Share

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 175. A Rapid Road to Rock Bottom and Finding a Life Worth Living, with Rosie Eldershaw
This week, Ash sits down with Rosie Eldershaw, a country girl turned Melburnian who recently celebrated three years of sobriety after multiple rehabs and several near-fatal rock bottoms. Rosie shares how her drinking progressed from nightly wine to 24/7 spirits and drugs, and how she kept a bubbly, high-functioning facade while quietly falling apart inside. She speaks honestly about seizures, the shame of drinking hand sanitiser and mouthwash, and the terror of knowing something was very wrong but feeling powerless to stop.
Rosie reflects on the turning points that finally stuck: finding a 12-step program, allowing others to help, and building a simple, peaceful life she genuinely enjoys with yoga, dog parks, her partner and her dog. This is a grounded, hopeful conversation about ownership, spirituality, and the non-negotiables that now protect her sobriety and happiness.
Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.
Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction and Journey of Transformation
03:01 Rosie's Story of Sobriety
05:56 The Struggles Behind the Smile
08:57 The Dangerous Path of Alcoholism
12:07 Childhood and Early Influences
14:48 The Progression of Drinking
17:58 Family Concerns and Consequences
20:54 The Desperation of Addiction
23:55 The Journey to Rehab
26:28 The Journey Through Rehab
29:00 The Turning Point: A Meeting That Changed Everything
32:52 Embracing Spirituality in Recovery
36:57 Overcoming the Ego: Finding a Higher Power
40:46 Living One Day at a Time
46:29 Building Healthy Relationships in Sobriety
53:24 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life
Upcoming Workshops:
The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here
Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
More episodes
View all episodes

177. Ep 177. What It Takes To Be A Sober Solo Mum, with Alisha Burns
56:40||Season 5, Ep. 177This week, Ash sits down with Alisha Burns, founder of Solo Mum Society, to talk about the deeply personal road that led her to motherhood on her own terms. Alisha shares the heartbreak of infertility, the emotional weight of hidden struggles, and the quiet strength it took to move through a life that often looked fine from the outside while feeling very different underneath.She opens up about the role alcohol played in her life, the pressure of social expectations, and the long process of learning to trust herself again. Ash and Alisha explore what it means to choose donor conception, to step into solo motherhood by choice, and to build a life that feels honest, intentional, and aligned with who you really are.Throughout the conversation, Alisha reflects on the changing shape of family, the power of community support, and the liberation that can come from letting go of the version of life you thought you were meant to have. At its heart, this episode is about grief, growth, and the courage to create a future rooted in authenticity, independence, and love.Trigger Warning: This episode discusses pregnancy loss. Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction to Alicia Burns and Her Journey03:01 Navigating Motherhood and Business06:01 Hiding Behind a Smile: Alicia's Photo Reflection09:11 Infertility Struggles and Emotional Toll12:09 The Impact of Alcohol on Coping Mechanisms15:04 The End of a Marriage and New Beginnings17:58 Finding Strength in Adversity20:53 The Journey to Motherhood: Donor Conception23:48 Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Change30:45 The Journey of Single Motherhood32:08 Navigating Isolation and Connection34:29 The Impact of Alcohol Culture38:52 Realizations and Transformations43:35 Embracing Independence and Self-Discovery46:25 The Changing Landscape of Family Dynamics49:54 Empowerment Through Intentional Choices52:46 Building Community and Support54:40 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeWebsite - www.solomumsociety.comInstagram - @noneedforprincecharmingUpcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
176. Ep 176. What Really Went Down at The Embodied Woman Retreat, with Ash & Laura Corcoran
41:12||Season 5, Ep. 176This week, Ash sits down with holistic psychologist Laura Corcoran to unpack what really happened inside The Embodied Woman retreat. Over four days on the Gold Coast, sixteen women arrived as strangers and left having cracked open years of armour, people pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional suppression.Ash and Laura reflect on the moments that shifted everything, from the resistance and fear women carried on day one, to the tears, breakthroughs, nervous system releases, and deep honesty that unfolded as the weekend progressed. They speak about why so many women feel disconnected from themselves, how high functioning coping mechanisms keep us stuck, and what happens when you finally feel safe enough to be fully seen.This conversation explores embodiment, sisterhood, emotional healing, relationships, boundaries, identity, and