How To Have Sex

Confession time: we've both faked it. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️This week Jay-Jay and Mel get real about faking it, and we're not just talking about orgasms. We're talking about every quiet way we abandon ourselves in bed: nodding along, holding our breath, pretending we're way more flexible than we actually are.Mel breaks down why faking it is actually a smart nervous-system survival strategy, not a character flaw, and how it quietly builds resentment and chore sex over time if left unchecked. We get into the four stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the one nobody talks about, fawn, plus real phrases to use instead of faking it, and how to take feedback from a partner without spiralling.We also talk a little too much about swallowing. By the end, you'll have real language to use tonight, a pleasure practice to try this week, and hopefully a little less pressure to perform and a little more permission to just be honest.💌 Subscribe to our Substack for early episodes, our weekly pleasure practice and behind-the-scenes extras. 🎓 How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school  

This week Jay-Jay & Mel get vulnerable, and a little unhinged, talking about body confidence and sex insecurities. Jay-Jay finally admits the one insecurity she's never been able to shake. Mel spills on her breast implants: why she got them at 23, and why she took them out eight years later. They dig into where body shame actually comes from (hint: it's rarely just you), why labiaplasty is booming even though the "problem" is just a normal vulva, and have a full tangent about pubic hair trends.Mel walks Jay-Jay through a real-time somatic exercise to rewire an old belief, and by the end of it Jay-Jay has a brand new mantra that will absolutely end up on a t-shirt.Expect body image talk, self-esteem wins, a few belly laughs, and genuinely useful tools for building body confidence and self-love, in and out of the bedroom.If you've ever turned the lights off, sucked it in, or hidden a part of yourself during sex, this episode is for you.🎧 New episodes every week. Rate, review and follow, so you never miss one.Explicit — listener discretion advised.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.comINSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS:Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school  

