Dear Divorce Diary - With Daz & Jop

In this practical and highly informative episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law barrister Darren Mort and family lawyer Joplin Higgins answer one of the most common questions sent in by listeners navigating the family law system without legal representation.Drawing directly from a listener question submitted through social media, Darren and Joplin unpack the reality of preparing for a final hearing in the Family Court as a self-represented litigant.This episode delivers real-world insight, courtroom practicalities, and critical guidance for people trying to navigate one of the most stressful legal processes of their lives.Preparing for Final Hearing Without a LawyerThe episode begins with a listener question from someone representing themselves in Family Court who is unsure:What documents need to be filedWhether submissions are requiredHow to comply with court ordersHow to avoid offending the courtDarren and Joplin break down the practical realities of self-representation and explain why preparation, organisation, and understanding court expectations are absolutely critical.Understanding Court Orders & Filing DeadlinesJoplin stresses the importance of:Reading every court order carefullyCreating checklistsTracking deadlines properlyFiling documents early — not at the last minuteThe discussion highlights how procedural mistakes can seriously affect a case and why practical organisation matters just as much as legal argument.The Often-Forgotten “Notice of Risk” DocumentOne of the standout moments of the episode is Joplin’s practical advice regarding:The Notice of Child Abuse / Notice of Risk documentWhy parties should consider updating itHow significant incidents often occur after proceedings first beginWhy these documents remain important throughout parenting proceedingsThis section provides listeners with valuable insight into how courts assess risk and family violence concerns.Affidavits: Telling Your Story ProperlyDarren and Joplin explain one of the biggest mistakes self-represented litigants make:Treating their affidavit as an emotional response document instead of evidenceThe episode explores:Why affidavits should focus on your own case theoryThe dangers of responding line-by-line to the other partyHow word limits matterThe importance of relevance and structureWhy “less is more” in many areas of litigationJoplin explains that an affidavit should present:“Your story — not just your reaction to someone else’s story.”Why Independent Legal Review Is Worth ItEven for people representing themselves, both Darren and Joplin strongly recommend:Having a lawyer review documents before filingGetting advice on hearsay and relevanceUnderstanding evidentiary rulesRefining affidavit structure and toneThe episode explains why even limited legal guidance can significantly strengthen a self-represented case.Key Themes DiscussedSelf-represented litigants in Family CourtPreparing for final hearingFamily law affidavit draftingCourt filing tipsCase outlines and submissionsNotice of Risk documentsParenting proceedingsEvidence and strategy in family lawPractical Family Court guidanceFamily violence considerations in litigationListener TakeawayThis episode is essential listening for:Self-represented litigantsPeople preparing for Family CourtParents involved in parenting disputesAnyone trying to understand how Family Court actually works behind the scenesIt offers practical, grounded advice from two experienced family law professionals who understand both the legal system — and the emotional toll it can take on families.Connect With Dear Divorce DiaryFollow Dear Divorce Diary for honest conversations around:Family lawSeparationParenting disputesDomestic and family violenceCourt preparationTrauma-informed legal practiceReal-life courtroom experiences🎧 Available now on podcast platforms, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and LinkedIn.

