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Sex in Space
#37 - Shaneel Lal / Banning conversion therapy in NZ
Tim had the wonderful privilege of chatting with Shaneel Lal. They are an Activist for queer and indigenous communities, a columnist – for the NZ herald, a model, political commentator, Young New Zealander of the Year 2023, Instrumental in the successful campaign to ban conversion therapy in Aotearoa, and the author of a bestselling autobiography titled One of Them, which is great and out now.
Follow and find out more about Shaneel and their work here:
https://linktr.ee/Shaneellall
https://www.instagram.com/shaneellall
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71. #71 - Verity Johnson / Club Burlesque: celebrating freedom, sexuality and desire
21:07||Ep. 71On today’s episode of the podcast, Toshi had the opportunity to talk with Verity Johnson, also known as Miss Vee. Verity is a newspaper columnist, MC at Men of Steel, New Zealand’s only male strip club, and the owner of Club Burlesque – New Zealand’s first burlesque club. Together they spoke about: What burlesque is and what it celebrates Why Verity started Club Burlesque What you can expect if you go to a show The kind of audiences you’ll find at Club Burlesque How burlesque encourages audiences to reconsider societal attitudes towards sex What it teaches us about desire The relationship between burlesque, freedom and sexuality And what you might get out of an experience at a burlesque show. Club Burlesque’s 2024 season runs from July 26 – September 13 in Auckland, New Zealand. Check out Club Burlesque (and find tickets) here: https://theclubburlesque.com/ Find Club Burlesque on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clubburlesquenz/?hl=en Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 00:33 – What is burlesque? 02:54 – Understanding eros 03:25 – Why Verity started Club Burlesque 04:44 – What you can expect from a night at Club Burlesque 06:31 – Misconceptions about burlesque 07:44 – Redefining how we think about society’s attitudes towards sex 09:05 – What burlesque teaches you about desire 11:38 – On not being afraid of your sexuality 14:10 – Club Burlesque vs Men of Steel 15:04 – Seeing Auckland reclaim its sexy side 17:00 – How can we start to deconstruct shame in society? 18:42 – Where you can find more information about Club Burlesque 18:55 – Give yourself permission to enjoy sex and desire 19:52 – Conclusion70. #70 - Daniel Principe / Empowering boys to navigate masculinity and culture
01:02:54||Ep. 70On this episode of the podcast, Tim and Toshi had the opportunity to talk with Daniel Principe, a passionate youth advocate and educator. He champions boys across Australia to challenge culture and aspire to live courageous, respectful and empathetic lives. In the podcast Daniel, Tim and Toshi spoke about: What ideas are being communicated to young boys about masculinity How to navigate peer pressure Why it’s important to choose your friends well What Daniel’s work looks like in practice What young people really think about Andrew Tate Why the sigma meme is so popular with young boys The realities of young people’s porn use How parents and caregivers can support their kids And why soft skills are so important Daniel is a board member of the DART Institute, an ambassador for the Women’s Resilience Centre and an ambassador for the national campaign Consent Can’t Wait. Having presented to tens of thousands of young people in every Australian state and territory, Daniel is no stranger to the complex challenges that our distracted digital world presents in adolescence. By partnering with schools and communities, Daniel encourages young people to recognise and resist distorted attitudes towards bodies, relationships and sex. He invites his audiences to instead aspire to healthy relationships built on mutual respect and empathy. Daniel is a regular guest on TV, radio and podcasts to discuss healthy masculinity, consent, respectful relationships and the cultural challenges young people are facing. None of these evolving challenges sway Daniel’s confidence that all young people can flourish if we create spaces for them to be their best selves. You can check out Daniel here: https://www.danielprincipe.com.au/ Find him on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/lastoftheromans/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 01:01 – Who Daniel is and what he does 05:13 – Championing boys, challenging culture 06:05 – What ideas are being communicated to boys about masculinity? 11:50 – Unpacking where our desires come from 14:32 – Advice for navigating social pressure and why it’s important to choose your friends well 17:15 – Social expectations in sex and relationships 18:22 – Responses of young people to Daniel’s workshops 20:04 – What Daniel’s work looks like in practice 24:33 – Why we need to have empathy for young people navigating online spaces 30:41 – Young people’s thoughts on Andrew Tate 35:52 – Understanding the appeal of the sigma meme 40:05 – The realities of young people’s porn use 48:23 – Why soft skills are so important 51:03 – How parents and caregivers can help 56:44 – Daniel's message for young people 58:32 – Conclusion ----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace69. #69 - Dr Alex Layendecker / Sex in space
