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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
I’m like, ‘Can this wait, Honor? I’m thinking about rugby’
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I think I’m on the record somewhere as saying that I’d prefer to be remembered as a great father than a great number ten. It’s total horseshit, of course. I’d much prefer if people talked about my abilities with a rugby ball after I’m gone. But being a brilliant, brilliant parent is sort of, like, my superpower? As in, I’ve no actual control over it. And I don’t know why I’ve been given it. It’s just a fact that I have to accept.
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‘Ross, do you remember I told you I would break up your marriage even if it was my last act in this life?’
06:19|Sorcha’s old pair are here. Yeah, no, Honor brings the news to me while I’m doing my morning sit-ups. As you probably know, they’re not exactly fans of what I would call my whole act?‘Oh my God,’ Sorcha goes. ‘Did you lock Brian in the attic?’
06:06|So – yeah, no – I’m in the cor with the boys, driving home from The Bridge 1859 after watching The Ster make shit of Clermont Auvergne, when the usual rugby singsong storts up.‘Drop the Carmela Soprano act, Rosser,’ Ronan goes when I ask him if Sorcha’s ring was stolen
06:13|Ronan is smoking one of his famous rollies in the doorway of the Museum of the Irish Gangster when he sees me coming. “Rosser!” he goes. “The fook are you doing on Capel Street dressed like that? Did you take a wrong turden cubbing ourra Chapter One again?”Sorcha’s old dear singing sounds like a fox with its head trapped in a gate
06:06|It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. Sorcha goes, “You’re being ridiculous, Ross.” I’m there, “Oh, I’m being ridiculous, am I? My son gives up rugby to play the port of Sam Cormichael in Mamma Mia! and I’m the one being ridiculous!”‘So Westlife, huh? We’re all big fans in our gaff, aren’t we, Honor?’
06:13|I’m like, “Westlife?” And I say it like that as well. I’m there, “Why are you going to see Westlife? You always said–” Honor goes, “No, I didn’t. I actually like Westlife?” and she’s telling me to – yeah, no – shut the fock up with her eyes.‘We’ve been trying to break them up, haven’t we? A year or two in the clink – he won’t wait for her’
06:51|The old man tells Hennessy that he has every faith in him. Hennessy’s like, “Wait a minute, what?” Yeah, no, we’re sitting in the District Court in Bray, waiting for Bernie’s case to be called.Four Feds step into the kitchen. One of them is like, ‘Well, Bernie?’
06:30|“So, anyway, I tee’d off,” the old man goes, loving the sound of his own voice, “and of course I managed to slice the bloody-well ball and, well, naturally enough, it ended up in the lake!”‘I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it’s been bothering my conscience lately’
06:19|JP looks well – even though I don’t know what to call him any more? I’m like, “So how are things – I don’t know – Father?” He actually laughs at that? He’s there, “Ross, you don’t have to call me Father.” I’m like, “What do I call you then?” because it’s my first time seeing the dude since he finished his studies to become an actual priest.