Back to the Barre

"Out of the two of them, who do you think is the good witch and the bad witch? I would say Cathy's the good witch, Abby is definitely the bad witch!" It's ironic on the eve of the release of the Wicked movie that we get an episode that heavily centers on wicked witches, though the biggest witch of the all according to our bitches here can't even see the writing on the wall!The episode opens with Payton getting "cut" from the team (can you really be cut if you were never officially on the team?). After three weeks at the bottom of the Pyramid and last week's broken ankle debacle, tensions were running high between Abby and Leslie so Payton was ultimately asked to leave, for now at least. Refocusing on the team, Abby seems to not care too much that the group brought home. victory at the last competition and starts to work the girls against one another. Chloe and Kendall are each given a solo with the intent of settling who truly deserves to be Abby's number 2.Cathy returns with an all boy's team to spice up the competition, which send Abby into an angry spiral. To push back against her nemesis Abby decides the group dance will be about witches, with Maddie portraying a "good witch" as a stand in for Abby. Meanwhile Christi and Jill prep their daughter's solos and the moms start to get a little heated with one another. Jill is convinced Christi is getting a leg up while Christi is upset that Abby won't finish the choreography or her daughter's big dance.Quotes“Hold on, let Kelly choke to death first. Our poor Kelly. She needs to get better so she can go back to being a bitch. Cause when you're sick I can't be mean to you." (1:55-2:05 | Christi)“I don't know. I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on a podcast." (10:50-10:53 | Christi)“I wonder what the card said? Sorry for being late? I don't know, please don't torture me on national television I beg of you?" (46:22-46:31 | Christi & Kelly)“I don't know is this news? I don't know. Doesn't feel newsworthy to me. This feels like the same old shit we listen to every week!" (53:32-53:40 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"Best mom hack you learned being on Dance Moms? How about: Don't try this at home!"We're always getting requests to do more Q&A episodes, so here ya go! If you're part of our Patreon then you're already used to us answering your questions, but not everyone has hopped aboard with all of our little Bitchettes just yet! So we figured what better way to relax and wind down after a pretty contentious week than with a little Q&A session. Joining us to moderate and sort through your questions is Intern Matt! No he's not just someone we talk about, he's real! Tune in to hear the answers to some of your most burning questions: What was the worst place to travel to for the show? What are Christi and Kelly's opinions on "gardening" with the good kush? What is their HBIC walk-out music (and do they know what that means?). And of course are they getting any closer to figuring out what pochina means?Quotes“We let Chloe name Clara, although Chloe kept campaigning for "Miley" because Hannah Montana was big at the time." (12:30-12:37 | Christi)“It's vagina adjacent, for sure." (21:45-21:47 | Christi)“We were like do you have any questions [about "the talk"]? Chloe had one question. I cannot say what word it was, but she said what does "The J word" mean!? It was because of a word that Paige taught her! Cause Brooke taught her!" (32:25-32:38 | Christi & Kelly)“who would die first fi you were in a horror movie? Oh the dumb bitch? Me. Oh no you'd be the killer. You'd be the one killing bitch! Oh, ok Jill would be the first to go." (38:30-38:42 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"My group should be 10 points above anyone else... Hold on, the group was 10 points above!" Perhaps it's just because things are about to get much worse but it's quite funny how in-stride our bitches handle some of Abby's most convoluted hoop jumps yet to make their children look bad on the second half of "Abby Strikes Back".First to deal with Abby however is Jill, who along with Kendall is absent at the beginning of competition. This is all for show as everyone knew behind the scenes that Jill was long expected not to be immediately present and Kendall wasn't given a solo for that very reason. But Abby knows the audience isn't aware of that and uses' Jill's absence to threaten Kendall with being replaced.As performances get underway Payton seemingly breaks her ankle and claims she's in an immense amount of pain. It's not clear at this point what the cause of her fall was, but Leslie worries this will put Payton first in line on the chopping block (since when is she on the team?). The group immediately begins to prep for the number without Payton, with Abby reminded them that they are all replaceable just in case they forgot.During awards we discover that while the group performed well, they didn't live up to Abby's standards... except they did? In a very confusing twist of logic Abby aims to throw everyone under the bus other than Maddie and Mackenzie, despite every other dance technically performing better point-wise. Ya just can't win with Abby!Quotes“Nice of you to join us! Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy! It's me, I pulled the bitch card that week. It was like the old maid. Who gets it? Me." (13:36-13:47 | Christi)“Cause we were in Florida. When we did the stand-off or whatever. Oh that was in Florida to, why were we in Orlando so many times? Cause Abby has a house in Orlando. Right, ok." (17:17-17:25 | Christi & Kelly)“Payton is in a wheelchair, crying. Holly is comforting her and here come the paramedics. Oh I think he was cute. Like oh can he take us? Abby's like hubba hubba and I'm like my foot hurts to! Ouch!" (28:58-29:11 | Christi & Kelly)“We are literally counting down the hours. It is like you are on death row and you are heading towards the electric chair. Are you nervous? Are you nervous to watch THE episode? " (37:45-37:56 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"I feel that every Dance Moms episode from this point forwards should just be called like Abby Hates Us or Abby Screws Us Over." says Christi as Abby begins to push her luck by asking the moms to start promoting online to find replacements FOR THEMSELVES on Season 4's "Abby Strikes Back".The first open auditions for the ALDC are this week and Abby has not been making it easy for anyone, except for the Ziegler family of course as Abby states Maddy is the only child not up for replacement. Abby requests that the moms start promoting the auditions on twitter, which Holly calls out for being callous since who would want to help ensure their own demise? But even though only Holly said it out loud, it's clear to all the moms that things have gotten quite bad and are only getting worse. Jill consequently gets hung up on the previous week's competition order snafu, arguing Christi intentionally sabotaged the situation for her daughter's benefit. As we noted in the last episode this simply wasn't true and all it serves to do is pit the moms against one another instead of Abby.The Orlando auditions get underway with the Zieglers attending to help scout talent, however no other family agreed to do this for the same reason they wouldn't promote it. But Abby begins antagonizing some of the moms who get snippy with her, going as far to start singling out their children for ridicule and blaming their parents. Amongst the crowd are many future ALDC members, but was it really the first time Abby was meeting these girls? Or was there some off-screen shenanigans informing who got a leg up? Tune-in to find out!Quotes“I cried every time we had to walk into Studio A. Like Nnnoooooo! Noooo! I don't like it. It's terrible Studio A is where dreams are crushed and souls are smooshed." (30:53-31:03 | Christi)“We're not tweeting to replace our own daughters are we? Cause that's a little awkward. I agree Holly and yes we are." (36:39-36:45 | Kelly)“I mean I get that you need to learn how to use a mic, but not during a bathing suit dance. " (40:49-40:55 | Kelly)“Fallon has this whole TikTok about how this was a set-up. Oh really!? Yes because she said that she met Abby when she was 8 which was like 3 years before. She was always doing Abby's mater classes in Orlando." (58:56-59:11 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"I am not a Dance Moms fan. I hate watching it!" mourns Christi, as even when she does nothing at all production manages to spin a scenario to get her in trouble with Abby. As the second half of "Two Can Play This Game" gets underway there is some confusion about the line-up of solo performances at competition. Jill had been under the impression that Kendall would be performing last, but Kendall is actually first up. Christi is also concerned about Chloe's placement and what the cameras don't show is that production explicitly told the moms the wrong performance order. While Christi admits she would personally prefer Chloe to perform last, she takes issue with how the show frames the matter as it will be used against her in the near future.But Abby personally is only concerned about showing up Cathy, so much so that when Leslie starts to argue in the audience Abby orders Leslie to shut up. Leslie cannot comprehend why Abby is treating her with disrespect, somehow not realizing this is what the rest of the moms always go through. While the ALDC performs well with the judges Abby keeps up the criticisms, because some things never change no matter how much you do what Abby wants! Quotes“That is the one benefit to having a C-section is I don't pee myself. I'm like an 18 year old down there. Oh gross!” (1:18-1:28 | Christ & Kelly)“They're chanting Cathy's name. Cause usually when we come out they'll be shouting Chloe or Maddie, but with Cathy you never know who she's bringing. So you can't really scream for the kids because she always has a different team." (15:20-15:35 | Kelly)“I think