47:34||Ep. 69On today’s episode of the podcast, Toshi was thrilled to be able to talk with Dr. Alex Layendecker of the Advanced Spacelife Research Institute (ASRI) about all things sex in space. Together, they spoke about: Why there was a need for a private research organisation to investigate sex in space When we might expect to see regular people going to space The short and long-term risks of sex in space Has anyone had sex in space? The first married couple in space Why ASRI’s research focuses on more than just the act of sex And how humans might evolve in off-Earth environments ASRI is a 501c3 non-profit research organisation that is dedicated to the study of human sexuality and reproductive factors as they apply to outer space environments. Dr. Layendecker is the founder and current director of ASRI. He is a 2008 graduate of the United States Air Force Academy and served seven years as a USAF space operations officer for spacecraft launch and recovery, before transferring to the USAF Reserve as an HH-60G helicopter pilot for Combat Search and Rescue. He completed a Master of Public Health (2013) and PhD in Human Sexuality (2016) for the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, where his doctoral research focused on human sexuality and reproduction in off-Earth environments, the history of research in this area, and the research gaps that must be filled in the future in order to make long-term settlement of other worlds a viable possibility. Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 01:19 – What is the Advanced Spacelife Research Institute all about? 02:36 – Dr. Layendecker’s background and research 06:23 – Old space vs new space 08:30 – When might regular people have access to space? 11:29 – The race to fill all the research gaps 13:57 – The first symposium for the study of human reproduction and sexual health in space 15:09 – Short and long-term risks about sex in space 17:40 – Why this research is so important 21:45 – Has anyone had sex in space? 31:20 – The animals that have mated in space 32:11 – Why the research focus is not just on the act of sex 34:36 – How will humans evolve in off-Earth environments? 38:01 – Funding research into sex in space 41:30 – The future of space travel 43:28 – Would Dr. Layendecker travel to space? 46:15 – Conclusion Find more about Dr. Layendecker and the Advanced Spacelife Research Institute here: ASRI: https://www.asri.space/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/astrosexresearch Twitter: https://x.com/ASRI4Space Links mentioned in the podcast: The International Scientific Symposium for the Study of Human Reproduction & Sexual Health in Space: https://www.space-reproduction.org/ SpaceBorn United: https://www.spacebornunited.com/ The Overview Effect by Frank White: https://www.amazon.com.au/Overview-Effect-Exploration-Evolution-Library/dp/162410262X68. #68 - Dr. Evan Goldstein / Anal health and pleasure
58:31||Ep. 68On today’s episode of the podcast, Tim had the opportunity to speak with Dr Evan Goldstein, leading anal health expert in the U.S. Dr Goldstein is the founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a first of its kind health practice specialising in gay men’s sexual health and wellness, and has just published a new book, Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In-Between. Together, Tim and Dr. Goldstein spoke about anal health and pleasure, hygiene practices – including why you should avoid using wet wipes and bidets- debunked common assumptions and misconceptions, and more. Check out Butt Seriously here: https://a.co/d/cRLA0vF Find Dr. Goldstein here: https://drevangoldstein.com/ ----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/67. #67 - Dr. Ian Kerner / Sex Ed, Desire and Communication
43:45||Ep. 67On this episode of the podcast, we were thrilled to be joined by Dr. Ian Kerner, licensed psychotherapist, lecturer, and New York Times bestselling author of books including She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, and most recently, So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives. Together, Ian and Tim spoke about the importance of prioritizing pleasure in sexual relationships, the need for accurate sex ed and the impact that pornography has on sexual attitudes and behaviours. They also discussed the rise of sexual anxiety, the challenges that couples face in maintaining desire and the need for open communication. Find Dr. Ian here: https://www.iankerner.com/ Find his TED Talk, 'A sex therapist's secret to rediscovering your spark' here: https://www.ted.com/talks/ian_kerner_a_sex_therapist_s_secret_to_rediscovering_your_spark?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/66. #66 - Madam Bella Cummins / Running a brothel the right way
37:32||Ep. 66On today’s episode of the podcast, we were privileged to be joined by Madam Bella Cummins, the owner and operator of Bella’s Hacienda Ranch, in Wells, Nevada. Bella’s Hacienda Ranch is the only legal brothel run entirely by sex workers, and it attracts customers from all over the US and beyond. At 74 years old, Cummins is the longest serving living female legal brothel owner in the US. In 1987, she acquired the struggling Hacienda Ranch Brothel and transformed it into the famed "Bella's Hacienda." Leveraging her understanding of business and financial expertise, Cummins successfully turned the establishment into one of the most prosperous adult entertainment destinations in the state. During the COVID pandemic, when the legal brothels were shuttered by Nevada’s governor, Cummins creatively obtained an escort license for her business, allowing sex workers to sustain their income by providing non-sexual