Back to the Barre

"My obnoxious level in this episode escalates very quickly," notes Christi as before "Dance Moms Chatter Part 1" can even begin she's already pretty drunk. But in a rare occurrence, Christi and Kelly don't have to hide their booze in coffee cups because this week, martini glasses are out in the open! With Jeff Collins moderating it's clip-show week on Dance Moms with special guests Patsy, internet blogger Nadine Rajabi and comedian Lisa Arch. Christi is famously not a fan of these episodes as it served as little more than an excuse to get replay value out of their fights and trauma, but this week at least it appears Christi simply was too drunk. The amount of "Amen to that!" coming from Christi is enough to make anyone cringe, but especially Christi.Segments include a Dance Moms trivia contest between the guests, with Jeff shilling out all of $10 for the winner! Plus what would a Jeff Collins hosted talk show be without some classic Jeff "comedy". We also get some quality hot-takes, like who Patsy thinks the biggest crybaby is on Dance Moms. However, do Christi and Kelly find themselves wishing they had made more of a connection with Patsy? Could she have been the ally against Abby they needed all along? Also is Kelly wearing Christi's clothes!?Quotes“Ok, my dress was ugly. You were wearing an ugly dress but it was my dress so it’s double ugly." (8:37-8:42 | Christi)“All of these compilations where it’s back to back… and I’m like oh my god that’s hard to watch: That’s exactly what the clip show is like. When I say the clip shows are hard for me to do it’s because that’s all it was. It was every freaking fight back to back to back. So there was no breathing in-between. It was go from one fight to the next fight and it was so aggressive.” (24:54-25:20 | Christi)“I love how foul language is Abby’s barometer for bad behavior. No you don’t use foul language, you just torture children.” (29:55-30:02 | Christi & Kelly)“And you’re like can I get an amen! What is wrong with me!? What is wrong with me? Please someone muzzle the blonde. In the Big Bird dress. It’s terrible.” (1:01:31-1:01:45 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"I could watch a 24 hour live stream of the shit that Cathy and Vivi talk about," remarks Christi as Season 3's "No Room for Rotten Apples" is another Cathy-centric episode. It's not the most eventful of affairs as the producers even included an inordinate amount of dance footage this week to compensate, but what is there is... deeply weird. For example: Cathy puts Vivi in charge of cataloguing her entire collection of ceramic bunnies. Why? Who knows!Cathy introduces The Apple Tree, her Cathy-themed replacement for Pyramid, and Jalen and Mari are squarely at the bottom. If they don't shape up during this week's competition in Columbus, Cathy is threatening to remove one of them from the team. Why does she need to cut anyone though? She has an ideal seven kids to match Abby, is this a production developed conflict? To make the conflict extra needless, Cathy insists that Jalen perform his first contemporary and triple pirouette, something Jalen isn't remotely ready to pull off. The undue extra attention on Jalen's teaching starts to upset Mari's mother, who is worried her daughter will be comparatively unprepared for her solo. It's up to Anthony to prep them both, but the best he can do is give Mari a literal panic attack!Meanwhile Abby continues filming for Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, bringing Maddie out to LA to perform a solo. But where is the rest of the ALDC? Tune-in to find out how Maddie really ended up solo.Quotes“Paige heard [the crew] talking about Menage a Trois’ and Paige was like ‘Oh my mom loves that.’” She meant the wine, they meant something else." (6:05-6:15 | Kelly)“On her podcast, Abby said something nice about Kelly and I. Now guys, there was a freaking solar eclipse this week, so clearly everything is out of alignment.” (18:20-18:30 | Christi)“[Anthony] says that she hired him because of his resume so she needs to let him work. I’m pretty sure that she didn’t hire him. Well he’s related to Jimmy Chriss. WHAT?! I did not know that. How do you know that? Because I hate the guy.” (51:46-52:07 | Christi & Kelly)“Poop turds?! I’m like who’s poop turds?! And then she’s always on us about being classless and I’m like you just said the word poop turds on national television, and now I’ve said poop turds on our podcast 87 times. ” (1:07:08-1:07:21 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

