The Beauty in the Mess

Most of us learned as kids what was “real” and what wasn’t. We were taught how to behave, how to fit in, and where the limits of possibility lived. But what if those limits were never real to begin with? In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Deborah Ann Baker, a researcher, artist, and author whose work explores the intersection of neuroscience, creativity, consciousness, and childhood development. Through her books There Is No Such Thing as Purple Trees and Quantum Rebellion, Deborah makes a compelling case that we lose something essential when we disconnect from imagination, curiosity, and wonder; the very capacities that fuel healing, innovation, and deeper human intelligence. We talk about: • the moment a teacher shut down her creativity with one sentence • why children are wired for multidimensional thinking • how neuroplasticity allows adults to reclaim what they lost • the bridge between science and spirituality • why healing requires permission to be messy • and what it means to remember what we forgot as we “grew up” This episode is for anyone who senses there’s more to being human than productivity and perfection — and who is ready to reclaim the parts of themselves they once shut down to fit in. 03:40 — The purple tree story and the wound of conformity 07:15 — Childhood imagination as cognitive intelligence 11:50 — Neuroplasticity and why adults shut down curiosity 16:20 — Science and spirituality begin to converge 21:10 — Cancer, creativity, and the “black paint moment” 27:45 — Why messiness is required for innovation 31:30 — Quantum thinking and multidimensional reality 36:05 — How children teach us what we unlearn 41:20 — What Deborah hopes adults remember ✨Connect with Deborah Ann Baker:Books: There Is No Such Thing as Purple Trees & Quantum RebellionLink Hub: https://linktr.ee/thepurpletrees✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Most people imagine PTSD as something tied to combat or emergency work. What often gets overlooked are the quieter stories. The ones with the survivors who walk back into ordinary life with extraordinary wounds no one can see. In this episode, Christiane Scarpino, author of Missing Pieces, shares her experience surviving a terrorist bombing at 21, the aftermath of FBI and NYPD interrogation, and the 49 years of PTSD that followed. We talk about what PTSD actually feels like inside the body, how triggers show up in everyday life, the years she spent blaming herself for symptoms she didn’t understand, and what healing looks like for someone who never expected to live through the initial event, let alone the decades afterward. But this is not just a trauma story. It’s a resilience story. Christiane has built a life filled with advocacy, service, marriage, humor, and Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retrievers. She is proof that healing is not about going back. It’s about learning to live forward. Whether you’re navigating trauma personally, loving someone who is, or working in a field where these experiences show up quietly, this episode expands the conversation around PTSD in an honest, compassionate, and human way. 05:10 – Surviving the terrorist bombing and the moment everything changed 09:40 – Three years of FBI and NYPD interrogation 14:15 – PTSD: symptoms, fear, and “feeling crazy” before diagnosis 18:25 – How triggers hide in plain sight 22:50 – Why PTSD doesn’t follow a timeline or expiration date 27:40 – The stigma of “you should be over this by now” 32:05 – Marriage, dogs, and rebuilding joy in a nervous system that never forgets 36:30 – Advocacy and why awareness still matters 40:50 – Writing Missing Pieces and telling the truth without sensationalizing 45:15 – What she wants PTSD survivors to hear right now ✨Connect with Christiane Scarpino:Book: Missing Pieces (memoir available via her site)Upcoming Work: PTSD self-help guide (in development)Website: https://www.christianescarpino.net✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Grief doesn’t follow rules or timelines. It shows up quietly, loudly, and sometimes all at once. In this deeply human conversation, author and educator Jeaninne Escallier Kato shares how losing two close friends during the pandemic sent her into what’s known as critical grief, a season marked by anxiety, fear of being alone, and the feeling of losing herself. What ultimately helped her find her way back wasn’t forcing positivity or rushing healing. It was creativity, storytelling, connection, and allowing grief to be honored instead of avoided. Jeaninne opens up about how writing, creating her television show Staging the Third Act, and embracing the later chapters of life helped her transform loss into meaning. This episode is a gentle companion for anyone navigating grief, anticipatory loss, or a season of transition. It’s a reminder that grief is not a problem to solve, but love that still deserves space. 04:45 – Jeaninne’s story and the losses that changed everything 08:30 – What “critical grief” looked like in real life 12:55 – Anxiety, fear of loss, and the struggle with being alone 17:20 – Asking for help and beginning counseling 22:10 – How creativity became a lifeline 27:00 – Creating Staging the Third Act as an act of healing 31:40 – Where love goes after someone dies 36:15 – Navigating anticipatory grief with her mother 41:10 – Aging, gratitude, and embracing life’s later chapters 46:05 – Turning pain into purpose 50:20 – What Jeaninne wants grieving listeners to know ✨Connect with Jeaninne Escallier Kato:Book: B.J.’s Promise: How My Dying Dog Found My True LoveTV Show: Staging the Third Act (Auburn Community Television & YouTube)Website: https://www.spokenlives.com/✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

