerability, reflection, and a little bit of sass. What We Talk About:Coming out as ethically non-monogamous to friends, family, and colleaguesNavigating disclosure in conservative or religious familiesBalancing identity, safety, and authenticity in the workplaceFriendship shifts, chosen family, and community supportHow queer identity, culture, and values shape ENM disclosureThe emotional labour of educating others about ethical non-monogamyMentioned in This Episode:ko-fi.com/enmdnm – Support the pod and join our private communityPolysecure (book)The E&M DNM Discord – connect, learn, and share in a supportive space (accessible via the Ko-Fi link)Love what you hear?Follow, rate, and review the podcast — it really helps more people find us.Support us and access our private Discord via Ko-fi.Next up: we're diving into dating stories — the good, the bad, and the fugly. Don’t miss it. Thanks for joining us in this honest conversation about ethical non-monogamy, queer identity, communication, and community.Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making more gorgeous chaos?ou can support the podcast with a one-off or ongoing donation here: Ko-fi.comYour support helps us make the podcast and also contributes to our broader mission of funding free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise be able to access it.Come say hi or follow along:InstagramTiktokEmail us!Want to book a counselling session with Adam?Get in touch here: HalaxyWe’re also keen to hear from potential collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners.Please note: this podcast is for conversation, reflection and shared experience. It is not a replacement for therapy, medical advice or crisis support.