Share

cover art for This is How Your Marriage Ends with Matt Fray

The Don't Buy Her Flowers Podcast

This is How Your Marriage Ends with Matt Fray

Season 3, Ep. 5

Steph talks with Matthew Fray, a relationship coach and author of ‘This is How your Marriage Ends: A hopeful approach to saving relationships ’. After his own experience of divorce, and after some soul searching, Matt had a kind of reckoning where he realised that how he had behaved in the marriage – mostly the every day little things that cause the same rows – had over time eroded trust, which led his wife to leave. Matt has used this to look at how men behave in relationships, primarily in romantic relationships with women.  

 

Steph and Matt discuss Matt’s ‘Invalidation Triple Threat’ Theory, as well as how male identity and masculinity impacts how men behave in relationships - often unintentionally - and how consideration is something that women do so much more than men but is essential to a healthy relationship.  

 


Steph’s Instagram

Thoughtful GIfts from Don’t Buy Her Flowers

Contact Steph podcast@dontbuyherflowers.com 

More episodes

View all episodes

  • 2. How To Make It Fair with Eve Rodsky

    01:03:01
    Feel like you do everything at home, or at least more than is your fair share? This one’s for you. Steph speaks with Eve Rodsky - Harvard-grad lawyer, activist and New York Times Bestselling author of Fair Play. Eve is working to change society one partnership at a time by coming up with a new 21st-century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering 2/3 or more of the unpaid domestic work and childcare for their homes and families. Eve and Steph talk about the massive impact this has not only on relationships, with couples everywhere hissing and resentful while trying to navigate this, but also the workplace, the pay gap, and our mental and physical health. They also talk about what’s in it for men to get more involved, and how do you bring them to the table. Eve’s book Fair PlayFind out more about the Fair Play systemEve’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers This episode is sponsored by gift experience website The Indytute
  • 1. Being a Mad Woman with Bryony Gordon

    57:59
    Steph talks with author, journalist and mental health campaigner Bryony Gordon about her new book Mad Woman, an account of her life and challenges over the last few years. With a live audience at Henley Literary Festival, in classic Bryony-style, she brings lots of energy, honesty and humour to the conversation, in which they discuss depression, OCD, Bulimia and Binge Eating Disorder, addiction and alcoholism and being perimenopausal and a woman in her 40s. Bryony’s InstagramMental Health MatesBuy Bryony’s book Mad WomanSteph’s InstagramSteph’s gift company Don’t Buy Her FlowersHenley Literary Festival
  • 7. Anxiety with Dr Kirren Schnack

    53:51
    Steph talks with Dr Kirren Schnack, Clinical Psychologist and author of Ten Times Calmer, a book with tools to help beat anxiety. The conversation starts by understanding what anxiety is, what happens when we’re anxious, what are the triggers and what is happening to our nervous system. They discuss the impact having children can have on anxiety, and with the festive season around the corner, they also talk about how to avoid Christmas anxiety.Steph and Kirren then chat about some of the basics for good mental health, plus Dr Kirren talks through some of the tools to help bring some calm.This episode is sponsored by The Indytute, handpicked experiences all tried and tested by another female founder, Calypso Rose. Use the code Steph10 for 10% off via www.indytute.com Ten Times Calmer: Beat Anxiety and Change Your Life by Dr Kirren SchnackKirren’s websiteKirren’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramDon’t Buy Her Flowers Christmas Gift Guide
  • 6. Mums’ Night Out with Louise Boyce, Gill Sims and Clara Batten at Henley Literary Festival

    01:00:58
    Recorded Live at the Henley Literary Festival, Steph interviews Louise Boyce AKA Mama Still Got It, Gill Sims and Clara Batten live from a Town Hall full of women out for a Friday night! Join them as they discuss the rollercoaster of motherhood - the first year of being a mum, identity, holidays with kids, the PTA, and Louise’s gross middle-of-the-night payback on her husband. Expect some swearing, some drinking and a touch of raucous. This episode is sponsored by Ancient + Brave, who create pure, potent and sustainable supplements, and are offering 20% off with the code DBHF20 Louise’s Instagram and book Gill’s Instagram, Facebook and book Clara’s Instagram, Tik Tok and bookSteph’s InstagramFor future Henley Literary Festival eventsDon’t Buy Her Flowers Christmas Gift Guide
  • 5. How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life with Dr Karen Gurney

