Need A Lift? with Tim Shriver

In the first episode of our series exploring what healthy masculinity can be for men today, Tim sits down with Jason Wilson, a martial artist, mentor, best-selling author, and founder of The Cave of Adullam, a Detroit-based martial arts academy where boys learn to master not just their bodies, but their emotions. Jason’s work went viral in 2016, inspiring a powerful scene on NBC’s This Is Us. Jason teaches boys to “fight before the fight” by naming what they’re feeling beyond anger, beyond fear, and beyond shame. But before Jason began helping boys fight their inner battles, he had to confront his own. “It became meaningless to train for countless hours [with] no application of what [I] learned to real life,” Jason says, “You don't want to be a black belt in the gym and a white belt in life.”Jason shares what it means to become a “comprehensive man,” one guided by the good in his heart, rather than fear of how he could be perceived. Jason believes that faith, courage, and vulnerability must go hand in hand if men are to heal themselves and future generations. "I let my son see the tears. I let him know when I'm scared. I teach him that no man, no human, is fearless [because] everyone has something that they love, that they don't want to lose,” Jason says, “Yes, we're providers and protectors, but we're also nurturers. We're also lovers. We are also gentlemen as well.”***Jason Wilson is the director of the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy (CATTA) and the author of multiple books, including Cry Like a Man, Battle Cry and his latest, The Man the Moment Demands. His groundbreaking work helping young boys navigate emotional and spiritual challenges was the focus of the award-winning ESPN documentary, The Cave of Adullam produced by Laurence Fishburne. With over 27 years of martial arts experience and nearly two decades dedicated to mentoring African American young men, Jason was recognized for his contributions to his community with the President’s Volunteer Service Award from President Obama. He is also a devoted husband of more than 25 years and the proud father of two children.Learn more about his work with The Cave of Adullam at theyunion.org or on his website, mrjasonwilson.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

In high school, Dr. Corey Keyes was thriving as a star athlete and top student. Yet, on the inside, he felt numb, restless, and on autopilot. Afraid that this emptiness might follow him forever, he set out to study it and that search became his life’s work. Corey discovered that millions of people are neither mentally ill nor mentally healthy, they are “languishing” and experiencing what he did as a teen. “Languishing is the absence of negative symptoms as well as the absence of well-being or positive symptoms,” Corey explains, “You don't feel anything bad, but you don't feel much of anything good. You're sort of stuck in between.” In this episode, Corey talks to Tim about how languishing is a gateway for mental illness, and how we can move toward its antidote flourishing—not by chasing happiness, status, or achievements–but by investing in what he calls our “soul currency.” Through small, intentional practices (like connecting with others, serving our local community, and making time for leisure), we can build emotional resilience and restore our spark. “We prioritize the external path to well-being thinking it alone will feed our soul, but it won't,” Corey says, “Place your energy and your time in things that feed the sense of aliveness [because] when we are good and do good things in the world, we feel alive.” ***Dr. Corey Keyes is a pioneering sociologist and professor emeritus at Emory University, best known for coining the terms languishing and flourishing, concepts that have reshaped how we understand mental health today. He is a member of an advisory board for the World Happiness Forum and the Positive Psychology Network. His work has had wide-reaching policy implications. He has worked with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and his model of mental health as a complete state has been used by the Public Health Agency of Canada in a national surveillance program. His latest book, Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down is available now.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

