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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
‘You’re both loved and feared, Honor – and I’m so proud’
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It would be an understatement to say that Honor was never the most popular girl growing up. As a matter of fact, on the very rare occasions when she was invited to a porty, Sorcha used to sew cubes of pancetta into the hem of her dress so that at least the family’s dog would play with her.
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‘There you go with the school rivalry thing again. You need to move on’
06:17|So it’s, like, 11 o’clock on Sunday morning and I’m hord at work – albeit still in bed – making notes in my famous Rugby Tactics Book. Sorcha walks into the room and goes, “Get dressed, Ross. We’re going out for lunch.”‘The woman is as C as M – as my old dear used to say. Common as muck’
05:57|“Kicker!” the old man has the actual nerve to go. “To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?”‘How embarrassing is it for me to have three kids who are absolutely focking useless at rugby?’
06:02|Sorcha says this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And it’s far from it. I could give her a list of 50 things, except I doubt if it would help my cause.The words every south Dublin rugby parent dreads: ‘Dad, I want to join the drama society’
06:34|There’s no sugar-coating this one. We’ve been taken to the literally cleaners today. Yeah, no, beaten 45-10 by – and there’s easy way of saying this – Wesley College, the same Wesley College who haven’t won a Leinster Schools Senior Cup since the world was in pretty much black and white.‘I’ve never said a word about Bray that wasn’t 100% warranted’
05:37|I’m like, “A what?” And Honor goes, “A double date. It’s cute.” I’m there, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Claire from Bray of all places–”‘We’re getting rid of the cor. Right focking now’
06:03|Joy Felton – yeah, no, one of our neighbours – is standing at the front gates as I swing the cor into the driveway and she nearly ends up with the BMW logo imprinted backwards across her, I want to say, midriff?‘What’s this about my old man being on the apps?’
06:28|A Prius pulls up at the next pump, just as I’m imagining what topics my pep talk would touch on, and suddenly I hear the driver say my name. She’s like, “Ross!”‘Dude, you’re going to have to choose between science and rugby’
06:37|So – yeah, no – I’m in the staffroom and I’m chatting to one or two teachers about the Leinster match against La Rochelle: Miss Casey, who teaches something-or-other, and Miss Nealon, who teaches, I don’t know, something else.‘There’s a Londis in Foxrock? I’d say my old dear is turning in her–’
05:50|I’m packing away the last of the Christmas bits and – yeah, no – I’m throwing out the Advent calendar that someone sent me obviously as a joke. It’s a Blackrock College Advent calendar – which is the same as a regular Advent calendar, except that your daddy opens all of the doors for you!