Share

cover art for Ep. 44 It's Serving ADHD Tax, Accidental Sexts and the Yearning Lifestyle

F them fish! AuDHD for grownups

Ep. 44 It's Serving ADHD Tax, Accidental Sexts and the Yearning Lifestyle

Ep. 44

This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples.


This week is pure listener-chaos in the best possible way. We asked for your stories and you absolutely delivered. We’re talking panic-bought concert tickets, masking too hard on first dates, accidentally sending a spicy text to the wrong person, rejection sensitivity turning a delayed reply into a full cheating scandal, and the very specific experience of wanting someone right up until they like you back. We also get briefly obsessed with Miranda Hart, blow bubbles for World Bipolar Day, and once again prove that this podcast is excellent body-doubling audio for laundry, dishes, or whatever life admin you’ve been avoiding. Questionable advice, strong opinions, and a lot of feeling very seen.


Timestamps

00:01 Intro

01:02 Jayne’s new favourite book: Miranda Hart and feeling deeply seen

06:05 Bubbles for World Bipolar Day

08:14 We get into your listener questions

09:55 ADHD tax: panic-bought concert tickets and a man who now breathes too loudly

15:01 Masking on first dates and when the truth is actually 14 half-finished moisturisers

18:47 Weird-smelling water bottles, crying, and an accidental detour into hygiene standards

20:35 The spicy text sent to the wrong person from school pick-up

22:31 Rejection sensitivity, delayed replies, Bunnings, and the imaginary second family with a yacht

29:02 Why some of us love people until they like us back

36:12 Bonus ear filler and elite body-doubling content

36:59 Send us your stories and questions for future episodes


Connect

Find us on YouTubeInstagram and TikTok @ FThem Fish_AuDHD for Grownups

Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com


AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

More episodes

View all episodes

  • 43. What You Can’t See: Trauma, Survival and Finding Your Voice with Jacinta Dubojski

    01:05:18||Ep. 43
    This episode comes with a content warning.We talk about family violence, abusive relationships, trauma, bullying, anxiety, depression, CPTSD, psychiatric hospitalisation, and some pretty heavy mental health stuff. So if this is not for you today, save it for a day when you’ve got a few more spoons.Today it’s just me, no Jayne, and I’m joined by Jacinta Dubojski from Just Another Girl.This is a different kind of conversation.Jacinta is someone a lot of people would probably look at and make assumptions about. Tall, beautiful, polished, put together. And that is exactly part of why this conversation matters. Because people do that all the time. They look at someone and decide their life must have been easy.It wasn’t.We talk about bullying, low self-worth, abusive relationships, trauma, what it does to your brain and body, and what it takes to keep going when life has absolutely kicked the sh*t out of you.Jacinta also talks about the work she now does with girls in schools through Just Another Girl, and why speaking up can genuinely change, and sometimes save, lives.This one is raw. It wanders a bit in places. It gets heavy. It also has hope in it.And the reason it belongs on this podcast is because neurodivergent people are more vulnerable to abusive relationships, family violence, coercion and other forms of harm than a lot of people realise. We do not talk about that enough.If this one hits close to home, please check the support links below. And if you need to, send this episode to someone and just say, I need to talk.Timestamps00:00 Content warning02:42 Intro and meeting Jacinta04:10 Jacinta on her work, motherhood, trauma and why she shares her story09:10 Modelling, bullying, appearance and being judged on the outside18:28 How Just Another Girl started21:44 Being bullied at school and not telling anyone24:30 Domestic violence, trauma and feeling trapped32:44 If this is your story too36:31 Speaking in schools and trying to change lives early39:18 Social media, girls, and protecting the next generation42:48 What Jacinta would say to her younger self47:49 Proof that things can get better51:38 Reaching out when you’re struggling58:46 Where to find Jacinta59:47 Why this matters for neurodivergent people too1:03:27 Final support message and wrap upFind us on Youtube, Instagram and TikTok @FThemFish_AuDHDForGrownupsEmail: Fthemfish@gmail.comFind JacintaJust Another Girl ProjectInstagram: @just.anothergirl_SupportIf this episode brings stuff up for you, please reach out for support.www.MindSpot.org.auLifeline 13 11 141800RESPECT
  • 42. The 2026 Inaugurable ndWILD Neuroinclusion Awards!

    30:22||Ep. 42
    The ndWILD Co-Founders: Callie, Jayne, and Troy announce the first ever winners of the WILDly Neuroinclusive Awards LIVE in the following 5 categories:1) WILDly Neuroinclusive Organisation: Recognises an organisation that has moved from awareness to structural action, changing how their systems, processes, or culture works for neurodivergent people.2) WILDly Neuroinclusive Individual: Recognises a person who makes inclusion real for others through their daily actions, leadership, or advocacy, not just their identity3) WILDly Neuroinclusive Event or Venue: Recognises a space or event that proved belonging doesn't have to be designed out, it can be designed in, for every kind of brain.4) WILD Community Impact Award: Recognises work that reaches beyond a single workplace into communities, schools, or the public, making neurodiversity visible in the wider world.5) WILD Change Maker: Recognises the biggest shift created in the last 6 months by a person, project, or team. This is about momentum, something moved because of them.Tell us what you think: hello@ndwildglobal.org and tell us who you think should be in the running for the 2027 WILDly Neuroinclusive Awards!Follow us on Youtube, Instagram and Tiktok @ndWILDGlobal
  • 41. Ep. 41 Awareness is Cute. Inclusion is Better

    34:40||Ep. 41
    Neurodiversity is bigger than autism and ADHD, and awareness alone is not the same thing as inclusion.In this episode, Callie and Jayne kick off Neurodiversity Celebration Week 2026 by unpacking what neurodiversity actually means, why it is a social identity rather than a medical label, and why so many workplace conversations still flatten it into stereotypes, checklists, and entry-level training.They talk about the problem with ‘autism and others’ thinking, why resist the list matters, and what happens when organisations say all the right things but their systems, culture, and leadership behaviours do not actually change.They also answer a listener question about the difference between awareness and real inclusion in practice, exploring microaggressions, assigning intent, conflicting needs between neurodivergent people, and how to tell whether a workplace is genuinely trying to improve.This one is part celebration, part side-eye, and part practical reality check.In this episodewhat neurodiversity actually meanswhy it is bigger than autism and ADHDwhy awareness without systems change falls flatresist the list: the problem with stereotypes and trait checklistshow to tell whether a workplace is truly inclusivemicroaggressions, intent, repair, and real progressa quick look at the WILDly Neuro-inclusive Awards Timestamps00:11 Welcome and Neurodiversity Celebration Week begins01:40 What this episode is really about: awareness vs inclusion02:03 Neurodiversity is bigger than autism and ADHD02:42 Neurodiversity as a social identity, not a medical term05:24 Why the numbers are likely bigger than reported05:53 DCA and AMAZE’s Neurodiversity at Work Guide08:08 Diagnosis, identity, and barriers to being recognised08:46 The problem with ‘autism and others’ training10:04 Resist the List and why stereotypes are harmful11:24 Why entry-level training misses too many neurodivergent adults12:39 Perimenopause, nervous systems, and the broader neurodiversity conversation17:22 Listener question: awareness vs real inclusion at work19:24 Why systems, processes, and leadership matter21:22 What happens when neurodivergent needs clash22:34 Pain, perfection, and the pressure for workplaces to get it right23:48 Assigning intent and stepping back from the moment24:24 Microaggressions, trauma lenses, and ‘micro receivings’25:42 Don’t let perfection get in the way of progress26:01 What genuine effort actually looks like27:37 Acknowledging mistakes, correcting, and moving on29:47 Launching the WILDly Neuro-inclusive Awards31:22 Hope, frustration, and the future of neuroinclusion32:35 Follow, subscribe, and send us your ADHD tax storiesConnectFind us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for GrownupsSend your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com
  • 40. Ep. 40 Out of Sight, Out of Mind, Out of Spoons

