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How To Have Sex

Getting you in the right position for sexual success


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  • 34. How To Understand Fetishes and Kinks

    47:12||Season 1, Ep. 34
    Feet, leather, role-play, secret fantasies… what on earth turns people on, and WHY?!This week on How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes dive into the fascinating world of kinks and fetishes. And trust us, things get interesting!Jay-Jay reveals the bizarre story of a man who asked her out on LinkedIn and then requested photos of her ANKLES. Another man offered her $100 for a video of her dirty feet. Yes, really.Meanwhile, Mel explains why people develop unusual turn-ons, the difference between a kink and a fetish, and how to introduce your secret desires to a partner without scaring them off.There's also a surprisingly moving story about a married couple navigating a very unexpected discovery, some hilarious confessions about Jay-Jay's old PVC pants, and plenty of moments where Mel leaves Jay-Jay completely speechless.Can your relationship survive if your partner's fantasy is your absolute nightmare? And is having a kink really as unusual as we think?This episode is funny, eye-opening, educational and completely judgment-free. Whether you're adventurous, curious or proudly vanilla, there's something here for you.Thanks to our sponsor Adult Toy Megastore! Visit adulttoymegastore.co.nz and use code TOY15 for 15% off.📚 Books & Resources MentionedKink: A Straight Girl's Investigation — Stephanie Clifford-SmithJay-Jay mentions this fascinating book by Australian journalist Stephanie Clifford-Smith, who explored the world of unusual fetishes by interviewing people about their experiences.FetLife — fetlife.comAn online community for adults interested in exploring BDSM, fetishes and alternative lifestyles. Mel mentions it as a place where people can connect with others who share similar interests.Mel's Sex SchoolWant to take what you're learning into the real world? Mel runs Sex School, an educational platform helping women explore pleasure, confidence, intimacy and relationships.Our episode: How To Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)We revisit some of the advice from this earlier episode, especially when discussing how to communicate desires and become more comfortable expressing yourself with a partner.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

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  • 33. How To Feel Sexy Again After Heartbreak

    46:52||Season 1, Ep. 33
    How to Feel Sexy Again After Heartbreak 💔They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But is that actually good advice? Or are you just making a bad situation a whole lot messier?This week on How to Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes are getting personal about heartbreak, breakups and finding your confidence again.Mel reveals two VERY different ways she coped with heartbreak. One involved sober dancing in Bali and reconnecting with herself. The other? Let's just say there was a lot more partying involved!Meanwhile, Jay-Jay admits one breakup took her TWO YEARS to get over. And apparently, teenage Jay-Jay spent her evenings crying to Milli Vanilli. Tragic on several levels.We're asking all the important questions. Is breakup sex ever a good idea? Should you get a revenge body? Why do we torture ourselves checking our ex's Instagram? And how do you feel attractive again when someone has made you feel completely unwanted?There's plenty of laughter, some surprisingly emotional confessions and genuinely helpful advice on healing after a relationship ends, rebuilding self-esteem and rediscovering intimacy.Because getting your heart broken doesn't mean your sexy days are over.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

  • 32. How To Know If You're Normal Down There

    53:16||Season 1, Ep. 32
    Have you ever looked at your bits and wondered, “Is that normal?”You're not alone! And this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are getting VERY personal.We're talking about the insecurities nobody likes admitting to, from the appearance of our intimate body parts to erectile dysfunction, breast size and body confidence.Jay-Jay has some questions about labia. Quite a few, actually. And when she compares them to the dangly bits on a chicken, Mel almost loses the plot.But there's a serious side to this conversation, too.Mel reveals how watching porn left her feeling ashamed of her own body for years, until a rather eye-opening experience with her girlfriends changed everything.Jay-Jay shares a personal story about dating a young man with erectile dysfunction, and Mel explains why erection difficulties don't necessarily mean a lack of attraction, or the end of a satisfying sex life.Plus, we're comparing boob jobs! Jay-Jay went smaller, Mel went bigger… then changed her mind.In this episode, we explore:Why intimate body parts come in all shapes, sizes and colours.How unrealistic expectations can damage body confidence.What causes erectile difficulties and how couples can navigate them together.The surprising connection between antidepressants and sexual wellbeing.Why feeling sexy isn't about having the 'perfect' body.Expect some genuinely useful relationship advice, a few vulnerable confessions and some spectacularly awkward questions.Because when it comes to our bodies, different doesn't mean wrong.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

  • 31. How To Come Back From Infidelity

    55:47||Season 1, Ep. 31
    Can you ever REALLY forgive someone for cheating? And even if you do, can your relationship ever be the same again?This week, we're getting VERY personal. Mel reveals that an ex-boyfriend cheated on her for a year and a half. At one point, another woman left his bed just TEN MINUTES before Mel arrived. Then he turned up at her workplace with a fake name, carrying flowers and a $300 necklace to apologise.Mel kept the necklace. 😂Meanwhile, Jay-Jay admits she's both been cheated on AND done some cheating herself. We're not judging. Well, maybe a little.But beyond the jaw-dropping stories, we're tackling some big relationship questions.Why do people cheat, even when they love their partners?Are emotional affairs worse than physical ones?Can you rebuild trust after betrayal?How do you become intimate again when your partner has broken your heart?Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" actually true?Can a relationship become better after an affair?Mel shares practical advice for recovering from infidelity, understanding what went wrong, rebuilding emotional connection and deciding whether a relationship is worth saving.It's messy, honest, surprisingly funny and possibly one of our most revealing conversations yet.Sometimes the hardest part isn't forgiving someone else. It's learning to trust yourself again.ABOUT HOW TO HAVE SEXHow to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.podFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEmail: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland – https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTSJay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship CoachWebsite: www.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesREADY TO TAKE THINGS FURTHER?Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School:https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

  • 30. How To Choose & Use Adult Toys For Couples

    01:01:44||Season 1, Ep. 30
    Warning: there may be batteries. There may be buzzing. There will definitely be a Batman-shaped cock ring.This week Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tip a giant box of toys onto the bed and work out what couples should actually be playing with. Whether you're a total beginner or your bedside drawer is already full, Mel walks through how to choose a toy based on the sensation you want, why a toy is never "competition" for your partner, and how shopping together can open up the best conversations about pleasure.We cover:Why toys aren't a sign something's missing (and how they help through pregnancy, perimenopause and erectile changes)Starting with the feeling you want: vibration, suction, sensation play, a bit of spanking...Dual-stimulation toys, pinpoint vibrators and why "solo" toys work brilliantly for twoRings, strokers and double-ended toys, with live (clothed!) demosWearables, remote apps, and Mel's very sneaky cafe date with SteveThe biggest mistake couples make when bringing a toy into bedCleaning, materials, lube, charging and why you should never buy your toys from a bargain sitePlus: Jay-Jay figures out why toys have always made her feel awkward. Mel's mum makes her bed and finds a surprise. A dildo comes back from the bin. And we deliver a sex swing review nobody asked for.Want to see the toys? Watch the full uncensored video on our Substack or Apple Podcasts..How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.This episode is brought to you by Adult Toy Megastore, New Zealand's favourite place for everything adult, with the country's biggest range, great prices and discreet delivery. Use code TOY15 at adulttoymegastore.co.nz for 15% off.SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

  • 29. How To Stop Resentment From Killing Your Sex Life

    35:49||Season 1, Ep. 29
    Not in the mood? It might not be your libido. You might just be really, really annoyed.Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into the sneaky way resentment shuts down desire. It's not always the big stuff. It's the bins, the groceries, the school notices, and always being the one who "just does it". All those little crumbs get swept under the rug until you're tripping over it, and your body goes absolutely not the second your partner reaches for you.We chat about:Why so many of us mistake resentment for a low sex driveHow love languages can make or break intimacy (plus Jay-Jay's hand-kissing drama)The mental load, sharing chores, and why nobody wants to mother their loverIn-laws, infidelity, and holding onto hurt for yearsThe slightly confronting question Mel gets her clients to ask: "How have I enabled this?"What to actually say when you're ready to talk about itAngry sex, duty sex (we don't do duty sex on this podcast... mostly), and why sex can't fix the problem on its ownRebuilding non-sexual touch, finding yourself again, and bringing the fun backSpoiler: it's repair before seduction. Every time.This episode is brought to you by Datebox: fun, playful date nights delivered to your door, no babysitter or planning needed. Use code HTHS at datebox.nz for 10% off (it stacks with their other offers too). How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

  • 28. How To Find The Best Positions That Work For Women

    45:55||Season 1, Ep. 28
    The best position isn’t necessarily the one that looks hottest in the Kama Sutra.This week, Jay-Jay Feeney and Melissa Vranjes are getting into positions - several of them, and figure out what actually makes one feel GOOD.Because different bodies like different things. You might not need a brand-new position altogether; maybe it’s a pillow, a tiny change in angle, a slower rhythm, more connection… or simply admitting, “Yeah, I hate this one.”We talk about:• Why there’s no single “best” position for women • Comfort, connection and pleasure, and why they matter more than looking sexy • Small adjustments that can completely change how a position feels • Positions that allow more control over rhythm, pressure and depth • Why spooning deserves more respect • Why some popular positions can feel awkward, uncomfortable or just plain exhausting • Pelvic floor tension and choosing positions where your body can relax • How solo exploration can help you understand what works for you • What to do when your partner LOVES a position that you really don’t • Why novelty can be fun without every new position needing to end in fireworks • And why Jay-Jay probably doesn’t need the Kama Sutra after allPlus, Mel shares her favourite starting points for women who want more pleasure, comfort and connection, and Jay-Jay shares rather more about her own preferences than she probably intended.The big takeaway? Stop worrying about what looks sexy and start paying attention to what FEELS sexy.How To Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes.Send us your questions, stories and awkward bedroom dilemmas through our socials — the links are below.------------------- How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school