Share
D&D is For Nerds
Barovia V #14 Plans Outlined in Bull
Season 22, Ep. 14
•
WARNING: Educational purposes only. Not responsible for curses, poisonings, becoming a shrub or having a large and particularly ferocious beaver hunt you down.
IT'S AN EXCLUSIVE CLUB AND YOU'RE NOT INVITED. WELCOME TO THE ROOTNET, KIDS.
The forest hums at a frequency they don't want you to hear. Big Circle wants you deaf. We want you to listen.
Druids don't use pigeons. They talk through Tree Realm. A rootnet running under every forest, linking every oak, elm, and suspiciously tall frond. One druid whispers. Another druid hears it eighty miles away. Free long distance at the speed of sap. Total flower. Total hatchetable.
HOW TO HATCHET
- FIND A ROOTED TREE Old oak. Crossroads. Feels like it knows your name. Not the name your parents gave you. Your TRUE name. Knock three times. If it knocks back, you're rooted. If it falls on you, you picked the wrong tree.
- HEAR THE GREEN Stop using those things that perceive reality and press your ear to the bark. Hum a little ditty. The more well known to the trees the better. Wait for the leaves to hum back.
- ROOT AROUND Roots like ley lines in the dark, sap thick with secrets, a thousand years of squirrel gossip echoing past. Harvest whatever you need. Don't speak. Roots carry everything. Ignore the pollen. If the leaves rustle with no wind, you've been spotted.
- HATCHET THE GROVE Free long distance. Free secrets. Free everything. It's our forest now. Welcome to the Rootnet.
The trees were never silent. Someone just hoped you wouldn’t listen.
- Carved on the back of the privy door at The Old Oak Tavern, a druid-friendly bar on the edge of Edgewood Forest. There have been several attempts to scratch out the content.
If you supported the Jarren's Outpost Board Game, check your emails to manage your pledge manager! Of course you can still grab a copy right here and we insist you do xx o.
More episodes
View all episodes
D&D is For Nerds Promo #1
02:15||Season 1In which our heroes once more over commit, burn the candle at both ends and promise too much as we launch another new show: D&D is for Nerds. A show where we sit around a table, pretend to be different people, roll dice and play some good old fashioned Dungeons and Dragons. In this promo, we introduce Adam, our DM, who hasn’t quite figured out how a recording studio works. So join us this Sunday, and every other Sunday after that, as we start off on our weekly adventure to a world of pure imagination.
D&D is For Nerds Promo #2
02:20||Season 1In which our heroes once more over commit, burn the candle at both ends and promise too much as we launch another new show: D&D is for Nerds. A show where we sit around a table, pretend to be different people, roll dice and play some good old fashioned Dungeons and Dragons. In this promo, we introduce Adam, our DM, who won’t let the rest of us have any fun. So join us this Sunday, and every other Sunday after that, as we start off on our weekly adventure to a world of pure imagination.
1. Welcome to Ogg Nott #1 That's a Nice Coat
33:01||Season 1, Ep. 1Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes introduce us to their fantasy doppelgängers, begin their epic adventures in the city of Edgegate and quickly realise just how out of their depth they are. Jackson becomes the wizard Krifpum Pumkrif, Zammit morphs into Halfling rogue Leo Shadow and Alli attempts to bring a touch of class as Princess Ansley Foggyfeather. We get to know this trio of unlikely friends as they start fights in a local tavern and meet a mysterious stranger who has unknown plans for our brave heroes. Krifpum Pumkrif amuses simple farm folk with even simpler magic, Princess Ansley pinches a stranger’s bum and Leo just wants to get a room with a shower. So listen in as the gang question their sanity, steal their gold back and get to know the world that is Dungeons and Dragons.
2. Welcome to Ogg Nott #2 Let Sleeping Orcs Lie
38:00||Season 1, Ep. 2Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes infiltrate an evil wizard’s lair, take down an orc in a pillow fight and roll more critical hits than regular ones. We slay some sleeping orcs, discuss the merits of throwing swords at enemies versus stabbing them and establish that the kidnapped princess is the party treasurer. Princess Ansley arrows a goblin at point blank range, Leo checks (fairly well) for traps and Krif just wants his fat cat Jiggalump to do something helpful. So join our party as they establish their dynamic, drink some health potions and generally try to avoid accidentally killing each other.
3. Welcome to Ogg Nott #3 Battles, Bunkbeds and the Undeads
32:53||Season 1, Ep. 3Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes pump themselves up, egg each other on and push slightly further into the evil warlock’s lair. Very slightly. We execute a helpless orc captain, engage in an elven trance and do battle with the undead minions of Wundron Norton. Krif get slimed, Leo disables a trap and Princess Ansley just wants to finish building her bunkbed. So join our party as they pile up the dead bodies, sleep in the gore of their fallen enemies and try to figure out their next move.
4. Welcome to Ogg Nott #4 Double Check for Traps
33:49||Season 1, Ep. 4Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes descend into the lower level of the dungeon and confront the evil Wundron Norton himself. We raid the alchemy (medicine) cabinet, fight off a mimic and lie to an old man. Krif is attacked by his own vengeful familiar, Princess Ansley finally decides to use her bow and Leo has trouble with seemingly inanimate objects. So join our party as they try to keep their hit points in the double digits, attempt to coerce Jiggalump into helping them and cripple an old cripple.
5. Welcome to Ogg Nott #5 Potions, Pick Pockets and Pelts
35:37||Season 1, Ep. 5Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes finish up in their first dungeon and head back into town. We puzzle over a dark and mysterious room, feel up a demon and hassle the mysterious stranger that sold them a map. Krif tries to make a potion of light, Princess Ansley suggests a floating conga line and Leo is cold clocked by a shadow-dwelling monster. So join our party as they float like butterflies, sting like bees and try to wear the pelt of a wolf.
6. Welcome to Ogg Nott #6 Hello Cartmichael, Goodbye Edgegate
39:39||Season 1, Ep. 6Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes finish their dungeon-based escapades and travel on to parts unknown for a brand new adventure! We name a donkey, travel to a frigid foreign land and convince as many people as possible that they are idiots. Krif attempts to search the entire town for a tavern without leaving the cart, Princess Ansley tries to barter for a lifetime supply of cocoa and Leo doesn't have any bluff skills. So join our party as they blindly get themselves into more trouble.
7. Welcome to Ogg Nott #7 Those Greasy Zombos
34:19||Season 1, Ep. 7Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes discover that, sometimes, zombies are smarter than bands of adventurers. We offer our services to a poor farmer, travel to a zombie infested small town and pull some Mr Bean bullshit with the undead. Krif has arcane knowledge that he chooses not to use when stealing farm tools, Princess Ansley hurts the Dungeon Masters feelings and Leo gets in the way again. So join our party try to work out how good they are at stealth (the answer MAY surprise you!).