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The Dating Professors: Therapy Speak as Relationship Abuse
The Internet is abuzz with discussion about allegations by Sarah Brady, a University of Hawai'i law student, that her ex-boyfriend and celebrity Jonah Hill emotionally abused her and dressed up the abuse in therapy language. According to screenshots of text messages she posted publicly, he designated it "boundaries" that she should not post swimsuit pictures of herself on social media, model, surf with men, or interact with female friends of whom he didn't approve, among other things. Irina and Michelle analyze the difference between boundaries and coercive control, the ways in which boundary speak doesn't absolve the speaker of problematic values injected into requests (or demands), and the general current trends in distorting psychological language to serve one's purposes. The Dating Professors also delve into what happens when a partner's mental health or other life circumstances make it difficult for them to give what the other person might actually deserve under optimal conditions. Tune in and join the discourse!
Original Bustle piece about whether therapy-speak is making us selfish
Transcript of text messages between Sarah Brady and Jonah Hill
Guardian piece on the history of boundary language
Psychology Today article about coercive control
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70. The Dating Professors: When Elections Meet Relationships
43:11||Season 3, Ep. 70On the day before the U.S. presidential election of 2024, Irina and Michelle examine the impact of this event on relationships. First and foremost, what happens if two romantic partners disagree on their choice of presidential candidate? The Dating Professors also discuss questions such as what if a partner neglects household duties to engage in political news consumption or wants to put up a political sign that may raise safety issues. This episode takes on election anxiety and disappointment during one of the most charged times in American history. Join the conversation!69. The Dating Professors: Nobody Wants This?
47:44||Season 3, Ep. 69On this episode, Irina and Michelle dissect the new Netflix hit show "Nobody Wants This," a tale of a non-religious woman who falls in love with a rabbi and of the mayhem that ensues. The Dating Professors then go on to discuss interfaith dating generally. What are the things to watch out for? In what ways are religious beliefs likely to affect romantic relationships and child-rearing much beyond debates over what services to attend or holidays to celebrate? Hypothetically, would Michelle and Irina date much outside their beliefs again (and why does only one of them say yes to that)? Come listen to two products of interfaith marriage share their views!Warning: the episode contains spoilers about "Nobody Wants This"!Time Magazine article critiquing the depiction of Jewish women in “Nobody Wants This”68. Guest Chat: Defusing Emotional Predators with Steven Wolhandler
51:33||Season 3, Ep. 68Irina speaks with dispute resolution specialist Steven Wolhandler, who uses his dual background in law and psychology to help people handle emotional predators. The author of "Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators: Neutralize the Users, Abusers, and Manipulators Hidden Among Us," Steven dispenses practical advice on how to recognize, avoid, and if need be defuse personality-disordered individuals at work and in the private sphere. Whether you have to raise a child with an emotional predator or are trying not to date such individuals in the first place, this episode will guide you through recognizing destructive pathologies and throwing off predators so they can no longer rule your life. You are not going to want to miss the info in this episode!SOTI ep. 63 "Fighting Coercive Controllers with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko"SOTI ep. 67 "Recovering from Narcissists with Justena Kavanagh"Steven Wolhandler’s websiteSteven’s book67. Guest Chat: Recovering from Narcissists with Justena Kavanagh
57:29||Season 3, Ep. 67On this episode, Irina speaks with psychologist Justena Kavanagh who specializes in helping people to overcome coercive control and other narcissistic abuse. Justena talks about the different insidious forms that narcissism can take, including relational narcissism. She explains why these behavior types are so difficult to uncover and combat. Justena and Irina discuss what people need to understand about narcissists and their victims, and how both therapists and legal professionals need to catch up in their conceptions. As someone who has treated both narcissists and those they have hurt, Justena provides a unique perspective on this major societal problem. Take the time to learn about what may affect you or someone you love!66. Guest Chat: Closing the Deal with Carlos Farini
51:23||Season 3, Ep. 66Irina's special guest on this episode is no other than her husband (and "Strangers on the Internet" sound editor) Carlos Farini. They discuss the beginning of their relationship, from Bumble to exclusivity in three dates. Carlos also explains what he would say to men who do not value relationships and/or do not wish to date smart women. Come find out how things almost fell apart after their second meeting due to the vagaries of NYC dating, and why you should resist the temptation of the paradox of choice!65. Guest Chat: Interracial Dating with Prof. Solangel Maldonado