the power of being in a room where masks are no longer needed. Ash and Laura also share why transformation happens so quickly in immersive spaces like this, and why the women who attended are already making powerful changes in their lives back home.If you’ve ever felt exhausted from holding it all together, disconnected from yourself, or like you’re craving something deeper than surface level self development, this episode is for you.For more information on The Embodied Woman Retreat 2027 you can send Ash a message on IG here, or email hello@ashbutterss.comEpisode Chapters:00:00 The Energy of the Retreat02:58 Integration and Connection06:00 Creating a Safe Space08:59 Meeting Your Edge11:53 Transformation Through Action15:04 Intergenerational Healing17:56 The Power of Vulnerability20:59 Sisterhood and Support24:01 Reflections on the Experience28:33 Connection and Community in Retreats30:10 Overcoming Personal Challenges32:06 Emotional Vulnerability and Heart Opening33:13 Facing Uncertainty and Embracing Change36:32 The Journey of Growth and Transformation38:19 The Power of Embodied Experiences39:20 Announcing the Next RetreatReach out to Laura - @hersuccessfulmindJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
174. Ep 174. Learning to Surrender, Why Acceptance is the Pathway To Inner Peace, with Ash Butterss
29:07||Season 5, Ep. 174This week, Ash returns with a solo episode that’s felt long overdue. After a season of slowing down and stepping back, she’s back behind the mic on her own, not with all the answers, but with a deeper level of honesty about what it really means to accept life as it is.Drawing on yoga philosophy, recovery, and her own lived experience, Ash explores the tension between control and surrender. She opens up about her patterns of perfectionism, the need to hold everything together, and the unexpected peace that came when she finally softened her grip.This is a deeply personal reflection on relationships, family dynamics, and the moments that still stir old wounds. Ash also shares her experience navigating motherhood, fertility, and loss, and how these chapters have shaped her understanding of acceptance in a way no theory ever could.If you’ve been trying to control outcomes, fix everything, or push against what is, this episode offers a different way.A gentle reminder that peace isn’t found in having it all figured out, but in learning to meet yourself exactly where you are.Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction and Intentions00:57 Embracing Vulnerability in Solo Episodes04:03 The Journey of Acceptance10:10 Letting Go of Control15:00 Navigating Relationships with Acceptance20:04 The Spiritual Journey and Personal Growth24:53 Conclusion and Call to ActionJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
173. Ep 173. Dancing Through the Dark, Depression and Psychosis, with Taylah King
55:10||Season 5, Ep. 173This week, Ash sits down with embodied dance artist and coach Taylah King, whose journey from darkness to rediscovery is both heart-wrenching and deeply inspiring. Taylah opens up about her twelve-year relationship and marriage that began in childhood, the growing inner whisper that something wasn't right, and the vulnerability of walking away from the only safety she'd ever known. From alcohol abuse that started at fourteen to a drug-induced psychosis triggered by ayahuasca, Taylah shares candidly about spending two years dissociated from reality, convinced she was dead, and trapped in a mental health crisis that felt inescapable.She reflects on the terrifying experience of psychosis, the inadequacy of traditional mental health support, and the overwhelming loneliness of not knowing if she'd ever come back. Taylah describes the turning point that changed everything: surrendering to faith, working with a mentor, and falling in love for the first time while sober, which allowed her to finally feel again after years of numbness. Throughout their conversation, Ash and Taylah explore the danger of spiritual bypassing, the power of embodiment practices, and the importance of learning to listen to your nervous system instead of seeking answers outside yourself.Today, Taylah uses dance and movement as medicine, helping others reconnect to their bodies and move freely in the world without substances. Her story is a powerful reminder that even in the deepest darkness, there is always a way back home to yourself.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Taylah's Journey02:56 Rediscovery Through Dance06:05 The Struggles Behind the Smile09:02 Substance Abuse and Its Impact12:01 The Role of Ayahuasca in Healing14:58 Experiencing Psychosis17:55 The Aftermath of Psychosis21:02 Finding Freedom in Movement30:11 The Journey Through Psychosis34:01 Spiritual Awakening and Healing39:12 The Role of Love and Relationships in Recovery43:10 Embodiment and Self-Connection51:13 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect with Taylah using the links below:Instagram: @taylahkingmovementFollow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