    01:00:06
    Ahead of the release of her new book, Clinical Psychologist Dr Karen Gurney returns to the DBHF podcast after her previous episode about sex in long term relationships became the most downloaded to date, resulting in at least two pregnancies (that we know of!) and Steph received hundreds of messages from women and couples that felt huge relief in what Karen said about desire in long term relationships. Now Karen, AKA The Sex Doctor, has written a book specifically for parents - How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life - out in April 2024. Steph and Karen talk about how tiredness, distraction, lack of time and the mental load affect sex lives, and Karen describes the ‘storm’ that children often bring to a relationship. They talk about the different impacts of new babies, primary school age kids and teens. Karen and Steph also discuss spontaneous vs responsive desire and the idea that it is normal to never feel spontaneous desire in a long term relationship. Karen also explains how key it is to understand the different role sex plays for individuals, communicating better about sex, and offers advice and practical ways to maintain (or bring back) sexual connection, particularly when there is no time.  Karen’s first episode on the DBHF podcast on Apple or Spotify Karen’s Instagram How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life, out in April 2024 and available to pre-order now Karen’s first book Mind the Gap  Eve Rodsky’s book FairPlay Darcy Lockman’s book All the rage: Mothers, Fathers and the myth of equal partnership Steph’s Instagram Thoughtful gifts www.dontbuyherflowers.com This episode is sponsored by Ancient + Brave, a new generation of sustainably sourced collagen, blends and supplements with targeted health benefits. Use the code DBHF20 for 20% off any product on their website 
  • 4. Midlife Wisdom, Careers and Parenthood with Fi Glover and Jane Garvey

    51:31
    Steph chats with broadcast LEGENDS Fi Glover and Jane Garvey about their move after thirty years (each!) from the BBC to Times Radio, where they host a radio show and the Off Air podcast.  Fi and Jane describe how they found juggling a broadcast career with small children, with Fi owning that hers ‘ground to a halt’ for a period, but that she now has a job she loves that may not have been where she’d have ended up without the career break. They discuss phones, teenagers, teenagers with phones, the impact of Perimenopause, Tweakments and what advice they’d give to their 35 year old selves. Most of all, they offer HOPE to women in the rush hour feeling overwhelmed - there is good stuff to come in the future.  Thank you to sponsors Ancient & Brave, a new generation of sustainably sourced collagen, blends and supplements. Listeners can get 20% off orders with the code DBHF20 on their websiteTimes Radio (Jane & Fi are on air 3-5pm, Monday to Thursday)Off Air Podcast with Fi and JaneJane & Fi’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers
  • 3. How to Be Sad with Helen Russell (re-release)

    46:35
    In this episode we're looking back at a brilliant episode with Helen from January 2022...Steph talks with bestselling author, journalist and speaker Helen Russell about how and why so many of us try to bury sadness, and the harm that causes.After eight years of researching happiness, Helen realised that most of us desperately want to avoid sadness, but all the experts have said we can’t, so we need to work out how to be sad, better. Helen and Steph talk about grief, infertility, perfectionism, anorexia, men and sadness, and a whole lot in between. Helen’s websiteHelen’s InstagramSteph’s Instagram
  • 2. Navigating the early months of motherhood with comedian Kelly Convey

    52:18
    Steph chats with brilliant comedian Kelly Convey about motherhood; it’s all very fresh for Kelly as she has had two babies with a fifteen month gap, her second still only seven months old. Steph and Kelly discuss those early months of motherhood, flashing the postman, feeling annoyed with your partner and navigating advice from others. Kelly talks about baby group blunders and making mum friends (or not!).  As a stand up, they discuss the pros and cons of Kelly being back onstage supporting Alan Carr three months after having a baby, trying to find balance between work and babies, and how she feels that becoming a mum has helped her comedy and connection with the audience. This episode is sponsored by HotTea Mama, makers of delicious, organic, award-winning, whole leaf teas specially designed to support women’s wellness. Get 20% off with the code DBHF20 at hotteamama.com Kelly’s TikTokKelly’s websiteKelly’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThe Don’t Buy Her Flowers updated Create a New Mum Gift Box
  • 1. Why we’re all Overwhelmed and how to get through it, with Brigid Schulte

    59:01
    Steph talks with writer and speaker Brigid Schulte about Overwhelm, where it comes from and what we can do to rally against it. Brigid brilliantly uses research and history to understand how we got here, and reassures that when it feels hard, it’s because it is. Brigid explains why women feel they don’t deserve free time, why we feel we have to ‘excel’ at motherhood and importantly, what all this pressure and juggling does to women’s physical and mental health, careers and relationships. They discuss how women find it difficult to live in the moment because of the volume of roles and responsibilities they’re juggling, how children coming along makes the imbalance even more difficult, and the societal expectations that impacts men and women trying to find a better balance. And Brigid offers some advice on how to turn down the volume on it all, and advises we all need to ‘let that shit go’ Brigid shares what she’s learned as a journalist at The Washington Post, author of ‘Overwhelmed’ (2014) and the Director of Better Life Lab at New America,  the work-family justice and gender equity program at New America, a nonpartisan think tank. Thank you to Naturalmat for sponsoring this episode, handmakers of organic beds and mattresses, and DBHF podcast listeners can get 15% off with the code DBHF15 Brigid’s book ‘Overwhelmed – How to work, love and play when noone has the time’.Brigid’s TwitterBetter Life Lab at New America Brigid’s InstagramSteph’s InstagramThoughtful Gifts at Don’t Buy Her Flowers