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Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri
Everyone's a Narcissist (apparently) with psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer
Welcome to episode 1 of Series 6
A good few years ago, I started becoming aware of a term I'd hitherto not really heard much before, outside of my classics lessons: narcissism. Aside from all the s's making it hard to pronounce, I started to notice that it became a catch-all for anyone who was selfish, self centred or vain. Everyone, it seemed, was being called a narcissist. I'm not a fan of overly labelling behaviours (for one it's so lazy) and I have a natural tendency to avoid terms that everyone else is using, but eventually even I couldn't ignore it any longer. This is when I called UK registered psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer in. Mark is writing a book about narcissism and in this episode we talk about what it is, and what it isn't. And how just possibly everyone has some narcissistic traits occasionally, but that doesn't make them a narcissist. Someone with true narcissistic behaviours actually has a wafer-thin self esteem and is very tiring to be around. Who'd be a narcissist? But also what about poor Echo, who often gets forgotten in the tale of Narcissus, typical to air brush a woman out of history.
If you'd like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is at brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com
Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.com
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Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.
The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.
All links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri
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2. Should We Move? With psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer
45:44||Season 9, Ep. 2Welcome to episode 2 of Series 9 (Series 9 will be released sporadically). Should We Move?This has always been a question I've been asked a lot via my Guardian column (and in real life) but after the pandemic it was a question that reached, dare I say it, epidemic proportions. It's a simple enough question but the reasoning behind it can really tell us a lot about ourselves. Many people move to get away from problems, not realising that the problems go with them. This is why a few well aimed questions are worth asking of yourself before you move.There are some very boring things to consider, too which we run through in this episode. Look out for anything that makes you feel defensive, either in this episode or when people mention certain things to you - those are the very issues you should be digging down into. I've known people who've maxed out their London homes to stretch themselves to buy a huge country pile - with no financial buffer. People who've moved to the middle of nowhere even though they can't drive. Or not considering schools/transport links/hospitals. These are the things that can make or break a successful move. I **************If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced: https://www.patreon.com/c/annalisabarbieriYou can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.1. Body Image, with Professor Alessandra Lemma, chartered clinical and counselling psychologist and psychoanalyst.
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50:50||Season 8, Ep. 5Very early on in my career as The Guardian's Agony Aunt the letters started coming in about family estrangements - the "should I cut X out of my life" style questions. Back then, cutting a family member out was anathema to me but over the years, i came to understand why some people sought it out. The thing is, cutting someone out is rarely the end of the problem. Sometimes it's only the beginning.In this episode I talk to long-time conversationalist psychotherapist Chris Mills about why some situations become so bad that estrangement seems like the only answer - indeed is it the only answer? What it can mean and how to try to build bridges after an estrangement (maybe one not of your making) if that's what feels right. If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri4. Attachment with psychotherapist Dr Graham Music
55:18||Season 8, Ep. 4What is attachment and how does attachment theory different from the primary real-life attachment we learnt as babies? The two often get confused. In this episode I talk to child, adolescent and adult psychotherapist Dr Graham Music who has been described as "one of the most deep thinking child psychotherapists in the world."We talk about these differences, plus the concept of attachment which is how secure we feel with our primary care given and how our needs were met, and the impact that can have on our later life. Attachment is at the core of every letter I get, ergo every problem I think we come across in our daily lives. How we relate to others can very often lead back to our early attachment figures. Dr Graham Music is registered with the Association of Child Psychotherapists and the UKCP. He is also the author of some amazing books such as Respark, Nurturing Natures and Nurturing children. We talked together in Series 4 on How to Motivate Your Child.You can find out more about Graham from his website: https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri3. Forensic Psychotherapy with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal
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53:38||Season 8, Ep. 2Did you know that procrastination, risky behaviour, blaming others and even infidelity may be a sign of self-sabotage? There are a host of other symptoms, too. In this, episode 2 or Series 8, I discuss with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke why we might self sabotage, what it tells us about ourselves and of course, what we can do about it. If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri1. Baby Loss with Professor Lucy Easthope
01:06:04||Season 8, Ep. 1Welcome to series 8 of Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri. This episode was Professor Lucy Easthope's idea as it’s something she really wanted to talk about and I’m honoured she has trusted me with this delicate subject. In this episode Lucy talks openly about her very personal five baby losses by miscarriage. Lucy is Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the University of Durham and a Professor in Mass Fatalities at the University of Bath. She studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine. Lucy is a UK Expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recovery and a world authority on these subjects. She works with governments, emergency services and communities and families who have been affected by disaster. She’s advised on almost every major disaster that’s happened in the last two decades.She is also the author of the best seller: When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. Her baby losses are talked about candidly throughout the book but in particular in Chapter Seven, Little Losses.Links listeners may find useful:https://www.tommys.org/https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/https://www.sands.org.uk/If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri6. Birth Trauma with Kim Thomas, journalist and CEO of The Birth Trauma Association
51:56||Season 7, Ep. 6This is the final episode in Series 7. It's about birth trauma and I speak with journalist, author and CEO of The BTA, Kim Thomas.We talk about what birth trauma is, what can cause it (we do not go into graphic detail), how it can manifest and how to get help. We discuss the difference between Post Natal Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by birth trauma. We also discuss the impact of birth trauma on birthing partners.May 2024 update: Parliamentary report.Some organisations we talk about in the episode:The Birth Trauma Association.Kim Thomas's book on PTSD and Birth Trauma.Masic: https://masic.org.uk/about-masic/Magnolia midwives: https://www.instagram.com/magnoliamidwives/?hl=enDoula UK: https://doula.org.ukTommy's: https://www.tommys.orgNice Guidelines: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidanceRoyal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists: https://www.rcog.org.ukhttps://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieri