Dear Divorce Diary - With Daz & Jop

In this brutally honest and often darkly humorous episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Practising Family Lawyer) dive into one of the biggest modern dangers in separation and divorce proceedings — social media.From angry Facebook rants and passive-aggressive memes to dating app disasters, GoFundMe controversies and children being exposed to online conflict, this episode explores how social media behaviour can seriously damage:Parenting casesFamily law proceedingsPersonal credibilityMental healthChildren’s wellbeingDaz & Jop explain why courts are increasingly examining online behaviour under a microscope — and why one impulsive post can become devastating evidence in the courtroom.The episode delivers practical insight, cautionary tales and hard truths about how people sabotage themselves online during separation.“People Act Like Absolute Fools On Social Media”The Impact On ChildrenA major focus of the discussion is the devastating effect social media conflict has on children.The episode explores:Children reading posts about their parentsSchool bullying linked to family court disputesFriends and classmates discovering online conflictEmotional embarrassment and shameLong-term damage to parent-child relationshipsDaz shares examples of children being ridiculed at school after parents publicly posted inflammatory content online.The hosts repeatedly reinforce:The Family Court prioritises the best interests of children — and social media warfare rarely reflects that.Social Media As Court EvidenceDaz & Jop explain how family lawyers, barristers and Independent Children’s Lawyers routinely conduct “deep dives” into parties’ social media accounts.The episode highlights how courts may examine:Facebook postsTikTok videosInstagram storiesComments sectionsDating profilesGoFundMe campaignsText message labels and contact namesJop explains that social media can reveal:Personality traitsEmotional instabilityAggressionParenting attitudesDenigration of the other parentPoor judgmentKey Takeaways From This EpisodeSocial media posts regularly become evidence in family court proceedings.Children are often deeply impacted by parents’ online conflict.Passive-aggressive memes and public attacks can seriously damage credibility.Dating profiles and fundraising pages may create legal complications.Courts increasingly examine digital behaviour closely.Online conduct may influence parenting decisions and intervention order proceedings.Emotional “purging” online rarely helps legal outcomes.If you wouldn’t want a judge reading it aloud in court — don’t post it.About The HostsDarren MortFamily law barrister focused on parenting disputes, family violence and trauma-informed advocacy.Joplin HigginsFamily lawyer, Director of Joplin Lawyers and advocate for trauma-informed family law practice.Listener AdviceIf you are currently navigating separation or family law proceedings:Avoid posting emotionally reactive content onlineNever involve children in online disputesAssume all posts may eventually be read in courtSeek legal advice before engaging publicly about proceedingsPrioritise your children’s emotional wellbeing above online validationJoin The ConversationHave a question or topic suggestion for Dear Divorce Diary?Connect with Darren and Joplin via:TikTokInstagramLinkedInYouTubePodcast platformsDM your questions, experiences or future topic ideas for upcoming episodes.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In this thought-provoking episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Practising Family Lawyer) tackle one of the most emotionally charged issues in family law: extra-marital affairs and their impact on separation and divorce.Although Australia operates under a no-fault divorce system, Daz and Jop explore why affairs can still play a significant role in the breakdown of relationships, family dynamics, parenting arrangements, and even allegations of coercive and controlling behaviour.The discussion moves beyond the traditional concept of infidelity and examines how affairs can become intertwined with:Emotional abusePsychological harmFamily violence dynamicsCoercive controlFamily contributions and relationship breakdownKey TakeawaysThis episode highlights the reality that while Australia has a no-fault divorce system, the emotional and behavioural consequences of affairs can still have profound effects on:FamiliesParenting relationshipsMental healthCourt proceedingsAllegations of coercive or emotionally abusive conductImportant themes explored include:Respect and honesty during relationship breakdownThe emotional impact of betrayalThe evolving role of coercive control in family lawHow modern technology is changing relationshipsThe importance of understanding the broader context surrounding infidelityFor more conversations about separation, parenting, relationships and navigating the family law system, follow Dear Divorce Diary on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.New episodes explore complex family law topics with practical insights and real-world discussion designed to help listeners better understand the divorce process.