This episode is not about motivation. It’s about ownership.Rob McCarthy got tired of hating the person he saw in the mirror and decided to stop living a life that wasn’t his. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, Rob breaks down how we inherit scripts from family, society, debt, and social media, and how those scripts quietly run our lives until we’re willing to confront them.We talk about small wins, fear, comparison, money, self-help lies, faith, discipline, and why real change doesn’t come from quotes or manifesting, but from brutal honesty and consistent action. If you’re done pretending and ready to take responsibility for your life, this episode will hit hard in the best way. 04:00 – Rob’s breaking point: hating the person in the mirror 06:45 – Living a life designed by everyone else 09:20 – Why most people care too much about opinions that don’t matter 12:10 – Criticism, fear, and releasing the book quietly 15:00 – Auditing your circle and cutting dead weight 18:30 – The biggest lies sold by the self-help industry 22:00 – Why motivation quotes don’t change lives 25:10 – Fear, excuses, and calling yourself out 29:30 – Debt, consumption, and financing self-worth 33:00 – Redefining success on your own terms 36:40 – Social media, comparison, and the modern “Colosseum” 40:30 – Faith, work, and personal responsibility 44:45 – Small wins and why they matter more than big goals 48:30 – “You don’t need a miracle. You need a mirror.” 51:30 – What to do when you don’t know where to start 55:00 – Where to find Rob’s book, podcast, and resources ✨Connect with Rob McCarthy:Book: F the Script: How to Own Your Sh*t and Rewrite Your Story Available on AmazonPodcast: F the StandardStand Store: https://stan.store/fts25✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review      Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

This conversation with Tonya Peck is one of those episodes that hits you in the chest in the best way possible. Tonya grew up in chaos, carried shame that never belonged to her, and spent years trying to outrun the emotional imprint of feeling unwanted. Her turning point came when she discovered the power of the Primal Question; the single emotional need that shapes how we love, lead, react, and relate. Now she’s a Primal Question Coach, a longtime healthcare professional, and a fitness instructor who teaches women how to break belief barriers and finally step into their God-given gifts. This episode dives into healing, identity, faith, emotional awareness, and why small shifts can change the entire direction of a life. It's honest, hopeful, and incredibly human. 04:40 — Tonya’s journey from a chaotic childhood to becoming a coach 08:10 — Teen pregnancy, loss, and the years she carried silent shame 13:05 — The moment she realized her story could help someone else 17:20 — What the seven Primal Questions are and why they matter 22:45 — Identifying your dominant emotional need 27:10 — Breaking belief barriers and stepping out of comfort zones 32:00 — How physical health ties directly to emotional healing 36:50 — Faith, forgiveness, and rebuilding self-worth 41:30 — Leadership, community, and accountability 45:40 — What Tonya wishes every woman knew about her own strength 50:00 — How to start healing your story today✨Connect with Tonya Peck:Website: https://motionandmindset.com/Instagram: @motionandmindset✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

In this episode of The Beauty in the Mess, Michele sits down with Rachel Sachs, co-director of The Marriage School. Rachel and her husband Daniel went from newlywed chaos and emotional disconnect to rebuilding their marriage with tools that actually work, not theories, not quick fixes, real skills. Rachel shares how they hit a breaking point after having kids, how their six-month program gave them a new foundation, and why so many couples think they’re failing when really, they’re just under-equipped. She talks about humility, communication, faith, the importance of community, and why genuine change only happens when both partners stop pointing fingers and start doing the work. If you’ve ever wished relationships came with a manual, this episode is your sign that help exists, and there’s nothing wrong with needing support.  00:02:10 – Rachel’s background: opera singer turned marriage educator 00:06:10 – The moment Rachel and Daniel realized they needed help 00:10:10 – “We realized we loved each other, but we didn’t know how to do marriage.” 00:14:10 – What The Marriage School is and why it works 00:18:10 – The pressure on couples after having kids 00:22:10 – Why emotional skills aren’t taught, and what happens when they are 00:26:10 – “No one ever changes when you point the finger at them.” 00:30:10 – Communication, humility, community, and real transformation 00:35:10 – How couples can start making shifts today ✨Connect with Rachel Sachs:Website: https://www.themarriageschool.orgPrograms & Workshops info: Available through their site✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