172. Ep 172. How to Value Yourself and Start Living Differently, with Blake D. Bauer
01:01:29||Season 5, Ep. 172This week, Ash sits down with author Blake D. Bauer, whose book You Were Not Born to Suffer has helped thousands rethink the way they relate to themselves, their pain, and their past. Blake opens up about his own journey through addiction, mental health struggles, and the pressure to keep it all hidden behind a smile, tracing how childhood experiences and emotional confusion shaped the way he moved through the world.He shares how meditation and Eastern philosophies became lifelines and a pathway into healing. Ash and Blake dive into the power of morning meditation, the quiet joy of everyday moments, and what it really means to take radical responsibility for your inner life instead of waiting for someone else to fix it.Throughout their conversation, Blake offers grounded, practical steps for cultivating self-love and rebuilding self-trust: listening to your own needs, telling yourself the truth, and learning to treat yourself with the same honesty and kindness you’d offer someone you care about.If you’re looking for simple ways that will significantly improve your life, this episode is for you!Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Blake Bauer's Journey02:59 The Importance of Morning Meditation06:01 Finding Joy in Everyday Life09:01 The Impact of Travel on Personal Growth12:04 Hiding Behind a Smile: A Personal Story15:04 Childhood Influences and Emotional Struggles17:51 The Role of Sports in Blake's Life20:50 Consequences of Substance Abuse23:48 Awakening to a Spiritual Journey27:06 The Healing Power of Eastern Philosophies32:57 The Journey to Self-Discovery34:10 The Importance of Self-Love38:38 Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Love50:23 Rebuilding Self-Trust and Confidence58:44 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect with Blake using the links below:Free Meditation: https://vimeo.com/768757355Website: https://elevatewellness.io/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blakedbauer/?hl=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YouWereNotBornToSuffer.by.BlakeDBauer LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/blake-d-bauer Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Melbourne - Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
171. Ep 171. Behind the Spotlight, Naomi Eyers on Life from the Stage to 31 Years of Sobriety
01:42:11||Season 5, Ep. 171This week, Ash sits down with powerhouse performer Naomi Eyers, whose four-decade career has taken her from session singer to London’s West End, global tours with The Fabulous Singlettes, and sharing stages with icons like Shirley Bassey and Tom Jones. Behind the spotlight, Naomi has quietly built over 31 years of sobriety, reshaping not just her life in music, but the way she shows up for herself and others.Naomi opens up about her early experiences with alcohol and drugs, the pull of ambition, and the quiet moments that revealed her relationship with drinking was no longer sustainable. She shares candidly about the ups and downs of her recovery journey including her recent heart attack that became a brutal wake-up call, going to rehab with almost three decades of sobriety, and the spiritual and emotional work that followed.Together, they trace Naomi’s journey through addiction, sobriety, and the long road of staying sober through life’s inevitable turmoil including grief, changing relationships, and the ongoing demands of a life in the arts. Naomi reflects on the role of community, the impact of the relationships that held a mirror up when she needed it most, and the way music, fun, and creativity still sit at the heart of her life today, only now grounded in peace rather than chaos.Naomi shares how today she values spiritual connection, honest self-reflection, service, and simple daily routines that keep her anchored in gratitude and presence.Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction to the Retreats and Podcast01:19 Naomi Eyers: A Life in Music03:12 Daily Routine and Morning Practices11:32 Spiritual Connection and Personal Growth15:03 Finding Fun and Connection in Recovery18:11 The Search for Inner Peace22:42 Early Experiences with Alcohol28:27 Life as a Young Performer31:47 The Restless Pursuit of Ambition34:00 Navigating the Music Scene in Sydney36:47 Living in a Narcissistic Bubble39:19 The Illusion of Success42:42 The Catalyst for Change44:31 Rock Bottom and Relationships46:30 The Denial of Alcoholism50:53 The Struggle for Control55:30 The Moment of Surrender01:00:12 Awakening to the Truth01:04:11 Finding a New Path in Recovery01:08:13 The Struggle of Sobriety01:09:42 The Journey of Recovery and Relapse01:11:37 Relationships and Higher Powers01:13:33 The Impact of Lockdown on Relationships01:16:39 The Heart Attack: A Wake-Up Call01:18:28 Seeking Help: The Path to Recovery01:22:17 Experiences at South Pacific Private01:25:09 The Importance of Vulnerability in Recovery01:30:24 The Power of Community and Connection01:36:56 Letting Go and Embracing Change01:40:41 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeFollow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