    48:54||Ep. 40
    In this episode of F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups, Callie and Jayne talk about the strange joy of organising when your brain is finally in the mood for it, and why 'out of sight, out of mind' is not always an ADHD tax. Sometimes it is an ADHD bonus.They unpack the emotional lift that comes from sorting cupboards, rediscovering forgotten treasures, and building systems that actually work for the way neurodivergent people live. From colour-coded towels and linen hacks to craft supplies, fabric finds, and childhood memories, this episode is equal parts practical, funny, and deeply familiar.They also respond to a listener question about rejection sensitivity and bosses, exploring how much of workplace discomfort is about perception, how much might be a real shift, and why the relationship with your immediate manager can shape your whole experience at work. That conversation opens into a bigger reflection on leadership, vulnerability, responsibility, and the loneliness that can come with being the person expected to hold it all together.To close, Callie shares a brand-new poem inspired by spoon theory, written in a hyperfocus burst and read aloud for the first time on the podcast. It is tender, sharp, funny, and likely to hit home for anyone who has ever been told they were inconsistent when really they were just running low on spoons.Timestamps00:11 Welcome back and chaotic bestie energy01:49 Post-Sydney crash and the need to recover02:38 ADHD bonus: organising the linen cupboard04:46 Linen and quilt set hack: store sets inside a pillowcase05:27 Why organisation brings joy when the timing is right06:10 Designing homes and systems around how people actually live07:17 Guest linen standards, stained sheets, and household rules09:18 Offering tea, sandwiches, and emotional support to everyone10:21 Cleaners as support, not luxury11:24 Back to the cupboard: forgotten fabric and the ADHD memory bonus14:11 Jayne’s craft reorganisation and rediscovering treasured fabrics15:57 Buttons, pendants, sewing memories, and childhood signs no one spotted18:50 Surprise podcast stickers and octopus merch joy19:50 Love Hearts, nostalgia, and disappointing lolly messages21:46 Listener question: how do I handle RSD with my boss?23:42 Why your relationship with your manager matters so much24:53 Perception, assigning intention, and scripting hard conversations26:27 Looking at your boss with empathy without losing yourself29:35 Leadership can be lonely31:13 Boundaries, vulnerability, and leading as a human33:10 What leaders owe people in moments of uncertainty35:41 Why people look for someone who can hold the line38:57 Creating the authorising environment for others to thrive39:28 The emotional weight leaders carry behind the scenes40:12 Hyperfocus, songwriting, and the origin of the spoon poem42:05 Callie reads I’m Out of Spoons45:47 Jayne responds: “I feel seen”47:08 Where the poem might live next on socials47:41 Wrap-up and goodbyeConnect with usFind us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish AuDHD for GrownupsSend questions, stories, poetry, songs, or kind thoughts to FThemFish@gmail.com
  • 39. Ep. 39 Rejection Sensitivity and the 'Not Enough' Intersection

    39:27||Ep. 39
    Welcome back to another episode of F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grown-ups. After a whirlwind week at Sydney Mardi Gras, Callie and Jayne are back on the mics, feeling a little wrecked but ready to decompress. From the adrenaline of dancing up Oxford Street to the physical and emotional hangover that follows a massive neurodivergent project, this episode dives deep into the post-event blues.We’re getting vulnerable about rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), the sting of unsolicited opinions, and what happens when you feel like you’re sitting at the intersection of not being neurodivergent, queer, or disabled enough.In This Episode:Mardi Gras Post-Mortem: The highs of performing for 300,000 people (move over, Taylor Swift) and the fatigue that followsBeing Rejected: Jayne shares a painful moment of perceived rejection from the crowd and how RSD can hijack a celebrationAccessibility Fails: A look at what went wrong behind the scenes, from the removal of wheelchair ramps to the lack of support for disabled marchers.The ‘Not Enough’ Trap: Callie opens up about the struggle of feeling not gay enough, not AuDHD enough, or not disabled enough while occupying those spaces.Navigating Online Criticism: How to handle the gatekeepers on social media who try to police how we talk about our own neurodivergence.Parenting & Music: Answering a listener's question about bonding with a baby in utero through music Neuro-Inclusion Guide: Check out the resources at ndwild.org/inclusion which saw a 1700% increase in traffic following the march!Got a curly question or a scandalous AuDHD tax story to share? We want to hear it!Email: fthemfish@gmail.comInstagram: @fthemfish_audhdforgrownups Chapters00:00 Introduction: Callie and Jayne check in on their current energy levels (feeling knackered and like total goblins).01:10 Post-Mardi Gras Reflections: The emotional and physical crash following Sydney Mardi Gras, moving from high-adrenaline performance to post-event exhaustion.03:10 The Physical Toll of Oxford Street: A look at the physical demands of the parade, including DJ BJ pulling a heavy music cart and Callie’s unexpected sciatica injury.05:53 Rejection Sensitivity (RSD) at the Parade: Jayne shares a vulnerable story about interacting with a crowd member that triggered a deep spiral of rejection sensitivity.10:38 Navigating Public Perception and Not Enough-ness: Exploring intersectionality and feeling judged in public spaces.15:37 Performance: Callie masks through physical pain during the parade and the internal struggle of maintaining a public face while suffering.18:30 Accessibility Fails and Advocacy: A critical look at the removal of accessibility supports during the event and the impact on disabled participants.26:14 Online Criticism Callie recounts a recent experience on LinkedIn and why it is important to lead with kindness rather than policing language.32:15 Listener Q&A: Parenting, Music, and Belly Raspberries We answer a listener's question about bonding with a baby in utero through music38:43 Outro
  • 38. Ep. 38 Live from Sydney Mardi Gras

    22:10||Ep. 38
    Join us in Sydney as we prepare to march in the Mardi Gras Parade!In this lively episode of the Wild Voice podcast, the hosts share their experiences and excitement as they prepare for the Sydney Mardi Gras. They discuss the joy of authenticity, the importance of representation, and personal stories of coming out, including the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals. The conversation highlights the sense of community and celebration at Mardi Gras, as well as the preparations and gratitude for the support received from sponsors and friends. The hosts express their eagerness to participate in the parade and connect with others in the LGBTQIA community.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Mardi Gras Experience01:49 The Joy of Authenticity at Mardi Gras03:17 Personal Stories of Coming Out09:34 Neurodiversity and Queerness13:08 Preparing for the Parade19:09 Gratitude and Looking ForwardFollow us on Instagram and YouTube @ndWILDGlobal. Send us your questions and comments to hello@ndWILD.org
  • 37. Ep 37. Resilience, Neuroinclusive Events, and A UK Diagnosis Reality Check - with Jayne, Troy and Callie