On this special episode of Back to the Barre, Christi and Kelly invite you to join them live from Mom's Weekend at Ohio University for a moderated Q&A in front of a nearly 1000 person crowd! With so many great questions from both the moderators and the audience, it only seemed fit to share them with our little Bitchettes as we're certain you've all been dying to ask some of these questions yourself! Like what do Christi and Kelly think of the Jojo Siwa rebranding? Do they care about the Jojo Siwa rebranding? Do they even really know Jojo Siwa? There are also many non-Jojo Siwa related questions that are certain to spill the tea you're searching for.Quotes“I just want everyone in this room to realize that we understand that Dance Moms would never be made today and the things I said on national television would not fly, ok? We apologize. We know that. We understand that it's problematic on many levels. Ok, you're the ones who keep replaying it." (7:09-7:27 | Christi & Kelly)“We knew that we could get mad at each other and that it was going to be ok. I think we all felt that way, all the moms on the show. Like we would fight with Melissa and everybody's like how does Melissa even talk to you guys, you were so mean? It's like if you have a sister. You fight with your sister and you hate her one second, but then like the next day you're going to be best buddies.” (22:21-22:45 | Christi & Kelly)“It was a top secret thing. Even the crew didn't know I was coming back!... If you ask the moms you know what they thought that they were waiting for? They thought they were waiting for a cake. There like we thought we were getting a cake because we won.” (36:34-37:01 | Christi)“Oh my god The Amazing Race. I actually applied for Kelly and I to be on The Amazing Race. I probably would have died. We would have both died!” (51:50-51:59 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

“You were in Aruba and I had to work on my vacation, so I deserved a coffee cup,” Kelly says as she reflects on how unfair it was that even though the moms were ostensibly promised time off while Abby was filming Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, she still got stuck being a stooge for the production this week while Christi enjoyed some R&R. Season 3's "An Apple a Day Keeps Abby Away" doesn't quite shake the ALDC entirely, but it's a Candy Apples centric episode this week as the producers see if Cathy might be able to sustain her own spin-off (spoilers she didn't).The episode begins with Abby in Los Angeles searching for a new location for her LA studio. Not content to leave the moms with nothing to do, she send Kelly, Jill and Holly to spy on Cathy's team in order to see what she's up to. Cathy meanwhile is bringing on new talent to try and round out her team with recruits Hadley Walts, Mari Dudash and Campbell Reynolds. We also see the return of Nicaya and Black Patsy, who are ready to go toe to toe with the ALDC once more. It's a volatile mix of people that the producers hope will lead to some drama, or at the very least Black Patsy assaulting Jill's nose?Quotes“Yes, I think Maddie and Mackenzie would follow you [Abby] to LA because you’re looking out for them! I don’t think we’d even be asked. Wait, last week you sabotaged my daughter at a local dance competition and you think I’m going to go to LA with you and trust you? Ok!" (24:57-25:15 | Christi & Kelly)“If anybody is going to get my little girl known and get the doors open for her it’s Cathy. Ooorrr maybe it’s Dance Moms. I mean it’s just a guess. Just a thought. Yeah I’m thinking it’s Dance Moms.” (32:22-32:36 | Christi & Kelly)“Well we’re all talking about Abby abandoning her studio in Pittsburgh but that’s all she ever wanted. Yeah I don’t know why she ever started one there. You have a point. You know like she never wanted to be there; she was always like she should be in New York or LA and training people to be on Broadway and all that. Like I don’t know why she stayed in Pittsburgh so long.” (51:07-51:31 | Christi & Kelly)“I just need to point out that not everyone missed Abby. I didn’t miss her at all. I didn’t miss her at all either. I’m sure my kids didn’t either. ” (1:23:56-1:24:03 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