⚠️ Trigger Warning:This episode contains discussions surrounding coercive control, family violence, emotional abuse, psychological harm, victim survival responses, and trauma-informed legal practice.Listener discretion is advised.In this deeply important follow-up episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law barrister Darren Mort and family lawyer Joplin Higgins revisit one of the most confronting and misunderstood topics in family law: coercive control.Responding directly to a listener message sent via TikTok following their earlier episode on coercive and controlling behaviour, Darren and Joplin unpack one of the most common — and harmful — public questions surrounding family violence:“Why didn’t they just leave?”This conversation explores the reality that coercive control is rarely obvious, rarely isolated, and almost never simple.What This Episode CoversUnderstanding Coercive Control Beyond Physical ViolenceJoplin explains that coercive control is not one singular act — it is often a layered pattern of behaviours that can include:Emotional abuseFinancial controlIsolation from support networksThreats and intimidationManipulationMonitoring and surveillancePsychological degradationFear-based dependencyThe discussion highlights how difficult coercive control can be to identify, particularly because many victim survivors may not initially recognise the behaviour as abuse themselves.The Importance of Asking the Right QuestionsA major focus of this episode is how lawyers, professionals, friends, and support people can better respond to victim survivors.Joplin discusses:Trauma-informed communicationThe importance of indirect and follow-up questioningAvoiding re-traumatisationCreating emotional safety during disclosureTaking detailed notes so victims don’t have to repeatedly relive traumaThe episode shines a light on how sensitive and skilled communication can help identify patterns of coercive behaviour that may otherwise remain hidden.Why Leaving Isn’t SimpleDarren and Joplin strongly challenge the damaging misconception that victims can “just leave.”The episode explores:Fear of retaliationThreats of self-harm by perpetratorsThreats involving childrenFinancial dependenceEmotional traumaSafety planningThe psychological paralysis caused by ongoing abuseThey explain that leaving a coercively controlling relationship is often the most dangerous period for a victim survivor.How Friends & Family Can Safely Support Someone Experiencing AbuseOne of the most practical sections of this episode focuses on what supportive friends can do.Joplin shares examples of trauma-informed support strategies including:Creating a safe home environmentEstablishing emergency safe wordsHolding important documents securelyProviding emotional support without judgmentAvoiding pressure or ultimatumsRespecting the victim survivor’s pace and safety assessmentThe conversation stresses that support should centre around safety and empowerment — not control or expectation.Listener NoteIf this episode raises concerns for you or someone you know, please seek support from a qualified domestic violence service, counsellor, legal professional, or emergency service in your area.Connect With Dear Divorce DiaryFollow Dear Divorce Diary for more real conversations around:Family lawSeparationParenting disputesTrauma and recoveryDomestic and family violenceCourt processesRelationships and emotional wellbeing🎧 Available on podcast platforms, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and LinkedIn.

In this brutally honest and often darkly humorous episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Practising Family Lawyer) dive into one of the biggest modern dangers in separation and divorce proceedings — social media.From angry Facebook rants and passive-aggressive memes to dating app disasters, GoFundMe controversies and children being exposed to online conflict, this episode explores how social media behaviour can seriously damage:Parenting casesFamily law proceedingsPersonal credibilityMental healthChildren’s wellbeingDaz & Jop explain why courts are increasingly examining online behaviour under a microscope — and why one impulsive post can become devastating evidence in the courtroom.The episode delivers practical insight, cautionary tales and hard truths about how people sabotage themselves online during separation.“People Act Like Absolute Fools On Social Media”The Impact On ChildrenA major focus of the discussion is the devastating effect social media conflict has on children.The episode explores:Children reading posts about their parentsSchool bullying linked to family court disputesFriends and classmates discovering online conflictEmotional embarrassment and shameLong-term damage to parent-child relationshipsDaz shares examples of children being ridiculed at school after parents publicly posted inflammatory content online.The hosts repeatedly reinforce:The Family Court prioritises the best interests of children — and social media warfare rarely reflects that.Social Media As Court EvidenceDaz & Jop explain how family lawyers, barristers and Independent Children’s Lawyers routinely conduct “deep dives” into parties’ social media accounts.The episode highlights how courts may examine:Facebook postsTikTok videosInstagram storiesComments sectionsDating profilesGoFundMe campaignsText message labels and contact namesJop explains that social media can reveal:Personality traitsEmotional instabilityAggressionParenting attitudesDenigration of the other parentPoor judgmentKey Takeaways From This EpisodeSocial media posts regularly become evidence in