She met him on Facebook. He lived on the other side of the world. She didn't tell a soul for two years.This week Mel flips the script and puts Jay-Jay in the hot seat. We're talking about Jay-Jay's relationship with her partner Minou, the 18-year age gap, meeting through a random Facebook DM, navigating two completely different cultures and religions, and every single opinion the internet has ever had about it.Jay-Jay tells us how she tested a stranger's "humanness" before believing he was real, why she kept the relationship secret from literally everyone (including her ex-husband), and the moment she finally came clean. We also get into the comment that compared her to a 90-year-old prune, the woman who threatened to "knock her teeth out," and why block-block-block is a completely valid coping mechanism.Mel and Jay-Jay dig into the bigger question underneath it all, why do unconventional relationships make people so uncomfortable, and how do you protect your peace when strangers (and sometimes friends) decide they've got a say in your love life?Funny, personal, and honestly a bit of a tearjerker in places. Buckle up.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Foreplay. Everyone's heard of it. Not everyone's doing it right.In this episode, Jay-Jay and Mel break down what foreplay actually is (spoiler: not just a quick neck kiss and a rub before getting to the main event), why rushing it is one of the biggest bedroom mistakes people make, and how slowing down can completely change your sex life.We also get into the surprisingly non-sexual stuff that counts as foreplay, plus: why your body literally needs time to prepare for penetration (there's a physiological process called tenting and it will change how you think about this forever), the art of attunement, why the quickie you think was spontaneous... wasn't, and how to talk to a partner who treats foreplay like they're late for a flight.In this episode:Why foreplay starts way before the bedroomThe psychological side of arousal, and why safety matters more than techniqueWhat is tenting and why your body needs itAttunement: the real skill underneath all the movesHow to talk to a partner who skips straight to the jackhammerSexting as foreplay (Mel is a big fan)The Pleasure Practice: penetration off the table, entirelyHow to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you.This week JJ and Mel are talking about how to bring the spice back into long-term relationships, and no, it doesn't start with a sex swing. They unpack why couples slip into "flatmate energy," the sneaky way resentment kills desire faster than tiredness ever could, and why foreplay actually starts at 11am, not 11pm. Mel breaks down brakes vs accelerators, spontaneous vs responsive desire, and why being too comfortable with your partner might be the actual problem. Plus: the spousal arousal radio story, a boat-bed confession gone wrong, and the case for bringing back a little "puppy energy" when your partner walks in the door.If you and your partner have started to feel more like co-managers of a household than lovers, this episode is your sign to do something about it (and it's way less effort than you think).How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Turns out almost everyone has a fantasy they've never told a single soul. This week Jay-Jay and sex & relationship coach Mel Vranjes get into sexual fantasies; what's actually going on underneath them, why just talking about one can be almost as hot as living it out, and how to bring it up with your partner without causing a small relationship earthquake.Mel shares the research on the most common fantasies (group sex, power play, and being completely ravished all made the list), and we talk through how to find the feeling behind a fantasy so you're not stuck trying to recreate an exact scene from a book.Also in this episode: Jay-Jay's worst date story ever, the golden showers chat nobody asked for, why pegging makes so many people squirm and shouldn't, and a Pleasure Practice that's basically just permission to daydream a bit more.Topics: sexual fantasies, fantasy communication, kinks and power play, BDSM basics, intimacy and desire, couples communication, sex education, relationship adviceHow to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered.JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.comINSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS:Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Ever wanted to make the first move and just… froze? Initiating is one of the most vulnerable things we do, and almost nobody talks about how hard it is.This week Jay-Jay Feeney and somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into how to initiate sex without the fear of rejection: why it can feel scarier than the sex itself, how to handle a "no" without spiralling, and the tiny shifts that bring desire back to life in long-term relationships.Inside this episode:Why initiating feels so loaded (and why long-term love makes it harder, not easier)The one-word response to "no" that stops the shame spiral in its tracksMismatched desire; are you and your partner even speaking the same language?Ovens vs gas hobs: why "preheating" outside the bedroom changes everythingEmily Nagoski's gateways into desire: play, care and curiosityReal, low-stakes ways to initiate tonight: flirty texts, kissing, music, massagePlus your Pleasure Practice DMs, including the "I was meant to be the submissive one" plot twistWhether you're the one who always makes the first move, the one who's given up trying, or somewhere in between, this one's for you.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.)This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think.We cover:What BDSM really means (and what it definitely doesn't have to mean)Why so many people are secretly curious about power play, restraint, and dominance, and feel weirdly ashamed about itThe psychology behind dominant people wanting to submit, and vice versaHow to go from "we've vaguely thought about this" to actually trying it, without a cringe disasterThe beginner's menu: easy, low-stakes things to explore firstConsent conversations that don't feel like a workplace health and safety briefingSafewords, aftercare, and the mistakes people make, copying what they've seen onlineAnd this week's Pleasure Practice to try at homeWhether you're deeply curious, mildly intrigued, or just here to find out what all the fuss is about, this one's for you.Don't start with a whip and a prayer. Start here. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered.SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed.Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy in your relationship?This is sex education, not judgment. We cover:Why men and women consume porn so differently, and what women are actually looking forThe psychology of eroticism and why taboo fantasies make sensePorn and relationships: when it's fine, when it's not, and what to do when you've just caught your partner watching it (Mel shares her story, and it's a good one)The top-searched categories in 2025 and what that tells us about desireHow porn can actually rewire your body's arousal response, and make it harder to orgasm with a partnerEthical porn: what it means, and where to find it (Erika Lust gets a mention)Audio erotica, smut, and other ways to explore desire beyond visual pornMentioned in this episode: https://erikalust.com/ for ethical porn, and if you want to listen to the best audio erotica, try https://www.tryquinn.com/ or https://www.dipseastories.com/ Next week: BDSM.Subscribe so you don't miss a thing. And if this episode resonated, leave us a review. It genuinely helps. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced at PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school