you just said something mean. Well I didn't say I wanted a kid to lose! Well you called them the B-Team so you basicaly said they suck and you're better than them. THEY ARE THE B-TEAM! The show is Dance Moms about the ALDC, [Cathy's team] is the the B-Team. Convince me otherwise Kelly!" (24:04-24:21 | Christi & Kelly)“I just want to point out that we can see that you have a coffee cup in the audience, just saying. Of course. Yours you always hid under the seat. I don't know if I hid it. If I had a coffee cup, you had a coffee cup! Yeah cause here is how it would go down: It would be lunch and Kelly would go I'm ready for wine how about you? And I'd be like yep and that was about it." (30:50-31:10 | Christi & Kelly)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"Abby says to Chloe that she has the dancer's body. She has the look. Your technique shines through, you can nail it no matter what. listen to that positive shit! Hu huh. I'm willing to bet you Kelly that that's what she said to Maddie and they edited it so she says it to Chloe. She would never say that to Chloe," admits Christi reluctantly. Even when the show is seemingly throwing our beloved bitches a bone it's never that easy. Not helping the matter is Abby is using Chloe as a pawn in her little game on the Pyramid for "Two Can Play This Game".Even though Kendall led the trio that took first in last week's competition, she is placed lower than Chloe on the Pyramid. The only reasoning seems to be that it'll make Jill upset with Christi and set-up a solo face off between Chloe and Kendall at this week's competition. But these mind games take second place to Abby's primary focus, the return of Cathy and her Candy Apples.Cathy is determined to take back the limelight after loosing to Abby at nationals, but Cathy's team has had more time to prep since they don't have to film a TV show. So Abby dedicates extra days for the girls to learn the group dance, and threatens that if they can't beat Candy Apples then she might as well replaces the whole team!Quotes“You said you're going to be Miss Piggy [for Halloween], I'm being a dumpster fire. I think that's going to be the most appropriate thing I can be. You can be a dumpster picker like me!” (1:43-1:50 | Christ & Kelly)“It was really cute because the girl who was helping me, you could tell she knew who I was and she was kind of fan-girling. And I was like, 'Ok listen, I don't know how to check this,' and she was like, 'I know I listen to the podcast.'" (9:03-9:16 | Christi)“I just want to point out that this competition was like invented for Dance Moms, now it's freaking huge! Huge! Oh really? They have like 40 to 70 competitions per year or some crap. Oh my I didn't know that. Yeah, so I just want to say you're welcome." (12:14-12:31 | Christi & Kelly)“This is where [Abby] turned to production and screamed: This is stupid because Kendall has dark hair and should be Katy Perry and Chloe is blond and should be Lady Gaga. This is dumb, dumb, dumb! Whose stupid idea was this?!" (20:10-20:26 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"There's nothing else happening during Pyramid so of course the kids are listening. I don't know, half the time I wasn't listening. I was just standing there pretending. I was thinking about rainbows and lollipops somewhere." As Kelly notes, there is very little you can do when Abby has already prepared to dampen the mood of your day, and on the second half of the Season 4 premiere Kelly has opted to turn on autopilot and wait out Abby's rage. But not everyone is so fortunate as the girls must still face the music at the end of the day.Kendall is assigned to perform in a trio with Chloe and Paige, which Jill has mixed expectations for. On one hand it's an opportunity to stand out, which Jill believes is essential to getting Abby back on their good side and keeping Kendall on the team, but getting paired with the "troublemakers" also implies how little Abby thinks of her already. The joke is on Abby however as the Trio dance turns out to be one of the few bright spots in an otherwise lackluster showing by the ALDC at competition. Abby doesn't take this performance well, lecturing the girls once more about how they're all replaceable. She gets into a small fight with Leslie, whom finally pushes one too many buttons trying to get Payton on the team proper. Abby refers to Payton as a baby and when the girl ends up in tears Abby presses her on the matter and threatens that she needs to grow up or get lost. Quotes“The assistant in the room, like they were elbow deep in my [vagina], and she's like,' Oh my god I'm a big fan!' And I'm like OH MY GOD STOP! I'm like you're not a big fan. At least not at this moment.'” (14:01-14:17 | Christ & Kelly)“I just need everyone to know we were never comfy sitting up top. Not only were we emotionally drained but those stairs were not comfortable and that carpet was the cheapest carpet ever so it was itchy. So we didn't like it." (15:15-15:29 | Christi)“Holly's like Oh my god she clapped! And we're like,' Well, you know what? We all have ice skates cause hell just froze over." (21:44-21:51 | Christi & Kelly)“I'm like can we not use the word "groom" with children in any way shape or form? " (48:01-48:05 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