“What does it mean to be a true American?” That’s the question filmmakers Horacio Marquinez and Kirill Myltsev asked thousands of people during a nine-month road trip across America at the height of the pandemic. Their journey became America Unfiltered, a raw, resonant documentary capturing voices from people in Las Vegas, El Paso, Atlanta, Washington, D.C. and beyond, including gun owners, undocumented immigrants, grieving mothers, conspiracy theorists, and queer couples. They weren’t chasing headlines or politicized caricatures, but the truth. And sometimes that meant stepping outside of their comfort zone and personal beliefs. “You cannot fight other people's principles by silencing them or just not talking to them or hating them,” Kirill shares with Tim, “If some principles have been broken, you can restore them [through] conversation.”In the end, what Horacio and Kirill  discovered wasn’t a single story of America, but a kaleidoscope of contradictions: freedom and fear, pride and pain, hope and heartbreak. America Unfiltered isn’t about being right or even having all the answers. It’s about being authentic,  honest, and real, and in a divided country, they found that listening may be the most radical act of all. As Horacio explains, “I don't know what your reality is, so I cannot explain to you what your reality is. You tell me what your reality is.” ***Horacio Marquinez is a cinematographer, director, and photographer from Panama who has made over 40 full length films across the globe. He’s a graduate of Columbia University's Film School and has worked on many independent films, commercials, and major motion pictures, collaborating with renowned directors, producers, and actors such as Robin Williams, Adrien Brody, Dolly Parton, Vera Farmiga, Milla Jovovich, and David Corenswet. He received the Best Cinematography Award at the Milano International Film Festival. Kirill Myltsev is a commercial and narrative film editor born and raised in Moscow, Russia. He has edited over a dozen feature films and worked on dozens of International and American commercials and films. He holds a Master's in Film Directing and an MBA from the University of Moscow. Learn more about the filmmakers’ work at their websites:Horacio MarquinezKirill MyltsevAmerica Unfiltered is now available to stream on Amazon Prime, Tubi, Hoopla, and Kanopy.An excerpt from Let America Be America Again by Langston Hughes was used by permission of the Estate of Langston Hughes and International Literary Properties LLC.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

For John Bucher, storytelling matters. It’s how we make sense of the world around us and define the boundaries of what we think is possible, and he’s spent a lot of time exploring how the Hero’s Journey, a model for telling epic stories of individuals experiencing adventure and triumph first defined by the academic Joseph Campbell, can help us see our own journey to personal growth and self-discovery. But John says that the Hero’s Journey shouldn’t be treated as the only or ultimate model for storytelling. “It's still about an individual ego on its own journey,” John tells Tim. “And so a few years ago I started to consider a better story, a new story, and that's the collective journey of all of us.” John started to research moments in history when groups of people came together to make a change, and how we narrate those experiences. “I think looking at these stories of how we've accomplished big things in the past by coming together as a collective can be quite inspirational to us, but it can also teach us how people found their individual roles,” John tells Tim. By telling stories about groups, we can better understand how we can work collectively for common goals, and better understand the small part we can all play. “I'm not going to be the star or the main character… because there is no main character,” John says. “We're all going to be the main characters.”***John Bucher is a mythologist, an author, and the Executive Director of the Joseph Campbell Institute. You can find his work, including his books on storytelling, at his website, tellingabetterstory.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound. 

Before his autism diagnosis, Susan Senator didn’t know why her first born son Nat didn’t act like the babies in her parenting books. “I mean, he was beautiful,” she tells Tim. “But… he did everything differently than what I expected.” Susan put in intentional work to better understand Nat and her two younger sons, Max and Ben, getting to know her kids' distinct personalities through how they played: one son wanted to line the toys up in a perfect row, another wanted characters from different universes to team up. “I was constantly learning,” Susan says.Susan decided to write about parenting and autism, in part so other parents could understand their kids better as the early 90s, when Nat was first diagnosed, was what Susan calls “the autism stone age,” a time when understanding and acceptance of autism was rare. Since then, she’s written op-eds, essays, and three books, all with a central message: “You're not gonna deny that it's hard, but you have to know that this is great, right here as it is,” Susan says. "That's why I write. I want them to see Nat as he is– this full person.”Susan’s journey towards understanding her children holistically hasn’t stopped since they’ve all grown up and moved out of the house. Being a mom of three creative sons means supporting them through many goals, whether that’s in graphic design, playing music in a band, or competing in Special Olympics. For Susan, it’s all been worth it. “I think a [great mom] sees her kids… really sees them for who they are,” she tells Tim. “You let whatever they are come at you and the sooner you get it, the better.”***Susan Senator is a journalist, a public speaker, and the author of the book, “Autism Adulthood: Strategies and Insights for a Fulfilling Life.” You can learn more about her work on her website, susansenator.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