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Coercive and controlling behaviour is one of the most complex and widely discussed issues in family law today.In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law professionals Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins explore how this behaviour appears in relationships, how it is interpreted in the court system, and why it can be difficult to prove.Through an unscripted role-play scenario, Darren and Joplin demonstrate how two people in the same relationship can experience the same situation very differently.The discussion highlights how patterns of behaviour—rather than isolated incidents—are often the key to understanding coercive control within marriages and during divorce proceedings.What Is Coercive and Controlling Behaviour?The episode begins by unpacking the meaning of coercive control, a form of family violence that may not involve physical harm but can include psychological, financial, or emotional manipulation.Darren and Joplin explain that many people struggle to identify coercive control because:It often occurs gradually over timeIt may involve subtle forms of manipulationVictims may feel constantly on edge or fearful without clear incidents of physical violenceThis makes the issue both legally and emotionally complex.Financial Control vs Household BudgetingA key discussion point is the difference between legitimate financial management and financial abuse.Joplin explains that setting a household budget is normal in many relationships. However, financial behaviour may become controlling when it includes:Restricting access to moneyRequiring detailed justification for everyday spendingMonitoring purchases in a way that undermines autonomyControlling access to government payments or incomeThese patterns can lead to a situation where one partner loses financial independence.Patterns of Behaviour in Family LawBoth Darren and Joplin emphasise that coercive control is rarely defined by a single incident.Instead, courts typically look for:Repeated behaviours over timeA pattern that demonstrates power or dominanceConduct that creates fear, dependence, or restriction for the other partnerUnderstanding this pattern is essential for lawyers when preparing cases and presenting evidence.Challenges in Proving Coercive ControlOne of the biggest challenges in family law is proving coercive behaviour in court.Unlike physical violence, coercive control often leaves little physical evidence. Instead, it may rely on:Personal accounts of behaviourRecorded communicationsFinancial recordsWitness testimonyPatterns of conduct over timeBecause of this, lawyers must spend significant time building a detailed background history of the relationship.This episode provides valuable insight into one of the most debated and evolving areas of family law.Important takeaways include:Coercive control often involves patterns of behaviour rather than single incidentsFinancial management can become problematic when it restricts autonomy or independenceEvidence of coercive behaviour requires detailed documentation and legal preparationContext and relationship dynamics are critical when assessing allegationsAs Darren and Joplin highlight, coercive control is a complex legal and social issue, and understanding it requires careful examination of both personal experiences and legal standards.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Money can become one of the most confusing and confronting aspects of separation and divorce.In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law experts Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor) unpack the importance of financial literacy when navigating property settlements.They explore why many people (particularly women) enter divorce proceedings with little understanding of their financial position, and why gaining clarity around assets, debts, and superannuation is critical before negotiating a settlement.From balance sheets and disclosure obligations to mediation preparation and superannuation splits, this episode provides practical insights into how financial transparency shapes fair outcomes in family law matters.What Is Financial Literacy in Divorce?Darren and Joplin begin by explaining the concept of financial literacy and why it becomes a critical issue during separation.Many people move through relationships with one partner managing most of the finances, which can leave the other partner unaware of:Bank accountsDebtsInvestmentsSuperannuationLoans or liabilitiesWhen separation occurs, this lack of awareness can create significant stress and uncertainty.The Balance Sheet: Understanding the Asset PoolOne of the first steps in a property settlement is creating a balance sheet that lists the entire financial position of the relationship.This typically includes:Real estate and propertyBank accountsCredit cards and loansSuperannuationShare portfoliosVehicles, boats or other major assetsJoplin explains that many clients are surprised by what appears on the balance sheet, particularly when they discover debts or accounts they didn’t know existed.When Financial Information Is HiddenDarren and Joplin discuss situations where one partner restricts access to financial documents or accounts.Examples may include:Locked financial recordsUnexplained bank transfersUnknown credit cards or debtsLimited access to financial information during the relationshipWhile this behaviour does not always amount to financial abuse, it can sometimes indicate controlling or obstructive behaviour that may become relevant in legal proceedings.Understanding Superannuation in DivorceSuperannuation is often one of the largest assets in a marriage, yet many people know little about how it works in property settlements.Darren and Joplin discuss:Obtaining accurate superannuation balancesUsing court forms to request updated super informationThe difference between standard funds and defined benefit schemesDefined benefit funds—often found in sectors such as police, defence, or emergency services—can require special valuation methods.The Role of Consent OrdersIf an agreement is reached, it can be formalised through Consent Orders, which are submitted to the court for approval.The court must determine whether the agreement is “just and equitable” before making it legally binding.This ensures that property settlements reflect a fair division of assets and liabilities.This episode highlights the critical importance of understanding your finances during a relationship and particularly during separation.Important lessons include:Know your financial positionMaintain access to financial recordsUnderstand your assets and liabilitiesSeek legal advice before negotiating settlementsEnsure agreements are properly documented and approved by the courtFinancial literacy can significantly impact the fairness, efficiency, and outcome of divorce proceedings.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

What happens when someone simply ignores Family Court orders?In this episode, Darren and Joplin unpack one of the most frustrating situations in family law: when a parent refuses to comply with parenting orders or consent orders.They discuss what the law says, what practical options exist for the parent doing the right thing, and why non-compliance can create serious consequences - particularly for children caught in the middle.The conversation also explores whether the current legal tools for enforcing orders are effective, and why some legal processes may be more costly and time-consuming than people expect.Darren and Joplin cover a wide range of issues surrounding breaches of Family Court orders, including:What court orders actually meanWhy parenting orders and consent orders are legally bindingThe expectation that court orders must be followedThe consequences when someone deliberately ignores themWhat to do when orders aren’t followedThe typical first step: lawyers sending formal letters requesting complianceWhen and how a contravention application may be filedWhy these applications can become complex and expensiveContravention proceedings explainedHow these matters are treated as civil proceedings with potential criminal sanctionsThe steps involved, including mediation and court processesWhy Darren believes contravention applications are sometimes ineffectiveAlternative approachesWhy enforcement proceedings may sometimes be a faster or more flexible optionHow courts may address repeated breaches or ongoing conflictThe Impact on ChildrenA key theme in the discussion is how non-compliance with court orders affects children.Darren and Joplin discuss:The emotional pressure placed on children when parents refuse to cooperateHow children may feel caught between parentsWhy compliance with orders is essential for maintaining stability in children’s livesThey also explore the difficult situations that arise when teenagers begin expressing their own preferences about time with each parent.When Kids Get OlderAs children move into their teenage years, family dynamics can change.Topics discussed include:Whether parenting orders should remain rigid when children are olderThe growing importance of a child’s voice in family law mattersHow parents can responsibly communicate about changing needs and schedulesThe Role of MediationThroughout the episode, Darren and Joplin emphasise the value of mediation as a tool for resolving disputes.They discuss:When mediation may help resolve parenting issues before returning to courtChild-inclusive mediation and how it can help give children a voiceThe importance of parents being willing to listen and compromisePractical Parenting InsightThe episode concludes with a discussion about maintaining meaningful relationships with children in separated families.Darren shares the value of spending one-on-one time with children, allowing parents to better understand:How their children are feelingTheir evolving needs and social livesHow parenting arrangements are working from the child’s perspectiveCourt orders exist to provide clarity, structure, and stability for families after separation. When those orders are ignored, it can lead to costly legal battles and emotional strain—particularly for children.As Darren and Joplin highlight, the best outcomes usually come when parents communicate openly, remain child-focused, and use mediation wherever possible.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In this deeply insightful episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law barrister Darren “Daz” Mort and solicitor Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most emotionally charged and misunderstood topics in family law: the role of grandparents after separation.Prompted by a wave of listener questions, Daz and Jop unpack the common misconception that grandparents have “rights” in the family law system — and explain why, legally, all rights belong to the child.What grandparents do have, however, are responsibilities, and in many cases a profoundly important role in a child’s emotional stability, routine and sense of belonging.The conversation explores:When and how grandparents can seek time with their grandchildrenWhy courts often support ongoing grandparent relationshipsThe impact of separation, anger and grief on extended family bondsWhen grandparents should consider mediation or court applicationsThe long-term consequences of cutting children off from loving grandparentsThrough real-world examples — from after-school care to funerals, cultural traditions and long-distance relationships — this episode highlights how decisions made in moments of hurt