In this episode of The Beauty in the Mess, Michele talks with Alan Lazaros, speaker, coach, and co-host of the global top 100 podcast Next Level University. At 26, Alan survived a head-on collision that became the wake-up call he didn’t know he needed. It forced him to face the trauma, insecurity, and people-pleasing patterns that shaped his life and pushed him into a deeper, more meaningful kind of personal growth. Alan breaks down his “four buckets of life,” how external success can hide deep internal emptiness, and why fulfillment requires honesty, consistency, and a willingness to look inward. He talks openly about trauma responses, the pressure to be “enough,” and the challenge of aligning your purpose with what the world actually pays for. If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’ve outgrown the life you’re living, this conversation gives you clarity, courage, and practical insight on what real transformation looks like.  00:02:20 – Alan’s early life, loss, and the roots of his trauma responses 00:07:20 – The car accident that changed everything 00:12:20 – From externally successful to internally empty 00:16:20 – Discovering personal development and questioning everything 00:20:20 – The four “buckets” of life and where people get stuck 00:25:20 – Trauma, insecurity, and why people stay in the wrong identity 00:30:20 – Aligning purpose with your real strengths 00:35:20 – Building fulfillment: habits, metrics, and self-awareness 00:40:20 – What real growth feels like over time ✨Connect with Alan Lazarus:Website: https://www.nextleveluniverse.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/Podcast: Next Level University✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, Michele talks with Melissa Kramer, founder of Live UTI Free, a global patient-led initiative reshaping how urinary tract infections and pelvic health are understood and treated. After years of chronic UTIs, misdiagnosis, and dismissal, Melissa transformed her pain into purpose. She built one of the world’s most respected patient advocacy and research platforms, connecting medical professionals, researchers, and patients around the world. Melissa shares how she went from being unheard to leading a movement for better science, better care, and more compassionate healthcare. This conversation shines a light on the gender gap in medicine, the power of lived experience, and how advocacy can grow from the most personal places. If you’ve ever been dismissed by the medical system or felt like no one was listening, Melissa’s story will help you find your voice again.  [00:02:15] Melissa’s story: from chronic UTI sufferer to advocate [00:07:15] Why women’s symptoms are often minimized or misunderstood [00:12:15] The founding of Live UTI Free and the power of community research [00:17:15] How to advocate for yourself in the doctor’s office [00:22:15] The emotional and physical toll of chronic illness [00:27:15] What real progress looks like in women’s health [00:32:15] Building bridges between patients, science, and policy [00:37:15] Finding hope through purpose and shared experience [00:42:15] Closing thoughts: breaking stigma and driving change ✨Connect with Melissa Kramer:Website: https://liveutifree.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/liveutifree/#LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-kramer-93714224/✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, Michele talks with Doris Efford, a writer, speaker, and coach who helps women reclaim identity, self-worth, and emotional wholeness. Doris opens up about growing up disconnected from her true self, performing for approval, and the moment she realized she had to stop living for everyone else and start living honestly. She shares what identity healing actually looks like, why self-worth is at the core of change, and how faith, grace, and emotional resilience brought her back to herself. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt invisible, unworthy, or stuck in survival mode. 00:02:10 Doris’s early story and losing herself to expectations00:06:10 Identity, survival mode, and faith during hardship00:10:10 “Motivation isn’t enough” – why habits need a deeper why00:13:10 Self-worth and why people don’t choose themselves00:16:10 What healing actually looked like for Doris00:20:10 People-pleasing, shame, and being honest with yourself00:25:10 The role of God, grace, and emotional maturity00:30:10 How to stop performing and start being present in your life00:35:10 Final thoughts — identity, love, and choosing truth✨Connect with Doris Efford:·        Email: hello@promptedcollective.com✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!