Storytime

r TIFU Showed my friend the Reddit post where I trashed hair dye—she laughed hysterically, then calmly told me she’s always hated my haircut. We’re even now. I think. I asked my husband if he wants to wrestle to initiate hooked up. Instead, he watches wrestling. Tried to screenshot-snark about a coworker’s sloppy email, accidentally reply-all’d the screenshot to the entire project list, spent the rest of the day tasting my own foot. I set my alarm sound to emulate Bird Song and now I've been awoken every day way too early by ACTUAL Bird Song. Tried to make a fun add on to someone else's light hearted anecdote about inappropriate pregnancy related questions, instead made a really crude, inappropriate and fairly offensive remark. I ate an excessive amount of Fiber One Brownies and now my intestines are paying the price. I lost my ticket and called the sheriff's department. If I hadn't lost it they probably would never have uploaded them to the system for me and everyone else that got pulled over in that two week period, so now we all have our original fines and new court dates. Yay. greeted my cat in a way that was very likely received as racially insensitive by a Costco employee while on a call. Received great customer service. the fresh pineapple changed the texture of the meal to something that was very unpleasant. Op fell asleep while parents werent home for 2 hours which resulted in ticked parents and a broken doorbell Went on a passionate rant about how much I hate when men dye their hair… right in front of a friend whose husband does exactly that because she asked him to. i left my phone at work charging, realized after hours, remembered a possible way in, it was way easy, alarms went off, corporate upper folks involved, I'm not fired. I hope nobody else is fired. I have regrets.