Share

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 175. A Rapid Road to Rock Bottom and Finding a Life Worth Living, with Rosie Eldershaw
This week, Ash sits down with Rosie Eldershaw, a country girl turned Melburnian who recently celebrated three years of sobriety after multiple rehabs and several near-fatal rock bottoms. Rosie shares how her drinking progressed from nightly wine to 24/7 spirits and drugs, and how she kept a bubbly, high-functioning facade while quietly falling apart inside. She speaks honestly about seizures, the shame of drinking hand sanitiser and mouthwash, and the terror of knowing something was very wrong but feeling powerless to stop.
Rosie reflects on the turning points that finally stuck: finding a 12-step program, allowing others to help, and building a simple, peaceful life she genuinely enjoys with yoga, dog parks, her partner and her dog. This is a grounded, hopeful conversation about ownership, spirituality, and the non-negotiables that now protect her sobriety and happiness.
Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.
Episode chapters:
00:00 Introduction and Journey of Transformation
03:01 Rosie's Story of Sobriety
05:56 The Struggles Behind the Smile
08:57 The Dangerous Path of Alcoholism
12:07 Childhood and Early Influences
14:48 The Progression of Drinking
17:58 Family Concerns and Consequences
20:54 The Desperation of Addiction
23:55 The Journey to Rehab
26:28 The Journey Through Rehab
29:00 The Turning Point: A Meeting That Changed Everything
32:52 Embracing Spirituality in Recovery
36:57 Overcoming the Ego: Finding a Higher Power
40:46 Living One Day at a Time
46:29 Building Healthy Relationships in Sobriety
53:24 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life
Upcoming Workshops:
The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here
Join Ash on retreat in 2026!
Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026
Follow and connect with Ash on:
Instagram @ashbutterss
TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
More episodes
View all episodes

180. Ep 180. Come Back to Yourself: A Mini Life Update + 10 Minute Guided Meditation with Ash Butterss
28:08||Season 5, Ep. 180This week, Ash drops in with a mini solo episode to share a life update from her recent trip to Bali and to offer something she herself has been craving - a guided meditation to help you reset. She reflects on attending the AA convention, what it’s like to travel sober after years of using airports and planes as a reason to drink, and the joy of being surrounded by like-minded people who truly understand the recovery journey. She also speaks about the not so pleasant reality of getting Bali Belly, and the lessons in surrender, self-care, and taking quick action. For the first time on the podcast, Ash is also sharing a guided meditation. One she specifically wrote for her Behind The Smile listeners. A 10-minute guided meditation designed to bring you back to yourself, whether you’re at home, walking, or listening on the go, offering a simple way to slow down, breathe, and reconnect with what actually matters today.Episode chapters:00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude00:56 Post‑Bali Life Update & Mini Solo Setup02:10 Bali AA Convention & Joy of Sober Travel03:11 Sunur, Ubud & Favorite Bali Rituals05:32 Ubud Hotel Recos, Monkey Story & Bali Belly10:11 Calling the Doctor & Reframing “What a Gift”12:32 Coming Home Gently & Loving Life You Don’t Need a Holiday From14:54 Returning to Meditation & Idea for a “Reset”17:19 Guided 10‑Minute Reset Meditation27:14 Final Reflections, Gratitude & Call to ActionJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Join Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
179. Ep 179. Burnout, Breathwork and Being Guided By Your Intuition, with Shanaye Kuntze
57:36||Season 5, Ep. 179This week, Ash sits down with psychic, healer and mindset coach Shanaye Kuntze for a raw conversation about burnout, self-worth, intuition and the journey back to self. Behind a successful business and years spent helping others, Shanaye found herself completely burnt out, bed-ridden, disconnected and unable to keep going. Together, Ash and Shanaye unpack the hidden ways childhood wounds and the search for love and approval can shape our lives, careers and sense of self.Shanaye shares how breathwork became the catalyst for profound healing and the awakening of her psychic gifts, opening the door to deeper intuition, purpose and trust in herself. They explore boundaries, rest, alignment and what it really means to create a life that feels good, not just one that looks good.This is a powerful conversation about slowing down, listening inward, and finding the courage to follow the voice within.Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction to Shanaye Kuntze02:48 Navigating Burnout and Its Impact05:55 The Energy of Doing What You Love08:59 The Importance of Boundaries11:55 Hiding Behind a Smile: Shanaye's Photo Reflection14:54 The Journey Through Burnout18:06 The Path to Healing and Self-Discovery21:02 The Role of Competitive Sports in Shanae's Life24:05 Transitioning from Sports to Fitness Coaching27:02 The Addiction to Work and Its Consequences29:46 Finding Light After Rock Bottom31:15 The Awakening to Breathwork34:43 Unleashing Psychic Abilities36:44 Creating Space for Transformation40:27 Deepening the Breathwork Experience43:01 The Power of Vulnerability in Community46:02 Communicating with Spirit Guides52:17 Reflections on Transformation55:17 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect with Shanaye through:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/skbodyworksFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/skbodyworks/Website: https://skbodyworks.com.auPodcast: (Apple) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889 (Spotify) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here NOW SOLD OUT! Next Ritual coming in September. Details launching soon. Join Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
178. Ep 178. Solo Episode: What Does Spirituality Have To Do With Sobriety?
27:12||Season 5, Ep. 178This week, Ash shares a sneak peak into her memoir she's currently writing, tracing how her spiritual life has evolved in recovery. What began as skepticism and resistance toward anything “spiritual” has slowly become the foundation of her day-to-day life, influencing how she relates to herself, others, and the world around her.She opens up about moving from a place of self-hatred, numbing, and constant chasing to an inner landscape shaped by simple, consistent practices like prayer, meditation, gratitude, and quiet acts of service. Ash reflects on how spirituality, for her, isn’t about being “woo-woo” or giving up ambition or joy, but about how you live when no one is watching and how kindly you speak to yourself when things are hard.At its heart, this episode invites listeners to reconsider what spirituality might look like in their own lives, whether they’re on a sober path, a healing journey, or simply curious about something deeper.Episode Chapters:00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude00:56 Memoir Writing & Bali Setup03:14 Spirituality as the Foundation of Sobriety05:39 From Non‑Believer to Spiritual Seeker08:04 Redefining a Higher Power in Recovery10:26 Gift of Desperation & Early God Experiments12:48 Daily Prayer, Gratitude & Relationship with God15:01 Meditation, Listening & Two‑Way Prayer17:25 Depositing into the Spiritual Bank19:42 Spiritual Solution to Alcoholism & Old PatternsJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
177. Ep 177. What It Takes To Be A Sober Solo Mum, with Alisha Burns
56:40||Season 5, Ep. 177This week, Ash sits down with Alisha Burns, founder of Solo Mum Society, to talk about the deeply personal road that led her to motherhood on her own terms. Alisha shares the heartbreak of infertility, the emotional weight of hidden struggles, and the quiet strength it took to move through a life that often looked fine from the outside while feeling very different underneath.She opens up about the role alcohol played in her life, the pressure of social expectations, and the long process of learning to trust herself again. Ash and Alisha explore what it means to choose donor conception, to step into solo motherhood by choice, and to build a life that feels honest, intentional, and aligned with who you really are.Throughout the conversation, Alisha reflects on the changing shape of family, the power of community support, and the liberation that can come from letting go of the version of life you thought you were meant to have. At its heart, this episode is about grief, growth, and the courage to create a future rooted in authenticity, independence, and love.Trigger Warning: This episode discusses pregnancy loss. Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction to Alicia Burns and Her Journey03:01 Navigating Motherhood and Business06:01 Hiding Behind a Smile: Alicia's Photo Reflection09:11 Infertility Struggles and Emotional Toll12:09 The Impact of Alcohol on Coping Mechanisms15:04 The End of a Marriage and New Beginnings17:58 Finding Strength in Adversity20:53 The Journey to Motherhood: Donor Conception23:48 Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Change30:45 The Journey of Single Motherhood32:08 Navigating Isolation and Connection34:29 The Impact of Alcohol Culture38:52 Realizations and Transformations43:35 Embracing Independence and Self-Discovery46:25 The Changing Landscape of Family Dynamics49:54 Empowerment Through Intentional Choices52:46 Building Community and Support54:40 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeWebsite - www.solomumsociety.comInstagram - @noneedforprincecharmingUpcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