“This is like Top of the Pyramid for Suckular behavior,” says Christi as things really do suck on "Two Girls, One Solo". First of all, what sicko thought it was ok to name the episode THAT!? There are children here! Second, this episode is easily in Christi's Top 3 worst Dance Mom experiences so you know it's a rough one.Abby preps the next "powerful" group number, one that's dedicated to those living with cancer. It's a subject she cares about deeply, having lost her father to cancer. It hits especially close to home for Melissa who also lost her mother... but for some reason the show also wants to convince you that Kelly's dad died as well? Is this about Kelly's fight with Christi somehow?Meanwhile Abby decides to pit Maddie and Chloe against each other by giving them the same solo to perform. Christi notes this isn't fair to Chloe who isn't receiving secret training the way Maddie is, but Abby could care less. When Abby's little ploy doesn't go as planned, she takes matters into her own hands. Tune-in to hear the full story of what the cameras didn't show.Quotes“Let’s just say Two Girls, One Solo/Two Girls, One Cup… whoever named this is an actual degenerate of society. How dare you name a show with children Two Girls, One Solo. How dare you." (6:02-6:21 | Christi)“We have to take a drink, because I think that is the nicest Abby has ever been to our three kids. Holy shit, and she smiled at me! The apocalypse is coming. Cheers!” (18:46-18:58 | Christi & Kelly)“When Asia was like, ‘My dad’s dog, Diablo, died before I was born,’” I hit the floor. Like I can’t believe [she said that], and she was so sincere about it… She talked about that dying dog before. No, that was her crying because she wanted a puppy and Kristie Ray wouldn’t let her have a puppy; you’re getting your dogs mixed up. Oh, she likes to cry over dogs though.” (45:31-45:58 | Christi & Kelly)“Jill and I found your [Melissa] daughter learning her dance [outside of normal hours] and she was like, ‘Fuck you, you know nothing.’” Because I was like, ‘She learned the dance last week.’” How about Abby going, ‘What difference does it make? You ll know damn well Maddie can learn the dance in one hour and go out there and do it,” … Then why are you teaching her the week before everyone else?!” (54:47-55:07 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

What could have ticked Kelly off enough to once say, “I always knew in the back of my head that the day would come where Christ would stab me in the back, and you know what? She did...”? If you ask either Kelly or Christi now they'd be hard pressed to give you an answer! It's time once again for Christi and Kelly to be fighting one another for some reason as the second half of "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" just about has everyone up in arms.Jill still believes Kelly is taking the opportunity Abby has given Brooke for granted, but Kelly is still worried about what Abby has in store for her daughter. What she might not have expected was Abby setting Brooke up on a date with her fellow senior dancer Kevin. For all the talk about "No Boys Allowed", Abby sure seems to love to make exceptions.Jill also starts a spat with Cathy as the ALDC arrives at competition, which only manages to worsen Cathy's already fragile state as Anthony has continued to increase tensions over at their own studio. Mickey is strongly considering transferring Gino to the ALDC, and Cathy could seemingly care less whether any of her dancers stick around.But how do Jill and Kelly end up fighting? Are these Bitches still going on about not calling that one time? Somethings never change it seems, though stick around for a rare moment of Abby being unambiguously nice for once!Quotes“[Abby] says I think Kevin could charm the pants off of anyone. He’s quite demure for a teenager. Ok, it is a little unnerving that Abby just said a 17 year old could charm the pants right off of anybody… He’s a minor Abby settle down!" (12:06-12:31 | Christi & Kelly)“I’m in my interview and I say this is the worst fight we’ve ever been in. Are friendship will never be the same after some of these things. You know what’s the funniest part about that? You ready? Neither of us remember this fight.” (21:06-21:22 | Christi & Kelly)“Let’s just drink, Cathy’s gonna wear fur in the next scene. Oh yay. Between Cathy and Jill I’m going to become an alcoholic. Ha, THAT’S the reason.” (28:18-28:27 | Christi & Kelly)“Abby says that they look “leggy” which is good. They were leggy. They were fucking eleven! Eleven year olds are leggy. Their legs are the only part of them that grow.” (40:51-41:00 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