After his second divorce, John Gottman decided to treat finding love like a research project. To collect enough data he went on 60 different dates that were all disasters, until one day at a Seattle coffee shop, when Julie Schwartz walked past his table. It was love at first sight.The Gottmans have been married for 38 years and have spent decades as collaborators studying the psychology of love and relationships. In 1996, they co-founded the Gottman Institute, where they’ve interviewed thousands of couples and developed an evidence-based training program for therapists. Given their decades of professional and personal success, you may be surprised to learn this about their relationship: “We're totally opposite people,” John tells Tim. While Julie is outdoorsy and adventurous, John is happiest relaxing indoors. But according to Julie, “We found a way to mesh our incompatibilities in one activity, which happens to be outside– kayaking.” It’s the perfect compromise since it’s outdoors, but also comfortably seated. Julie thinks the idea that happy couples are compatible from the beginning is a myth, and John says that as couples learn about each other and find compromises that make them both happy, “Couples create this compatibility.” The Gottmans have given many interviews over their decades of work, but this conversation with Tim is distinct because they really get into the philosophies behind their work, the intentionality, the romance, and even the spirituality that allows them to be such pioneers in their field. ***Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman are clinical psychologists, researchers, and co-authors of the book “Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection.” You can learn more about their work on the Gottman Institute website, gottman.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

When Grant Snyder started his career in law enforcement, he quickly realized that a huge part of the job was witnessing the worst day of someone’s life, whether they were a victim or a perpetrator. “I really had to try and imagine what it was that I had to offer people, and more often than not, it was… how do I protect somebody's dignity?,” he tells Tim, “I felt like I had a role in that beyond just handcuffs.”Grant’s carried this with him as he worked with victims of human trafficking and sexual violence, and when he became  the Minneapolis Police Department’s first liaison dedicated to homeless and vulnerable populations – a role he helped create. Much of his time on the job was focused on relationship building, talking to people, and helping out where he could. “On a hot day, you're bringing around cases of water and making sure people are hydrating,” he said. “That's a totally different role than most police officers get a chance to do. But that's public service. That's public safety.”Grant retired from police work in 2023 and now works full-time at Involve MN, a charity he founded with his wife, Melanie Snyder. Together, the non-profit serves three healthy meals every day, 365 days a year, in their dining room and in shelters and encampments across Minneapolis and St. Paul. ***Grant Snyder is a retired commander with Minneapolis Police Department and he's the co-founder of Involve MN, a Minnesota non-profit serving free meals across the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Learn more about their work at InvolveMN.org.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

Growing up, poet and mindfulness teacher Diego Perez (better known to his millions of Instagram followers as Yung Pueblo) watched as his parents struggled to maintain a healthy relationship amidst the poverty and external pressures they faced. So when he met his wife Sara in college and they started arguing, and their communication broke down, he feared he might be repeating the same cycle. Diego explains, “We knew we wanted to be together, but we were just constantly blaming each other…whenever I would feel tension in my mind, I would try to figure out, ‘how is it her fault?’ as opposed to taking accountability for what's happening in my own mind.” Diego realized that in order for his relationship to transform, he had to transform – so he began to learn how to feel his feelings without acting on them, how to build a “spiritual eight-pack” through daily meditation, and turned his inner work into a public invitation for others to do the same, through his books and his popular Instagram posts. “We want our partner to be able to read our minds,” Diego shares with Tim, “but that is an unfair expectation because you can have a partner who wants to give you the world, but if your hands are closed because you have so much past pain, you won't be able to receive what they're giving." ***In his early twenties, Diego Perez (better known by millions as Yung Pueblo) discovered vipassana meditation. It changed his life and ultimately led him to writing. Today, he’s a meditator, poet, and New York Times bestselling author. His latest book How to Love Better explores how we can repair our romantic connections by working on our relationships with ourselves. Learn more about his work on his Instagram page, @yung_pueblo or on his website, yungpueblo.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

What would our lives look like if we learned to see death as a teacher and not something to be feared? And what if “grief is love obstructed, but not gone?” That’s what Rabbi Steve Leder believes. Rabbi Leder, who has been called one of the most influential rabbis in America by Newsweek, spent decades of his life guiding families through loss. He officiated thousands of funerals, helping people make sense of what feels impossible to understand. But it wasn’t until he turned 57, when his own father passed away, that he fully understood grief and dying.His personal loss forced him to approach death for the first time, not as a rabbi, but as a son. In that process, he discovered something simple yet profound: we’re all going to die but that doesn’t have to be depressing, it can actually help us live fuller, richer lives. "Contemplating our own death, ideally, encourages us and motivates us to take our lives, our relationships, and our joy more seriously," Rabbi Steve explains.***Steve Leder is one of the most influential rabbis in America and formerly the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles. He is also the bestselling author of five books including, The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift. Learn more about his work on his website, steveleder.com. ***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.