Share
The ENM DNM
Lily Allen's West End Girl: A Raw ENM Reaction
Season 1, Ep. 10
•
In this episode, we do something a little different.
We listen to Lily Allen’s West End Girl track by track and react to it in real time, using our own experiences in ethical non-monogamy as the lens for the conversation.
As the album unfolds, so does a bigger discussion about heartbreak, agreements, jealousy, attachment, communication, and the messy space between what people say they want and what actually happens in practice.
Rather than trying to give definitive answers, we let the songs lead us. Some moments are funny, some are uncomfortable, and some hit surprisingly hard.
What follows is a raw conversation about love, betrayal, power, desire, and the difficult questions that can sit underneath non-monogamous relationships when things stop feeling clear.
This episode is part album reaction, part relationship analysis, and part honest reflection on what can happen when intimacy, hurt, and uncertainty all collide.
Loved the episode? Want to help keep The ENM DNM alive, growing and making gorgeous chaos?
Support the podcast with a one-off or ongoing donation here
Your support helps us make the podcast and helps fund free and subsidised therapy for people who may not otherwise access it.
Come say hi or follow along: socials
Want to book a counselling session with Adam? Get in touch here: Halaxy
We’re also keen to hear from collaborators, sponsors, guests and partners.
Please note: this podcast is for conversation and reflection, not therapy, medical advice or crisis support.
More episodes
View all episodes
17. The Manifesting Canine: Love, Ghosting and the Relationship Escalator
01:04:52||Season 1, Ep. 17In this episode, Adam and Leonie move from canine chaos and accidental innuendo into a bigger conversation about dating, ghosting and what happens when connection does not quite land the way we hoped.After Leonie shares the emotional comedown of two promising connections going quiet, the conversation opens up around ghosting, mixed signals, therapy-speak, emotional responsibility and the difference between someone meaning something in the moment versus being able to follow through with care.They also unpack Olivia Dean’s Something in Between and use it as a jumping-off point to explore freedom, autonomy and what it means for love to have room to breathe within ENM. From there, Adam and Leonie dig into the relationship escalator, the pressure to make relationships “progress” in expected ways, and how non-monogamy can invite us to question what commitment, growth and legitimacy actually look like.It’s a funny, reflective and very honest episode about desire, disappointment, liberation and learning how to sit somewhere in between.16. What It’s Like to Date Adam and Leonie
01:15:21||Season 1, Ep. 16In this episode, Adam and Leonie turn the mic on themselves and unpack what it’s actually like to date them.From communication styles and emotional needs to attraction, boundaries and the little quirks that show up in relationships, they reflect on how they each move through dating in ENM. Along the way, they talk about what they value, what can be hard, and what partners might notice when getting close to them.It’s honest, playful and a little exposing — a conversation about self-awareness, compatibility and what dating can reveal about who we are.15. Adam: Vulnerability, Masculinity and ENM
01:19:52||Season 1, Ep. 15In this episode, Leonie turns the mic on Adam.They talk about how he first found his way into ethical non-monogamy, what opening up a relationship actually looked like in practice, and how those early experiences shaped the way he understands connection, communication and intimacy now.The conversation also goes deeper into masculinity, body image, self-worth and the long shadow of feeling like your body is being seen before you are. Adam reflects on living with visible scars, how that impacted the way he moved through ENM spaces, and what it has meant to be desired, vulnerable and honest in relationships.This one is personal. It’s about the stories we carry, the ways we change, and what ENM can uncover when it pushes us to look more closely at ourselves.14. Raw-Dogging Leonie: Is Ne-Yo’s Take So Sick?