176. Ep 176. What Really Went Down at The Embodied Woman Retreat, with Ash & Laura Corcoran
41:12||Season 5, Ep. 176This week, Ash sits down with holistic psychologist Laura Corcoran to unpack what really happened inside The Embodied Woman retreat. Over four days on the Gold Coast, sixteen women arrived as strangers and left having cracked open years of armour, people pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional suppression.Ash and Laura reflect on the moments that shifted everything, from the resistance and fear women carried on day one, to the tears, breakthroughs, nervous system releases, and deep honesty that unfolded as the weekend progressed. They speak about why so many women feel disconnected from themselves, how high functioning coping mechanisms keep us stuck, and what happens when you finally feel safe enough to be fully seen.This conversation explores embodiment, sisterhood, emotional healing, relationships, boundaries, identity, and the power of being in a room where masks are no longer needed. Ash and Laura also share why transformation happens so quickly in immersive spaces like this, and why the women who attended are already making powerful changes in their lives back home.If you’ve ever felt exhausted from holding it all together, disconnected from yourself, or like you’re craving something deeper than surface level self development, this episode is for you.For more information on The Embodied Woman Retreat 2027 you can send Ash a message on IG here, or email hello@ashbutterss.comEpisode Chapters:00:00 The Energy of the Retreat02:58 Integration and Connection06:00 Creating a Safe Space08:59 Meeting Your Edge11:53 Transformation Through Action15:04 Intergenerational Healing17:56 The Power of Vulnerability20:59 Sisterhood and Support24:01 Reflections on the Experience28:33 Connection and Community in Retreats30:10 Overcoming Personal Challenges32:06 Emotional Vulnerability and Heart Opening33:13 Facing Uncertainty and Embracing Change36:32 The Journey of Growth and Transformation38:19 The Power of Embodied Experiences39:20 Announcing the Next RetreatReach out to Laura - @hersuccessfulmindJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
174. Ep 174. Learning to Surrender, Why Acceptance is the Pathway To Inner Peace, with Ash Butterss
29:07||Season 5, Ep. 174This week, Ash returns with a solo episode that’s felt long overdue. After a season of slowing down and stepping back, she’s back behind the mic on her own, not with all the answers, but with a deeper level of honesty about what it really means to accept life as it is.Drawing on yoga philosophy, recovery, and her own lived experience, Ash explores the tension between control and surrender. She opens up about her patterns of perfectionism, the need to hold everything together, and the unexpected peace that came when she finally softened her grip.This is a deeply personal reflection on relationships, family dynamics, and the moments that still stir old wounds. Ash also shares her experience navigating motherhood, fertility, and loss, and how these chapters have shaped her understanding of acceptance in a way no theory ever could.If you’ve been trying to control outcomes, fix everything, or push against what is, this episode offers a different way.A gentle reminder that peace isn’t found in having it all figured out, but in learning to meet yourself exactly where you are.Episode chapters:00:00 Introduction and Intentions00:57 Embracing Vulnerability in Solo Episodes04:03 The Journey of Acceptance10:10 Letting Go of Control15:00 Navigating Relationships with Acceptance20:04 The Spiritual Journey and Personal Growth24:53 Conclusion and Call to ActionJoin Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join.Upcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comWatch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
173. Ep 173. Dancing Through the Dark, Depression and Psychosis, with Taylah King
55:10||Season 5, Ep. 173This week, Ash sits down with embodied dance artist and coach Taylah King, whose journey from darkness to rediscovery is both heart-wrenching and deeply inspiring. Taylah opens up about her twelve-year relationship and marriage that began in childhood, the growing inner whisper that something wasn't right, and the vulnerability of walking away from the only safety she'd ever known. From alcohol abuse that started at fourteen to a drug-induced psychosis triggered by ayahuasca, Taylah shares candidly about spending two years dissociated from reality, convinced she was dead, and trapped in a mental health crisis that felt inescapable.She reflects on the terrifying experience of psychosis, the inadequacy of traditional mental health support, and the overwhelming loneliness of not knowing if she'd ever come back. Taylah describes the turning point that changed everything: surrendering to faith, working with a mentor, and falling in love for the first time while sober, which allowed her to finally feel again after years of numbness. Throughout their conversation, Ash and Taylah explore the danger of spiritual bypassing, the power of embodiment practices, and the importance of learning to listen to your nervous system instead of seeking answers outside yourself.Today, Taylah uses dance and movement as medicine, helping others reconnect to their bodies and move freely in the world without substances. Her story is a powerful reminder that even in the deepest darkness, there is always a way back home to yourself.Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Taylah's Journey02:56 Rediscovery Through Dance06:05 The Struggles Behind the Smile09:02 Substance Abuse and Its Impact12:01 The Role of Ayahuasca in Healing14:58 Experiencing Psychosis17:55 The Aftermath of Psychosis21:02 Finding Freedom in Movement30:11 The Journey Through Psychosis34:01 Spiritual Awakening and Healing39:12 The Role of Love and Relationships in Recovery43:10 Embodiment and Self-Connection51:13 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect with Taylah using the links below:Instagram: @taylahkingmovementFollow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets HereJoin Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!
172. Ep 172. How to Value Yourself and Start Living Differently, with Blake D. Bauer
01:01:29||Season 5, Ep. 172This week, Ash sits down with author Blake D. Bauer, whose book You Were Not Born to Suffer has helped thousands rethink the way they relate to themselves, their pain, and their past. Blake opens up about his own journey through addiction, mental health struggles, and the pressure to keep it all hidden behind a smile, tracing how childhood experiences and emotional confusion shaped the way he moved through the world.He shares how meditation and Eastern philosophies became lifelines and a pathway into healing. Ash and Blake dive into the power of morning meditation, the quiet joy of everyday moments, and what it really means to take radical responsibility for your inner life instead of waiting for someone else to fix it.Throughout their conversation, Blake offers grounded, practical steps for cultivating self-love and rebuilding self-trust: listening to your own needs, telling yourself the truth, and learning to treat yourself with the same honesty and kindness you’d offer someone you care about.If you’re looking for simple ways that will significantly improve your life, this episode is for you!Episode Chapters:00:00 Introduction to Blake Bauer's Journey02:59 The Importance of Morning Meditation06:01 Finding Joy in Everyday Life09:01 The Impact of Travel on Personal Growth12:04 Hiding Behind a Smile: A Personal Story15:04 Childhood Influences and Emotional Struggles17:51 The Role of Sports in Blake's Life20:50 Consequences of Substance Abuse23:48 Awakening to a Spiritual Journey27:06 The Healing Power of Eastern Philosophies32:57 The Journey to Self-Discovery34:10 The Importance of Self-Love38:38 Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Love50:23 Rebuilding Self-Trust and Confidence58:44 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling LifeYou can connect with Blake using the links below:Free Meditation: https://vimeo.com/768757355Website: https://elevatewellness.io/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blakedbauer/?hl=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YouWereNotBornToSuffer.by.BlakeDBauer LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/blake-d-bauer Follow and connect with Ash on: Instagram @ashbutterssTikTok @behindthesmilewithashbWebsite www.ashbutterss.comUpcoming Workshops:The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Melbourne - Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026!The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!