    40:56||Ep. 37
    The ndWILD co-founders record in-person from WILD HQ for February's global neurodiversity update, covering a powerful research insight on resilience, a community story about late diagnosis wait-times in the UK, and three practical inclusion tips for any big event (including Mardi Gras). This episode shares lived experience, general education, and coaching-style suggestions. It is not medical advice and is not a substitute for professional support.This month’s update is equal parts warmth, goblin-energy, and genuinely useful tools. The team unpacks a global research out of Hong Kong suggesting resilience isn’t a fixed personality trait, it’s something you can build, and highlights one standout protective factor for kids: having an adult who genuinely likes them. We make no apologies for getting a little emotional with this one! You can find the study here: https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-025-02947-8Then we share a community story from 'Shelly' (pseudonym), a 53-year-old in the UK who finally sought an autism/ADHD assessment, only to be told the wait could be 7.5 years. The conversation turns to what you can do while waiting: why self-identification can be valid, how to start learning your needs without waiting for permission, and how choosing your own labels can change the way you feel about yourself and interact with the world around you.Finally, the team gears up for Mardi Gras, shouting out accessibility 'vibe shepherd' Pat O’Toole, and runs through WILD’s Top 3 Neuroinclusion Event Tips, because events are meant to be joyful, not something you have to push through.How to get involved with WILDExplore WILD’s free inclusion guides (including a Mardi Gras-specific version and pocket guide designed for screenshots) - www.ndwild.org/inclusionSubscribe to the WILD Voice newsletter - www.ndwild.orgSubmit your story / questions / research via the Share your WILD option on the websiteTop 3 WILD Neuroinclusion Event Tips Make a plan for your body and senses (water, snacks, sunnies, sound/light/crowds)Plan your movement (arrival, meeting points, exits, toilets, transport/parking)Plan to protect your nervous system (ask for help, take breaks, leave early if needed)“Resilience isn’t a personality trait, it’s a muscle you can exercise.” Troy“Until you choose your own labels, you wear the ones other people give you.” Callie“Events are meant to be joyful, not something you have to push through.” JayneChapters 00:00 Welcome to WILD Voice 02:42 Research nerd-out – global review: resilience isn’t a personality trait, it’s a muscle08:45 The power of one adult who likes you, why it matters for kids and how to ‘polish the apple’ 13:28 Community story: Shelly’s late-diagnosis journey 20:11 Navigating ADHD diagnosis barriers and the ridiculous UK adult wait times for services23:14 Self-discovery & advocacy. Self-diagnosis validity, knowing your needs and choosing your own labels)26:24 Preparing for big events: neuroinclusion & accessibility tips, tools and strategies38:54 Bonus audio insert: Peek-a-Boo WILDly SSS NQE Hidden Disability Sunflower program: https://hdsunflower.com
  • 36. Ep. 36 Communication Mismatch, Musicals, and Asking for Accommodations at work

    54:15||Ep. 36
    Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton are together to record in person! and unpack why neurodivergent people can feel misunderstood even when they’re being crystal clear - explicit vs inferred meaning, threat-scanning vs social inference, and the cost of code-switching. Plus: why ADHD brains love musicals, and a listener question on asking for workplace accommodations without apologising.Callie and Jayne are together in person (sleep-deprived, delighted, and hilariously unfiltered) for a “talkie-talkie” episode that swings from funny to deeply useful.They start with neurodivergent life logistics—spoons, pain, sleep, and the reality of showing up when your nervous system is already taxed. Then they dive into why musicals can be such a powerful regulation tool for ADHD brains, including Callie’s “third track” theory: story + music + lyrics creating enough channels that the brain can finally settle.The heart of the episode is a communication lens that explains a very common neurodivergent experience: feeling misunderstood even when you’re communicating clearly. They explore explicit language vs inferred meaning, and why reading into things can be predictive threat processing (protective scanning) rather than playful social inference.They finish with a listener question (“Delta”) about asking for workplace accommodations without apologising, offering practical scripts and a reminder that you’re not asking for special treatment, you’re asking for what helps you do the job you were hired to do.Note: lived experience and reflection, not medical advice.Key takeaways Miscommunication isn’t always bad communication, it can be different cognitive pathways.Some brains prioritise explicit meaning (words = meaning), others prioritise inferred meaning (what’s implied).Threat-scanning (“did I mess up?”) is not the same as social inference (“what did they intend?”).Code-switching is exhausting, often the transition is the hardest part.Accommodation requests land better with short scripts than long justifications.Practice reduces the shame loop: you’re allowed to ask for what you need.Send your stories, questions, and ADHD taxes to: Fthemfish@gmail.com.Follow the show on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok: @FThemFishAuDHDforGrownups.Connect with Callie on LinkedIn: Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne on LinkedIn/Instagram: Jayne Gurton.Chapters 00:00  Introduction 01:45  Exploring Neurodivergence and Personal Experiences06:12  Physical Health and Its Impact on Daily Life09:05 The Importance of Connection and Communication14:30  The Power of Musicals and Emotional Expression23:10 Understanding Communication Styles in Neurodivergent Individuals30:48  Understanding Social Inference vs. Predictive Threat Processing33:25  Communication Styles: Neurodivergent vs. Neurotypical34:53  The Importance of Empathy in Communication37:06  Navigating Code-Switching in Relationships39:56  The Role of Neurodiversity in Workplace Communication40:37  Listener Question: Asking for Accommodations at Work