companionship services. In an era when sex workers were often disparaged and marginalized, Cummins pioneered a revolutionary approach within the industry. As the only legal brothel entirely run by sex workers, Bella’s Hacienda eliminated exploitative elements, creating a female-led workplace culture centred around trust and teamwork. This environment allowed sex workers to find camaraderie, support, and personal growth, challenging stereotypes and fostering a more positive image of women in the adult entertainment sector. Check out Bella's Hacienda Ranch here: https://bellas.us/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 02:06 – Bella's background 03:49 – Bella's experience of sex ed 05:23 – How Bella was introduced to brothels 09:00 – Bella's vision and mission 11:10 – Where Bella’s attitude came from 13:40 – Thoughts on Madams in other houses 14:26 – Lessons learned in life 16:14 – The difference between sensuality and sex 17:20 – Why Bella’s offers adult male virgins a discount 24:29 – Advice to young women wanting to get into the industry 27:06 – Bella’s relationship advice 30:26 – Bella's plans for the future 32:48 – Why there is a need for brothels 34:30 – Bella's message to listeners 36:04 – Conclusion ----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/65. #65 - Shaun Hill / Sex, drugs and consent
34:37||Ep. 65On today’s episode of the podcast, Toshi was able to sit down with Shaun Hill, the ReWired Project Lead, from the New Zealand Drug Foundation. ReWired is a non-judgemental support group for people who want to bring their party’n’play into focus. Together, Shaun and Toshi had a conversation about chemsex, the ReWired project, sex, drug use and consent, communication and pleasure. Check out ReWired here: https://www.rewired.org.nz/ ----------------- TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 – Intro 01:38 – How Shaun's perceptions around drug use changed over time 05:58 – What does chemsex and party’n’play mean? 07:53 – What is the ReWired project all about? 09:50 – How ReWired has changed over time 11:31 – The value of hearing people’s journeys 13:28 – Reflecting on the Four F's: friends, family, fucks and finances 16:16 – Sex should be about fun and pleasure 17:42 – Challenges working at ReWired 20:09 – How to navigate consent when drug use is involved 23:49 – How to navigate consent in spaces where it’s given non-verbally 28:43 – One thing Shaun wishes more people knew about consent 31:50 – Where to find more info about ReWired 32:36 – Conclusion ----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/64. #64 - Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers / How to overcome sexual shame
54:35||Ep. 64For this episode of the podcast, Tim had the opportunity to talk with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, a sex therapist, founder of the Northwest Institute on Intimacy, a former professor of Marriage and Family therapy at Seattle Pacific University, an AASECT-certified supervisor, mother, wife and author. Her mission is to provide education and tools that empower people to rise above sexual shame and embrace their value. Together Tim and Dr. Tina discuss sexual shame, its origins, the role of religion, effective parenting strategies and more. Find Dr. Tina here: https://www.tinaschermersellers.com/ Check out her book, Shameless Parenting: Everything You Need to Raise Shame-free, Confident Kids and Heal Your Shame Too: https://a.co/d/efnEOkV Explore Dr Tina’s other book, Sex, God and the Conservative Church: https://a.co/d/eaU5zMK ----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/63. #63 - Dr Fiona Vera-Gray / Women talk porn
41:33||Ep. 63For this episode we were lucky enough to be joined by Dr. Fiona Vera-Gray, one of the UK’s leading feminist academics working on sexual violence, and the Deputy director at the Child and Women Abuse Studies Unit at London Metropolitan University. Earlier this year, Fiona published her book, Women on Porn, where she interviewed 100 women on their experiences with pornography – how they first encountered it, how they consume it, how it has affected their sex lives and relationships, what they like and what they don’t. Toshi and Fiona spoke about what inspired the book, how people have responded to it, how porn impacts our sex lives and the conflicting feelings that many women have towards their porn use. Check out Fiona here: https://www.fionaveragray.com/ Find Women on Porn here: https://www.fionaveragray.com/book-women-on-porn.html -----------------Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 01:14 – What kicked off the book? 02:58 – What are sexual scripts? 04:29 – How does porn impact our sex lives? 06:26 – The problem with the Fast and Furious analogy 08:03 – Balancing regulation and privacy 09:49 – Removing the judgement from the conversation 13:33 – It’s not as simple as pro-porn or anti-porn 15:34 - What women say about their first sexual experiences 17:30 – Advice if you feel conflicted about your porn use 22:05 – How people have responded to Women on Porn 24:00 – What positive impacts can porn have? 27:32 – Fiona’s challenges working in this space 29:24 – Men’s responses to her work 30:51 – Supporting young people 32:50 – Women’s responses to Fiona’s work 34:32 – Feeling validated by other women's experiences 36:00 – What about feminist/ethical porn? 38:09 - How our sexual desires are shaped by culture 40:26 – Conclusion ----------------- Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/