Dear Divorce Diary - With Daz & Jop

Coercive and controlling behaviour is one of the most complex and widely discussed issues in family law today.In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law professionals Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins explore how this behaviour appears in relationships, how it is interpreted in the court system, and why it can be difficult to prove.Through an unscripted role-play scenario, Darren and Joplin demonstrate how two people in the same relationship can experience the same situation very differently.The discussion highlights how patterns of behaviour—rather than isolated incidents—are often the key to understanding coercive control within marriages and during divorce proceedings.What Is Coercive and Controlling Behaviour?The episode begins by unpacking the meaning of coercive control, a form of family violence that may not involve physical harm but can include psychological, financial, or emotional manipulation.Darren and Joplin explain that many people struggle to identify coercive control because:It often occurs gradually over timeIt may involve subtle forms of manipulationVictims may feel constantly on edge or fearful without clear incidents of physical violenceThis makes the issue both legally and emotionally complex.Financial Control vs Household BudgetingA key discussion point is the difference between legitimate financial management and financial abuse.Joplin explains that setting a household budget is normal in many relationships. However, financial behaviour may become controlling when it includes:Restricting access to moneyRequiring detailed justification for everyday spendingMonitoring purchases in a way that undermines autonomyControlling access to government payments or incomeThese patterns can lead to a situation where one partner loses financial independence.Patterns of Behaviour in Family LawBoth Darren and Joplin emphasise that coercive control is rarely defined by a single incident.Instead, courts typically look for:Repeated behaviours over timeA pattern that demonstrates power or dominanceConduct that creates fear, dependence, or restriction for the other partnerUnderstanding this pattern is essential for lawyers when preparing cases and presenting evidence.Challenges in Proving Coercive ControlOne of the biggest challenges in family law is proving coercive behaviour in court.Unlike physical violence, coercive control often leaves little physical evidence. Instead, it may rely on:Personal accounts of behaviourRecorded communicationsFinancial recordsWitness testimonyPatterns of conduct over timeBecause of this, lawyers must spend significant time building a detailed background history of the relationship.This episode provides valuable insight into one of the most debated and evolving areas of family law.Important takeaways include:Coercive control often involves patterns of behaviour rather than single incidentsFinancial management can become problematic when it restricts autonomy or independenceEvidence of coercive behaviour requires detailed documentation and legal preparationContext and relationship dynamics are critical when assessing allegationsAs Darren and Joplin highlight, coercive control is a complex legal and social issue, and understanding it requires careful examination of both personal experiences and legal standards.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Money can become one of the most confusing and confronting aspects of separation and divorce.In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law experts Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor) unpack the importance of financial literacy when navigating property settlements.They explore why many people (particularly women) enter divorce proceedings with little understanding of their financial position, and why gaining clarity around assets, debts, and superannuation is critical before negotiating a settlement.From balance sheets and disclosure obligations to mediation preparation and superannuation splits, this episode provides practical insights into how financial transparency shapes fair outcomes in family law matters.What Is Financial Literacy in Divorce?Darren and Joplin begin by explaining the concept of financial literacy and why it becomes a critical issue during separation.Many people move through relationships with one partner managing most of the finances, which can leave the other partner unaware of:Bank accountsDebtsInvestmentsSuperannuationLoans or liabilitiesWhen separation occurs, this lack of awareness can create significant stress and uncertainty.The Balance Sheet: Understanding the Asset PoolOne of the first steps in a property settlement is creating a balance sheet that lists the entire financial position of the relationship.This typically includes:Real estate and propertyBank accountsCredit cards and loansSuperannuationShare portfoliosVehicles, boats or other major assetsJoplin explains that many clients are surprised by what appears on the balance sheet, particularly when they discover debts or accounts they didn’t know existed.When Financial Information Is HiddenDarren and Joplin discuss situations where one partner restricts access to financial documents or accounts.Examples may include:Locked financial recordsUnexplained bank transfersUnknown credit cards or debtsLimited access to financial information during the relationshipWhile this behaviour does not always amount to financial abuse, it can