01:05:14||Season 1, Ep. 14In this episode, we try something a little different.Adam brings in a social media clip of Ne-Yo talking about polyamory, and Leonie reacts to it in real time, with no prep, no pre-planning, and no idea where the conversation is about to go.What starts as a playful raw reaction quickly turns into something much bigger: a conversation about ownership, exclusivity, control, gender, power, and the uneasy line between what gets called polyamory and what might actually be something else.As the clip unfolds, we unpack what it brings up for us through an ENM lens, including the difference between consent and ethics, the responsibility that comes with public conversations about non-monogamy, and how quickly language can shape the way people understand a relationship dynamic.This episode is about Ne-Yo, reaction, projection, and the messy questions that can emerge when a public take on polyamory collides with the lived values of ENM.Along the way, we also talk about parties, overstimulation, social anxiety, desire, and the ways discomfort can make us reach for control instead of curiosity.This episode is about Ne-Yo, reaction, projection, and the messy questions that can emerge when a public take on polyamory collides with the lived values of ENM.13. The return of Ari
01:42:25||Season 1, Ep. 13In this episode, Ari returns to the podcast for a much deeper check-in.What starts as a catch-up quickly opens into a conversation about what has changed since the first episodes, what dating has looked like since then, and what it actually means to keep growing inside ethical non-monogamy rather than just talking about it.We explore the gap between theory and practice, the difference between knowing the language of ENM and actually living it, and the hard, often uncomfortable work of learning your patterns, your triggers, your limits, and your needs.Along the way, we talk about dating apps, community, self-awareness, co-regulation, grief, emotional honesty, and the question of what happens when you stop trying to be who you think ENM should make you and start paying closer attention to who you actually are.This is also a conversation about accountability: owning the parts of ourselves that do not always show up well, reflecting on relationships that have ended, and recognising that growth is not just about understanding other people, but about understanding the impact we have too.This episode is about dating, self-knowledge, emotional regulation, and the ongoing work of becoming more honest with yourself and others inside non-monogamy.12. Hierarchy in ENM
54:04||Season 1, Ep. 12In this episode, we take on one of the most loaded and misunderstood topics in ethical non-monogamy: hierarchy.Rather than treating hierarchy as something simple or automatically bad, we sit with the messier reality of what it actually means in practice, who benefits from it, and why people so often struggle to name it honestly.We explore the difference between equality and equity, the role of privilege and access in relationships, and the tension between what people wish they could offer and what they can realistically offer.Along the way, we talk about primary partners, power, fairness, expectations, and the problems that can emerge when hierarchy is either denied, hidden, or softened with language that avoids the truth.This is not an episode about easy answers or rigid rules. It is a conversation about honesty, structure, and the importance of being clear about what kind of relationship you are actually building.This episode is about hierarchy, privilege, relational reality, and the difficult but necessary work of naming things as they really are.11. Skirt Club and the Grey Areas of ENM
46:32||Season 1, Ep. 11In this episode, we step into one of the more complicated spaces sitting alongside ethical non-monogamy.We’re joined by Genevieve, founder of Skirt Club, to talk about what the community is, who it is for, and why so many women find themselves drawn to it while still not always seeing it as non-monogamy.From there, the conversation opens out into something much bigger: bisexuality, curiosity, marriage, secrecy, permission, exclusivity, and the blurred line between sexual exploration and relationship structure.We talk about the women who come to these spaces, what they are often looking for, and why experiences with other women can be understood very differently from other forms of non-monogamy, even when the overlap is clearly there.We also get into the harder questions around safety, consent, trauma, inclusion, and the tension that can exist when a space is trying to hold multiple realities at once.This episode is about women-only spaces, sexual identity, community, and the messy grey areas that appear when desire, liberation, and ENM don’t fit neatly into the same box.9. From Conservative Faith to Non-Monogamy: Leonie’s story Part 2
01:16:56||Season 1, Ep. 9In Part 2 of Leonie’s story, the conversation moves from background into becoming.We explore what happened after the rules started to loosen: the slow unfurling of sexuality, the complexity of identity, and the often messy gap between what non-monogamy is supposed to look like and what it actually feels like to live it.Leonie speaks openly about moving from a conservative faith background into a much broader world of intimacy, queerness, friendship and connection.We talk about the difference between attraction and compatibility, the challenge of unlearning old conditioning, the reality of dating in ENM spaces, and how non-monogamy can open up not just relationships, but entirely new ways of understanding yourself.This episode is about fluidity, directness, friendship, desire, and the ongoing process of working out what connection really means when you no longer fit inside the old rules.