How To Have Sex

Warning: there may be batteries. There may be buzzing. There will definitely be a Batman-shaped cock ring.This week Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tip a giant box of toys onto the bed and work out what couples should actually be playing with. Whether you're a total beginner or your bedside drawer is already full, Mel walks through how to choose a toy based on the sensation you want, why a toy is never "competition" for your partner, and how shopping together can open up the best conversations about pleasure.We cover:Why toys aren't a sign something's missing (and how they help through pregnancy, perimenopause and erectile changes)Starting with the feeling you want: vibration, suction, sensation play, a bit of spanking...Dual-stimulation toys, pinpoint vibrators and why "solo" toys work brilliantly for twoRings, strokers and double-ended toys, with live (clothed!) demosWearables, remote apps, and Mel's very sneaky cafe date with SteveThe biggest mistake couples make when bringing a toy into bedCleaning, materials, lube, charging and why you should never buy your toys from a bargain sitePlus: Jay-Jay figures out why toys have always made her feel awkward. Mel's mum makes her bed and finds a surprise. A dildo comes back from the bin. And we deliver a sex swing review nobody asked for.Want to see the toys? Watch the full uncensored video on our Substack or Apple Podcasts..How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.This episode is brought to you by Adult Toy Megastore, New Zealand's favourite place for everything adult, with the country's biggest range, great prices and discreet delivery. Use code TOY15 at adulttoymegastore.co.nz for 15% off.SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Not in the mood? It might not be your libido. You might just be really, really annoyed.Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into the sneaky way resentment shuts down desire. It's not always the big stuff. It's the bins, the groceries, the school notices, and always being the one who "just does it". All those little crumbs get swept under the rug until you're tripping over it, and your body goes absolutely not the second your partner reaches for you.We chat about:Why so many of us mistake resentment for a low sex driveHow love languages can make or break intimacy (plus Jay-Jay's hand-kissing drama)The mental load, sharing chores, and why nobody wants to mother their loverIn-laws, infidelity, and holding onto hurt for yearsThe slightly confronting question Mel gets her clients to ask: "How have I enabled this?"What to actually say when you're ready to talk about itAngry sex, duty sex (we don't do duty sex on this podcast... mostly), and why sex can't fix the problem on its ownRebuilding non-sexual touch, finding yourself again, and bringing the fun backSpoiler: it's repair before seduction. Every time.This episode is brought to you by Datebox: fun, playful date nights delivered to your door, no babysitter or planning needed. Use code HTHS at datebox.nz for 10% off (it stacks with their other offers too). How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

The best position isn’t necessarily the one that looks hottest in the Kama Sutra.This week, Jay-Jay Feeney and Melissa Vranjes are getting into positions - several of them, and figure out what actually makes one feel GOOD.Because different bodies like different things. You might not need a brand-new position altogether; maybe it’s a pillow, a tiny change in angle, a slower rhythm, more connection… or simply admitting, “Yeah, I hate this one.”We talk about:• Why there’s no single “best” position for women • Comfort, connection and pleasure, and why they matter more than looking sexy • Small adjustments that can completely change how a position feels • Positions that allow more control over rhythm, pressure and depth • Why spooning deserves more respect • Why some popular positions can feel awkward, uncomfortable or just plain exhausting • Pelvic floor tension and choosing positions where your body can relax • How solo exploration can help you understand what works for you • What to do when your partner LOVES a position that you really don’t • Why novelty can be fun without every new position needing to end in fireworks • And why Jay-Jay probably doesn’t need the Kama Sutra after allPlus, Mel shares her favourite starting points for women who want more pleasure, comfort and connection, and Jay-Jay shares rather more about her own preferences than she probably intended.The big takeaway? Stop worrying about what looks sexy and start paying attention to what FEELS sexy.How To Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes.Send us your questions, stories and awkward bedroom dilemmas through our socials — the links are below.------------------- How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Freshly single and not sure where to even start? Jay-Jay and Mel get into everything about getting back into the dating scene: why so many women are done settling for less, why dating apps leave everyone feeling weirdly empty, and how to tell the difference between nerves and real chemistry on a first date (spoiler: your body genuinely can't tell them apart).Plus: Mel's first-date story involving a 6:30am run, a firefighter, and a fart she could not hold in. It's not a serious episode start to finish - expect real advice and real laughs in equal measure.They also cover flipping the confidence script so dating feels less like a job interview, why "friend-group dates" might be the underrated move, when (and how) to tell someone you've got kids, and what actually makes a date feel good.If you're nervous about getting back out there, consider this your pep talk.