sometimes indicate controlling or obstructive behaviour that may become relevant in legal proceedings.Understanding Superannuation in DivorceSuperannuation is often one of the largest assets in a marriage, yet many people know little about how it works in property settlements.Darren and Joplin discuss:Obtaining accurate superannuation balancesUsing court forms to request updated super informationThe difference between standard funds and defined benefit schemesDefined benefit funds—often found in sectors such as police, defence, or emergency services—can require special valuation methods.The Role of Consent OrdersIf an agreement is reached, it can be formalised through Consent Orders, which are submitted to the court for approval.The court must determine whether the agreement is “just and equitable” before making it legally binding.This ensures that property settlements reflect a fair division of assets and liabilities.This episode highlights the critical importance of understanding your finances during a relationship and particularly during separation.Important lessons include:Know your financial positionMaintain access to financial recordsUnderstand your assets and liabilitiesSeek legal advice before negotiating settlementsEnsure agreements are properly documented and approved by the courtFinancial literacy can significantly impact the fairness, efficiency, and outcome of divorce proceedings.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

What happens when someone simply ignores Family Court orders?In this episode, Darren and Joplin unpack one of the most frustrating situations in family law: when a parent refuses to comply with parenting orders or consent orders.They discuss what the law says, what practical options exist for the parent doing the right thing, and why non-compliance can create serious consequences - particularly for children caught in the middle.The conversation also explores whether the current legal tools for enforcing orders are effective, and why some legal processes may be more costly and time-consuming than people expect.Darren and Joplin cover a wide range of issues surrounding breaches of Family Court orders, including:What court orders actually meanWhy parenting orders and consent orders are legally bindingThe expectation that court orders must be followedThe consequences when someone deliberately ignores themWhat to do when orders aren’t followedThe typical first step: lawyers sending formal letters requesting complianceWhen and how a contravention application may be filedWhy these applications can become complex and expensiveContravention proceedings explainedHow these matters are treated as civil proceedings with potential criminal sanctionsThe steps involved, including mediation and court processesWhy Darren believes contravention applications are sometimes ineffectiveAlternative approachesWhy enforcement proceedings may sometimes be a faster or more flexible optionHow courts may address repeated breaches or ongoing conflictThe Impact on ChildrenA key theme in the discussion is how non-compliance with court orders affects children.Darren and Joplin discuss:The emotional pressure placed on children when parents refuse to cooperateHow children may feel caught between parentsWhy compliance with orders is essential for maintaining stability in children’s livesThey also explore the difficult situations that arise when teenagers begin expressing their own preferences about time with each parent.When Kids Get OlderAs children move into their teenage years, family dynamics can change.Topics discussed include:Whether parenting orders should remain rigid when children are olderThe growing importance of a child’s voice in family law mattersHow parents can responsibly communicate about changing needs and schedulesThe Role of MediationThroughout the episode, Darren and Joplin emphasise the value of mediation as a tool for resolving disputes.They discuss:When mediation may help resolve parenting issues before returning to courtChild-inclusive mediation and how it can help give children a voiceThe importance of parents being willing to listen and compromisePractical Parenting InsightThe episode concludes with a discussion about maintaining meaningful relationships with children in separated families.Darren shares the value of spending one-on-one time with children, allowing parents to better understand:How their children are feelingTheir evolving needs and social livesHow parenting arrangements are working from the child’s perspectiveCourt orders exist to provide clarity, structure, and stability for families after separation. When those orders are ignored, it can lead to costly legal battles and emotional strain—particularly for children.As Darren and Joplin highlight, the best outcomes usually come when parents communicate openly, remain child-focused, and use mediation wherever possible.Follow & SubscribeIf you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In this deeply insightful episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law barrister Darren “Daz” Mort and solicitor Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most emotionally charged and misunderstood topics in family law: the role of grandparents after separation.Prompted by a wave of listener questions, Daz and Jop unpack the common misconception that grandparents have “rights” in the family law system — and explain why, legally, all rights belong to the child.What grandparents do have, however, are