44:03||Season 3, Ep. 65In this episode, Irina discusses all things interracial dating with Prof. Solangel Maldonado of the Seton Hall University School of Law. Solangel introduces listeners to her new book "The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality." How have not only anti-miscegenation laws but also laws related to property and other matters, including zoning-related regulations, led to lower levels of interracial coupling to this day? Have racial filters on dating apps exacerbated the state of things? And how can we have conversations with individuals about their dating preferences without their getting defensive? For all that and more, tune in!Solangel Maldonado’s faculty profileSolangel’s book “The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality”64. Guest Chat: Fierce Desires with Dr. Rebecca Davis
46:05||Season 3, Ep. 64Dr. Rebecca Davis, the Miller Family Early Career professor at the University of Delaware, recently completed the first major account of the history of sex and sexuality in America in three decades. She talks with Irina and Michelle about her new book "Fierce Desires," which complicates our understanding of how issues such as gender identity and sexual orientation have evolved between the early colonial period and today. From the societal treatment of nonconforming individuals to recent Supreme Court decisions on reproductive choice and to the upcoming presidential election, Rebecca covers it all in this fascinating episode filled with surprising historical twists and turns!Rebecca Davis's faculty profileRebecca's book "Fierce Desires"Rebecca's podcast "This Is Probably a Really Weird Question..."63. Guest Chat: Fighting Coercive Controllers with Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko
58:08||Season 3, Ep. 63On this episode, Irina speaks with clinician Dr. Christine Cocchiola and divorce coach Amy Polacko about their new book "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld." These coauthors describe the devastating consequences that many women experience when they try to leave their abusers and to protect their children during and after divorce. The podcast guests explain how courts often let coercive controllers run loose and what victims can do to stand up to physical, emotional, financial, legal, and other forms of abuse. The conversation delves into both the need for education on coercive control and legislative change to address its consequences worldwide. Please join our discussion for your own sake and that of loved ones who are current or potential victims! SOTI ep. 17 “How to Survive Divorce and Break-ups with Amy Polacko”Pre-ordering info for "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld" bookFacebook book launch groupDr. Christine Cocchiola's websiteAmy Polacko's websiteJoan S. Meyer (GW Law) & Sean Dickson's study "Mapping Gender: Shedding Empirical Light on Family Courts' Treatment of Cases Involving Abuse and Alienation"Amy Polacko's Newsweek article "My Ex-Husband Won't Let Me Vaccinate Our Son"Amy Polacko's Ms. Magazine article "Lawyers Say Catherine Kassenoff's Case--and Thousands of Others--Violate U.S. Constitutional Right to Due Process"62. #metoo Coverage: Dilan Esper Follow-up on Joshua Wright's Lawsuits
48:51||Season 3, Ep. 62In the fifth part of this coverage of the sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University (GMU) law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, Irina invites back Dilan Esper, an experienced litigator in areas that include defamation law and the First Amendment. Together, they analyze the most recent legal developments in two lawsuits that Josh has launched. The first is his defamation lawsuit against two of the women who accused Josh of misconduct--Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry--where the judge allowed the lawsuit to proceed past a successful motion to dismiss after Josh amended his complaint. The second is a sex discrimination lawsuit where Josh is suing his former employer GMU for the way it handled his complaint, arguing that the university prematurely sided with his alleged victims because he is a man. Dilan explains to listeners why he thinks that Josh's legal actions will neither succeed in court nor help to restore his reputation, and why some of Josh's painting himself as a victim of the #metoo movement in legal filings may be motivated by his hoping to get future benefits from fellow Title IX critics. Dilan also discusses the use of defamation lawsuits generally in responding to sexual allegations, including based on his experience representing one of Bill Cosby's victims. SOTI ep. 39 with Prof. Christa LaserSOTI ep. 40 with Prof. Brandy WagstaffSOTI ep. 41 with Aliza ShatzmanSOTI ep. 42 with Dilan EsperDilan Esper's profileDilan's TwitterWall Street Journal coverage part 1Wall Street Journal coverage part 2Wall Street Journal coverage part 3Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Christa Laser, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."