can echo well into a child’s future.As always, the focus remains firmly on the child’s best interests, encouraging parents and grandparents alike to look beyond conflict, prioritise perspective, and keep their eyes on the road ahead rather than the rear-view mirror.A must-listen for grandparents, parents, and anyone navigating separation with children involved.Why This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In Episode 6 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins dive into a topic that is often misunderstood and frequently misused in family law — trauma-informed practice.Daz & Jop explain why this term is not just a trendy buzzword, and why many lawyers and judicial officers may not truly understand what it means in practice. Joplin, a recognised expert in the field and author of a book on trauma-informed practice, explains how lawyers and courts must ensure they do not re-traumatise clients during the legal process.The episode explores the practical application of trauma-informed approaches in family law. Joplin describes strategies used in her firm to create a safe environment, including:weighted blankets and heat packsstress ballsmassage chairsstructured communication strategies (urgent vs non-urgent emails)pre-conference forms to avoid repeatedly asking clients to recount traumatic incidentsThey discuss how domestic violence and coercive behaviour are present in many family law cases, and why it’s essential to handle information sensitively. The hosts also highlight how the legal process can unintentionally cause ongoing trauma, especially when clients are repeatedly asked to relive painful events.Darren highlights the court’s trauma-informed initiatives, including the court dog program, which supports parties and children through the process. They also discuss the need for lawyers to be aware of clients’ capacity to give instructions, and how trauma can affect memory and communication.Joplin emphasises that trauma-informed practice is not just about empathy — it is about creating safety, stability, and clarity so clients can participate effectively in their case. The episode ends with a powerful reminder that trauma-informed practice is a professional responsibility, not a marketing term, and clients should expect it from their family lawyer.Key Topics Covered:What “trauma-informed practice” actually meansWhy it’s not just a buzzwordHow legal processes can re-traumatise clientsPractical strategies in law firms to reduce stressWhy communication strategy matters (urgent vs non-urgent)How domestic violence and coercive behaviour impact casesCourt initiatives like the therapy dog programThe importance of safe client environmentsTrauma’s impact on clients’ capacity to give instructionsWhy trauma-informed practice is essential in family lawWhy This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In Episode 5 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most important decisions people make during separation: how to choose the right family lawyer.The episode opens with the hosts explaining the podcast rules: they can’t provide direct legal advice, but they can discuss themes based on listener questions. The conversation is driven by questions submitted via TikTok and Instagram, focusing on the core issue of selecting a lawyer who will genuinely support you through the family law process.Joplin explains that the relationship between client and lawyer is crucial. Separation is emotionally draining and often financially stressful, so you need a lawyer who is not only skilled but also someone you can work with for potentially two years or more. The hosts emphasise the importance of chemistry and trust, and encourage listeners to trust their instincts if a lawyer doesn’t feel like the right fit.They discuss how to assess a lawyer’s suitability, including:Specialist expertise (trusts, businesses, domestic violence, trauma-informed practice)Experience and practical knowledge (not just “talking the talk”)The lawyer’s ability to manage complex emotional and mental health issuesFirm structure and how cases are handled day-to-dayWho will actually work on the file (junior lawyers, paralegals, support staff)Daz highlights the importance of understanding who is handling the case when the principal lawyer is in court. He warns that many clients feel let down when they are left dealing with a junior solicitor they barely know, and stresses the need for transparency from the outset.The hosts also discuss the practical side of legal fees, explaining:Cost agreements and what they coverTrust accounts and payment structuresFixed fees vs hourly ratesThe importance of understanding what is included in any fixed fee packageThe contractual nature of cost agreements and what happens if the case becomes more complexThe episode concludes with a reminder that choosing a lawyer is one of the most significant decisions in the family law process. The hosts encourage listeners to ask questions, seek clarity, and always trust their instincts.Key Topics Covered:Why choosing a lawyer is the most important decision in family lawImportance of personality fit and trustLong-term nature of family law cases (often 2+ years)Need for specialist expertise (domestic violence, trusts, business)Trauma-informed practice and social science knowledgeFirm structure and who handles your caseImportance of knowing support staff (secretary, accounts, juniors)Costs and cost agreements explainedFixed fee vs hourly rateHow to avoid being trapped in the wrong legal relationshipWhy This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.