“I’m ready to shoot myself” is not something you want to hear aloud too often, but this week our beloved Bitches find themselves repeating that A LOT as they struggle to get through what might the first episode to really push them over the edge. "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" is such a wild episode that this recording managed to be almost two hours long and we still only managed to cover half the episode!Abby is unsurprisingly upset with the ALDC after losing again to Cathy and spends Pyramid calling Kendall a crybaby, pretending Nia mad a ton of mistakes for some reason, and somehow complimenting Brooke but still placing her on the bottom. She singles out Paige with praise for standing up to Cathy and Anthony... even though Abby made her do that and still somehow victim blames her for letting it happen?Abby assigns Brooke to the Senior Group to join their upcoming performance. Kelly worries Brooke is being set-up to fail as Brooke hasn't received the same year of prep the rest of the group has had. Jill takes offense to Kelly being "ungrateful" and tattles to Abby about it! And yet somehow Kelly and Christi are the ones who end up in a huge fight about it?!Quotes“I’ll do a reenactment of Chloe when she got home at 2:45 or 3:00 AM. Really?! Yeah. Ugh those bad girls, I wonder where they get that from? I don’t know." (7:57-8:08 | Christi & Kelly)“[Cathy] says Gino has been texting Maddie and Cathy can’t have any of her dancers fraternizing with her enemies. This is stupid. Just making sure that we all think this is stupid. We all think this is stupid? Yeah. Cause like what are they saying to each other?” (29:15-29:31 | Christi)“This could possibly be one of the lines, that if we had to wrap all of the problems up of Dance Moms in one sentence, it could potentially be this line. She’s like you’re skinny, you’re blonde and you’re pretty. You’re telling me no one at school hates you? Wake-up! It’s psychotic!” (43:17-43:38 | Christi)“You take the coffee cup, you [flip it] upside down and are tapping the bottom. And I’m like you get that drip girl, you get that last drip out of there! I fucking rewound it three times. I was laughing so hard and you getting that last drop of “coffee” on your tongue, like I HAVE to chug this coffee cup. It was amazing.” (54:44-55:08 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"On a regular Dance Moms episode you drink on a scale from one to five. A reunion is a one to ten scale," says Christi as the Bitches start the 2nd Part of Season 3's reunion special "Tell All". While it might be a pretty easy episode for Christi herself, there's still enough Abby depravity to go around!Kristie Ray joins the discussion and goes on the offensive, taking the other moms to task for complaining about Asia crying. This is confusing to Jill as she professes that none of the moms care that Asia cries, only that they think it's weird it's being showcased as something to be ashamed of and that Asia isn't being held to the same standards as their own children. Abby and Kristie respond to the by calling Chloe a crybaby!Soon Cathy joins the mix and things get heated quickly. Paige opts out of her solo performance so she can avoid dancing in front of Cathy, leading Kelly to take Cathy to task for her recent conduct at competition. Cathy can barely manage to defend herself before getting into an argument with Abby. Professionally speaking Abby doesn't handle it well. Tune-in to see what nice words Abby has for Cathy's mother!Quotes“And did you notice through out the entire thing how much time they spent whispering to each other? No, you pay way too much attention. Well I’m trying to look for the little interesting things in the background so I stop paying attention first of all to my Miss Piggy curls, and second of all to the nonsense happening on stage that makes me want to poke my own eyes out!" (17:05-17:23 | Christi & Kelly)“Abby said the moms all think you and Asia are here for an ulterior motive. She was! She came because she had her own show and they were using our audience to elevate her on her platform!” (27:25-27:37 | Christi)“Jeff asks if [Melissa] is bothered by the fact that Sophia can out-spin Maddie? And at this point Jeff should have been removed from the stage immediately. Not only are you making millions of dollars of our trauma and dancing, but the fact you said spin vs turn? Stop talking.” (52:58-53:15 | Christi)“I cannot believe I’m the only mom who didn’t go to jail. Well I should say the only mom, I don’t think Holly went to jail. Wait…I don’t actually think a lot of people went to jail. I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT WENT!” (1:03:59-1:04:09 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland