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Make Your Damn Bed
1677 || when the system is the problem
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How do we fight the very system we’re stuck in?
If every road we end up on bottlenecks to the same hole they want us stuck in, should we even bother?
There’s a place for all of us in the systemic fight, and it’s a matter of filling needs that you can fill, as they arise.
Some of us will need to stay in the bottle, but we can keep flooding the neck of the bottle from the inside, and because it’s already showing signs of cracking - we should never let up until it does. But some people hate the damned bottle, and will find they are best used outside of the bottle, throwing rocks at the facade to show how fallible it is. Some of us will have escaped the bottle already and be creating new, more connected and expansive roads for when the bottle shatters and we all need a new path, and some of us will be stuck, in the bottom of the bottle, waiting for the glass shards to fall and bury them, or for someone outside to pull them. Find a place for yourself. Building new roads, or breaking the bottle neck that has been causing so much harm.
It’s impossible to see your own issues when you’re in them.
If you’re stuck in the abusive system you’re not likely to see how abusive it is until you’ve escaped it.
You have to back up to see the whole picture.
Your nose is on the wall, back up a few steps and you’ll see how big and broken the wall is.
When we see how other systems are working, it becomes clear all the ways ours isn’t.
Read episode scripts on Julie's Medium Blog.
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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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1733 || healthy shame is not a threat
10:12|It’s not about eliminating all sources of shame, but aligning with the confidence that you’re able to handle it effectively. In the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw, he compares shame to a “demonic” presence that takes over our whole being. I think this is a valuable analogy, because the presence leaves very little room for our conscious response, if we don’t recognize where we end and the “demon of shame” begins. Toxic shame is a liar. It’s a menace. In order to exercise these demons, we must address them head on. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1732 || authenticity is a practice, not a discovery || heal the shame that binds you
10:12|you're not "finding" an authentic self, but rather, practicing ease and comfort when you feel it. "as soon as she touches the water, she is immediately transformed into the most graceful creature." find the water of your own belonging. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1731 || love yourself unconditionally || heal the shame that binds you
10:31|dealing with rejection can feel impossible for people with internalized, toxic shame. there are rarely absolutes. life exists mostly in the gray area. not all good and not all bad.people will go to extremes to avoid toxic shame, so they will force themselves to make it "either/or" when it may be healthier to think that things are "both/and"it comes back to giving your "true self" unconditional love and respect. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1730 || decenter your mistakes || heal the shame that binds
10:06|When you make a mistake and feel vulnerable, the best response is to acknowledge and repair. Don't harbor more shame. The mistakes are inevitable. You highlighting them makes the mistake seem like something worth worshipping, not something to learn from. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1729 || making mistakes doesn't mean you are one
10:59|stop being so hard on yourself!! YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKES. Mistakes are simply feedback. Listen, take responsibility when needed, and adapt!!!! It's all part of the process. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1728 || positive brainwashing || healing the shame that binds you
11:28|You really are worth it. There has never been anyone like you. Nor will there ever be anyone like you again. You are unique, unrepeatable and of precious worth. - John Bradshaw John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1727 || common thought distortions
11:18|common cognitive distortions among shame-based people include: catastrophizing, mind-reading, all-or-nothing or either-or thinking, personalization, blaming, global blaming, filtering, cognitive bias affirmations, control thinking fallacies, "should" thinking, over generalizations, etc. to combat this we must: become active listeners, abandon comparison, abandon "shoulds" and absolutes. focus on curiosity and flexibility. create more space for "unknowns". John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1726 || grief work || healing the shame that binds you
12:30|Grief work: identify, build awareness, re-route with corrective responses. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1725 || set your own anchor + ride the wave
11:24|Shame spirals tend to attach themselves to certain triggers or anchors we have created from our past experiences. If we are able to create safe, corrective anchors to attach to these triggers, we can avoid the spirals and instead, learn to ride the waves. John Bradshaw's website.Buy the book, Healing the Shame that Binds You Read the TOXIC SHAME article from Very Well Mind.Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.