responsibilities, and in many cases a profoundly important role in a child’s emotional stability, routine and sense of belonging.The conversation explores:When and how grandparents can seek time with their grandchildrenWhy courts often support ongoing grandparent relationshipsThe impact of separation, anger and grief on extended family bondsWhen grandparents should consider mediation or court applicationsThe long-term consequences of cutting children off from loving grandparentsThrough real-world examples — from after-school care to funerals, cultural traditions and long-distance relationships — this episode highlights how decisions made in moments of hurt can echo well into a child’s future.As always, the focus remains firmly on the child’s best interests, encouraging parents and grandparents alike to look beyond conflict, prioritise perspective, and keep their eyes on the road ahead rather than the rear-view mirror.A must-listen for grandparents, parents, and anyone navigating separation with children involved.Why This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In Episode 6 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins dive into a topic that is often misunderstood and frequently misused in family law — trauma-informed practice.Daz & Jop explain why this term is not just a trendy buzzword, and why many lawyers and judicial officers may not truly understand what it means in practice. Joplin, a recognised expert in the field and author of a book on trauma-informed practice, explains how lawyers and courts must ensure they do not re-traumatise clients during the legal process.The episode explores the practical application of trauma-informed approaches in family law. Joplin describes strategies used in her firm to create a safe environment, including:weighted blankets and heat packsstress ballsmassage chairsstructured communication strategies (urgent vs non-urgent emails)pre-conference forms to avoid repeatedly asking clients to recount traumatic incidentsThey discuss how domestic violence and coercive behaviour are present in many family law cases, and why it’s essential to handle information sensitively. The hosts also highlight how the legal process can unintentionally cause ongoing trauma, especially when clients are repeatedly asked to relive painful events.Darren highlights the court’s trauma-informed initiatives, including the court dog program, which supports parties and children through the process. They also discuss the need for lawyers to be aware of clients’ capacity to give instructions, and how trauma can affect memory and communication.Joplin emphasises that trauma-informed practice is not just about empathy — it is about creating safety, stability, and clarity so clients can participate effectively in their case. The episode ends with a powerful reminder that trauma-informed practice is a professional responsibility, not a marketing term, and clients should expect it from their family lawyer.Key Topics Covered:What “trauma-informed practice” actually meansWhy it’s not just a buzzwordHow legal processes can re-traumatise clientsPractical strategies in law firms to reduce stressWhy communication strategy matters (urgent vs non-urgent)How domestic violence and coercive behaviour impact casesCourt initiatives like the therapy dog programThe importance of safe client environmentsTrauma’s impact on clients’ capacity to give instructionsWhy trauma-informed practice is essential in family lawWhy This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In Episode 4 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Joplin Higgins and Darren “Daz” Mort return to answer listener questions and discuss some of the most emotionally charged issues in family law — especially change of residence and how the court evaluates parenting capacity.Daz & Jop begin by reminding listeners of the podcast’s ground rules: they will discuss themes, not give direct legal advice, and they won’t discuss specific people or cases. Most listeners are navigating family law for the first time, so the hosts aim to provide clarity and support in a confusing process.The conversation then moves to the complex topic of change of residence, which used to be called custody. Daz explains that these cases are among the hardest to win because they involve destabilising a child’s primary care arrangement. The court prioritises risk and safety, and the child’s views are considered but weighed based on age and developmental maturity.Daz and Jop also discuss how the court assesses parental attitude — especially where one parent refuses to facilitate a relationship between the child and the other parent. They share a real courtroom example showing how disrespect and denigration can dramatically harm a parent’s case. The hosts emphasise that the court is focused on maintaining stability and safety, not punishing parents.The episode then explores the role of step-parents, challenging the common stereotype that they are “bad” or unwanted. The hosts share examples of healthy step-parent relationships and how cooperative co-parenting can benefit children. They also discuss the risks of a new partner who may be unsafe, and how this can impact a change of residence case.Finally, the episode covers capacity to parent and the role of family reports, including child impact reports, psychological assessments, and children’s views reports. While these reports can be helpful, the hosts remind listeners that they are just