The life of a Third Culture Kid therapist

Are you confused by how you think about your own worth? Maybe one part of you feel like you have things to offer, that you have value to add, but another feels like you can't quite believe the idea you matter to other people... Third Culture Kids often experience this paradox - "I am someone, but I'm not someone to others". I explore this experience here as tension between experiences of intrinsic and extrinsic value and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I'm noticing how many of us TCKs are struggling to set boundaries without feeling the need to build a case of moral justification - our own feelings and needs don't seem to be 'enough' to allow us to say, "No". Here I'm exploring what might be going on, the potential impact of this, and how important it is to listen out for this in our narratives.

I'm in a season of decluttering... and my TCK self is happily familiar with how soothing it feels to streamline. So many of us get anxious at the accumulation of stuff (however will it all fit in my suitcase?!) but I'm a lover of things. What I'm seeing through is how important it is for my material surroundings to remind me of WHO I am. This episode looks at how this can get complicated with complex TCK identities!

"I saw the signs... and I went there anyway!" I hear this so often, and it's such a familiar cry of my own heart too. We are often admonished to 'watch out for the red flags' but I'm wondering how much this is the relevant issue. Here I'm exploring what can lead TCKs to be especially vulnerable to seeing the warning signs of incompatible behaviours or values, and going there anyway. I'm also sharing why I feel getting clearer about our 'green flags' can be a more helpful tool to many TCKs.

In this episode, I'm pondering associations between changes and endings. In my story recently, I realised my needs had changed and the impact this was having around my book club involvement. I quickly assumed that acknowledging this change would initiate an ending, a quitting and loss around community. But what if changes could be integrated into a new chapter? A story edited rather than lost?

What are the implications of a life lived in adaptation? One of them seems to be a familiarity with discomfort! This can impact different TCKs different ways - some of us get super sensitive to challenge, over-saturated as we have been in early chapters. Some of us identify so much with challenge that we continue to seek it out in our adult lives. Either reaction may be working with an acclimatisation with discomfort. We can become so attuned to discomfort as our baseline that we normalise it - either in ways that keep us in it, avoidant or unclear about what changes we could make to improve our experience, or in ways that avoid comfort by seeking growth to exhausting degrees. Either way, what happens when we get acclimatised to discomfort?

Today I'm reflecting on coming home. As TCKs, we can often develop sensitivities and strategies for managing the leaving experiences of our lives, but I'm noticing an area I want to work on - returning. I know leaving, do I know how to return? Turns out I didn't handle my most recent return brilliantly, so this episode is walking through that experience with you!

After some creative scribbling, I feel like I've cracked something I want to now share with you - how I've seen myself privilege one version of my identity over others! This is something I hear us especially prone to doing if managing fluctuating energy levels, sometimes due to chronic conditions or illnesses. As TCKs, the pressure is often on to demonstrate our 'added value' and I share here the different contributions that my 'different modes of me' make.