family court proceedings.Children are often deeply impacted by parents’ online conflict.Passive-aggressive memes and public attacks can seriously damage credibility.Dating profiles and fundraising pages may create legal complications.Courts increasingly examine digital behaviour closely.Online conduct may influence parenting decisions and intervention order proceedings.Emotional “purging” online rarely helps legal outcomes.If you wouldn’t want a judge reading it aloud in court — don’t post it.About The HostsDarren MortFamily law barrister focused on parenting disputes, family violence and trauma-informed advocacy.Joplin HigginsFamily lawyer, Director of Joplin Lawyers and advocate for trauma-informed family law practice.Listener AdviceIf you are currently navigating separation or family law proceedings:Avoid posting emotionally reactive content onlineNever involve children in online disputesAssume all posts may eventually be read in courtSeek legal advice before engaging publicly about proceedingsPrioritise your children’s emotional wellbeing above online validationJoin The ConversationHave a question or topic suggestion for Dear Divorce Diary?Connect with Darren and Joplin via:TikTokInstagramLinkedInYouTubePodcast platformsDM your questions, experiences or future topic ideas for upcoming episodes.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

⚠️ Trigger WarningThis episode contains detailed discussion surrounding:Domestic and family violenceStrangulation and chokingTrauma and coercive controlPsychological abuseCourt processes involving victim-survivorsListener discretion is strongly advised.Episode OverviewIn one of the most confronting and emotionally powerful episodes of Dear Divorce Diary, Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Practising Family Lawyer) tackle the deeply serious topic of strangulation within intimate relationships — and why it is considered one of the strongest indicators of future lethality in domestic violence situations.Drawing on their extensive experience within the family law and court systems, Daz and Jop unpack:How coercive and controlling behaviour escalates into physical violenceWhy strangulation is treated as an extreme risk factorThe devastating psychological and physiological impacts on victim-survivorsHow criminal and family law systems intersect in these mattersThe evidentiary challenges victims faceWhy trauma-informed legal support is criticalThe long-term impact family violence has on childrenThe urgent need for education, prevention and cultural changeThis episode is both educational and deeply human — offering insight into the realities faced by victim-survivors navigating separation, parenting and the legal system after severe domestic violence.Key Discussion Points:The Hidden Medical ConsequencesDaz and Jop discuss how many victim-survivors never seek immediate medical treatment following strangulation incidents — often due to fear, trauma or shock.They highlight serious medical consequences including:Acquired brain injuriesMemory loss and amnesiaOxygen deprivationEsophagus and airway injuriesLong-term neurological damageSevere psychological trauma and PTSDJop strongly encourages victim-survivors to seek urgent medical attention and documentation after any strangulation incident.Why Victims Often Don’t Report ImmediatelyOne of the most important parts of the episode examines why victim-survivors may delay reporting violence to police, doctors or the courts.The conversation explores:Fear of retaliationTrauma responsesEmotional paralysisConcern for childrenFinancial dependencyPsychological conditioning through coercive controlDaz explains how defence teams in court often scrutinise “contemporaneous reporting” — meaning whether incidents were immediately reported — despite the complex trauma responses victims experience.About The HostsDarren MortFamily law barrister, advocate and commentator focused on family violence, parenting matters and trauma-informed legal practice.Joplin HigginsFamily lawyer, author and Director of Joplin Lawyers, recognised for her work in family violence advocacy and victim-survivor support.Join The ConversationIf this episode resonates with you, or you have questions about family law, coercive control, parenting, domestic violence or separation:Connect via InstagramReach out on TikTokMessage through LinkedInShare your topic suggestions for future episodesListener SupportIf this episode has raised concerns for you or someone you know, support is available through Australian domestic violence and crisis services.You are encouraged to seek assistance from:Call Triple Zero - Police in emergenciesDomestic violence support servicesTrauma-informed counsellorsMedical professionalsLegal practitioners experienced in family violence mattersFollow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Coercive and controlling behaviour is one of the most complex and widely discussed issues in family law today.In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law professionals Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins explore how this behaviour appears in relationships, how it is interpreted in the court system, and why it can be difficult to prove.Through an unscripted role-play scenario, Darren and Joplin demonstrate how two people in the same relationship can experience the same situation very differently.The discussion highlights how patterns of behaviour—rather than isolated incidents—are often the key to understanding coercive control within marriages and during divorce proceedings.What Is Coercive and Controlling Behaviour?The episode begins by unpacking the meaning of coercive control, a form of family violence that may not involve physical harm but can include psychological, financial, or emotional manipulation.Darren and Joplin explain that many people struggle to identify coercive control because:It often occurs gradually over timeIt may involve subtle forms of manipulationVictims may feel constantly on edge or fearful without clear incidents of physical violenceThis makes the issue both legally and emotionally complex.Financial Control vs Household BudgetingA key discussion point is the difference between legitimate financial management and financial abuse.Joplin explains that setting a household budget is normal in many relationships. However, financial behaviour may become controlling when it includes:Restricting access to moneyRequiring detailed justification for everyday spendingMonitoring purchases in a way that undermines autonomyControlling access to government payments or incomeThese patterns can lead to a situation where one partner loses financial independence.Patterns of Behaviour in Family LawBoth Darren and Joplin emphasise that coercive control is rarely defined by a single incident.Instead, courts typically look for:Repeated behaviours over timeA pattern that demonstrates power or dominanceConduct that creates fear, dependence, or restriction for the other partnerUnderstanding this pattern is essential for lawyers when preparing cases and presenting evidence.Challenges in Proving Coercive ControlOne of the biggest challenges in family law is proving coercive behaviour in court.Unlike physical violence, coercive control often leaves little physical evidence. Instead, it may rely on:Personal accounts of behaviourRecorded communicationsFinancial recordsWitness testimonyPatterns of conduct over timeBecause of this, lawyers must spend significant time building a detailed background history of the relationship.This episode provides valuable insight into one of the most debated and evolving areas of family law.Important takeaways include:Coercive control often involves patterns of behaviour rather than single incidentsFinancial management can become problematic when it restricts autonomy or independenceEvidence of coercive behaviour requires detailed documentation and legal preparationContext and relationship dynamics are critical when assessing allegationsAs Darren and Joplin highlight, coercive control is a complex legal and social issue, and understanding it requires careful examination of both personal experiences and legal standards.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Money can become one of the most confusing and confronting aspects of separation and divorce.In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law experts Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor) unpack the importance of financial literacy when navigating property settlements.They explore why many people (particularly women) enter divorce proceedings with little understanding of their financial position, and why gaining clarity around assets, debts, and superannuation is critical before negotiating a settlement.From balance sheets and disclosure obligations to mediation preparation and superannuation splits, this episode provides practical insights into how financial transparency shapes fair outcomes in family law matters.What Is Financial Literacy in Divorce?Darren and Joplin begin by explaining the concept of financial literacy and why it becomes a critical issue during separation.Many people move through relationships with one partner managing most of the finances, which can leave the other partner unaware of:Bank accountsDebtsInvestmentsSuperannuationLoans or liabilitiesWhen separation occurs, this lack of awareness can create significant stress and uncertainty.The Balance Sheet: Understanding the Asset PoolOne of the first steps in a property settlement is creating a balance sheet that lists the entire financial position of the relationship.This typically includes:Real estate and propertyBank accountsCredit cards and loansSuperannuationShare portfoliosVehicles, boats or other major assetsJoplin explains that many clients are surprised by what appears on the balance sheet, particularly when they discover debts or accounts they didn’t know existed.When Financial Information Is HiddenDarren and Joplin discuss situations where one partner restricts access to financial documents or accounts.Examples may include:Locked financial recordsUnexplained bank transfersUnknown credit cards or debtsLimited access to financial information during the relationshipWhile this behaviour does not always amount to financial abuse, it can sometimes indicate controlling or obstructive behaviour that may become relevant in legal proceedings.Understanding Superannuation in DivorceSuperannuation is often one of the largest assets in a marriage, yet many people know little about how it works in property settlements.Darren and Joplin discuss:Obtaining accurate superannuation balancesUsing court forms to request updated super informationThe difference between standard funds and defined benefit schemesDefined benefit funds—often found in sectors such as police, defence, or emergency services—can require special valuation methods.The Role of Consent OrdersIf an agreement is reached, it can be formalised through Consent Orders, which are submitted to the court for approval.The court must determine whether the agreement is “just and equitable” before making it legally binding.This ensures that property settlements reflect a fair division of assets and liabilities.This episode highlights the critical importance of understanding your finances during a relationship and particularly during separation.Important lessons include:Know your financial positionMaintain access to financial recordsUnderstand your assets and liabilitiesSeek legal advice before negotiating settlementsEnsure agreements are properly documented and approved by the courtFinancial literacy can significantly impact the fairness, efficiency, and outcome of divorce proceedings.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