one piece of evidence and are not always conclusive.The episode ends with a reminder that family law is a complex system, and that understanding the themes and processes can help parents make better decisions for their children.Key Topics Covered:Rules for listener questions (no legal advice, no names, no case details)Change of residence explained (formerly custody)Court’s focus: risk, safety, and child’s viewsHow parental attitude affects outcomesThe impact of coercive behaviour and denigrationThe role of step-parents in modern familiesRisk of unsafe new partnersCapacity to parent and how courts assess itFamily reports, psychiatric reports, and children’s views reportsThe cost and limitations of expert reportsAnd because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In Episode 3 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins explore the emotional realities behind family law — and why separation feels like uncharted territory for most people. They explain that many separated parents unintentionally make mistakes because they simply don’t know what to do — and then they’re judged for it in court.This episode goes beyond legal process and dives into the human story behind family breakdowns, revealing how family lawyers often become lifelong supports for clients and children. Darren shares his personal journey — from growing up through family breakdown and financial hardship, to creating powerful films like Tommy, Millie, and the upcoming Jack & Jill. These films were born from real experiences, including Darren’s work on the Family Violence Task Force and his own childhood trauma.Daz & Jop discuss how family law isn’t just a case, it’s a lifelong impact on children — and why having resources like films and books can help parents understand their child’s emotional world. Darren explains the inspiration behind his films, how they’re used in courts and parenting programs globally, and how they help families navigate the separation process in a child-focused way.They also highlight the importance of support, empathy, and education, and why separation is not something most people are prepared for — yet it changes lives forever.Key Topics Covered:Why separation feels like “uncharted territory”The emotional trauma behind family lawHow lawyers build long-term relationships with clientsDarren’s personal story of family breakdownThe creation of the films Tommy, Millie, and Jack & JillThe impact of family conflict on childrenHow children interpret separation and blame themselvesHow educational tools help parents understand their child’s worldThe importance of empathy, support and communityWhy This Episode MattersWhether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

In Episode 2 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins discuss one of the most critical topics in family law: co-parenting after separation. With years of courtroom experience, they explain why only a small percentage of cases actually need to go to trial, and why many families would benefit from avoiding court entirely—both emotionally and financially.Daz and Jop focus on keeping the child at the centre of every decision, explaining that even if parents hate each other, they still share a lifelong responsibility to their children. They reference the “Tommy” film used in US family courts to illustrate the damage children experience when parents fight.Daz & Jop share practical tools for better co-parenting, including:Parenting courses (such as Tuning into Kids/Teenagers)Psychological support and mindfulnessRegular “iron-out” sessions to revisit parenting plansMediation and why two-day mediations are often more effectiveCo-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard and AppCloseThey also highlight common pitfalls that cause conflict, including:Social media denigrationInvolving new partners in the conflictUsing children as weapons during changeoversDisputes about child support and spendingRigid parenting schedules that ignore child developmentThe episode concludes with a reminder that children are impacted by conflict long into adulthood, and that co-parenting is about behaviour—not feelings. Even if parents can’t stand each other, they can still learn to behave respectfully for the sake of their kids.Key Topics CoveredWhy court is not always necessaryThe “child-focused lens” conceptParenting courses and toolsThe harm of public conflict on social mediaThe importance of communication boundariesWhy co-parenting requires workManaging changeovers calmlyThe benefits of mediationUsing parenting apps to reduce conflictWhy schedules must adapt as children growThe long-term impact of conflict on kidsWhen a relationship ends, it can feel like the world is breaking apart — legally, emotionally and practically. The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast exists to guide you through that difficult landscape with clarity, compassion and a child-focused mindset.Each episode, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins draw on their extensive experience within the family law system to unpack what separation and divorce really look like — not just on paper, but in real life.They believe that families deserve dignity, children deserve protection, and adults deserve guidance that is calm, respectful and grounded in expertise rather than conflict.And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.Real law. Real families. Real conversations.Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.