“I felt bad for Brooke, I felt bad for Chloe…I felt bad. I really did. You can just tell that it’s an ugly, ugly, ugly time,” laments Christi as the ALDC returns for another season of Dance Moms. While the girls visibly seem to be older, Abby is still the same old Abby. That’s maybe not quite true, she does seem quite a bit meaner!Abby reveals that she’s holding open auditions this season and states that everyone is replaceable. Everyone except Maddie of course, which Abby makes explicitly clear. Though it's clear this was meant to tee up Kelly's eventual exit from the show, Abby isn't content to just stir up the usual drama with only Kelly and Christi. At Pyramid Kendall is placed second, only moments late does Abby reveal her ruse that Nia is actually second and scolds Kendall for missing Booty Camp for vacation. Jill doesn't take kindly to this but Holly starts to feel as though Jill is attacking Nia over the situation. Meanwhile Brooke is late for practice as she instead befriends country singer Jana Kramer, which Abby attempts to take credit for setting up.Quotes“Dance Moms starts to go down [in ratings] and I think it started to go down after you leave and it just gets dark. And then I think, and this is not me just me saying this because I’m trying to be important, but I think it starts to really go down after I leave. Because the whole dynamic changes after you and I are gone.” (16:22-16:39 | Christ)“Booty camp is mandatory and team members knew about six months ahead of time. Correction, that is not true. We knew there was a booty camp, w e did not have dates.  " (31:04-31:12 | Christi & Kelly)“Leslie acts like we weren’t really friends. We were friends! I’ve been to her house. I used to go to her restaurant with her. Me and Abby went to her restaurant together! Like I was friends with Leslie. I don’t know what happened." (41:23-41:42 | Christi & Kelly)“Giana comes into Studio A with a cake that says “Congratulations Maddie - 2013 National Title Winner”. Did you notice at the bottom of the cake it says “And the rest of the ALDC”? Did it? I didn’t read it, it was in microscopic letters. It’s like Maddie!!!!….and the rest of you guys.”" (43:13-43:34 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland

"The show is not getting any better for you and I at this point. The only thing that's going to get better is we're going to leave." says Christi, to which Kelly readily celebrates. But until that time comes our Bitches are still stuck in the middle of the "Hurricane Abby" reunion.Abby storms out over her conversation with Kelly and the rest of the moms are brought in. Much is made about the pact the moms made to one another to not let their daughters perform for Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition and Melissa's breaking of said pact. Melissa claims she shouldn't have to be held to some agreement they made if it would provide better options for her kids. The only problem is no one forced her to agree to the pact at all and instead of simply making her intentions known she chose to lie instead. The discussion is not helped by Leslie and Kristie Ray who side with Melissa despite being out of the loop for the entire pact.Jeff continues to jump around maddeningly from topic to topic. Kristie Ray and Jill fight? Sure! Holly vs Leslie on parenting? Why not! As a last ditch effort to liven the proceedings Jeff asks Kelly to leave so Abby will return to the stage. The kicker is that Kelly is being asked to leave just as Brooke is coming onstage to make her national singing debut. In fairness as long as Kelly doesn't have to share room space with Abby then a win is a win.Quotes“I can't stand when they always ask other moms to jump in because these other moms never know the whole "thing".” (22:18-22:23 | Christ)“We are so used. Yes we are the sex workers of the Dance Moms community." (32:48-32:56 | Christi & Kelly)“[Abby] said that for the last 25 out of 33 years she put her personal life on the back-burner and set her aspirations aside for the benifit of other people's children. That's her job! Everybody has to put stuff aside to do their job!" (42:58-43:11 | Christi & Kelly)“I felt like we had other [group dances] that were better. But honestly we did so many damn reunions, pre-reunions, post reunions that maybe we were running short on group dances that everyone was in." (48:54-49:05 | Christi)LinksSubscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC50aSBAYXH_9yU2YkKyXZ0w Subscribe to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/backtothebarreThank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510Follow Christi on IG: www.instagram.com/christilukasiakFollow Kelly on IG: www.instagram.com/kellylhyland