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Strangers on the Internet

The Dating Professors: How to Spot a Narcissist

Season 1, Ep. 7

In this episode, the Dating Professors teach you a thing or two about how not to fall for a narcissist. Irina and Michelle explain why narcissists may seem particularly attractive at first, what makes love bombing so powerful, and how to break the narcissist's cycle of idealization and devaluation. Resist becoming narcissistic supply and get rid of energy vampires whose lies and manipulations will suck you dry.YOU can learn how to detect gaslighting and find safe ways to get a narcissist out of your life even if he managed to sneak in at first!

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  • 54. The Dating Professors: Should You Meddle in Others' Relationships?

    42:34
    When and how should you intervene in loved ones' romantic relationships? The Dating Professors address the issue in this episode. Irina and Michelle talk about the things that make them uncomfortable to watch in other couples, and discuss various attempts to help. How did Michelle react when a friend butted in as she was preparing to enter a real estate arrangement with a romantic partner? And would some people really rather cut off a BFF than hear hard truths? All that and more in this podcast conversation!
  • 53. Guest Chat: Surviving and Thriving Post-Betrayal with Cassie

    50:50
    Cassie, a NYC professional in her 40s, did not see her live-in partner's cheating coming. She tells Irina and Michelle about the way her 49-year-old boyfriend--whom she met in a physical therapist's office at the start of the pandemic--betrayed Cassie with a 27-year-old mutual friend! Find out how Cassie's dog played a key role in sniffing out the situation. Cassie also talks about how she is rebuilding her life with the support of her family and friends, and dipping her toes back into the pool of the dating apps. You will not want to miss this inspiring story of overcoming heartbreak and discovering a path to freedom and happiness!
  • 52. The Dating Professors: Never Too Old for Love

    46:31
    Is there hope for finding love late in life, including after being widowed or divorced? The Dating Professors explore in this episode the stereotypes and true challenges--but also advantages--of looking for a match in one's later years. Irina and Michelle discuss the higher degree of self-knowledge present in one's senior years, the complications that might arise from relatives unhappy about one's new dating endeavors, and much more. Pull up a (rocking?) chair for this episode about golden times!ABC's "The Golden Bachelor"New York Times article "Dating After 60: A Lot of Roses, Some Thorns"
  • 51. Guest Chat: A Match Made on Friendster with Dr. Aislinn Black and Prof. James Grimmelmann

    51:27
    Season 3 begins with the feel-good tale of how Rutgers emergency physician Dr. Aislinn Black and Cornell information law scholar Prof. James Grimmelmann met in the early days of social media. Learn how 19th century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard played a key role in their connecting and how Aislinn initially tried to matchmake James with a friend of hers. Irina and Michelle accompany the couple from their early days of zipping up and down the East Coast (so they could hang out) to their decision to commit after bumping into a Belgian medieval pageant. Aislinn and James discuss why the era of long emails and AOL Instant Messenger worked especially well for their romance and how their marriage and parenting defy gender stereotypes. Last but not least, James shares his thoughts on the steps that would lead to greater Internet safety. Come start the year right with a podcast episode that will bring a smile to your face!Dr. Aislinn Black's professional profileDr. James Grimmelmann's professional profile
  • 50. The Dating Professors: A Retrospective Celebrating Our 50th Episode

    57:24
    Irina and Michelle guide listeners through a retrospective of the "Strangers on the Internet" podcast on the occasion of the show's 50th episode. What lessons have the Dating Professors learned from their guests and conversations? Our hosts discuss societal loneliness and disconnection, the state of the dating apps, and the key traits and situations to avoid while dating. They also explore the ways that communities can support both single and coupled people in today's world. Come celebrate this big milestone and final episode of season 2 with us! Time article on AI assistance in dating and matchmakingResearch study on gender differences in response to dating profiles
  • 49. Special: Exclusive Interview with Award-Winning Writer L.L. Kirchner

    50:55
    Award-winning screenwriter and author L.L. Kirchner takes Irina and Michelle through the whirlwind of her life in this episode you will not want to miss. While living in Qatar, L.L. received a phone call from her husband announcing that he wanted a divorce. Afraid that she would spiral back into substance addiction, L.L. promptly decided to take a spiritual journey to India where she quit smoking cigarettes as soon as she landed and threw herself into yoga and meditation, even visiting a sex cult at one point. L.L. tells it all, from the start of her eventually babysitting-funded alcoholism that started at age ten (later on adding other drugs) to the dating column and matchmaking experiment she ran for an alternative newspaper. After some online dating adventures of her own in NYC, did she really end up finding love with Florida Man?? Come find out!L.L. Kirchner's websiteL.L's InstagramL.L.'s book "Blissful Thinking: A Memoir of Overcoming the Wellness Revolution"L.L's book "American Lady Creature: (My) Change in the Middle East"SOTI ep. 46: Dating While Sober with Felicia HermleSOTI ep. 43: Exclusive Interview with Comedian Allison Goldberg
  • 48. Guest Chat: Finances and Dating with Serise Lange

    55:28
    On this episode, Irina and Michelle interview marketing consultant Serise Lange, who moderates the popular Facebook group Women's Personal Finance. How do finances impact dating, and how do we figure out who should pay for what? What does Serise think about folks who send out a Venmo request after a date did not go as desired? And what exactly are "hobosexuals"? We learn from Serise's wisdom not only about money but also emotional wellbeing generally!Serise Lange's TwitterWomen's Personal Finance website
  • 47. The Dating Professors: The Hardships of Single Life

    44:51
    Why is being single so frustrating sometimes? Irina and Michelle explore both the emotional and practical side of single life. In addition to dealing with feelings of loneliness, single people--and frequently especially single women--face tasks that are difficult or even impossible to accomplish on one's own. Michelle talks about the lawn mower she physically couldn't start while single without her (male) neighbor's help, while Irina discusses the challenges of building furniture that requires two people. The Dating Professors analyze how to overcome some of these obstacles and how community members can best support each other with life's small and large complexities regardless of relationship status."Handy Women" Facebook group"Day to Day Tasks and Life Explained Step By Step And Advice" Facebook group"Dad, How Do I?" YouTube channel
  • 46. Guest Chat: Dating While Sober with Felicia Hermle

    50:13
    Historically, dating has been deeply entwined with going out for a drink. But what happens if one of the two dating parties has opted for a life of sobriety? And what are the pros and cons of replacing substance use with romance, or what is the effect of infatuation on the brain? Irina and Michelle discuss with California-based social worker and addiction specialist Felicia Hermle how to handle recovery from substance use in the dating context, and how partners can show their support. Felicia talks science, introspection, and empathy on this important episode.Felicia Hermle's websiteFelicia's podcast "Sobriety Checkpoint"Sarah Michaud's book "Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A Memoir and Roadmap to Freedom"