What happens when someone simply ignores Family Court orders?In this episode, Darren and Joplin unpack one of the most frustrating situations in family law: when a parent refuses to comply with parenting orders or consent orders.They discuss what the law says, what practical options exist for the parent doing the right thing, and why non-compliance can create serious consequences - particularly for children caught in the middle.The conversation also explores whether the current legal tools for enforcing orders are effective, and why some legal processes may be more costly and time-consuming than people expect.Darren and Joplin cover a wide range of issues surrounding breaches of Family Court orders, including:What court orders actually meanWhy parenting orders and consent orders are legally bindingThe expectation that court orders must be followedThe consequences when someone deliberately ignores themWhat to do when orders aren’t followedThe typical first step: lawyers sending formal letters requesting complianceWhen and how a contravention application may be filedWhy these applications can become complex and expensiveContravention proceedings explainedHow these matters are treated as civil proceedings with potential criminal sanctionsThe steps involved, including mediation and court processesWhy Darren believes contravention applications are sometimes ineffectiveAlternative approachesWhy enforcement proceedings may sometimes be a faster or more flexible optionHow courts may address repeated breaches or ongoing conflictThe Impact on ChildrenA key theme in the discussion is how non-compliance with court orders affects children.Darren and Joplin discuss:The emotional pressure placed on children when parents refuse to cooperateHow children may feel caught between parentsWhy compliance with orders is essential for maintaining stability in children’s livesThey also explore the difficult situations that arise when teenagers begin expressing their own preferences about time with each parent.When Kids Get OlderAs children move into their teenage years, family dynamics can change.Topics discussed include:Whether parenting orders should remain rigid when children are olderThe growing importance of a child’s voice in family law mattersHow parents can responsibly communicate about changing needs and schedulesThe Role of MediationThroughout the episode, Darren and Joplin emphasise the value of mediation as a tool for resolving disputes.They discuss:When mediation may help resolve parenting issues before returning to courtChild-inclusive mediation and how it can help give children a voiceThe importance of parents being willing to listen and compromisePractical Parenting InsightThe episode concludes with a discussion about maintaining meaningful relationships with children in separated families.Darren shares the value of spending one-on-one time with children, allowing parents to better understand:How their children are feelingTheir evolving needs and social livesHow parenting arrangements are working from the child’s perspectiveCourt orders exist to provide clarity, structure, and stability for families after separation. When those orders are ignored, it can lead to costly legal battles and emotional strain—particularly for children.As Darren and Joplin highlight, the best outcomes usually come when parents communicate openly, remain child-focused, and use mediation wherever possible.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In this deeply insightful episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law barrister Darren “Daz” Mort and solicitor Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most emotionally charged and misunderstood topics in family law: the role of grandparents after separation.Prompted by a wave of listener questions, Daz and Jop unpack the common misconception that grandparents have “rights” in the family law system — and explain why, legally, all rights belong to the child.What grandparents do have, however, are responsibilities, and in many cases a profoundly important role in a child’s emotional stability, routine and sense of belonging.The conversation explores:When and how grandparents can seek time with their grandchildrenWhy courts often support ongoing grandparent relationshipsThe impact of separation, anger and grief on extended family bondsWhen grandparents should consider mediation or court applicationsThe long-term consequences of cutting children off from loving grandparentsThrough real-world examples — from after-school care to funerals, cultural traditions and long-distance relationships — this episode highlights how decisions made in moments of hurt can echo well into a child’s future.As always, the focus remains firmly on the child’s best interests, encouraging parents and grandparents alike to look beyond conflict, prioritise perspective, and keep their eyes on the road ahead rather than the rear-view mirror.A must-listen for grandparents, parents, and anyone navigating separation with children involved.Why This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.