170. Ep 170. Long-Term Sobriety and What It Takes to Keep Growing, with Campbell Butterss
01:11:11||Season 5, Ep. 170This week’s episode is four years in the making, as Ash sits down with her brother, Campbell Butterss, for a conversation that is both deeply personal and authentically honest. Cam reflects on their shared upbringing, growing up in an environment that was at times unpredictable. The subtle dynamics and unspoken patterns that shaped them both, and how sport became an outlet and a way to navigate emotions he didn’t yet have the words for.At sixteen years sober, Cam opens up about his journey into sobriety at 26, the moments that led him to take a more honest look at his relationship with alcohol, and the support systems that helped him find a new way forward. Ash and Cam explore the evolving nature of family and friendships in recovery, what shifts, what stays the same, and what it takes to step out of old roles and into something more aligned.They also touch on the realities of Campbell’s career in real estate, and the tools he’s developed to move through uncertainty and pressure without falling back into old patterns. Woven throughout the conversation are themes of growth, perspective, and the grounding influence of fatherhood, as Campbell shares how becoming a dad has shaped the way he lives, leads, and shows up today.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to the Retreats01:19 Meet Campbell Butters: A Personal Journey02:33 The Importance of Family and Relationships04:37 Navigating Life's Challenges: A Personal Reflection06:51 Finding Purpose in Real Estate09:02 The Roller Coaster of Real Estate12:16 Tools for Resilience in a Volatile Industry14:58 Hiding Behind a Smile: The Struggles of 200919:00 Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics21:38 The Role of Sport in Escaping Reality26:11 The Impact of Alcohol on Life Choices29:28 Lessons Learned from Family Success31:10 Teenage Rebellion and Authority Issues33:05 The Journey Begins: A Geographical Escape34:34 The Struggles of Alcoholism: A Year of Excess37:48 The Turning Point: Realizations and Recovery41:08 Finding Support: The Early Days of Sobriety43:12 Facing Second Rock Bottom: Dealing with Trauma47:18 Spiritual Awakening: The Role of Spirituality in Recovery51:26 Family Dynamics: Navigating Relationships in Recovery54:10 Friendship Changes: The Pain of Growing Apart01:00:43 Fatherhood: The Greatest Gift and Responsibility01:03:16 Non-Negotiables: Keys to a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect withCampbell using the links below:Instagram: Campbell ButterssWebsite: Marshall White Real EstateFollow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
169. Ep 169. The Energetics of Grief, How to Heal and Keep Going, with Jade Donegan
01:14:22||Season 5, Ep. 169This week, Ash sits down with principal consultant and founder of the Energy Collective Co, Jade Donegan, to explore what it really means to care for your inner world while navigating the demands of work, family, and grief. Jade shares how her spirituality helped her to navigate the profound rupture of losing her dad, a loss that reshaped how she sees life, love, and success.She opens up about her journey through grief and forgiveness, the unexpected signs she still receives from her father, and the emotional toll of trying to keep going when your heart is somewhere else. Ash and Jade dive into the importance of emotional health at work, the need for accountability in professional spaces, and how understanding our own energy can change the way we lead, collaborate, and show up for the people around us.Throughout their conversation, Jade reflects on the transformative power of practices like Reiki, and how they’ve helped her build self-awareness, soften self-judgment, and create workplaces where wellbeing is taken seriously. Together, they talk about moving through emotions rather than getting stuck in them, and the courage it takes to let yourself feel everything without shutting down. At its heart, this episode is an invitation to meet yourself with empathy whether you’re sitting in grief, in transition, or in growth. You’ll walk away with insights on how to build a life and career that honour both your humanity and your healing.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Retreats and Personal Growth01:51 Meet Jade Donegan: A Journey of Transformation04:04 Daily Life and Finding Joy in Learning08:10 The Move to New Zealand: A Family Adventure11:32 Hiding Behind a Smile: The Impact of Grief19:06 Navigating Grief: A Personal Story of Loss23:44 Navigating Numbness and Helplessness24:26 The Journey of Forgiveness25:55 A Life-Changing Accident28:20 Empathy and Forgiveness in Grief29:36 Signs from Beyond36:50 The Power of Reiki43:03 Workplace Wellbeing and AccountabilityYou can connect with Jade using the links below:http://www.energycollectiveco.com.au/Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!