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.podFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEmail: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Grab an extra pillow. Actually, grab a few …. this week there's a waiting list outside the bedroom door.Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes are back in bed together for one of the most requested (and most avoided) topics yet: group sex. It turns out this has quietly been one of Mel's ultimate fantasies all along, and once she's finally cornered into admitting it, the conversation goes places…. including her actual, very unplanned real-life experience, and Jay-Jay's confession that she's had not one, not two, but three threesomes.This episode is equal parts hilarious and genuinely useful. They dig into why the fantasy of "ten hot strangers" rarely survives contact with reality, what separates a threesome that's fun from one that quietly ends a relationship, and how jealousy shows up even when everyone agreed to the whole thing beforehand. They also get into the nuts and bolts nobody wants to ask about out loud: sexual health, testing, condom etiquette when there's more than two people involved, and what proper aftercare actually looks like once the night is over.In this episode:Why the fantasy version of group sex (control, safety, zero logistics) is nothing like the real thingMel's honest, cringe-and-all retelling of her one experience with multiple partners, and everything she'd do differentlyJay-Jay finally spills on her three threesomes, including the one that felt like a "tag team" and the one that didn'tThe difference between having a fantasy and actually wanting to live it outJealousy, the fear of loss underneath it, and why it can wreck a relationship even when everyone consented going inWhether it's easier to explore this single, in an open relationship, or with your long-term partnerHow to actually bring it up with a stranger, a partner, or at a bar without making it weirdWhat sex parties are really like (and how people actually find them)The one question you need to ask yourself before saying yes to anyone else's fantasy: why do I actually want this?Sexual health real talk … testing, condoms between partners, and having that conversation before things get goingAftercare for more than two: what it looks like, why it matters, and how simple it can beWhat "liberating" actually means here (hint: it's not about how wild you get)Whether group sex is a fantasy that's just for your own head, something you're curious to explore, or a story you've already got your own version of, this episode gives you the real talk, the pitfalls, and the tools to make it a good experience rather than a cautionary tale.----------------------------------How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.podFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEmail: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Congratulations, you got the kids to sleep! Now lock the door.... this episode is just getting started.Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes sit down for one of the most requested topics yet: how to actually have a sex life once you've got kids. Melissa is three months postpartum with her second baby and deep in the newborn trenches, so this one's personal, honest, and refreshingly unfiltered.Together they unpack why parenthood doesn't kill your libido so much as it completely rewires it. From spontaneous desire to something Melissa calls "responsive desire," and from candlelit dates to a stolen 90 seconds between nappy changes.In this episode:Why "need-driven touch" (hello, breastfeeding) can leave you touched out and not exactly craving more contact from your partnerSpontaneous vs. responsive desire, and why waiting to "feel horny" first might be the whole problem"Chore Play": how unloading the dishwasher can genuinely be foreplayMelissa's raw, three-months-postpartum update on her own body, libido, and relationshipWhy exhaustion, not lack of attraction, is public enemy number one for parents' sex livesThe gentle way she and her husband reconnected physically after birth, with zero pressureThe "sex menu": a 5-minute, 10-minute and 30-minute system for intimacy on the busiest nightsGetting your privacy back (a lock on the door is doing more heavy lifting than you'd think)"Sexual currency" - the small everyday moments that quietly build (or kill) desireWhy obligatory sex causes more long-term damage than just... not having sexThe weekly relationship check-in that keeps resentment from creeping inWhether you're in the newborn haze, wrangling a toddler, or years into parenting and just want your spark back, consider this your permission slip to stop chasing your old sex life and start building a new one that actually fits this season.Next week: How to Have Mind-Blowing Group Sex 👀How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school